Here's your opportunity to visit France and display your knowledge or the area. Send me your limericks in a PM. New members are welcome!

Our limericks shall speak now of France
Where love will bloom, given the chance.
Where young lovers will kiss
In sweet moments of bliss.
(Why's that guy got his hand in her pance?)

I will write one tomorrow as I fly to North Carolina. My brain is a bit fried right now.

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as I fly to North Carolina

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as I fly to North Carolina. My brain is a bit fried right now

Chicago. You live in CHICAGO!

I've sumbitted a couple - but if there's no result by Thursday I'll not know who's won as I am flying to Dubai.

That's the jetset for you!

So to Richard we must wish a goo-by
As he jets off to visit in Dubai
But this limerick game
Will remain just the same
Since there isn't a date they are due by.

Yeah, Proof, I do live in Chicago...but I work in many other cities. I will be flying from Chapel Hill, NC, to Albuquerque, NM, by way of Denver, of course.

I am afraid I've contracted the same dastardly "throat thing" that Shu had last week in Toronto, so I mainly slept on the plane. Still thinking...

By the way, I don't have Swine flu, though I am sure everyone on the plane thought I did with all my coughing. They really hate you when you cough on planes, and I can't blame them...though I couldn't help it.

There, Richard. That's a good set up for your joke. Take it away!

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fly to North Carolina. My brain is a bit fried right now

I was only concerned that you might have become disoriented passing through Customs. NOBODY intentionally visits North Carolina.

Mine is finally on the way.

While I am here on business, it is gorgeous and I definitely would visit North Carolina. But, then, I am strange. I always want to move to the cities I visit. I absolutely could imagine moving to Toronto, for example.

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I absolutely could imagine moving to Toronto, for example.

So could I. I have never visited any other city outside the UK that has so many decent pubs with good cask beer

I've sent a couple. Perhaps I will send more.

I finally wrote one but each time I try to send it to proof it gets sent to me even though I invited him in the new message box as per usual (from memory). Who knows what I'm doing wrong?

Stella, I don't know how that's happening, but the simplest way to send a PM to Proof is to click on his name next to one of his posts in the thread, then choose 'Invite Proofreader to a Private Topic' from the menu.

I got Stella's twice. Also have David Franks, Kalleh and Richard's. If anyone has a limerick, please send it to me soon since the GRAND PRIZE will be awarded soon. I am giving one-tenth of the money I am promised by a Nigerian Finance Minister once I send him payment to ship several tons of gold bullion to my house.

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I am giving one-tenth of the money I am promised by a Nigerian Finance Minister once I send him payment to ship several tons of gold bullion to my house.

One tenth of the money you are promised? That sounds over-generous to me. To match it though, I will give 100% of all the money I have actually received from Nigerian finance ministers and sundry bank official PLUS all the winnings I have received from the online lotteries that I have won without even entering them...

OK, Richard. If you want to make a joke of my promised guaranteed prize, I shall not let you in on the secret male enhancement program I shall soon be sole possessor of. And excuse the prepositional ending. My ending will soon be making its own propositions.

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Originally posted by arnie:
the simplest way to send a PM to Proof is to click on his name ....

Thank you, Arnie! I didn't know you could do that though I may have been told before and forgotten it.

Last chance for the GRAND PRIZE! Results will be posted sometime tomorrow. If you have an entry, send it now.

Said a girl I had met in Par-ee,
"I have something you might like to see
While the girls let you view
A half-seen tit or two,
I won't show you two boobs -- I have three."

Kalleh
Oh, Shu, will you sweep me away
To France on that pretty far bay?
With the art and good food,
I’ll be in the mood!
Let’s plan a great trip to Marseilles!

David Franks
On vacation one day in Marseilles,
I encountered a girl on the quai.
”I seek local flavor,”
I said, “and I’d savor
A sample. I might even pay.”

In the southeast of France lies Marseilles,
Where the dockhands and seafarers play,
And you shouldn’t say much
Of surrender and such,
Lest they serve you your balls on a tray.

Stella
A masseur named Marcelle in Marseilles
Found his toupee was rotting away.
The problem was that
It was rodent (or rat)
And marcescible (prone to decay).

Note: Britain (and the recently-independent colonies) pronounce “toupee” TOO-pay.

Richard English
A sailor in seedy Marseilles
Hired a hooker and started to play.
So fierce were her actions,
And sexual contractions,
It took him all night and all day.

The hookers who work in Marseilles
Aren’t dear - though you do have to pay.
But be on your guard,
Don’t bargain too hard,
The cheapest are usually gay.

Bethree5
Once Jean the sailor bought a drink in Marseilles
For a bargirl with a face like a sharpei
Love is blind but not the bouncer
Who said (when Jean tried to mount’er)
“Désolé—ce n’est pas un bar gai”

* * * * *I * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

OK, now. Boy! What can I say
About the lims writ ‘bout Marseilles?
Kalleh’s was much too quiet
(Though Shu might still buy it)
And Stella lost out -- It’s “too-PAY.”.

Now Bethree’s, for me, just didn’t scan
(Was that all her nefarious plan?)
So it’s David or Dick
From whom I must pick
To find who will be the best man.

Their bawdiness level was high
And the meter was perfect as pie
But what carried the day
Was “serve balls on a tray”
So, David, it seems you’re the guy.

Unfortunately, the promised shipment of gold bullion did not arrive on schedule (it seems the Nigerian Fed Ex guy is involved in the civil war which caused the need to send the gold out of the country).

However, if I can send them a cashier’s check for $10,000 by Tuesday, over $80M in gold will be on my doorstep by next weekend. Perhaps the winner of this contest would like to contribute to the fee since one-tenth of the gold will be his once it arrives safely here.

The next destination is yours, David Franks.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

OOPS! Mis-read Stella's comment. thought it was a dig at MY colony, where we use "Too-PAY".

Sorry. No recounts.

Oh, thank you-- it's an honor.

I'm working on it, but I've not yet thought of a new destination.

Well, my limerick brain is beginning to degenerate. I need a venue!

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Kalleh’s was much too quiet

By the way, BAH, HUMBUG!