'Ere we go...

1. There was a young fellow of Splatt
Who went out in the sun with no hat
He found out too late
How the sun burned his pate
That hot-headed fellow of Splatt

2. When some kids chased a wandering cat,
It was hit by a car and knocked flat.
And I seem to recall
When it hit a town wall
Both the town and the sound were both SPLATT!

3. There once was a woman of Splatt
Whose breasts were enormously fatt
When once her brassiere
came apart front to rear
They went splatt on the floor of her flatt

4. Though this place is not where it's at,
Don't Pityme living in Splatt,
We might set back the clock
But we know how to Rock,
So come here and get some of that.

5. At a linguists convention in Splatt
The keynote address proposed that
Each irregular tense
Should be regular hence,
Ironically starting with "shat".

6. There once was a fellow from Splatt
Who was playing a game with a bat
When this mean little brat
Hit him and - SPLAT!
He fell on his slats and yelled, "Drat!"

7. A cartographer up in Splatt
Showed a young lady his plat.
Said the man,"I implore,
Show your plat and much more!"
The Orkney lass showed him her Twatt.

8. There's a wine that's fermenting in Splatt
For ten years in an old rusting vat.
Now its smell you can savor
And to add to the flavor
They've tossed in a cat, bat, and rat.

9. He was poised at the crease with his bat,
When he suddenly realised that
He'd forgotten his box
As the ball hit his rocks
Which went splat at the cricket in Splatt

Question:
Dear Mr Poll,

My favourite limerick is <poll choice here>.

Regards,

<Username here>.

Choices:
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine

 

An incontinent old man in Splatt
Had a problem and muttered, "Oh, drat.
I intended my load
To end up in the road
But my undies is what I beshat."

I had twofavorites this time and just hated to choose just one.

"...but undies is what i beshat". hahaha...I like that one.

I have trouble voting for these. I really want to vote for the joke on no. 7. But I had trouble with the rhythm (meter?) in the first two lines. Liked the link to the town name and another name for a plat in the etymology of the settlement...

(And, to whoever is the author, don't mind my comment on the meter. I am no expert on this and may be saying it wrong in my head).

Emphasize the first syllaable, as in "CAR-tog-ra-pher" and it works. At least it did fr me. Didn't vote for it, though.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Geoff,

A cartographer living in Splat
Was showing a lady his plat.

That might work

Here's one I just posted on OEDILF, which I like based on an old joke.

At Ford's Theater, on that fateful day,
John Wilkes Booth chose Abe Lincoln to slay.
Some folks asked, "Mrs. L.,
While you're sad, we can tell,
Still, discounting events, like the play?"

Well this is such a funny-sounding town that all the lims are kinda funny. Just had to take a moment away from the beach at Cape Cod & ...vote!

Eight votes this time. Did some who didn't submit get into the act? Not that it's not encouraged. The more the merrier, as our orgy master used to say.

Some people, though I won't mention any names (me), are better at voting than they are at writing....

A lot of people visit and join but seem to be reluctant to join in the festivities.

I always vote but only rarely will I enter, since I am useless at limericks.

The cricket team unaware that
There was a convention in Splatt,
When asked, "Did you win?"
Said, "We shitted it in -
But poor Jim here, well he cracked his fat".

arnie, I've read many of yours before, both here an on OEDILF, and I, for one, think you have quite a knack for them because you are linguistically clever.

However, I am not always "in with the crowd" when it comes to favored limericks. This time for example, mine got no votes (and with 8 votes!) and the one I was trying to decide between (#3) got no votes as well. Now I wish I'd chosen it!

Eight votes in a tie, which is fine.
(That's seven from you lot plus mine.)
I don't like to say it,
But one more could sway it -
Let's hope it's a five or a nine.

Who will break the tie?

In previous ties, hasn't the presenter of the town in play made the choice? Stanley should choose, I think.

Weeeeell, in that case, since this particular game has gone on for an age...!

1. Bob began with a Learian limerick - neel pwah.
2. Proof's first got us going with the onomatopoeic theme - but still, neel pwah.
3. Geoff threw in the topic of underclothing and its raison d'être - neel pwah.
4. Greg used the entire wealth of information avaiable from the Wikipedia link with a good dose of punnery - one vote, mine actually! I'm a sucker for puns :P
5. Bob's second entry is one of our finalists with three votes.
6. Kalleh's entry took us back to onomatopoeia, and I liked the multiple rhymes in the last line - nevertheless, neel pwah.
7. Geoff's other entry and a nice risqué pun - garnered one vote.
8. A second from Proof as well which also did the whole lots-of-A-rhymes-in-the-last-line bit - neel pwah.
9. Bob's third entry and the other of our finalists this game with three votes.

So as it happens, I've only just realized in doing this that both the tied entries are Bob's. I was going to choose number 9, although it seems rather arbitrary now and I feel silly for waiting so long for a tie-breaking vote.

Well done Bob on being both the winner and runner-up! Take it away...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Stanley,

Bob, I need some instructions! What is your going rate?

Geoff, I loved yours and it was my very, very close #2 pick. Indeed, I had wished I could pick two.

While I am aware of the prohibition against advertising on this site, perhaps you could indulge me in this worthwhile effort. It has become increasingly burdensome to compose limericks for the games and, hoping to use modern technology to ease my life, I have labored for many months creating what I hope will be a useful product.

At the moment, I am prepared to launch a new app which the user can open to automatically write limericks on any subject. While it may take some of the joy out of writing, it will mean there can be limerick games two or three, maybe more, times a day.

The new app will be available for Android and Iphones but at present is only workable on dial phones. There is also one minor glitch which is being decoded. The only rhyme you can use in limericks are those ending in "-ucket" but once Sony or Mitsubishi latches on to my app I expect they will work out the technical difficulties. Maybe they'll even find rhymes for "silver" and "bulb." We can hope.

Indeed, Bob, good job! I'm somewhat disappointed that my #7 did so poorly. Had the note I included with it about stressing the first syllable of "cartographer" been published, would it have drawn more votes? Ah, well, I did have fun with "Splatt!"

I was also wondering if I might have received more votes if I had italicized all of Pityme, Splatt and Rock, rather than just capitalising them, to emphasise the fact that I had placed Splatt between Pityme and Rock, but probably not because while I very happy with it (and obviously Stanley liked it too), it just wasn't funny! My limerick in the thread following up on Bob's two entries with the cricketers ignoring the recommendations of the linguists convention was much funnier.

What did surprise me though, with so many US participants/voters in these games, was that Bob's cricket limerick got so many votes, but I guess a hard ball in the nuts (provided they ain't yours) is pretty damned funny in whatever sport you're into, so you don't have to understand the sport to appreciate the joke.

Since the members of this board represent English speakers of several different dialects, it's amazing that we manage to find ANY commonality in this game!

Stanley, thanks for playing host for this round!

Greg, I don't think many of us here are WC are "typical" Americans, if there is such an animal. We know about an like cricket, football (not American football), etc.

Is Bob around for the next one?

Considering his latest exploit, he may even now be in some Chinese work camp, stuffing fortune cookies (or is it a wok camp?) Just realized why there are so few autos in China -- they wok everywhere.

Yes, that was quite a scenario. In case anyone missed it, here it is.

Alive and well and I'll post a new destination later today.