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Your esteemed co-judges are at home for submissions to the Odessa limerick game.

Already received contribs from Jerry, Kalleh, timon (2) and Proofreader (multiple).
 
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Let's get this road on the show:

A short order cook in Tblisi
Tried bedding the women that he’d si.
He said to one chick
Who he’d like to stick,
“How do you like sex?” “Over isi.”

Should that be "who" or "whom"?


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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That Proofreader is prolific! I think you can probably finish the OEDILF, Proof. Wink

I have one question. We've now established with 100% certainty that the venue should be in the A-rhyme position, which is, for those less informed about limericks, at the end of either lines 1, 2, or 5.

However, I am wondering if it has to be about the actual venue. For example, sometimes I write limericks which just use the venue (such as the one I wrote this time), but it has nothing to do with Odessa. Am I placing myself in the "loser" category by doing that? Shall we establish a rule about that? Or shall we just leave it up to the judge(s)?
 
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I think the only constraint is to use the word Odessa in the A rhyme position. It doesn’t have to be factual, though the facts might be a source of inspiration.

Of course, an absolute out-and-out zinger might still break rules and yet win, but generally breaking a rule is like running the same race but carrying weights and the lim has to be extra good to compensate.

(Hopefully Richard feels the same way)
 
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Oh yes. Rules are rules - but can be broken. But they need to be broken with knowledge, not through ignorance.


Richard English
 
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But they need to be broken with knowledge, not through ignorance.

I'm out. Unless volume counts.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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The two Captains, Lewis and Clark,
Woke up one night in the dark.
Meriwether said, "Bill,
It would be a big thrill
If you'd take me to Yellowstone Park."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: jerry thomas,
 
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If you'd take me to Yellowstone Park."

Just a little too far from Odessa to count, I fear.

We have had multiple contributions to the Odessa limerick from four worthies so far and the standard is very high - any more?

We will keep the competition running until this Saturday evening, October 18. That will be around 1800 BST - the same time as our chat starts - so all in by then if possible.


Richard English
 
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Mine are in now.
 
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Ditto
 
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Said person in Sault Ste Marie
"I think someone's following me."
Hint to the reader
She's the marching band's leader
So all is as it should be.
 
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As this leader in Sault Ste. Marie
Was pursued by a crowd, they could see
Her strutting and wiggling
Set her butt a-jiggling
And that sight was a bit hard on me.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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The judges are conferring. Please remain seated and talk quietly amongst yourselves.
 
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A young nympho girl from Odess-
A finds she’s in a terrible mess.
Boy, he put it to her
But she knows for shoe-er
At nine months she will then need Modess.

Is the AABBA rhyme supposed to be on the left or the right? I forgot.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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That Proofreader is prolific! I think you can probably finish the OEDILF, Proof. Wink

Ha! I think you're right, Kalleh. Proof you're irrepressible! You already have over 50 lims in OEDILF, that's quarter my total in nearly 2 yrs. I'm guessing you'll be passing me by Christmas. Smile

Odessa update: One of the judges has fallen asleep. Maybe you should get up and stretch your legs and make a cup of tea in the meantime.
 
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I'm guessing you'll be passing me by Christmas.

Prolificity cannot surpass your originality.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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If we re-order our priorities now, will they be here in time for Christmas ?
 
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If we re-order our priorities now,

Only if she prioritizes our re-orders.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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Odessa update: One of the judges has fallen asleep. Maybe you should get up and stretch your legs and make a cup of tea in the meantime.

Well, it was 2221 and I was away to my bed to catch up on Doyle's Valley of Fear, which I've strangely never read.

But the judging is done and, once Stella has woken up, the results will be posted.


Richard English
 
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And now we're both up and about again and here are the results.

Stella and I were delighted with the quantity and quality, as well as the sheer imagination of the limericks we received. Deciding on a winner was very difficult and we have agreed that, as with the last competition, we would announce two winners who will thus be responsible for choosing the next placename and judging the subsequent results.

The submissions follow in no special order and our comments appear before each.

From Jerry, two excellent works and I believe that the first is one of his very best. My only criticism is that L5 would have been better had it ended "undress her".

A young girl who came from Odessa
Told the Priest that she'd like to confess a
Long list of sins
Involving the grins
That she grinned when he tried to undress a ...

The infamous Princess named Dessa
Left the ball with one slipper less. A
fairy godmother
Said she must find the other.
Then she heard the Prince shout, "Oh, Dessa !!"

