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By the way, museamuse, the limerick regulator has entered your grade as a solid B--merely because its brown-nosedness. No offense, but it is my job to be perfectly objective.

quote:
Seriously, though, I do detect distinct signs of creeping internet addiction, something I cannot afford due to real world concerns. From here on in, I will try to force myself to stick to a Monday/Wednesday/Friday diet regarding visits to this board. My real work is suffering and, as enjoyable as limericks are (not to mention the verbal fencing that my admitedly presumptuous self-crowning has prompted) I do need to address other matters
CJ, I must admit that I am detecting similar signs in myself! I do empathize. Frown
 
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CJ, truthfully (no joking here) I am confused then. I considered that "agley" was an adverb, but I thought it could be used to describe how something is. Not the case?

As far as the starting a new thread, it was just an idea; I really don't care. I had trouble going back to accurately quote people, that's all. I also think some of the limericks have been missed as we are all furiously posting in this thread. Just a minute ago there were 6 of us online.
 
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Yeah! Don't miss mine!
 
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Picture of C J Strolin
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quote:
Originally posted by museamuse:
There once was a poet from Oregon,
his name a tribute to for-e-gone
founder of a city.
Oh what a pity
the love and the joy are too anon.



Princess or not, grading one's own work (except in the case of the King; the position does have its perks) is considered unseemly.

Hmmm... Let's see. Slightly tortured rhyme and meter and a mildly obscure puzzle at the end, yet not overly so... Interesting and imaginative use of words. a "B" (Just a coincidence your own score was the same, Princess.)
 
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Could it be a case of great royal minds thinking alike?

And I would hate to seem unseeming! Force of habit, I guess, from grading all those assignments
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Kalleh:
By the way, museamuse, the limerick regulator has entered your grade as a solid B--merely because its _brown-nosedness_. No offense, but it is my job to be perfectly objective.


You're just jealous because I made museamuse the first Princess. Your "A" stands, muse, in part because your mild sucking up did not even approach the level of brown nosing which (the Grand Vizier is correct here) would have been cause for downgrade.

And it cannot be emphasized enough, there is no Limerick Regulator. If you insist, you may take on the additional duties of Limerick Critic but these DO NOT include the alteration or assignation of any grades. Additionally, if you insist on continuing these palace intrigues, squabbling with royal personages etc, your Grand Viziership could be jeopardized.

TKHS

P.S. I'll open a new adjective/adverb thread to continue the "agley" discussion and I. for one, will try to keep this in mind the next time branching out a thread in such an unwieldy manner comes up.
 
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To Kalleh:

Neener neener neeeeeeeeeener!

(Howzat for sophistication?)
 
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Now, Now. No Fighting in the Palace!

While taunting's a small misdemeanor,
(She could have said something much meaner)
Muse, o'er Kalleh, did gloat,
Ref her verse, and I quote:
"Neener, neener, nee-eeeener, nee-EEEEner!"

For the sake of the meter, I had to alter slightly muse's actual quote.

In the states, this would translate to "Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyaaah, Nyah! I assume "neener" is Greek for "nyah."
 
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I decided to correct my typo when I wrote "aglay" instead of "agley" and now realise why some have criticised my use of the word. This was because I used it wrongly!

In fact, it was another error that made its use wrong. I meant to write (and thought I'd written) "...uses language that's often agley..."

The omission of the "apostrophe s" made the use of agley wrong. I'm sorry about the confusion and would say in mitigation only that there were so many comments that I spent my time responding to them and didn't re-check my posting. I'll make sure I do so in future!

Richard English
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Morgan:
Good Lord, she wants me to rhyme!
I told her, I haven't the time
To sit at this screen
Words I must glean
I'm glad they left a paradigm!
 
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Kalleh's become regulator
Of CJ the lim'rick dictator.
A- for R.E.,
For muse solid B.
She's spoken! Now, don't flagellate her!

[You're just lucky, muse, that I am an objective regulator or subsequent posts would have brought your "B" down to a "C-", or lower! Mad]

CJ, at the risk of being a brown-nose (somehow, I believe the risk is infinitesimal Big Grin), I really do want to congratulate you, belatedly, on your 500th post! Razz Wink Big Grin Cool
 
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Here, here. Congratulations.
 
