OK here are the Buchan limericks, just 8 of them:

1
In a limerick game about Buchan
You'd expect one with plenty of muck in.
But I'm keeping this clean,
For a word so obscene
Isn't one that I'm tempted to chuck in.

2
A cricketing novice from Buchan
Saw a fast ball and thought "I'll just duck 'un".
But as he did that
He flailed with his bat
And lo and behold found he'd struck 'un.

3
The chicken-farm triplets of Buchan,
Had a cockerel they all found good lookin'
Each eager to please,
They got down on their knees,
One pluckin', one suckin', one fuckin'.

4
When a couple found themselves stuck 'n
The depths of the Caves up at Buchan,
She made her stalactite
So that his stalagmite
Be in for a fine night o' fuckin'.

5
Sometimes the young people of Buchan
Get a little too drunk, run amuck'n
Paint the town red
Then collapse in their bed
Leaving elders complainin' 'n' cluck'n.

6
I once knew a drongo from Buchan
Who never had very much luck in
Finding a Sheila.
He'd grope and he'd feel 'er
'Til finally she'd snap...and start truckin'.

7
A traveller passing through Buchan
Wrecked the clutch and the brakes on his truck'n'
Said, "I know we broke down
But why in this town?
There are places I'd rather be stuck in."

8
A big-bollocked bugger from Buchan,
Was bothered by boys who were lookin’
To get a bit boisterous
With his outback oysters –
"Will they be outback while we're fuckin’?"

Question:
OK now cast a vote for you favourite ... please!

Choices:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8

 

There was a young lady in Buchan
Who thought life was best served with wild fuchan.
She would screw Swedes and Norses,
Red 'roos and wild horses
'Til her hole'd let a lorry or truchan.

Sorry I didn't get to a computer in time to enter this one.

Neither did Shu. Darn, because he had some great ideas. There are some great ones here!

You'd have got my vote, Proof. I like that one.

Rather liked it myself (patting hmself on the shoulder)

We have 5 votes in and there were 6 contestants so I'm probably the only one who hasn't voted. I will leave it 24 hours to see if any of our regulars who didn't play this time want to cast a vote. There is a pretty clear winner emerging who seems most unlikely to be beaten.

Oh well - seems only contestants wanted to vote. Mike's farm based limerick is the clear winner. Entrants were:

1. Guy Barry - all about the F-Word without actually using it - liked it.

2. Richard English - its vote clearly didn't come from an American as they know much less about cricket than we Aussies, Poms and N-Zedders know about Baseball.

3. Mike - garnered the lion's share of the votes. I didn't really like it because the lookin' rhyme troubled me, but then I read it with an Irish accent and I loved it.

4. Me - Sometimes you just can't predict how the voting will go. I thought this one was a dead-set winner and one of my best and yet it didn't pull in one vote. Maybe nobody checked out on the Web the magnificent stalactites and stalagmites that make the Buchan Caves one of Victoria's top tourist attractions, or maybe I should have spelt them as "stalac-tight" and "stalag-might", or maybe it was just no good. The voting would suggest the latter.

5. Bob Hale - another deserving vote winner. I liked the "amok 'n". I tried very hard to get one using a schwa 'n for "and" but could make it work, but Bob managed to do it twice (See No. 7).

6. Kalleh - got my vote because the Aussie in me couldn't let this one go without one because of the clever use of the Aussie slang terms "drongo" and "sheila".

7. Bob Hale (again) - Of Bob's two entries this was my favourite.

8. Mike (again) - Again I was troubled by the lookin' rhyme, but once I read it with the Irish accent it was great. Probably the most amusing of the bunch but the weakish L3/L4 rhyme probably prevented it getting any votes.

My big disappointment overall, however, was that when I chose the town, I assumed I would get at least half a dozen laugh-out-loud quality limericks, but probably only Mike's two entries (and perhaps Proof's ineligible one) came close, so Mike was the rightful winner.

Take it away Mike.

Shu didn't get his in on time, unfortunately. His are always hilarious!

The "lookin'" didn't work for me at all (no matter what accent I used), but I voted for Mike's anyway because I loved the limerick and these are all written in fun, not to be published in 2050.

You were sweet to vote for mine, but clearly it didn't deserve it.

In fact, as I have already said, in my version of English my cricketing limerick was the only one that rhymed properly.

Buchan (Buch'n) does not rhyme with Fuckin' (or lookin' - both pronounced as they're written).

quote:

Buchan (Buch'n) does not rhyme with Fuckin'

But it does, because I told you it does. If you were to choose Leicester for a game, I would want to pronounce it, "Le-sester", but you would tell me it is pronounced, "Lester", and I would accept it and play the game accordingly. We have a town on the Murray (pronounced Murry) River named Albury (pronounced Orl-bry) and so I naturally want to pronounce the Western Australian town, Albany as "Orl-bany" but to the WA locals it is "Al-bany" and so "Al-bany" it is.

It's 'hands off' when you're lovin' in Buchan.
All the women are turned off by touchan.
So there's smooching and sucking
And all kind of fucking
But this "hands off' rule means there's no cluchan.

That one OK, RE?

quote:

Originally posted by Greg S:

quote:

Buchan (Buch'n) does not rhyme with Fuckin'

But it does, because I told you it does.

We've already had this discussion. Richard, like myself, pronounces "fuckin'" with a clear "i" sound in the second syllable, not a schwa. You can tell him to pronounce "Buchan" however you like, but that's not going to change the way he pronounces other words.

Let's hope that Mike's place-name doesn't cause so many problems!

I suspect that part of the problem lies not with Buchan but with fuckin. There are some in the UK who pronounce it with the second syllable being a schwa - but they would tend to be those with an estuary accent.

Added to the fact that weeks of enforced listening to Neighbours (my door isn't soundproof) tell me that the antipodean vowel "i" is different from our - being more like "ee".

Taken together these two differences could account for the rhyming difficulty. Of course, without hearing the antipodean pronunciation of both words it's tricky to tell.

Thanks for the votes, and thanks for the comments, Greg. I also liked my second one better than my first, but there's no accounting for taste!

This is the first time I've won since my first entry, I think. I'll try and find a new place, with an easy rhyme, and will post the topic soon.