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I’m creating this new thread for our limericks, so it will be topped with a reminder of how this board operates (more fully discussed atop the "Messages to Posters"). CJ’s board will differ, and by keeping this note handy we'll forestall misunderstanding.

General:
  • We're collegial. All members are equals; none is a boss of others.
  • Refrain from critiquing, to maintain the collegial spirit. However, language-related comments (e.g., misdefinition) are fine matter for Q&A.
  • Keep it friendly, and focused on words and language.
    (In particular, the subject of "politics" can be especially divisive.)
With particular reference to limericks: (1) They should be original, and be defininitional or illustrative. (2)The whole alphabet is open. For folks who want to share a focus on a particular area, that area is ae- to ah-. (3) Let’s not clutter this limerick thread with other matter. Unless very minor; put it elswhere.

Let the fun continue!
 
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The previous thread was closed out but is still readable. One of the last posts included my apology for inadvertantly causing some degree of heartburn and a bit of an explanation regarding why this project may have seemed to have become slightly chaotic recently. I am specifically not asking anyone to respond to it here or elsewhere but I did want you to be aware that it was there.

Edit by Wordcrafter: Chris, you've told me you don't always see your PMs, so I'm putting this here. Let's chat to coordinate; drop me a PM letting me know when would be good for you.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: wordcrafter,
 
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acoustics

An aging and blind basset hound
Always barked as he bounded around.
He couldn't learn new tricks
But, using acoustics,
He echolocated by sound.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Virge,
 
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acrophobic

A shy, acrophobic canary
Made friends with the quail on the prairie.
When a finch in a tree
Propositioned him, he
Said "Your eerie, high aerie's too scary."
 
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acrophobia

A height-fearing queen named Zenobia
Tried bungee for her acrophobia.
Odaenathus protested
and primly suggested,
"Tie your toga! The drop could disrobe ya!"
 
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Not as good as the previous, but since it was mostly written before the Zenobia rhyme took me...

acrophobia

There once was a man from Nairobia
Who suffered such strong acrophobia
That the couch was too high,
So his shrink said, "Juzt lie
On ze floor at my feet vhile I probe ya."
 
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Adrastea (T. Alborn)

The job that Adrastea had
Was to separate good Greeks from bad.
She was Jupiter's kin
Now she's destined to spin,
An oddly-shaped moon, 'round her dad.

Nairobia? The capital of Kenya-a?
 
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quote:
Nairobia? The capital of Kenya-a?

Wink
Yeah, I had to stoop to a foreign spelling and pronunciation of Nairobi to get my rhyme. I toyed with the idea of using Ethiopia or Cambodia, but the difference between the plosives irked me.
 
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hmmm .... Nairobia.... Very clever, virge!

Is any word a perfect rhyme with phobia? As a prize to anyone who finds it, I'll pay for a lifetime subcription to Wordcraft. (Exclude the obviously-poor choice of any of the dozens of specific phobias; exclude multi-word rhymes like "probe ya", though they are perfectly good in a limerick.)

Hint: I've found only one. Since we may not may not be others to use when we define all of the phobias, let's have a gentleman's agreement rhymes are allowed in that context. Smile Agoraphobia is hanging tantalizingly close. Smile

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This rhyming dictionary offers eight words that rhyme with phobia.
 
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Jerry's response raised another question, but I should never have raised the original question here. It was more than minor, and I interrupted unduly. Sorry! The subject raised is now moved to a new thread under Wordplay.

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acciaccatura

Each acciaccatura sounds just before
Its principal note in the score.
Played lightly with pace
They ornament with grace,
Too slow, they're a dissonant bore.

Pronounced ac·CIAC·ca·tu·ra (with the attack on the CHACK)
 
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AGRONOMIST, AGROLOGIST

Agrologists study the soil
Upon which agronomists toil.
When should they plant seed?
Should they chemically feed?
And how best the weather to foil.
 
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In an afghan you'll oft find a hippy,
Who'll wear one when it gets a bit nippy.
It's a huge furry coat,
That can smell like a goat,
But I love them - or am I just dippy?
 
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AFGHAN

My afghans have fuzz but no fur.
I knit them from wool, that's for sure.
They wrap 'round my knees
And they keep out the breeze.
When you're cold, they're a warm cozy cure.
 
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JUST A SUGGESTION TO POLISH THE METER

quote:
Originally posted by Cat:

In an _afghan_ you'll oft find a hippy,
Who'll wear it whenever it's nippy.
It's a huge furry coat,
That can smell like a goat,
But I love them - or am I just dippy?


Now what to do about the an/one/them discrepancy...
 
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aft (T. Alborn)

A sailor, astern in the craft,
Was ordered to take himself aft.
He responded with laughter:
"If I got any after
I'd float in your wake in a raft!"

affricative (T. Alborn)

"Pf" in pfeffer and "ch" in Chinese
Are affricatives both, if you please.
They start with a stop,
Then let air from the top
Of your mouth, sort of like when you sneeze.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Tim Alborn,
 
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Access:

I'm trying to gain access
To the girl in the beautiful dress
Her mother hates me
So my attempts to see
the girl won't have much success
 
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actinides / actinoids

Most actinoids tend to decay
Through radioactivity. They
Are a group most unstable
At the base of the table.
Take notes; Tom will quiz us today.

