Now my life style's chanbged. Ain't it grand?
I'm a lesbian now, understand?
There's no guy in my life,
But I do have a wife.
Should have done this before -- I'm unmanned.

...as was the [i]Mary Celeste[/b]...

(and Lady Macbeth, too, as I recall - see Act iI, Scene 5)

I always thought the Marie Celeste was unassailable.

If you masturbate on a one-wheeler, is that unisex?

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
If you masturbate on a one-wheeler, is that unisex?

Isn't that how you would have referred to the late Sargent Shriver, if he's gotten a divorce?

Recently a woman had an operation to replace her cognomen with that of another, wshich means the second person had to be defaced.

No need to go to such extremes. Just bask in the sun too long and you'll be red in deface.

After his wife died, Prince Ranier was disGraced

Her method of demise was ungraceful.

If someone puts down your dad's sister, you have a distant (dissed aunt)

quote:

After his wife died, Prince Ranier was disGraced

But her casket was graceful.

All of the ash spewed from the Iceland volcano is now being sucked back into the crater as the volcano is disrupting.

Proof PROOF! Yoohoo! Proof, over here!

I still need to know what name you want attached to your limericks in the book!

Back to the DISMAL business of bad "dis" puns (with a little French thrown in for good measure)--

If they shut down the high-energy collider in Switzerland, what will the physicists of the Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire DISCERN ?

Ask Canadian film maker Atom Egoyan what to do! I hear his barber left him distressed

"I'm fuming from my bottom," said Tom aghast.

"My barber left me distressed," said Atom without ado.

I thinik the last two belong in the "Tom Swifties" thread.

As a new member on here, if I do not behave, will I be dismembered?

Yes, but if you behave yourself, we'll remember you.

I joined this forum in July this year. I am filled with dismay that I did not join two months earlier.

We've been dismayed since we fired our female housecleaner.

The New York Mets were disMayed when Willie retired.

PS: Good to see you diving into the loonier parts of this board, Metic! How about contributing a "daffynition" (fanciful, fake definition) to the Bluffing Game?

If you don’t pay your Exorcist… Do you get repossessed?

No, I think you get bedeviled.

If your restaurant is condemned for losing its "A" rating is it B-rated?

I think it's no longer Bess Eaton.

quote:

If your restaurant is condemned for losing its "A" rating is it B-rated?

It means its food can now be beaten.

I was thinking of some more "dis" words...and wondered...is there a "heveled," in "disheveled?" If so, it's not very common!

The hurrican returned to regale us.

Charging an electric cell is revolting.

If you have an assignation, then have another is that a resignation?

Does "assignation" mean one's buttocks catch fire?
Ooops, - no, that's "assignition."

Yes, in much the same way that you disinter a body. The act of so doing is obviously dysentery.

If you break a coffee mug, must you recuperate?

Speaking of which, must you cuperate before you can re-cuperate?

No but if you drop your soup you'll be bowled over.

Also if you drop the soap....

If you try to announce something but the mike is off, when you turn it on, do you renounce what you said?

If you make up a mathematical number set with two zeroes and no unit, is that by definition a BINARY system?

When a kid outgrows his crib, is he a youth misspent?

Is the child in the crib named "Snooky-ookums" or is that just a pen name?

Wouldn't outgrowing it mean he was dispensated?

Just learned that a man had both legs amputated and he feels defeated.

I missed Halloween: I'm mistreated.

If a garbage collector is given an honorific banquet, is he being fetid?

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I left my bank because of its disinterest in my account..

Careful! Venus De Milo has a gun.
No, she's been disarmed.

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Colon surgery can be highly distracting

If you need to have colon surgery again, does that mean you are retractable?

If it's "Standard" time on land, when you're under water does it become substandard?