From Proofreader a limerick story about a bodily-challenged young lady. Again all excellent. The last one is not part of the series and is similar to Jerry's but his treatment of L5 is different. It would have been my choice as a prizewinner were it not for the fact that Odessa does not appear in the verse and that requirement is an absolute.

A model who lived in Odessa
Let folds of fat she saw depressa.
All her bones could be saw
Through the clothes that she waw,
But fantom fat folds would obsessa.

Finding fantom fat did over-stressa,
This fashion-plate fool from Odessa.
She saw fat form on skin
Where no fat flab had been
And blamed it on men who caressa.

This slim silly flake from Odessa
Let weight worry make a mad messa
Her mind, so a diet
Was needed to quiet
Her jitters, then flab won’t distressa.

But the diet they pushed in Odessa
Was real bad, though it sure did impressa.
She ate borsht by the cup
And with gas she filled up
Till one day she exploded, God blessa.

Then a priest from Tblisi did blessa.
And her family was happy: “Odessa
Good Georgian father
Who went to the bother
Of serving as her last confessa.”

And they buried her bod in Odessa
Though it took sixty people to dressa.
Those people said, “Jesus,”
These borscht-covered pieces
Are hard to re-form lest you pressa.”

Now the bugs bite her bod in Odessa
If she knew, just one fact would impressa:
There just wasn’t much meat
For the maggots to eat
So the meal didn’t give them great plezza.

When a beautiful barefoot contessa
Daily visits her Father Confessa,
She unburdens her sins
But before she begins,
He’ll say the Lord’s Prayer, then undressa.

From Kalleh a piece which, as usual, shows her inimitable style and I especially like the clever L3/4 rhyme. I'm not quite sure what actually happens in L5, I confess, but it sounds sufficiently smutty for the most demanding limericist.

There once was a kook from Odessa
Who sought out a priest...his confessor.
"I don frilly panties,
But, Father, you can't tease!"
"Don't worry, but take off that dress, sir!"

From Timon four very clever works and I have to admit I like most of all the first, following as it does in the footsteps of the sexuality of so many limericks.

Said a shapely young girl of Odessa,
When her boyfriend proposed to undress her,
“What you’re planning is not
What I want; but I’m hot,
So I’ll choose, of two evils, the lesser.”

“In my film, we must show the oppressor,”
Said Eisenstein. “Now to assess a
Good location to suit:
There’s a fine place to shoot:
So I think we’ll take steps in Odessa.”

(See the famous Odessa steps sequence in the film <i>Battleship Potemkin</i>

While caressing a girl from Odessa,
I was shocked to see, under the dresser,
A foil wrapping – torn –
Although she had sworn
In her bed I’d had no predecessor.

Invited one day to address a
Tax congress convened in Odessa,
I realized too late
I was quite out of date
When I told them to open a TESSA.

[Note: TESSA = Tax Exempt Savings Account, which existed in the UK between 1990 and 1999]

From Bob Hale a very clever attempt in German (with, thankfully, a translation). Plus two more conventional works of which I very much liked the first. (Which reminds me of the response of a young lad who, when asked what he had to do before his sins could be forgiven, replied, "Sin!")

Es wird immer besser und besser
Wenn man wohnt in der Stadt, Odessa.
Aber, glauben Sie das?
Nein, Odesso, ich hass!
Jetzt? Selbstmord! Gib mir das Messer.

and an accurate translation (that isn't a limerick)

It always gets better and better
If you live in the city of Odessa.
But, do you believe that?
No, Odessa, I hate.
Now? Suicide! Give me the knife.

and a very loose limericky translation

It gets better you have to confess, a
Love for the life in Odessa.
But, do you think it's great?
No, Odessa, I hate!
Suicide? of two evils, the lesser.

--------------------------------------------


The once was a man of Odessa,
Who asked of his father confessor,
"In this world, there's much sin.
Where should one begin
To build up a life as transgressor?"

There lived in the town of Odessa
An elderly senile professor
Who when young had taught history
But now found it a mystery
To recollectr his own address-a.[/quote]

From bethree two very clever works of which I preferred the second and stella the first. My slight concern about both limericks is that, for those who wouldn't know a New York accent from a Boston accent from a Chicago accent, it's tricky to make these work. I am sure that when read they would be wonderful.

1.[NYC accent]
There once was a gil from Odessa
Lotz boychiks lined up to possessa
Each Ukrainyan led
Want Sonya so bed
Itz gud think she wuz no slow dressa.