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Hear! Hear!!

Congratulations !!
 
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That Kalleh's a little bit peeved
The muse is not at all grieved
She sticks out her tongue
Somewhat like the young
And says, "you've an 'A' to achieve! Razz
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Morgan:
Good Lord, she wants me to rhyme!
I told her, I haven't the time
To sit at this screen
Words I must glean
I'm glad they left a paradigm!


There's a famous couplet that comes into play here:

A woman works from dusk to dawn,
But a King? His work is never done!

Sorry, M. It was an oversight.

First 3 lines, perfect meter; 4th line stumbles just a very little bit, minor points off in the 5th line for the stress falling unnaturally on the word "a", but added points for depth of feeling and for correctly using the word "paradigm" (thereby not agleying the whole thing up). Overall a "B"
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Kalleh:
Kalleh's become regulator
Of CJ the lim'rick dictator.
A- for R.E.,
For muse solid B.
She's spoken! Now, don't flagellate her!



Enough, Already.

Our Kalleh, that mischievous elf,
Claims a title which, in of itself,
Doesn't bother her King,
But explain, please, one thing -
How to judge what you don't write yourself.


OH MY GOD!!

This is what is known as a slam dunk BUT let me quickly add that not a word of it was written with the slightest malicious intent. I do stand by the content, however. I want to see more of your work, K., and less of this incomprehensible (to me, anyway) flogging of R.E.'s feeble entry. You're both capable of much more noteworthy work!

And speaking of flogging, I notice you use the word "flagellate" (in a metephorical sense, anyway) in your piece. I have totally no qualms about whatever fun and games any adult may enjoy in the privacy of his or her home but you might want to try to avoid subjects of this sort in your writing. Try a limerick about bunnies or something.

The structure of your piece (meaning I'm ignoring the text, which is nonsense) is strong, good meter and rhyme scheme, and rates a conditional "B+" - conditional, that is, on you relinquishing any preposterous claim to the non-existant position of "regulator." With just one and a half limericks to your name at this point, I'm sorry, but that's just overreaching a bit.

By the way, "Enough, Already." rates an "A". It's a corker!
 
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quote:
Originally posted by museamuse:
That Kalleh's a little bit peeved
The muse is not at all grieved
She sticks out her tongue
Somewhat like the young
And says, "you've an 'A' to achieve! Razz



And You Too.

There's just too much strife in the palace!
Your words, I assume, without malice
Still leave me quite stressed.
Wait! A pain in my chest!
Quick, somebody! Where's my digitalis!!


OK, OK, it's not quite that bad. But still...

You make me feel like turning into my father - "Do I have to take off my belt??!!" Not that he ever did, and not that I ever would with either of you (Kalleh, hush!) but can we simply agree to tone it down a notch? Gran Viziers and Princesses shouldn't bicker.

Your limerick is a good one, another strong "B" (and a "B+" for mine - the more I read it, the more it tickles me!) and I agree with the fifth line. Whadja say, Kalleh?
 
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I'm thinking, I'm thinking....remember, these limericks don't come easy for the "limerick challenged", though I do like venturing into the medical field for words. That has me quite excited! Big Grin

By the way, CJ, it is Tuesday....what happened to your Monday, Wednesday, Friday routine? Are we just so captivating!

And, muse, I am off to respond to you. If I weren't so miffed, I might even compliment your verses. However...... Razz Mad
 
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quote:
By the way, CJ, it _is_ Tuesday....what happened to your Monday, Wednesday, Friday routine? Are we just _so_ captivating!


By royal decree, today is Wednesday. For me, anyway. And just for this board.

Next Wednesday and Thursday (the real ones) are packed with appointments for me so you will be without my royal patronage till Friday. Museamuse, you're in charge.

(heh, heh, heh)
 
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An old lighthouse keeper's new plan
To downsize his staff if he can
He'll use floating lights
To guide ships in the nights
Let a buoy do the job of a man !

* ** *** ***** ******* ***** *** ** *

BTW I would like to view photos of community members and post one of my own. Can someone tell me how to do that?

