Wordcraft Home Page    Wordcraft Community Home Page    Forums  Hop To Forum Categories  Potpourri    Out of the Mouths of Babes...
Page 1 2 
Go
New
Find
Notify
Tools
Reply
  
Out of the Mouths of Babes... Login/Join
 
Member
Picture of arnie
posted
A six-year-old boy came home from school one day and proudly announced he had learned how to make babies.

Somewhat shocked, his mother asked for more details. 'Leave off the "y" and add "ies"' he explained.

Anyone have any similar stories?
 
Posts: 10930 | Location: LondonReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of jerry thomas
posted Hide Post
It might have been that same six-year-old boy, arnie. He asked his mother, "Where did I come from?"

She quickly decided that the time had come for answering his question, so she spent the next hour doing that. She describied the biological processes involving anatomy and physiology ....... When she paused to catch her breath, her son said, "Oh. I just wondered. The new kid on the block said he came from Indiana."

~~~ jerry
 
Posts: 6710 | Location: Kehena Beach, Hawaii, U.S.A.Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of BobHale
posted Hide Post
...which happened to me at college last week. It isn't side-splitting but it amused me at the time.

I was walking from class back to the staff room when I saw one of my Somali students from last year talking to her new teacher. As I passed I said
"Hello Ferdusa, how do you like your new class ?"
"I like your class better." she answered.
At this her new teacher said
"What's the matter, don't you like my class ?",
to which Ferdusa replied
"It is very good but I am experienced with Bob."

Glaubt es mir - das Geheimnis, um die größte Fruchtbarkeit und den größten Genuß vom Dasein einzuernten, heisst: gefährlich leben.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Read all about my travels around the world here.
Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.
 
Posts: 7867 | Location: EnglandReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
Wink Oh, Bob, that's great!

In tandem with Arnie and Jerry (Shufitz, don't be mad if I tell a story on you!), when my husband was about 6, he asked his mother how the baby got out the mother's stomach. She said, "Oh, it comes out between the mom's legs." Shufitz's brain cells were whirring as usual. Then he said, "But, what about an octopus?" Roll Eyes Big Grin
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of shufitz
posted Hide Post
Mad I tell it better. Mad It is an example of a young mind thinking in a variety of ways:

Kid: Where do babies come from? (ontology)
Mom: They grow inside the mother's body.
Kid: How do they get out? (topology ["inside" implies a separation from the "outside"])
Mom: Through a hole. Roll Eyes
Kid: Where is the hole? (botany [seeking anatomical specificity])
Mom: Between the mother's legs Red Face

(... pause while kid thinks; you can imagine what must be going through mom's mind. Eek ...)

Kid (linguistic, focused on "between"): What about an octopus???
 
Posts: 2603 | Location: Chicago, IL USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of jerry thomas
posted Hide Post
... octo .... pus ....

<anyone got an eleven-foot pole?>
 
Posts: 6710 | Location: Kehena Beach, Hawaii, U.S.A.Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
quote:
I tell it better

Perhaps I will "post a poll" to see who told it best...no, on the other hand...

I have another story: My daughter's 4 grade class was talking about the Constitution. Her teacher was being really serious about how important it was and how it was the basis for all our laws. Catherine's brain cells started whirring, just as her father's did about the octopus question; then she got a horrified look on her face. "What would happen if it got ripped?" I am sure she imagined total chaos!

[This message was edited by Kalleh on Mon Nov 3rd, 2003 at 21:22.]
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Hic et ubique
posted Hide Post
Getting back to the subject at hand, here is an e-mail received earlier today.

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad and asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse. When he finished, his daughter was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the father asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Mom says that dinner will be ready in just a couple of sex."
 
Posts: 1204Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of WinterBranch
posted Hide Post
My mother was babysitting one of my young cousins several years ago. She got chilly, and asked him to bring her an afghan from the other room.

He came back in after a minute and said, "There isn't one in there."

