OK folks, submissions about this old goldmining town to me, via pm. My email access is limited right now and the connection is very dodgy. But I will try to choose a winner by the end of this week - depending, of course, on the volume and quality of the submissions.

Ignore this, it's just a test

Computer problems, Bob?

I sent mine, Richard.

back online with a new browser-- will try to think of one by end of day

One day in the mountain town Aspen,
I said to the girl I was graspen,
"You’re moaning like sin,
Yet I’m not even in.”
“This thin air is the reason I’m gaspen.”

Glad to see you again, bethree! Now let's hope I don't have to jiggle WM's elbow again or it might become dislocated!

Well, only three submissions so far so I'll let this one run a little longer. I'll be leaving Hedley by the end of this week so I'll post a winner by then, regardless of how many submissions I have.

Tomorrow, 22 May at 2300 GMT or thereabouts I shall have to choose a winner - last minute submissions, please?

Shu has recited one to me. I'll try to get him to post it (though it may outshine mine, so perhaps I won't! )

I will try to choose a winner today - but there are problems right now with the satellite link. If I don't manage then it'll be as soon as I can get back to a computer that works!

For the moment I have a satellite link so I am now posting the entries and winner of the Hedley limerick. First the entries in order of receipt:

First a brace from Proofreader:

In the booming gold town, name of Hedley,
To work in the mines could prove deadly.
So before they went in,
Miners soaked up the gin
Till their gait got a bit too unstead’ly.

At a whorehouse in mining town Hedley
All the miners were singing a medley
Of the tunes that they knew
With the ladies they’d screw
On the couch, or the table, or bed’ly.


One from Kalleh:

I once met a fellow from Hedley,
Who wanted to take me to bedly.
His bod was the best,
As he lay on my breast,
But I don't think he wanted to wedly.


One from Bethree

While panning for gold up in Hedley
A fella named John culled a medley
Of dance-girl outlaws
Whose moves earned applause
(Tho' the ‘claps’ our John later found deadly...)


And finally one from Shufitz with three alternative lines 3/4:

Collegians living in Hedley
Enjoy recreation co-edly.
The lowborn are scrod
On the lawn of the quad,
But the well-bred instead do it bedly.

Alternatives for lines 3-4 are
The hoi polloi screws
In the back of the mews,

or

Yobs opt for al fresco
Flagrante delicto,

All very good and all suitably obscene, as befits both the town (as it used to be) and the limerick!

Proofreader's two I liked, especially the second one. I did have my reservations about "bedly" but I suppose it says what it means and others have also used it. Kalleh's was similarly appropriate although I thought that "wedly" was maybe taking artistic licence a bit far. Bethree's I liked especially because the gold-mining connection was made and the errant goldminer seems to have received his just deserts. Finally Shufitz's trio each had their merits. The first I didn't like the L3/4 too much and the third's, L3/4 whilst clever, just doesn't rhyme at all for me. So of his submissions I like the second most as it rhymes and scans prefectly.


So after much deliberation and agonising over these very clever submissions, I will award the prize to Proofreader's second attempt. For me the point that clinched the deal was the historical accuracy and probable reality of the miners' behaviour. Sufitz's second alternative appealed to me greatly but I eventually rejected it since Hedley not only has no college - it has no school of any kind now. The small number of children are now bussed into Princeton or Cawston - each nearly an hour away.

So, well done everyone and it's over to Proofreader for the next destination. Whether I'll be able to compete depends on where I am when the competition closes!

So here's to the limerickal medley
Of poems on the mining town Hedley,
Where the miners could count
On the women to mount
Since their thighs, thanks to horses, were spreadly.

Thanks to Richard for his largesse in awarding me this honor. I want to thank all the little people who I've stepped on during my climb to this height and I shall peruse my atlas for a suitable location, which will NOT be in N. Korea.

I so enjoyed Shu's with his adverbial use of "bedly" and the first group of lines 3&4 are just perfect! I wish his limerick talent would rub off on me a bit.

These are all excellent submissions! I was curious to check out what you all came up with - when I looked at this competition last week, and the one before it, I could find no inspiration at all. I'm hoping it's just a stage.

We hope you'll join us again, Stella. You are so good!

Half-assed epitaph on the tale of Johnny...

From BC, one Johnny the Miner
Said nothing could be any finer
Than panning for gold
With his girl in a hold
That let Kate feel his forty-niner.

This lack ‘o class earned him no prizes
From miners of all age and sizes
In fact, jealous men bet
on how far he could get--
Out’a folks Johnny sure did get rises.

On the banks of the Similkameen
With a hammer (his trusty balpeen)
The cad Jake lay in wait
One night, heart full of hate
For the young John who dared to mate Kate

But first Johnny got a big push
From a fist that emerged from a bush--
Twas Bad Bart with his knife
(He once called Kate his wife)--
Whence he sliced upstart John a new tush

Moral is: nigh the Similkameen,
When yer courtin’ a simple colleen
You could get forty-nined
If ya don’t look behind
Ya (when walkin with wimmin, ah mean!)

.Here's a picture of downtown Hedley at rush hour. Look away if the traffic jam hurts hour eyes

It is best for that miner his date
With promiscuous nympho (that’s Kate)
Was cut short with a knife
And she was not his wife,
Though he suffered a terrible fate.

It seems that fair Kate from B. C.
Was afflicted with an STD
Which had really played hob
With the men on the job
And a mule one man’s using for free.

The town doctor said, “Men, you must wait
And abstain if Kate becomes your date.
She will give you the clap
And your thing will break -- Snap!
So don’t screw her -- if you see Kate.”

Do we have a new venue to limerick on?