Thanks!

~~~ jerry
 
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Jerry, please look at your private topics for a message from me. Just go to "My pop" above and then to "private topics".
 
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<Asa Lovejoy>
posted
At Kalleh's goading I finally peeked in on this thread. I'm no good at limericks, but I'll toss one in just to keep Kalleh happy:

There was a Greek Muse most loquacious
Who searched for a satyr salacious
She searched in a moat,
Found a randy he-goat,
Said she,"Surely, satyr, you'll sate us!"

Asa, departing in haste
 
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Picture of Hic et ubique
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quote:
Originally posted by tinman:
There once was a man from Romania.
Who suffered from cingulomania.
He attempted to spoon
A young lady named June,
And got nothing from her but disdainia.


Tinman, that was fantastic. I'll try to follow your lead here.

I knew of a gent from Eurasia
Who suffered from atyphlobasia,
Which he knew was unwise,
For to shutter ones eyes
Increases one's power of fantasia.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Richard:
It is, though, rather more difficult to make that Limerick appropriate to that person or even to allow it to make a particular learning point.


If our poems take each other as subject,
Is this monarchy or a republic?
I ask such a thing
For, if CJ is king,
A 'king', sir, cannot be a 'subject'.

one-look dictionary: subject: a person who owes allegiance to that nation (Example: "A monarch has a duty to his subjects.")
 
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The princess was given the sceptre
Her senses, she thought, must have left her
For how to surmise
Success or demise
For verses much wiser and defter?

Hic I loved your last one. Tinman, yours too!

[This message was edited by museamuse on Wed Feb 12th, 2003 at 0:10.]
 
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quote:
I have totally no qualms about whatever fun and games any adult may enjoy in the privacy of his or her home but you might want to try to avoid subjects of this sort in your writing. Try a limerick about bunnies or something.



And for CJ, a word of warning:

The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urge-ons
And swarms with erotic effects!
 
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Sadly not mine, but one of the best Limericks I have heard about the Limerick is this:

The Limerick packs jokes anatomical
into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
so seldom are clean -
and the clean ones so seldom are comical.

Richard English
 
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This Limerick as created to help Chinese and Japanese ESL students learning to distinguish certain sounds in English .....

Lord Randall, of Hilo, while hiking,
Heard some lions, and soon took a liking
To the roars they displayed
While they frolicked and played.
Said, "I'll buy some. Their roar's really striking."

But the ones he was able to buy
Made a roar that was raucous and high,
So, according to lore,
The Lord lowered their roar
To a low-pitched, mellifluous sigh.
 
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Oh--so many good ones here! And, Asa, yours was fantastic! Thanks for the peek! Big Grin Jerry, Richard, Tinman, Hic, muse, Bob, LadyBeth, wordnerd and, yes, even CJ-all wonderful! (Wait, where are you, Shufitz!! Mad)

You are all quite a talented bunch.

Now, please humor me a bit (and I take well to rewrites because that's how I learn). This is for my recent rantings to CJ and muse, just in case they have taken offense. I have quite an active imagination (I already have myself living in England with a delightful English accent! Wink), along with a weird sense of humor--so sometimes, I fear, I may be misunderstood.

CJ and muse, Kalleh does proffer
An olive branch. Take the offer!
As Valentine's nears,
Kalleh's in tears.
What? Could Kalleh be softer?
 
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The muse the olive branch takes
And overlooks Kalleh's mistakes
In meter and rhyme
And has a great time
It's all in good fun, heaven sakes!
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Kalleh:
To his bride said the link-side detective,
"Could it be that my eyesight's defective?
Has your east tit the least bit
The best of the west tit?
Or is it a trick of perspective?"



A great mondegreen there. Do allow me to share the story, hon.

Some years ago I read this limerick to my bride (having stumbled across in my reading), and she loved it too. It's become a pet joke between us.

But since she has only heard it, never read it -- and we never until now realized that my speech was sloppy. There was a miscommunication -- a mondegreen. The first line, now edited in her post to its correct form, was not:
To his bride said the link-side detective,
but rather;
