This parody of an old Christmas favorite (are non-USn’s familiar with the original?) is by Rolaine Hochstein (1972).

‘Twas the night before Christmas and, darling, don’t ask.
Hercules would have collapsed at the task.
My head was in circles with so much to do
For a family of five and Saint Nicholas, too.
The house was a mess with the children so hearty
And Dad was delayed at his company party.
The kids danced around me proclaiming their wishes
While I was still up to my elbows in dishes.
And as I cleaned up from the little folks’ dinners,
I wondered just what I would do for beginners:
I thought of the wrapping of gifts by the dozens,
Of cooking tomorrow for twenty-three cousins,
Of trimming the tree and of cleaning the house,
Of fixing a Bromo to give to my spouse,
Of shining the silver, the copper, the brass,
Of washing and rinsing and polishing glass,
Of strewing the tinsel and peeling tomatoes
And hanging the holly and mashing potatoes,
Of slicing the stringbeans and icing the tarts,
Combining the olives and celery hearts
Of tossing the salad and baking the pies
And stretching the table to double its size.
The trays were prepared and the punch bowl was handy,
The brandied plum pudding was soaking in brandy.
The night was still young; I had nothing to dread,
But thoughts of catastrophe danced in my head:
The baby needs bathing, the cloth needs a pressing,
The rug needs a vacuum, the turkey needs dressing,
My hair needs a setting, the children are fretful,
And where is my husband and why so forgetful?
I was just on the border of losing my poise
When out on the lawn there arose a great noise.
Away through the doorway I flew on the double
Atremble lest hubby had tripped into trouble.
The lawn was as green as the first day in May;
We had not had a snowfall so how come the sleigh?
Instead of my husband, this cool little chap
In black leather boots and a plaid golfing cap,
With sideburns and moustache and velveteen vest
And a Celebrate Life button pinned on his chest.
His smile was so dapper, his bright eyes so gleaming
And was that a joint in his hand? Or me dreaming?
But when I caught on to the look in his eye
I knew it was Santa himself – flying high.
The reindeer were champing and chafing their bits
So quick as a flash, I collected my wits.
AI saw there was room for one more in the sleigh
And I stuck out a thumb and said, "Going my way?"
Whereupon Santa Claus, with a mischievous grin,
Tossed out his toy sack and bade me, "Hop in!"
It was just what I needed: a Christmas vacation,
My very first flight into Mom’s Liberation.
I sang a refrain as we sped from the sphere:
"Happy Christmas to all and I’ll see you next year."

[Edited to correct typo.]

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Hic et ubique,

Oh yes. It is popular here.

And I have read some of the parodies as well - including "'Twas the night after Christmas"

Richard English

Well, Richard, you had me wondering. There are many versions, but I happen to love this one!

The one I especially liked is here. http://members.rogers.com/msgr-2/christmas_Night_Before_parody.htm

Richard English

There are many "Night After Christmas" parodies. Forgive me a short one here:

quote:

---

Twas the night after Christmas, and all through the flat
Not a creature was stirring, not even the cat;
When close at my side there arose such a wailing
I leaped from my dreams and with words unavailing
Endeavored to fathom my Mary's distress;
At last she was forced the weird truth to confess:
"O Jack! I am ruinded forever, I fear,
I sent Aunt the workbag she sent me last year!"
-- Juilia Boynton Green

---

I won't reprint at length a verison concerning over-indulgence, as it seems rather ordinanry to me, but it does have an immortal couplet.

quote:

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Now Eggnog! Bacardi! Four Roses! and Brandy!
Now Fruit Cake! Cold Turkey! Gin Rickey! and Candy!

---

This was written several years ago, when my eldest child was a babe.

'Tis the night before New Year's, and all through the house,
The Shufitz folk scurry as quick as a mouse.
Catherine (hopefully) snuggles in bed,
While visions of sugarplums dance in her head.
Masses of revelers soon will be there,
So vituals are piled on the table with care
To the very last ounce that the table can hold.
There's a fire that crackles to keep out the cold,
And vino and spirits to help on that score.
At 9 o'clock sharp comes the knock on the door
Commencing the party we've sketched in this stanza.
All that we need for our extravaganza
Is you, in a spirit of holiday cheer,
To help ring out the old, and ring in the new, year
With every appropriate hullabaloo.
On this night when the old passes into the new,
Some guests will be old friends for you to be greeting,
And some will be new friends for you to be meeting.
So R.S.V.P for the ultimate date
Of One Thousand Nine Hundred Seventy-Eight,
And we'll each raise a mug or a glass or a stein
To One Thousand Nine Hundred Seventy-Nine.

That is wonderful shufitz! So tell me, can you write a clever invitation for me to send out for my granddaughter's first birthday?