2.[Boston accent]
There was once a fine Russian professor
At the U. of Ukraine in Odessa
His chief contribution,
A comparative locution:
“The Mensheviks were greater, though lesser”


So, which ones to choose? There is no doubt that choosing a simpler placename freed contestants from the struggle to find a half-decent rhyme and allowed a greater expression of inventedness - which is wonderful. My own preference is for limericks which are both clever and easy to understand but with that whip-crack in the last line that makes the punchline.

So, after much musing and consultation we have agreed that the joint winners are Bob with:

The once was a man of Odessa,
Who asked of his father confessor,
"In this world, there's much sin.
Where should one begin
To build up a life as transgressor?"

And Timon with:

Said a shapely young girl of Odessa,
When her boyfriend proposed to undress her,
“What you’re planning is not
What I want; but I’m hot,
So I’ll choose, of two evils, the lesser.”

So very well done, everyone, and commiserations to the losers, but with the sugar coating comment that in most other circles each and every one of the limericks would have been a first prizewinner. That our standards are so high is a credit to the erudition and ability of all who post here.

Now it's over to Bob and timon.


Richard English
 
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I agree that there was a lot of very good work this time round, so I'm all the more honoured to be sharing Bob's leading position. His is a great piece, and nicely cynical.

If he's going to start contributing in German, though, I want to be allowed to respond in French:

J’habite rue Rouge, à Odessa,
C’est vraiment une très belle adresse, ça!
Je m'offre du chic
Car j’ai gagné du fric
Depuis que le communisme cessa.

[Translation: I live on Red Street in Odessa; that's really a very nice address, that is! I can treat myself to something chic, 'cause I've made money since Communism came to an end.]
 
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I know but one French word, that's "merde" -
A rude word, or that's what I've herde.
So a lim'rick in French -
My teeth I should clench -
I'd be worried - if only I cerde.


Richard English
 
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Bravo, Richard! Formidable, mon cher!
 
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That's what a couple of pints of Pride does for one's creative juices.


Richard English
 
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Well I'm very happy to have won against such sterling competition. I'm feeling a bit under the weather with a stinking cold at the moment so would anyone (including timon) be terribly concerned if I left the next selection up to timon?
 
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Bob you may go take a nap
Get a few pints from the tap.
Get over that cold.
Watch the Limericks unfold
And let Timon fill in the gap.

Meanwhile, here's a "hispanic" attempt ...

Aqui vivo yo en Odessa
Con mi abuela la vieja Contessa
Adoro a una chica
Bonita y rica.
Muy a menudo me besa.

I live here in Odessa
With my grandmother the old Countess
I love a pretty rich girl
She often kisses me.
 
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Richard, you'd asked about my line 5. Well, the guy was a transvestite. He confessed that he donned frilly panties, but didn't want to be teased about it. The priest said not to worry, but the priest then asked the kook to take off the dress his was wearing. Oh well. If you have to go through that much explaining, it isn't much good, I agree. Plus, I had to explain to Richard privately what a "kook" was.

Perhaps people don't agree with me on this, but I'd prefer one winner. I know that awarding it to 2 spreads the wealth around, so to speak, but it also delays the games, I think. I might be all wet and am certainly fine with going either way. Thoughts?
 
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You want the games to go faster, Kalleh? Smile I'd thought these had been chugging along at about one a week - don't know if I could manage much more than that.

Probably this seemed more drawn out because of Richard being in the opposite time zone (and needing more sleep than I do Big Grin )

The main problem with 2 judges I'd say is if they don't agree... then what?

PS: I like it that you can be both wet and fine at the same time. Big Grin
 
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Thank you for the explanation, Kalleh. It does make sense I agree - but I didn't quite see what the point was at first.

Speaking for myself I quote enjoyed working with Stella - although it did mean a little more effort was involved. Having said which, we did have a large number of entries so there was quite a deal of work in any case.

When people have made the effort to write something I think it's only right that the judge, or judges, take the time to give some feedback and not just hand down a decision. And the more limericks there are the more the effort.

And I agree with Stella, it doesn't seem to me that the rate has slowed all that much; getting the entries takes quite a while. In the last round we closed the entries Saturday evening BST and the results were out Sunday afternoon BST, so there wasn't too much of a delay.


Richard English
 
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Well, okay then, we'll keep it. I don't like it (and perhaps I can't put my finger on why), but I must be in the minority.