To his bride said the lynx-eyed detective. Big Grin
 
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CJ thusly dismissed Richard's use of "agley":
In any event, limericks are not high prose. They are meant to be enjoyed and how can one do this if the writer purposely uses archaic or obscure language, even assuming he or she uses it correctly?

Richard, an author must consider his audience and tailor his writing to the reader's level of sophistication. Had you been writing for me, you of course rest assured that I would fully understand and enjoy your Burns allusion. But if you were submitting your limerick for consideration by CJ, our soi-disant limerick criticaster, you surely should have anticipated that the reference would go entirely over his head. Big Grin

Gotcha, CJ! Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin

(Shufitz now quietly removes his tongue from his cheek.)
 
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Shufitz, your link-side detective reminds me of a report I read during my nearly ten-year career as a communications person in the Police Department.

Among the items taken in a burglary, "a settling torch." ....... "A chain-length fence" was also mentioned in that same report.

Other famous mondegreens ....

"I led the pigeons to the flag ... and to the republic for Richard Sands ..."

and

"Surely good Mrs. Murphy shall follow me all the days of my life ..... "
 
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quote:
Originally posted by C J Strolin:
quote:
Originally posted by tinman:
Here's my attempt:

C J was the name of a man.
Of puns he was clearly a fan.
His bad jokes galore,
Limericks and more,
Belong in the nearest trash can.


CJ "was" the name of a man.
Of puns he "was" clearly a fan.

Do I detect a death wish here? Something along the lines of "The King is dead; Long live the King!"?? And such hostility! And after my glowing "Veritable Font" piece, too!

Possibly you should seek therapy, maybe the kind where people flail against each other with big foam bats. C-

TKHS

C-! On what basis? Because I hurt your feelings? Your only criticisms were of my use of past tense and of what you percieved to be hostility. What about the meter, the structure of the limerick?

O petulant one! O boy who would be king! I thought you had thicker skin than that.

Here's another one that might better suit your taste:


While Richard was drinking his ale,
With his club in the pub in the dale,
The couple on his right
Ordered Bud and Bud Lite.
He grew faint and started to pale.

Tinman
 
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In the UK this term could quite accurately describe a fence 22 feet long.

Richard English
 
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Oops! A chain is 22 yards, (that is, 66 feet), not 22 feet.

This seemingly odd measure is convenient for land-surveying, because a chain is precisely 1/80th of a mile. The factor of 80 is especially convenient in calculations of acreage, because there are 640 acres to a square mile, and the "80" factor divides evenly into 640.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by jerry thomas:
An old lighthouse keeper's new plan
To downsize his staff if he can
He'll use floating lights
To guide ships in the nights
Let a buoy do the job of a man !



A pun! Excellent! "Ships in the nights comes off just a tiny bit awkward but I have no suggestion for improvement. Buoy, oh buoy, an "A-"!
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Asa Lovejoy:
I'm no good at limericks...

There was a Greek Muse most loquacious
Who searched for a satyr salacious
She searched in a moat,
Found a randy he-goat,
Said she,"Surely, satyr, you'll sate us!"

Asa, departing in haste



Depart in haste, hell! Get back here!

You're no good, you say?! Asa, this is first rate! Plus, the fifth line, when spoken, has the advantage of providing the listener with a friendly shower - a definite plus! An "A+"!
 
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I know I'll be downgraded for using obscure Latin but in reply to Jerry's peeve in another thread about my Latin signature line I have changed from "puramentum init, exit purgamentum".
The new sig. is also Latin and here is the Limerick (and translation) to go with it.


What Jerry is trying to say is
That Latin in this modern day is
No use at all,
Disagreeing I call
"Comes, vescere bracis meis !" *


* aproximately "Hey dude, eat my shorts !"

pronounced

ko mess wes ker ay bra kis may iz

in good Latin the stress falls on the wrong syllable of the first word of the last line but I don't think there are any Ancient Romans on the board to pick me up on that one.

Vescere bracis meis.

Read all about my travels around the world here.
 
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quote:
I knew of a gent from Eurasia
Who suffered from atyphlobasia,
Which he knew was unwise,
For to shutter ones eyes