She said, "Yes, there is, honey, it's on the couch."

He came back from the other room, again. "There isn't one on the couch," he said.

My mom asked him, "Honey, do you know what an 'afghan' is?"

And he replied, "Yeah, they're those dogs with long noses and lots of hair--but there isn't one on the couch in there."
 
Posts: 222 | Location: TexasReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
I love it! Big Grin

I am going to tell one on me. When I was 5 I took a sharp knife and carved my name on my parent's desk. My mother came in, saw it, and angrily said, "Who wrote that on my desk?!" Being a bit worried, I said, "Sarah did!" Sarah was my 3-year old sister who couldn't write!
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Richard English
posted Hide Post
When I was about four my parents were talking about different kinds of cheeses. Of course, in the early 1940s the only cheese we ever had was just boring yellow stuff and that was rationed to just a few ounces per person, per week.

After hearing them talk about the delights of pre-war cheese and using names like "Stilton" and "Double Gloucester" I remembered my lesson that day at school and the new name I had learnt.

"Yes", I said, "And there's Lord Jesus as well". It took some time before there was enough breath in their bodies to resume our gloomy, rationed meal!

Richard English
 
Posts: 8037 | Location: Partridge Green, West Sussex, UKReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of C J Strolin
posted Hide Post
Similarly, I've heard tell of an owner of a cheese shop who had the wit to open up the place under the name "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses."

Sounds apocryphal, yes, but if it isn't true, it ought to be.
 
Posts: 1517 | Location: Illinois, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Hic et ubique
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Richard English:
in the early 1940s the only cheese we ever had was just boring yellow stuff and that was rationed to just a few ounces per person, per week.


What, old friend?! Ye hadn't cheeses?
 
Posts: 1204Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
Speaking of cheeses, what cheese is made backwards? Remember, I am a Wisconsinite (so glad not to be a Tampan!).
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of arnie
posted Hide Post
Edam. Big Grin
 
Posts: 10930 | Location: LondonReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
You got it! Smile
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
By the way, if the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Buccaneers were to merge, would they be called the TAMPAX? Roll Eyes
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of arnie
posted Hide Post
Three-year-old girl: "So, are you not married any more, Grandma, now that Grandad's gone to Heaven?"
Grandma: "That's right. I'm a widow."
Three-year-old girl (shocked): "Well, I don't think you're a weirdo, Grandma!"
 
Posts: 10930 | Location: LondonReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of shufitz
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by C J Strolin:
Similarly, I've heard tell of an owner of a cheese shop who had the wit to open up the place under the name "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses."


What a Friend We Have in Cheeses
or, Sing a Song of Liederkrantz
By William Cole


What a friend we have in cheeses,
For no food more subtly pleases,
Nor plays so vast a gastronomic par;
Cheese imported - not domestic -
For we all get indigestic
From the pasteurizer's Kraft and sodden art.

No poem we shall ever see is
Quite so lovely as a Brie is,
For the queen of cheese is what the call the Brie;
If you pay sufficient money
You will get one nice and runny,
And you'll understand what foods these morsels be!

How we covet all the skills it
Takes in making Chevre or Tilsit,
But if getting basic Pot Cheese is your aim,
Take some simple curds and wheys, a
Bit of rennet - Lo! you've Käese!
(Mich is what, in German, is a cheese's name.)

Good lasagna, its a-gotta
Mozzarella and Ricotta
And a lotta freshly grated Parmesan;
With the latter any pasta
Will be eaten up much faster,
For with Parmesan you'l find a charm is on.

Ask Ignacio Silone
What he thinks of Provalone,
And the very word will set his eyes aflame;
Then go ask the bounteous Gina
Her reaction to Fontina-
If you'll raise your eyes you'll see she feels the same!

A Pont-l'Évèque au point! What ho!
How our juices all will flow!
But don't touch a Pont-l'Évèque beyond that stage,
For what you'll have, you'll surely find
Is just an overfragrant rind-
There's no benefit to this fromage from age.