Heads up, limerick players: As you know we will have a costume party chat next Saturday. We invite one and all to attend, and the specifics have been posted in Community . I had to come up with a "cheap" prize, so I decided that the winner (he or she who is identified last) will be able to host a limerick game after the one that's progressing at the time is over. That should be fun for those who don't play our game because they don't consider themselves good limerick writers (heck, it's good for people like me who never win!). We'll let you know who that will be, and I hope everyone will be gracious about letting a non-winner host a game.
 
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If Bob's not feeling too good, I'll gladly choose a town-name for the next.

However, I'd like to suggest that the judging be by popular vote. Thus, everyone would send their entries privately to me; when the time was up, I'd list them here, in random order, numbered, with no author's name, and each of us would post a single vote for his/her favourite.
That would of course slow things down a bit, though.

In any event, if I can work out how to start a new thread, I'll do so with the new challenge-name.
 
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FWIW one last (I swear) Spanish lim .....

Volvamos una vez más a Odessa.
Una cosa que me interesa:
Mi computadora
Ubicada ahora
Delante de mi, en la mesa.

Let's go back once more to Odessa.
One thing that interests me:
My computer,
Located now
In front of me, on the table.
 
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The only problem with popular vte is that it favours those who submit multiple entries, the more multiple the better. If we go with popular vote I'd say we have to restrict the number of entries per competitor.
 
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I am inclined to agree with this. Plus it is better if a judge can give informed feedback, and this could become anarchic if all and sundry were allowed so to do.

I have a feeling that we might eventually need to put some kind of restriction on the numbers of entries that one person submits - but I can see that causing difficulties itself. Better to wait and deal with the issue if and when the numbers of sumbissions become a real problem.


Richard English
 
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1 German, 1 French, 2 Spanish: anyone for Italian?

In the meantime, how about Latin?

duo virgines quaedam Odessae,
ex balneo nuper egressae,
in lecto ludebant,
in amplectis gaudebant,
nec virem censebant deesse.

[Two virgins from Odessa, having just got out of the bath, were playing in bed and enjoying embraces, and din't feel any lack of a man.]

My Latin studies were a long time ago, so this is E & O E!
 
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I've just posted the name for the next game in a separate thread: Venezuela.

In view of the reactions so far, I withdraw (for the present) my suggestion of a popular vote to determine the winner. If Bob's feeling better, we'll do it together, otherwise I'll do it.
 
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The only problem with popular vte is that it favours those who submit multiple entries, the more multiple the better.
Not really. You vote for the limerick and not the person. It's an intriguing idea, timon, though the mere numbers of PMs from people might bog it down.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Kalleh:
quote:
The only problem with popular vte is that it favours those who submit multiple entries, the more multiple the better.
Not really. You vote for the limerick and not the person. It's an intriguing idea, timon, though the mere numbers of PMs from people might bog it down.


But that's exactly why multiple submissions are favoured. If proofreader submits one of his customary three hundred verse epics (Smile) and I submit only one limerick and they are all presented unattributed there are three hundred chances that someone will like one of his for every one chance that someone will like mine.
 
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My Latin studies were a long time ago, so this is E & O E!

I suspect that mine were even longer ago than yours! But had the topic of my Latin cl;ass been of the nature of the topic of your limerick (rather than things like doves. ba la laniger and chariot races) then I reckon I'd have studied harder Wink


Richard English
 
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L5 would have been better had it ended "undress her".


I would agree if the place name had been Odesser.

In my dialect, Odessa and her do not rhyme, but I can see that my dialect is in the minority here. Roll Eyes


... and I am having a difficult time finding anything in my dialect to rhyme with Venezuela.

[ben-eh-SWELL-ah]
 
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I would agree if the place name had been Odesser.

In my dialect, Odessa and her do not rhyme, but I can see that my dialect is in the minority here.

It is always a problem when rhymes work in one dialect and not another, I agree. But I reckon that, with a bit of work, you might have found a better solution than the one you chose - which marred an otherwise excellent limerick.

Better luck next time.


Richard English
 
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If proofreader submits one of his customary three hundred verse epics () and I submit only one limerick and they are all presented unattributed there are three hundred chances that someone will like one of his for every one chance that someone will like mine.

First, the maths, as you say in the UK. Three hundred verses is only 60 lims, not 300, which raises your chances significantly.

