Please select your favorite limerick.1. <BR>A busker was juggling in Ayr<BR>A stuffed bear, a lit flare and a pear,<BR>But the pear was too soft<BR>And would not stay aloft<BR>And the flare burnt the hair off the bear.<BR><BR>2.<BR>There was a young lady from Ayr<BR>Who said that it just wasn't fair<BR>That men's cocks were round<BR>And they left when they found<BR>Her vagina was shaped like a square.<BR><BR>3.<BR>A lover who lived around Ayr<BR>Asked his girlfriend to shave off her hair,<BR>"To shave mine off my smalls,<BR>You shave yours off your balls -<BR>And then my love we'll be all square".<BR><BR>4.<BR>There was a young horseman from Ayr<BR>Who gambled away his heir-share<BR>Bet his clothes on a nag<BR>("Grand National's in the bag!")<BR>Now he's bare-butt and devil-may-care<BR><BR>5.<BR>A trapper who hailed from Ayr<BR>Was setting a trap for a bear,<BR>When he shrieked, "Holy Crap!"<BR>As the trap just went snap<BR>And snaffled his "pair" in the snare!<BR><BR>6.<BR>There once was a laddie in Ayr,<BR>Who said that he just didn't care<BR>To dress up in clothes,<BR>From his head to his toes.<BR>So he dared that he'd pare down to bare.<BR><BR>7.<BR>There once was a fellow of Ayr<BR>Who ate a whole cow for a dare<BR>With the horns and the hooves<BR>Then said, “All that it proves<BR>Is a Scotsman does not like to share."<BR><BR>8.<BR>There was a young fellow of Ayr<BR>Whose manner and form were most fair<BR>He could choose any dame<BR>Never mind rank or fame<BR>Yet he fancied his ugly au pair<BR><BR>9.<BR>There once was a woman of Ayr<BR>Who had for decorum no care<BR>She would bask in the buff<BR>With men noble or rough<BR>Or their wives if the truth were laid bare<BR><BR>10.<BR>A young poetaster from Ayr<BR>Lamented, "This contest's not fair!<BR>I send in my verses<BR>with jokes or with curses<BR>And still I just haven't a prayer!"<BR><BR>11.<BR>"Oh, balls," said the VP from Ayr,<BR>"That's something I wish I could wear."<BR>Her CEO laughed...<BR>Not thinking her daft,<BR>Just happy that he had a pair.<BR><BR>12.<BR>There once was an old man from Ayr<BR>Who had a dysfunctional pair.<BR>He tried for a swap<BR>At a warranty shop--<BR>Was told, "too much wear and tear."1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.

I hope I didn't make any mistakes - please forgive if I did. There were many and it is late.

Select away!

That is quite an impressive selection.

I'll take Nine. Ja?

And while w're at it - go back fifteen months and see how far ahead of the times we are!

Leicester in the news (both of them)

Wow, what a prime crop to select from! Thanks for the chuckles everyone! I think #7 is a true classic, so it got my vote. But I just as easily could have voted for several others-- & I shamelessly giggled at all 3 of mine!

Very difficult choice, so many good ones, but I eventually plonked for No. 4, primarily because I tried so hard to work the word "heir" into one of mine and couldn't make it work. I was actually trying to get both heir and air into it, and also tried to work Lake Eyre in South Australia into it (where Donald Campbell used to go to set land speed records when I was a kid).

PS: The Wordcraft dictionary didn't think that "plonked" was a word, but I didn't think that was Aussie slang but perhaps it is?

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And while w're at it - go back fifteen months and see how far ahead of the times we are!

Are "we" ahead of the times because we played a limerick game based on Leicester 15 months ago, or are "you" Americans so far ahead of the Poms because "your" Leicester did it 1st. "We" do come from different parts of the world you know. But don't get me started on how many different countries are allowed to compete in your "World Series Baseball".

Who wrote what?

Hi Geoff,

Well normally we don't discuss that until a winner has been declared and at this stage I am assuming that Kalleh is waiting in the hope that an 8th person will cast a vote that breaks the 2-each tie that presently exists, so that Shu doesn't have to make a casting Vote.

Sorry, I have been a bit out of commission because our daughter had a baby - Our first grandchild! So exciting. I have been desperately trying to complete this double dactyl because her name (the baby's) is a double dactyl. Check in Community for that.