Claret, dear, not Coca-Cola,
When you're having Gorgonzola-
Be particular to serve the proper wines;
Likewise pick an Beaune, not Coke for
Pointing up a Bleu or Roquefort-
Bless the products of the bovines and the vines!

Ave Gouda! Ave Boursault!
Ave Oka even more so!
Ave Neufchâtel! Saluto Port Salut!
And another thing with cheeses-
Every allied prospect pleases-
Ah timbale! Ah Welsh rabbit! Ah fondue!

And we all know that "Say cheese" is
How a cameraman unfreezes
A subject in a stiff, or shy, or dour way;
There's no other food so useful,
So bring on a whole cabooseful
Of the stuff of life - the cheese of the gourmet!

[This message was edited by shufitz on Tue Jan 20th, 2004 at 21:07.]
 
Posts: 2603 | Location: Chicago, IL USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
reviving a thread...

In today's St. Paul newspaper there was a funny letter to the editor. For those non-Americans here, you must understand that both Kerry and Bush, on all their campaign ads, say, "My name is ...... I am running for president, and I approve of this message." Quite annoying really. So, this lady's second grader was running for president of her class. I can't imagine a second-grader giving a campaign speech, but when she began hers, she said, "My name is Rachel. I am running for president, and I approve of this message." Big Grin
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Caterwauller
posted Hide Post
My son says great things all the time (he's 10)! Last week he was having some oral surgery done in preparation for getting braces. The Surgeon used a laser - it was very quick. As the Dr. was finishing, my son said "Something smells like toast."

The Dr. said "that's you, Son. Nurse, get the butter!"

Ugh

poor kid was embarrassed, but it was kinda cute


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Caterwauller:
poor kid was embarrassed, but it was kinda cute

Imagine how embarrassed he is now that you've told the whole world!

Tinman
 
Posts: 2772 | Location: Shoreline, WA, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Caterwauller
posted Hide Post
[/QUOTE]
Imagine how embarrassed he is now that you've told the whole world!

Tinman[/QUOTE]

Oh heck - ok - nobody tell him, ok???

Sheesh - I'm lousy at this mom gig.


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
Nah. You sound pretty good to me, CW.

However, sometimes when I post about people at work, I wonder whether someday someone from my work will log in and figure it all out! Eek

I remember Richard once saying to consider anything you put on the Web to be on the front page of the paper.
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Caterwauller
posted Hide Post
Yes, Richard is right . . . same with email, in general, although I think sometimes people overestimate the lengths others will go to.

So back to the thread - what other great things are kids saying out there?


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Caterwauller:
... what other great things are kids saying out there?

Well, I don't know how great it is, but ...

A long time ago a friend told me about when he was a little boy in school. He heard a new phrase one day. He didn't know exactly what it meant, but he thought he'd use it. That night he said to his Dad, "I know what you are, Dad. You're a son of a bitch!"

Tinman
 
Posts: 2772 | Location: Shoreline, WA, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Caterwauller
posted Hide Post
Who is that comedian who's said

"My mother never understood the irony of calling me a Son of a Bitch."


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of jerry thomas
posted Hide Post
My mother told me several times during my formative years that I was a trial and an error.
 
Posts: 6710 | Location: Kehena Beach, Hawaii, U.S.A.Reply With QuoteReport This Post
<Asa Lovejoy>
posted
Jerry, you remind me of one of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comics. Calvin and Hobbes are sitting under a tree when Calvin says, "I asked Mom if I were a gifted child.... They said they certainly wouldn't have PAID for me. They both sit in silence, thinking about that statement, then Calvin says, "You can relate this little story when the reporters ask how I went bad."
 
Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of jerry thomas
posted Hide Post
Growing up as a virtuous lad
I never did anything bad
What seemed in confession
Like monstruous transgression
My mistake was in thinking I had.