There's U and Pu and Np,
And there's Th, No and Md...
Actinides, actinoids,
They're just different woids
For the group that begins with Ac.

[Editorial Note: If you haven't heard Tom Lehrer's The Elements your education is lacking.]
 
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Abishag

Abishag, King David's nurse
Is a subject of biblical verse
When her master expired,
Adonijah desired
To wed her, and this was his curse.

Abou Ben Adhem

Leigh Hunt was a pretty good poet,
when 'bout Abou Ben Adhem, he wroet.
What lesson was taught
By the verse that he wrought?
If you love other people then show it!

This last, I must admit, stretches just a wee bit for the rhyme. Given the subject of love for one's fellow man, I toyed for a time with rhyming Adhem, bottom, and Sodom (in the antithesis, of course), but just couldn't make it work...
 
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Oh shucks...

Abou Ben Adhem

There's a poem 'bout Abou Ben Adhem
of it's moral we'll get to the bottom
you'll win praise from above,
If your fellows you love
(But not like they did it in Sodom!)
 
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aglet (hic)
Here’s a tip when you lace a new shoe:
A shoelace that's limp won't poke true.
The sheathe that encases
The tip of the lace is
The aglet – to help you poke through.
 
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acology

If you study acology you're
A student of remedies, for sure.
If you sang in the '80s
About killing Kuwaitis,
You must have discovered "The Cure".
 
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accumulate

To accumulate means to collect
or to grow over time. I'd expect
I could claim that we nerds
all accumulate words,
and nobody here would object.
 
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abstractum

The ontologist mused, "this abstractum
Is the thought of a thing, known post factum."
So he abstracted girls
Wearing nothing but pearls
With his idealized self to distract 'em.
 
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This is not critiquing but, my goodness, we've got some great stuff coming in lately! I especially enjoyed the "aft / after" and "poet / wroet" wordplay.

Keep up the great work!
 
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affusion (T. Alborn)

Affusion refers to the sprinkling
Of infants, held over a sink-thing.
It saves souls, some are sure,
But the Baptists demur:
Of sin, they say, tots have no inkling.
 
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quote:
Most actinoids tend to decay
Through radioactivity. They
Are a group most unstable
At the base of the table.
Take notes; Tom will quiz us today.


I don't know where the correct place to post this is, but I think it flows a little better as

Most actinoids tend to decay
Through radioactivity.
They're a group most unstable
At the base of the table.
Take notes; Tom will quiz us today.

Rhyming decay and radioactivity is a bit of a stretch, but the extra beat on that line really threw me off.
 
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Actuarial:

Of or relating to an actuary
Who computes the risk of death for your canary
The premium will be high
If the bird likes to fly
To heights which most others find scary

Or, since that makes an actuary sound like something ornithological

Computing premiums is quite actuarial
Like the risk that you'll soon undergo burial
When Statisticians are these
They're called corporate sleaze
And they're usually quite adversarial
 
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afterglow (T. Alborn)

All sailors enjoy, as you know,
Sea shanties, spiced rum and "Land Ho!"
But they take most delight
Near the start of the night,
In a sunset's bright red afterglow.
 
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Afterglow (another definition)

This may be a bit too adult, so please criticize if necessary

When you're with a woman you know
And you love her and she loves you so
If she spends the night
and in the morning takes flight
All you're left with's the sweet afterglow

Edited for polish.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Seanahan,
 
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Forward glow's found at the bow
Which is what you'd expect anyhow.
Meanwhile, you will learn
That the glow at the stern's
Afterglow.
You might yell, "Holy Cow!!"
 
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quote:
Originally posted by haberdasher:

Now what to do about the an/one/them discrepancy...


Hmmm... how about:

In an afghan you'll oft find a hippy,
Who'll wear one whenever it's nippy,
It's a huge furry coat
That can smell like a goat,
But I want one - or am I just dippy?

I wasn't sure either about the pronoun change from singular to plural, but I went with it because I liked the last line, and felt it was still obvious that "them" referred to afghan coats rather than "hippy" (although actually I love both!)

So that's two definitions of aghan done, then - anyone for the canine and human ones?
 
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quote:
... but I think it flows a little better as
Most actinoids tend to decay
Through radioactivity.
...
Rhyming decay and radioactivity is a bit of a stretch, but the extra beat on that line really threw me off.

If I change it I'll probably misspell radioactivity as radioactivitay.

We'll workshop the limericks later.
 
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Cat - nice of you to suggest a rhyme about a dog!

afghan

An afghan's a wonderful hound
Silky hair in his coat does abound
With grace, charm, and style
He can prance all the while
A most elegant dog, all around!
 
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accroachment

If you wish to usurp or encroach
Then take heed of this subject I'll broach
So accroachment's your goal?
Drop the civilized role!
You should take an aggressive approach.
 
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affinity

It's a synonym for consanguinity,
It joins masculine with femininity,
And when chemicals bind,
It's the word you will find:
The answer, my dear, is affinity.
 