Second, I wouldn't elevate the drivel I create to the same level as Richard's or Stella's or Wormatic's or Bethree's or, even occasionally, BobHale's Smile. Did I forget Kalleh and Jerry? My apologies. Timon, too. So I don't think my multiple "epics" stand a great chance of winning against the competition currently entering. I just enjoy writing limericks, as bad as they are shown to be at OEDILF and here.

Third, if you want to limit entries to only one, I can always post my extras outside the contest, as Jerry and I are wont to do now. In fact, I seem to recall a visit that Jeb Raltar paid to Odessa that needs to be limmed. Let me get on it now.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for one day; give a man a fishing pole and he will find an excuse to never work again.
Nollidj is power.
 
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But that's exactly why multiple submissions are favoured. If proofreader submits one of his customary three hundred verse epics () and I submit only one limerick and they are all presented unattributed there are three hundred chances that someone will like one of his for every one chance that someone will like mine.
I don't agree with that, and it certainly is not a statistical chance since not all limericks are equal. The best limerick (from the judge's point of view) will be chosen. Period.

As for yours being on the same level, Proof, they surely are, and you have won here. The winning very much depends on the judge. For example, I would agree with Jerry that "Odessa" and "undress her" don't rhyme to me, too, though they did work for the judges' dialects. I had a lot of trouble writing that limerick because there aren't many good rhymes in the way I speak, and I did stoop to rhymes that don't work for me (though it obviously didn't help!).

Now, I am going to be perfectly honest, and I might regret this. I am enjoying this game less and less as I continue to submit limericks and continue to be a non-winner. I know, it sounds like I am a bad loser, and I guess I am. But...there...I've said it.

At this point that probably means I should bow out, at least for awhile. I will read all your limericks, though, I promise!
 
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Originally posted by Proofreader:

First, the maths, as you say in the UK. Three hundred verses is only 60 lims, not 300, which raises your chances significantly.


Well as a maths graduate AND a linguaphile I'm having a little trouble with your maths here. In what way is a "verse" different from a "limerick"? True 300 lines is 60 limericks but 300 verses is, surely, 300 limericks.
Or have I missed something.

And K. the point is that the standard of evrybody's limericks here is very high. Submitting 60, 600 or 6000 would HAVE TO increase your chances of some people voting for them. If one person chooses they can take into account the fact that one contributer sent so many. If it's a free vote on anonymous limericks then the numbers, I'm afraid, definitely come into play.
 
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According to my MW, a verse is a single line of poetry. Unless my lims are not considered poetry.....

Either way, "three hundred" is a serious overstatement concerning my creational capacity. It makes me feel like a Spartan of Stanzas, a Master of Metricals, a Virtuoso of Versification. Unfortunately, I am also a Bastion of Bawd, a Repository of Raunch, a Leviathan of Lewd. (Don't mention the lack of coherent theme for the last three.)

To eliminate any disputes about "quantity" over "quality", I shall only submit one lim to the Venezuela contest. I challenge anyone to beat it.

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That must be an American usage. I have never heard verse used to refer to a single line, always to a group of lines. The exception would be when it's used in a Biblical context.

http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/verse?view=uk
 
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I would be reluctant to limit anyone's creative process but can see the arguments for and against a limited number of submissions. "Limerick "sagas" have their place and I believe should be judged along with others. However, own inclination is to prefer a single limerick, which incorporates, in its 5 modest lines, a complete story that is relevant to the topic and which safisfies the various demands of rhyming, scansion, smut and humour. It is to the credit both of the verse form and its writers here, that so many submissions meet these exacting demands.


Richard English
 
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I'm sorry to hear that "Venezuela" poses rhyming problems for some (but not for others). I chose it, as you may guess, because in my pronunciation there are a number of possible rhymes, but not so many as to make the competition too easy (too easy for the competitors, and thus too difficult for the judges!)

Since I've been landed with the job of judging, I'll obviously accept what are rhymes to my ear; but I promise that I shall not rule out any entry that is otherwise a good one just because the rhyme is not one I'd have used myself.

Does that help at all?
 
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quote:
And K. the point is that the standard of evrybody's limericks here is very high. Submitting 60, 600 or 6000 would HAVE TO increase your chances of some people voting for them.
I think you might be right, Bob, after thinking about it. I do remember that when this game first started, I had wished that everyone would just send their one favorite, spectacular, perfect limerick.
 
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I don't mind what the rules are - I'm just happy to be here Cool (yes, that was a bit smarmy, sorry!) but one thing about sending only one entry is that we all have different ideas about what's "spectacular". I mentioned before that I was surprised which one of mine the judges picked.
 
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