Increases one's power of fantasia.


(Royal Note: While both Tinman's and Hic et Ubique's recent gems do not directly involve specific Wordcrafters, they do make use of words from the Vocabulary forum which I, in my regal wisdom and beneficence, deem to be okey-dokey.)

The fourth line should have been "For to shutter one's eyes" but I'll assume this is a typo since the same word is correct in the last line. If you had been deliberately trying to piss off R.E. I suppose you could have said "For to shutter ones eye's" but you don't seem like the type.

Great meter, interesting rhyme scheme, a solid "A".
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Hic et ubique:
If our poems take each other as subject,
Is this monarchy or a republic?
I ask such a thing
For, if CJ is king,
A _'king'_, sir, cannot be a _'subject'_.


If I may be allowed to put on my critic's beret for the moment (Of course, I'm allowed - I'm King!) I'd say this is a textbook example of a limerick that is great not because it is in of itself a fine work (1st & 5th line rhymes are the same word "subject," the "subject/republic" rhyme is weak, the "King cannot be a subject," while good, is borrowed) but rather because of the fact that it attempts to do something extremely difficult and succeeds, more or less, in carrying it off.

"A king, sir, cannot be a subject" has a perfect meter and is an excellent 5th line (a punchline) for a limerick but just try to work this one backwards and do better than Hic has. "Subject," with the stress on the first syllable, is a killer to rhyme with. Still, to use an aquatic metaphor, to go off the high dive with a nicely done triple back somersault half-pike with a reverse twist* will score more points with the judges than a perfect swan dive will.

Another "A" for the HicMeister.


*(I assume you realize I don't know what I'm talking about regarding diving terminology so no involved explanations are required.)
 
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quote:
Originally posted by museamuse:
The princess was given the sceptre
Her senses, she thought, must have left her
For how to surmise
Success or demise
For verses much wiser and defter?


Hmmm... "left her/defter," good, but "sceptre/left her," ah, not quite. Plus I'm not positive I understand what you're saying, though I sense the chilly undercurrent of royal treachery the likes of which he haven't seen since the Middle Ages. Say it ain't so, muse!

A "C+" and I'm watching you!

For what it's worth, you've inspired the following:


Maybe I Was Hasty in Handing Out that Tiara

While the princess was given the scepter,
Lack of practice is all that has kept her
From usurping the throne,
Though her recent work's shown
That her rhyming is getting adepter.


And, yes everybody, I realize that "adepter" is not, technically, a word. That, in part, is why this one works (for me, anyway). This hasn't anything to do with royal perks involving a free hand with the English language but rather the limerick form itself. Any writer of limericks is a potential Shakespeare when it comes to coining new words to suit his or her needs but just try to pull this with a regular "Moon/June/Baboon" poem and they'll hand your head to you.


The King has spoken.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by museamuse:
And for CJ, a word of warning:

The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urge-ons
And swarms with erotic effects!



Holy Smokes!! When I posted the above, I hadn't noticed that the second half of a limerickal one-two punch was waiting for me and I walked right into it!

Can I assume that unless it is specifically noted to be otherwise that everything posted here is the original work of the poster? My God, but we're a clever bunch!!

"It burgeons with virgins"??!! Granted, I had to look up "burgeons" to make sure my understanding of the definition (to grow and flourish) was correct (it was) but the rhyme was so strong and mellifluous that it carried me right through the awkward (only very slightly) "urge-ons" rhyme which, by the way, rates extra points for creativity.

The lack of periods (full stops) in the first two lines is the only flaw in this piece, but why quibble? An "A+"!

And to be so bold as to introduce it as (and I quote) a warning! Could it be that I misread the manner in which your nefarious plans to ascend the throne would present themselves? The royal noggin swims!


The King is pooped for the time being and will catch up later.


P.S. Just looked up "noggin" to confirm it was a word (not that I'd avoid it if it weren't, of course) and found that, besides being slang for one's head, it's also a unit of measurement equalling one quarter of a pint to which I say "Huh!")
 
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museamuse, which of the nine muses are you?

