Language Log dishes out the pop psych poop by reviewing a review of Deborah Cameron's new book, The Myth of Mars and Venus.

Very interesting, especially since I have recently been told how wonderful Deborah Tannen's book is ("You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation"). I need to read it, as well as Cameron's book.

As usual, I found Language Log funny; I loved this quote: "His tone is just a little bit patronizing (though perhaps he's only being British, it's sometimes hard for me to tell the difference)." I also found it a bit ironic that the elite Oxford University has a Rupert Murdoch Professorship.

I have to say, though, that I could agree with Cameron on how communication seems to be the all-encompassing problem of the world. Yet, it is important. The evidence is clear that communication problems are a major cause of errors in healthcare. Further, when physicians make errors, whether or not the patient will sue is most often based on the physician's communication skills, rather than on how serious the error is.

Quote from the article, "...And, despite anecdotal evidence to the contrary, men and women do speak the same language...."

I'm really glad that's been cleared up, then. So maybe someone can tell me why men and women (despite quoted hard scientific evidence to the contrary - so much better than anecdotal evidence) so often fail to understand one another?

And are these examples of some of the womanspeak words/phrases that I have encountered (too late on occasions) all totally spurious?

She says = She means
You want... = It is my opinion that you need to have...
Do you want...? = I want...
We need... = I want.
It's up to you. = I know what I want you to do and you ought to be able to see that.
Do whatever you want = Do whatever I want or you'll be sleeping on the settee tonight.
We need to talk. = I need to moan to you about something.
I'm not upset.= Of course I'm upset - why can't you see that?
I'm trying to read! = Is sex all you ever think about?
This work surface is too high. = I want a new kitchen.
I need to get some new shoes. = the other 10 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
The security light's on in the garden. = I noticed you were almost asleep.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Don't start the car yet.
Do I look alright? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
I'm fine! = I'm not fine.
I'm sorry. = You're trying to blame me again (settee tonight).
I'm not nagging! = Yes I am nagging because the cup you left on the draining board 5 minutes ago is still there.
Why do you NEVER... = You've not done it today.

So maybe someone can tell me why men and women [...] so often fail to understand one another?

Because men and women are human, therefore often complete bastards, and refuse to communicate with one another for social, and not linguistic, reasons. If men realize that women speak a different language, going so far as to catalog the specific differences between manspeak and womanspeak, why don't they accommodate to one another's speech patterns and simply communicate? Because, in spite of language, people do not want to communicate. Most people are drawn to monologue rather than discourse.

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If men realize that women speak a different language, going so far as to catalog the specific differences between manspeak and womanspeak, why don't they accommodate to one another's speech patterns and simply communicate?

Speaking for myself, it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that it was a different language. Seriously, for the longest time I thought "Are you hungry?" was actually a question about my blood-sugar level.

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womanspeak

I suppose I am just recalcitrant, but I abhor that term. As I've said before, I don't think there's much difference, really. I think I will like Cameron's book!

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Most people are drawn to monologue rather than discourse.

A physician whom I greatly respect once said that most people wait patiently for the other person to finish speaking so that they can then have their turn. Not much listening occurs. After he said that, I have found myself doing it every so often. How embarrassing! I am trying to improve.

I read a science fiction story once where the premise was that the Search for Extra-terrestrial Intelligence (SETI) team had made contact with some aliens and had started to communicate. The problem was that there was a significant time delay - several weeks - between the transmission of a message and its receipt, and a similar delay between the transmission of a reply and its receipt. The (male) research team were trying to think of ways in which they could reduce the delay or increase the amount of data, so as to improve the exchange.

When told of the problem, the mother of one of the scientists suggested that they were doing it all wrong and they could easily double the message exchange speed with no extra technology. The SETI team were very sceptical but heard her out.

"All you do", she said, "is you both talk at once and so you don't need to wait for a reply. Then, if there's something you need to comment upon when the other party's words reach you, you just add it to your monologue - and they do the same. That way you double the amount of data you exchange".

Amidst the general jubilation one scientist asked, "How on earth did you think of that?"

"Easy", replied the lady, "that's the way women always converse".