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"This Viagra just doesn't work," said Tom, inscrutably.
 
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"That's a hard one," she said, feelingly.
 
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"Iwasn't aware it was that time of the month," he said, stiffly.
 
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quote:
But what happened to all the Swifties we've been posting for the last few years???
I am not sure. I looked for some other threads as this one seemed very old, but I couldn't find them with the search words I used. I am sure it's here somewhere.

These are great, guys!

"Write more of those Swifties," Tom said haltingly!
 
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"You have beautiful boobies," Tom said, bitterly.

"Just how many children do you have. Mrs. Dionne?" Tom asked, broodingly.

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And five of them all came at once.

"Ewwwww, what a sticky mess," she ejaculated.
 
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Madame Dionne, not being a dunce
Counting all, including the runts.
She said let me see
There's one two and three
And five of them all came at once.
 
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"I'm waiting with bated breath," the fish said catchingly.

For the record, I did find the word eye-cathingly, though not necessarily catchingly.
 
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"What do you mean, don't eat the cow pattie?" asked Tom, foul-mouthedly.
 
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Originally posted by Proofreader:
"What do you mean, don't eat the cow pattie?" asked Tom, foul-mouthedly.

"Because, dear Tom, we use the dried ones in our stoves," she said warmly.
 
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"May I come, too?" asked Tom, spunkily.
 
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"I prefer to sleep alone, Mr. Madoff," said Tom conjoinedly.

"I dislike foreplay," said Tom unfeelingly.
 
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"I could go for some shellfish," said Tom clamourously.
 
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"I can't keep this hub and rim together much longer!" bespoke Tom.


Myth Jellies
Cerebroplegia--the cure is within our grasp
 
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"I can't see the target," said Tom, aimlessly.
 
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"How I wish the dentist's Novacaine worked better for me!" said Tom with feeling.

"I've drunk too much again...I think I'm going to throw up!" said the barfly.

"We're here to pick up the dining room set you wanted refinished," said the movers comfortably.
 
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"Spring hasn't arrived yet" sid Tom, icily.


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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"Summer is here!" said Tom heatedly.
 
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"What do you mean, you don't know where the French monument to their Unknown Soldier is?" demanded the teacher, archly?

"Wait, wait...it's in Paris, near the Place de l'Étoile!" said Tom, triumphantly!
 
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"I'm sorry, gang. I see no reason to divide up the loot from the robbery," said Tom, irrationally.
 
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"Winter is depressing," said Tom SADly.
 
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Nice one! I love Swifties.

"You have a great tush!", Tom butted in.
 
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"Will you be my Olivia Newton-John?" asked Tom, greasily.

At the funeral, "What's that stand supporting the coffin called?" asked Tom, beerily.


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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"No, but I'll be your John Travolta," he replied pulpily...
 
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"Did you get a breast implant?" Ask Tom fictitiously.
 
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"Don't look now, Tru, but we're having sex," said Tom intrusively.
 
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"Hey nonny nonny" is just an old refrain, he said anonymously.
 
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"Oops, I damaged your tree with my hatchet," said Tom accidentally.
 
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Originally posted by bethree5:
"Hey nonny" is just an old refrain, he said anonymously.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by bethree5:
"Hey nonny" is just an old refrain, he said anonymously.

"Hey, noony" is just an old refrain, he said heynonnymously.

No, no. Not subtle enough. Disregard.
 
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Reviving Tom and other friends, courtesy of a crossword puzzle found in Word Play - the Official Companion by Will Shortz...

"I have a website," said Dot calmly.

"I murdered the king," Regis sighed.

"I'm in love with Rochester," said Jane airily.
 
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NOt that I'm boosting another website, but OEDILF has dozens more in two forums -- one just naughty, the other not so ss (Curtained Room).

I'll be posting the already late limerick game shortly. I think Ruypert Murdoch has been hacking my system.
 
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Originally posted by bethree5:


"I'm in love with Rochester," said Jane airily.

And so was Jack Benny. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E...erson_%28comedian%29


It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. -J. Krishnamurti
 
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paraphrasing another from the Shortz puzzle:
"Take mine," said Anna magnanimously.
 
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Shortz book again, my fave:

"What a good boy am I," said Jack with aplomb.
 
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>bump<
Anybody for a Tom Swiftie?

"How on earth did Mom's mom contract Lyme Disease?" asked Tom grammatically.
 
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Great idea, Bethree! We've developed a lot of them in the past, so let's forgive repeats.

I don't think this one is really that appropriate, but then I am tired:

"We have a new puppy," Kalleh said, dog-tiredly.

I'll be thinking, though!
 
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"I'm not too fond of puppies," said Kalleh, cattily.
 
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Much better!
 
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"Aaarrrgghhhhh! I'm caught in my fly zipper" screamed Tom, dictatorially.


"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
 
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Now, that was good, Bob! Smile

"Let's unite!" Tom said plainly.
 
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"I'm unemployed now" said Tom, dolefully.
"Elvis has left the building" said Tom, expressly.


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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"i'm making an album of songs from foreign countries," Tom importuned.
 
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"Limericks MUST have five lines!" said Tom quintessentially.


"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
 
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"I'm ready to hit the golf ball" Tom forewarned.
"Yes, we have no bananas" said Tom, fruitlessly.


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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"He stole my girl," said Tom mistakenly.
"I could have had a V-8," sighed Tom inadvertently.
 
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"Do you like my new spectacles?" asked Tom, glassy-eyed.

"Climb up on the car roof, Seamus," said Tom, doggedly.

"This is great Viagra," said Tom, pointedly.

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"I ran out of pineapple," said Tom dolefully.
 
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"This dish is a great way to use up gooseberries," said Tom, foolishly.
"My name is Tom," he said swiftly.
"..." said Tom, blankly.


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
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“I think this flea is French,” said Tom zealously.
“Phic – you have said quite enough!: said Tom xenomorphically.
“I’ll take 2,240 pounds” he said wantonly.


"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
 
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