Your profile says you are Thalia, the muse of comedy, and you certainly show that talent, as well as the talent of Erato, the muse of lyric and love poetry. But Clio and Euterpe are the muses of history and of music respectively, and should you be either of them, this limerick (for which I cannot claim authorship) would fit you in either name or subject.
quote:
A young violinist from Rio
Was seducing a lady named Clio.
As she took down her panties
She said, "No andantes;
I want this allegro con brio!"
 
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On Moderation in Critique and Response

Forgive me a thought introspective:
Since limerick-rating's subjective,
And heavily based
Upon matters of taste,
It shouldn't engender invective. Smile
 
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Inspired by Other Threads

In vocab, our English will flatten
Any language from Rome to Manhattan.
Still B.H. will sing on
The glories of Klingon
While Richard embraces his Latin.


The "sing on/Klingon" rhyme is a bit weak (not much rhymes with Klingon, after all) yet this one includes two Wordcrafters which ought to be worth something. Plus vocabulary-wise, English definitely is tops. A "B-"


Keep the Home Fires Burning

I fear for the soul of Wordcrafter.
Is Heaven his, in the hereafter?
What if linguistic sin
Means you cannot get in?
Well that, of course, would be disafter!


Heh, heh, heh!
Aheh, heh, heh, heh!

My oh my, I do amuse myself sometimes. Sorry gang but this one's a corker! Perfect meter, an invented last word for an ear-tickling final rhyme, plus the irony of the possibility of condemning myself to Hell just for the sake of a limerick. I recite this one aloud and it makes me giggle. What can I say, an "A+"!


I private topicked Wordcrafter to ask his/her gender just for the sake of poetic accuracy but he/she decided to be coy and replied that either way would be fine by him/her. Since Sarah is (presumably) female, I gave Wordcrafter a penis. Or, rather, acknowledged his own. If he has one, that is. (Oh, hell with it; you know what I mean!)

[This message was edited by C J Strolin on Fri Feb 28th, 2003 at 14:01.]
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Kalleh:
CJ and muse, Kalleh does proffer
An olive branch. Take the offer!
As Valentine's nears,
Kalleh's in tears.
What? Could Kalleh be softer?

Olive Branch, Of Course, Accepted

Some limericks have caused a commotion
And Kalleh is fraught with emotion.
But if she's as tearful
As Richard is beerful,
Look out! It's the birth of an ocean!!


As Grand Vizier, I assume you will assure our literal-minded friend R.E. that this piece does not imply that he's a drunkard. Exaggeration as a premise for humor is not an insult.

And no, Kalleh, you ol' softy, you couldn't be too much softer and still retain solid form!
 
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quote:
Originally posted by tinman:
While Richard was drinking his ale,
With his club in the pub in the dale,
The couple on his right
Ordered Bud and Bud Lite.
He grew faint and started to pale.



Nice enough. Good inner rhyme in the second line. Don't know how current the word "dale" is, though. As is, I'd say a "C" but it seems incomplete as if there's more to the story that's not being told. A limerick doesn't have to end with a punchline but a snappy finish of some sort is always welcome. Can we just leave Richard there faint and pale? Allow me to add a rejoinder:


While usually sane and reliable,
R.E. saw the two as black eye-able.
He thrashed them and he
By the court was set free
When the judge ruled his act justifiable.


Oh, and upgrade your previous one to a "C" though I deny its negativity having anything to do with the grading. Structure was fine but rhymes and subject matter were uninspired. There's nothing wrong with a "C" after all.

TKHS
 
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quote:
Originally posted by BobHale:
I know I'll be downgraded for using obscure Latin...
Yes and no. Not all Latin is obcure though "Comes, vescere etc." certainly is, a bit.

What Jerry is trying to say is
That Latin in this modern day is
No use at all,
Disagreeing I call
"Comes, vescere bracis meis !" *

A few points off for obscurity. As a last line, something like "A wig's not just what a toupee is" would have been far more easily read. Of course, the sense of the limerick itself would have suffered but you can't have everything.




A "B+"

I've noticed my grading is more lenient since my granson arrived. Life's like that sometimes...
 
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Is interesting in this thread flagging? (Not for me, of course, but I'd rather write limericks than eat!)

By royal proclamation, this thread is now hereby open to any and all Wordcrafter limericks written on any subject.

My original suggestion to limit texts to each other was meant to encourage participation by it may have played itself out somewhat.
 
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