When wildflowerchild mentioned the phrase "dumber than dirt", it made me wonder what other metaphors we have for stupidity. "Dumb as a dodo" and "dumber than a box of rocks" came to mind, but are there more colorful phrases? Or even more colourful ones?

""dumber than a box of rocks," quoth wordnerd.
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Which type of rocks? Igneous rodks have a firey nature, and cannot be considered dumb; metamorphic rocks have been transformed in their basic nature, so they're out. That only leaves sedementary rocks, Mother Nature's dandruff, I suppose.

I've always liked the phrase, "Nice cage; too bad the canary's dead."

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sedementary rocks

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The couch potatoes among minerals.

A common expression over here is "as thick as two short planks". Why the planks specifically have to be short I have no idea.

of a dumb blonde: nice staircase, but nothing upstairs
(or, shifting the emphasis: nothing upstairs, but a nice staircase

"The couch potatoes among minerals."
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Yes, arnie, them's me sediments exactly!

I have always heard dumber than a post.

When I was working in pediatrics, my boyfriend at the time was a pediatric resident who would always make jokes about the kids, saying: "He'll be able to sell newspapers on the corner, but he'll never be able to make change". Needless to say, that relationship never worked out!

I found this quote about a legal trial, I think you will agree goes right along with this thread:

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The most impressive thing I found out in relation to the defense attorneys defending the guys who were trying to kill him was: one is as dumb as a box of rocks, and another is as dumb as a box of hammers, and surprisingly enough, rocks are slightly smarter than hammers.

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we need to have coffee!

There are lots of expressions that consist of "a few... short of a...". A common example in England is "a few bricks short of a load".

I agree, wildflowerchild! I am coming to Savannah to a conference in the winter--close to you? (My geography is failing me now!) If so, coffee it is!

One I hear a lot is "He's not the brightest light in the harbor!"

any excuse to go to that place. coffee with bourbon and sugar.

ok: dumber than ants in nutrasweet.∞

What a vivid word-picture, wildflowerchild. (Say that 5 times fast: "word-picture, wildflowerchild". )
These don't measure up to that standard, but:
---He doesn't have his oars in the water.
---His bread ain't baked.

Hey, can I join you ladies in Savannah? Sounds like a fun time!

His elevator doesn't reach the top floor.

absolutely, morgan.

ladies three, we stay up all night a-talkin', storm a brewin' out over the water, a caldroun steamin', somethin' in the coffee maybe.....and all of a sudden, come up thunder and lightnin' like no one ain't seen in a hunnerd yahr and the night sky turn light as day and green as copper......course wouldn't be us havin' nothin' to do with that. right??

word[witch]crafters?

Great, Savannah it is! Coffee with bourbon sounds sensational! I believe my conference is in February, but I will check the dates. Anyone is welcome!

A few sandwiches short of a picnic

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word[witch]crafters?

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Now, now....that wasn't very nice!



He's missing a few marbles.

(Hey anyone notice, other than the "dumb blonde" mentioned above, these are all about men?)

(And while we are on it...anyone know why "dumb blonde jokes are so simple? Answer)

"And while we are on it...anyone know why "dumb blonde jokes are so simple?"
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Ever wonder why so many people assume that all blondes are women? Say, what color is your hair?

Asa, whose hair blew away, leaving more room for the important cranial tissue

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Say, what color is your hair?

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Blonde.

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Ever wonder why so many people assume that all blondes are women?

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A male would be a blond, rather than blonde. It's from the French; the -e indicates feminine.

A male would be a blond, rather than blonde.
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Of course, how could I forget, "Blond, James Blond." Beter than Bland, I suppose.

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metaphors we have for stupidity ... are there more colorful phrases?

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Regionalisms from Texas tend to be particularly graphic and earthy:

--- "You couldn't find your ass if you were using both hands!"
--- "You couldn't pour piss out of a boot if te instructions were printed on the heel!"

Hic et ubique said, ""You couldn't pour piss out of a boot if te instructions were printed on the heel."
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I've heard that 'un from all over the USA, but I've always thought that the REALLY dumb one was the guy who let his boot collect piss in the first place.



REALLY

"Strong as an ox and twice as dumb" or "strong as an ox and almost as smart". I knew a man who used the phrase, "dumb as (or "dumber than") a day-old baby". Of course, he didn't really say "baby". Insert your own pejorative.

Here's a few more:

His elevator doesn't reach the top floor

He checked out of Hotel Brainy years ago

If he was any more stupid he would photosynthesise in sunlight

Thicker than a donkey's dangler

He's got a rip in his marbles bag

She hasn't got both hands on the steering wheel

When you look in his eyes you can see that there is no one driving

Lights on, door open, no one at home

Trying to explain something to him is like trying to give a fish a bath

She's like the Venus de Milo, very pretty but not all there

If she went to a mind reader they wouldn't bother charging.

First a hearty WELCOME to tinman! Great to have you here!

Second, Arnie, I hope I never end up on your list!