I assumed, as if anyone cared,
That by doing whatever I dared,
Then to confess I was driven.
I'd soon be forgiven
My mistaken belief that I'd erred.
 
Posts: 6710 | Location: Kehena Beach, Hawaii, U.S.A.Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
one on myself...

My father worked for the Soil Conservation Service, which at the time was very top heavy with Mormons in the upper levels of management. This was due to Ezra Taft Benson being Secretary of Agriculture and also One of the Twelves (a high rank I guess among the LDS). At any rate, these very religious men often dined at our house. They were funny, warm, and gregarious; and they made this little 6 year old feel quite comfortable. But they were also quite proper. I never heard one of them swear, and of course none of the smoked or drank.

So one particular day, I was quite anxious to tell all of them the new joke I had heard at school. About six, including Matt who was a Bishop!! were coming to dinner. I was especially fond of Matt.

When they had all gathered, I breathlessly rushed up to my father, proclaiming, "Daddy, Daddy, they're building a new company right here in Jennings Lodge." They all gathered around to find out why I was so excited. "They're going to dehydrate cats and sell it for instant pussy."

Needless to say, the deafening silence was topped only by the hysterical laughter from one and all. The family never let me forget the story, especially when I became old enough to learn what I had said.
 
Posts: 915 | Location: IowaReply With QuoteReport This Post
<Asa Lovejoy>
posted
Now I know why you're in Iowa, Jo, you were deported! It's safe to come home now, though. Big Grin
 
Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
This won't top jo's story -- nothing could top jo's story Big Grin -- but Bill Bryson tells a cute tale from 1950s Australia.

. . .A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to build a house on the lot. The family had a four-ear-old daughter who naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door. She hung around on the margins and eventually the construction workers adopted her as a kind of mascot. They chatted to her and gave her little jobs to do and at the end of the week presented her with a little pay packet containing a shiny new half crown.
. . .She took this home to her mother, who made all the appropriate cooings of admiration and suggested they take it to the bank the next morning to deposit it in her account. When she went to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her own pay packet.
. . ."I've been building a house this week," she replied proudly.
. . ."Goodness!" said the teller. "And will you be building a house next week, too?"
. . ."I will if we ever get the fucking bricks," answered the little girl.
 
Posts: 1184Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of arnie
posted Hide Post
A four-year-old girl was helping her grandmother to stick stamps on the Christmas cards. She stuck one stamp on the envelope upside-down, and was jokingly warned that the Queen wouldn't like that. "Why? Will her hat fall off?" she asked.

Note: the Queen's head appears on all British stamps.


Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
 
Posts: 10930 | Location: LondonReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Richard English
posted Hide Post
Although the Queen's (or to be more precise the reigning monarch's) head appears on all British stamps, the name of the country appears on none of them - and never has.


Richard English
 
Posts: 8037 | Location: Partridge Green, West Sussex, UKReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Graham Nice
posted Hide Post
Why is that Richard?
Did we perchance invent stamps?
 
Posts: 382 | Location: CambridgeReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Caterwauller:
Who is that comedian who's said

"My mother never understood the irony of calling me a Son of a Bitch."

I made a search for that saying on Google and got 11 hits. One of the sites had some witty sayings on it. I really liked this one
quote:
There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't.

Tinman
 
Posts: 2772 | Location: Shoreline, WA, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
Did we perchance invent stamps? Big Grin Wink

I remember when I was a little girl, my mom lost the diamond from her wedding ring. I was quite upset about it because I was sure that meant that she and my father were no longer married.

Tinman, that was an interesting site. People were posting in at least 2 different languages. I am not sure if there were more.
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Richard English
posted Hide Post
Quote "...Why is that Richard?
Did we perchance invent stamps?..."

Yes. We did indeed. A certain Roland Hill usually takes the credit.


Richard English
 
Posts: 8037 | Location: Partridge Green, West Sussex, UKReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
Yes. We did indeed.