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affluent

Affluent means, ordinarily,
"Wealthy": but not necessarily.
It's also a stream
That's not worth a centime.
It just flows all day long, tributarily.
 
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Tim, I liked your 'affluent' just fine, but I had to combine these...

affluent/effluent

Affluent, used as a noun,
Means stream, (be careful, don't drown!)
But if it's polluted;
By garbage re-routed,
It's effluent, smelly and brown.
 
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adulterous / adopted / adoptive
(+ addicted / admirable / adjunct / adduced / adult / adored / ad)

An addicted adulterous dad
Adopted an admirable lad.
His adjunct adduced,
"each adult dad seduced
Had adored his adoptive dad ad."

Smile 10 words in one.
 
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additive

Her teacher one night after class
Slipped an additive into her glass.
The spike in her drink
Perhaps leads us to think
That his mind's only track was "harass".
 
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Congratulations Wordcraft members!
With 40 contributing authors we now have 500 limericks (not counting revisions) defining or referencing 488 words.

See an updated dump of the interim limerick database.
 
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AC/DC

Plug in socket's an AC supply
While for DC, then batteries apply.
If your high voltage needs
(For your dirtiest deeds)
are from AC and DC, you're bi.

Note: will the band be remembered when the project is finished?
 
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Aesculus, or horse chestnut tree,
Helps with problems circulatory,
So for varicose veins,
Cramp, swelling and pains,
Take a tincture – and then wait and see!


Not too happy with the meter, but it's a passable first draft.
 
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affectation

If you don't understand "affectation,"
Let me give you a short illustration:
When the guy at the dump,
Acting like Donald Trump,
Calls his junkshop a conglomeration.

AC/DC will always be remembered.
 
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Oh my goodness, I just can't wait to jump in with both feet and get into some heavy-duty workshopping. I mean that in the most positive sense. My impression to quite a few of the last 100 or so limericks has been along the lines of "Yes! That's 95% of the way to great!"

Seanahan (and others) - Wordcrafter has requested we not engage in critiquing here but instead wait until the OEDILF site is up (hopefully next week) but to answer your question, no, your "afterglow" piece was fine as far as acceptability standards are concerned. Were you to explain in graphic detail the activities of the preceding evening, well, that might have been a different story. I'll send you a PM (private message) to clarify.


Also, you all may have noticed a sudden drop-off of the number of limericks coming from yours truly. Rest assured that the well has not run dry. I've got about 15 or so to post but I'm using them to make sure I understand how to use the new site.

A few just to keep my good standings here:


Aesop

(Note: This can be pronounced with the stress on either syllable. The primary pronunciation, which I use here, is with a first-syllable stress.)

Aesop told tales, often funny,
Teaching lessons but still, for my money,
In a race that is fair
'Tween a tortoise and hare,
The best odds are still on the bunny!


afar

"At a distance" is known as "afar"
As in something not near where you are
Like married offspring
Or else it's that thing
That's prevented by Smokey the Bar.

(OK, altogether now: Gro-o-o-o-o-o-an!!)


There's another one I'll post but since it makes for a good thread topic, I'll put it up in the Questions and Answers on Words forum under the heading of "Take the gym sock out of your mouth and say that again, dammit!"
 
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There was great tumult at a recent international conference, in Bankok, over how to deal with the spread of AIDS. Two competing plans were the CNN plan and the ABC plan - neither named for the network. CNN means "Condoms, Needles, Negotiations". And ABC fits right into these limericks.

abstinence; ABC (hic)
Abstinence prevents infection.
Second choice? Make a careful selection
Of a partner and do her
But Be faithful to her.
If you must stray, use Condoms' protection.

[Of course, one could slightly modify the words "do her".]
 
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affranchise

The demands of the slaves did resound:
"Free us from being in chains bound!
Affranchise us, master!
Avoid the disaster
Of seeing your house burnt to the ground!"

One suggestion/request, Chris: could you list the 15 words you've limericized, so as to avoid duplication?

Did I mention that AC/DC rocked?
 
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OK, I've got limericks on afebrile, Afghanistan, aeroponics, affection, aficionado, afflatus, Africa, affordable, affirmative, afraid, aesthete, and affair not counting the two above and affliction which is posted elsewhere.

Plus let me post another one here since I doubt we're going to need that many to test out the new site. (Plus, OK, I want to show it off.)

aflutter

Sometimes when my mind's in the gutter
My heart skips a beat, all aflutter,
As I contemplate sins
With identical twins
Who have told me to bring cocoa butter.


As I've said before though, don't be afraid of duplication. The friendly competition it brings (along as the constructive criticism of the workshopping process) will make for a stronger work overall. Plus, It's obvious that many words have many different senses and even then multiple limericks based on the same sense of the same word are perfectly OK.


All things considered, the final limerick total could easily top three million! Pretty sizable collection, I'd say! (Let's see... We've got 500 in a little over two months... Hmmm...)
 
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AFFLATUS, AFFIRMATION

Afflatus is an affirmation
Of holy, divine inspiration.
Take care with such knowledge
From God's heav'nly college,
Oft delivered within conflagration.
 
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