In the meantime, it looks like we have a tie with #1 and #7 - Can anyone break the tie? If not, I'll weigh in. Here are the authors:
#1 - Greg
#2 - Proof
#3 - Greg
#4 - Bethree
#5 - Greg
#6 - Kalleh
#7 - Bob
#8 - Geoff
#9 - Geoff
#10 - Hab
#11 - Bethree
#12 - Bethree

7 players, 7 votes so unless someone like Arnie sends through a vote you may have to break the tie with a casting vote, Kalleh.

Really good to see another Proofreader limerick in the game, I have really missed your limericks Proof, they nearly always made me smile.

As one of the people in the tie-break may I suggest that you give it to Greg as I voted for him but he didn't vote for me. (The boys will be round later to have a quiet word, Greg.)

It was between #1 and #7 for me, and #1 won the coin toss. Most made me chortle, but those two made me guffaw.

Well that's very sporting of you Bob. I have had a fairly nomadic existence of late, after my wife of 38 years kicked me out, but I seem to be fairly settled now, and I was thinking if I got the nod, I might use the Melbourne suburb of my new location as the basis of the next game, but a bit reluctant now, because then your "boys" would have a much better chance of tracking me down.

It is really weird how the voting in this game goes - I thought I had written 2 pretty good "blue" limericks (which often win this game) and thought the one about the girlfriend insisting the boyfriend shave his balls first, would garner the vote of every female playing the game, and go close to winning. But neither of them pulled a single vote, and yet the one I chucked in for just a bit of a laugh that was totally clean, pulled 2 votes.

It's all yours, Greg!

quote:

Originally posted by Greg S:

It is really weird how the voting in this game goes - I thought I had written 2 pretty good "blue" limericks (which often win this game) and thought the one about the girlfriend insisting the boyfriend shave his balls first, would garner the vote of every female playing the game, and go close to winning. But neither of them pulled a single vote, and yet the one I chucked in for just a bit of a laugh that was totally clean, pulled 2 votes.

I know that feeling. Quite a few years ago now, I came second in a poetry competition that meant my work was prominently displayed for a month on public transport. I'd entered four poems. Three of them I'd worked hard on, carefully crafted and considered among my best short pieces. The fourth I dashed off in five minutes because the competition rules said I could enter up to four. I think you can guess which was the prize-winner.

Sometimes inspiration beats perspiration.

Obscenity trumps talent. (Sorry to mention "trump" but "obscene"seems to attach to his name.)

I wonder why this is. I feel the same way. Often I will write a limerick that I think will sweep up all the votes, when in reality it gets nada. Yet, other times, I am surprised about winning. Go figure.

For the record, I didn't vote this time so of the 7 votes, at least 1 was a non-limerick writer. Whoever that was, Thank You!

We're waiting, Gregory... The limerick juices are flowing. Heck, I was getting so anxious to write a limerick that I wrote one on Trump in another thread.

Sorry I have been somewhat preoccupied writing, learning by heart, and finally delivery a very important piece of poetry, at an Engagement Party I went to tonight (well I've just come home from it at 3:22 am in the morning).

I met a guy in 1990 who immediately became my best mate. He passed away in 1998, but I was there with him when he got chatted up by a girl in 1993 and they married 6 months later. They had a daughter in 1995, same year my daughter was born, and 3 years later he died "triumphantly" the day after his 40th birthday. Triumphant because people with the lifetime disease he had are not expected to live beyond 20. So it was his daughter, Catherine, who got engaged and her Mum asked me to write a message to her and her husband to be, Oliver, from Catherine's late father, Peter. We met by the way because of our love of rhyming verse. So I wrote a piece in the 1st person as a direct message from him to them and got it framed as my gift to them. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. I can share it with you if you like, it is only 7 4-line verses long? Will post a new game within a day or two.

Not to intrude, but my bluffing game could use some more definitions. I'd like to post it Monday after my bi-weekly tub bath (which I share with two cats and a dog).

bi-weekly...

remind me, is that twice a week or once every two weeks

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bi-weekly...

Very good question? Don't know, seems like it should be once every 2 weeks, but why would we need the word when we've got "fortnightly", so maybe it is twice a week?

I've decided that your heavies, probably don't think it's worth the expense of return trip to Aus, to pay me a visit, so the next game will be where I now live, which is the Melbourne suburb of Murrumbeena

Could you give us a pronunciation hint?

It's in the separate thread I posted.