I am not surprised. Roll Eyes

This site and this one , however, do confirm that. The first stamp, the Penny Black, was introduced in 1840.

Unfortunately, the latter site calls Thomas Edison the inventor the the incandescent lamp. Razz

Now, this site has a good word discussion of stamp collection. Apparently "timbromania" was first suggested as a word for this hobby, from the French word "timbre" for stamp. However, a man named George Herpin suggested "philatilie" (anglicized to "philately"), which combines the Greek root "phil" (meaning "loving") and the the Greek word "ateleia" (meaning "tax exemption"). That name stuck. (Now, don't I sound just like jheem? Wink)
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
Now, for the reason I came here in the first place.

There was an excellent cartoon today where the little girl asks her father what he is doing. "A cross word puzzle," he says. She says, "Hey, can I help you? I won't tell Mom!"

I never thought of cross puzzle that way!
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Richard English
posted Hide Post
Quote "...Unfortunately, the latter site calls Thomas Edison the inventor the the incandescent lamp. ..."

Yes. And it got Alexander Graham Bell's nationality wrong as well.


Richard English
 
Posts: 8037 | Location: Partridge Green, West Sussex, UKReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Kalleh
posted Hide Post
Funny, I had always thought Alexander Graham Bell to be American too. Perhaps they meant that his inventions didn't begin until he moved to America? I don't know if he bacame a citizen here or not.
 
Posts: 23311 | Location: Chicago, USAReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of jheem
posted Hide Post
Funny, I had always thought Alexander Graham Bell to be American

Funny, I always thought of AG Bell as the son of the inventor of the phonological transcription system for the deaf called visible speech.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: jheem,
 
Posts: 1218 | Location: CaliforniaReply With QuoteReport This Post
<Asa Lovejoy>
posted
Jheem, have you read Seeing Words by Oliver Sacks? It gives an interesting look at the world of deaf communication.
 
Reply With QuoteReport This Post
<Asa Lovejoy>
posted
When I hear the name, "Bell," I think of the maker of the first airplane to exceed Mach one.
 
Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Caterwauller
posted Hide Post
My son just used the language well. We were talking about the power cords that go into the back of our portable dish washer. We pull them out to plug it in, and push them back in when it's not in use. He suggested (he's got a very active imagination) that perhaps they dissolve when we put them in, and resolve when we pull them back out!

I think that use of resolve is lovely.


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Richard English:
"...Why is that Richard?
Did we perchance invent stamps?..."


Yes. We did indeed. A certain Roland Hill usually takes the credit.


Yes, but it was an American, Silas Lickum, who invented the saliva-activated adhesive on the back. The first British stamps had no adhesive and had to be held to the corner of the envelope with the thumb, which worked fine when only the upper classes used the post as they would just send a servant to accompany the letter throughout its journey. Later, with the rise of the middle class, stamps were attached with a small iron tack called a podipost. Unfortunately these completely obliterated the stamp which is why there are so few of these early stamps left.
 
Posts: 1245 | Location: San FranciscoReply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Caterwauller
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Asa Lovejoy:
_Seeing Words_ by Oliver Sacks? It gives an interesting look at the world of deaf communication.


Asa, can you give me more information about this? Did you mean _Seeing Voices_ by Oliver Sacks?


*******
"Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
~Dalai Lama
 
Posts: 5149 | Location: Columbus, OhioReply With QuoteReport This Post
<Asa Lovejoy>
posted
quote:


Asa, can you give me more information about this? Did you mean _Seeing Voices_ by Oliver Sacks?


Yes. How does one say "duhhh" in ASL? Frown
 
Reply With QuoteReport This Post
  Powered by Social Strata Page 1 2  
 

Wordcraft Home Page    Wordcraft Community Home Page    Forums  Hop To Forum Categories  Potpourri    Out of the Mouths of Babes...

Copyright © 2002-12