Here's a highly rhymeable upstate-NY & Penn. place-name: EE-ree. Erie County NY lies at the easternmost reach of Lake Erie and contains Buffalo, NY, which is about 100 miles northeast of the city of Erie, Pa... and of course there's the Erie Canal, which wends its way from Buffalo all the way across the state to Albany. As a girl visiting my grandparents near Rochester I enjoyed watching rivercraft move through the complex machinery of the locks.

Round heah that's Air-ee. That OK by you?

This town is an excellent choice since I recall the General's little-known military campaign during the War of 1812 which took him north through Erie. Due to the total lack of a GPS system and an unaccountable inability to read maps, the General missed his chance to reach his assigned destination, New Orleans, in time to affect that battle.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Proofreadah, though you are a Brainiac
I’d no inkling you were a Mainiac
The New England ay-ah
I he-ah blows fay-ah
Tho wintahs, it can be a Painiac

eh?

Johnny Horton

In 1814 we took a little trip
Along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip.
We took a little bacon and we took a little beans
And we caught the bloody British in the town of New Orleans.

[Chorus:]
We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We fired once more and they began to runnin' on
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.

We looked down the river and we see'd the British come.
And there must have been a hundred of'em beatin' on the drum.
They stepped so high and they made the bugles ring.
We stood by our cotton bales and didn't say a thing.

[Chorus]

Old Hickory said we could take 'em by surprise
If we didn't fire our muskets 'til we looked 'em in the eye
We held our fire 'til we see'd their faces well.
Then we opened up with squirrel guns and really gave 'em ... well

[Chorus]

Yeah, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.**

We fired our cannon 'til the barrel melted down.
So we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round.
We filled his head with cannon balls, and powdered his behind
And when we touched the powder off, the gator lost his mind.

[Chorus]

Yeah, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles
And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go.
They ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

quote:

I’d no inkling you were a Mainiac

In ME, U will nevah C me
Or NH, or MA, or VT,
CT, I’ll pass by
Since I'm just 4 RI
Where U C C-shells sold by the C.

You didn't answer: Is Air-ee permissible?

Took a ride on the Erie Canal
With a shower-shy woman named Sal.
A mile short of the locks
She was down to her socks,
But unscrewed since her odor was mal.

Young Miss Smith, a sous chef from New York,
Is expecting a gift from the stork.
And her family way
Is caused, she will say,
By the juice from one serving of pork.

THE CONTINUING SAGE OF JEB RAWLTAR DURING THE WAR OF 1812

Once upon a midnight dreary
Poor Jeb Rawltar wandered weary
On the road that led to Erie
On a bum so saddle-sore

Rode his horse out west of Boston
Took a right, became a loston,
Learned that horse-back was a most on-
Comfortable way to war.

Was to fight in Loo-siana
As the British top banana
But in Erie knew he canna
Overcome this fatal flaw.

So he sought a lighted tavern
for a beer, he’d like to have’n
Then to find a woman’s cavern
Melding with her mucky maw.

Down in N.O. men were fighting
Shotting, stabbing, kicking, biting
While Jeb in Erie was delighting
At the prize that he had laid.

Heard his buds in red were beaten
Left New Orleans in defeat’n
Railed at Rawltar for deceit’n
That’s the price that Rawltar paid.

So Jeb Rawltar took the blame for
The last battle of the great war
All because he had an ass sore
And he screwed his woman pal

Sad, Jeb Rawltar left for Britain,
Making mew sounds like a kitten,
Knowing he was in the shit’n
Just for riding Erie’s canal.

quote:

You didn't answer: Is Air-ee permissible?

Proof, in absence of any rulebook other than my own, I hairby rule Ai-ree a 2nd-rate pronunciation, as those of us raised in, around, or within even a few hundred miles of the locale speak nasty oh-so-nasal "Inland Northern American English" (shared with Chicago and Detroit). WEE say EE REE.

As always, a close rhyme, when balanced by extra-cool extracurricular features such as often proferred by the elite here at Wordcraft stands as good a chance as another at winning.

CALLING ALL LIMERICKERS

Gosh, I thought my in-box would be stuffed by now! You mean you folks have something else to do this weekend?

Awaiting your private messages with bated breath....

[QUOTE]Originally posted by jerry thomas:
Johnny Horton

In 1814 we took a little trip...

Thanks for the memory, Jerry! Hadn't "heard" that one in years!

Well, so far we've got 3 limericks, 2 from Bob & 1 from Richard...

I don’t know ‘bout this Limerick Game
The response so far’s pretty tame
The folks are ho-hum
Their reaction humdrum
It’s eerie—is Erie to blame?

It seems that the Yanks they are leery
Of writing a rhyme about Erie.
The word does though vary --
Some folks call it Erie
Is this why there's rather a query?

Our eyes are all getting bleary
From looking for rhymes about Erie.
It's not like Poughkeepsie
Which can rhyme with "Go flip, see,"
So we're weary and teary, not cheery.

Concocting a rhyme about Eerie’s
Not easy the way that it varies.
I had to contrive it
And sent Bethree5 it
Along with a few Hail Marys.

I haven't submitted a poem -
I've tried, but I can't seem to flow 'em.
I fully admit
There are words that would fit,
The problem is that I don't know 'em.

Composing the limericks for Erie,
I thought we would find ourselves weary
Because we’re such nerds,
Eschewing all words
Which rhyme easy: of these we are leary

Yet now it's becoming quite cleary
The problem's with bleary old Erie.
It snows or it's cloudy
The people are dowdy
When you think on't you lose all your cheery.

So I guess I will soon call it quits
Tho I've only got five limericks, it's
no fun pulling teeth:
Sat. night I'll bequeath
The next place-name to one that shows wits.

Stanley, Here's what you have to do.

First you find a ridiculous word
Then another that's just as absurd
String another in line
See? You're doing just fine
'Fore you know it, a lim has occurred.

A defendant on trial in Erie
Whose alibi left the judge leery,
Heard: "Your story's absurd;
I do not trust your word.
Be glad you declined trial by jeery."

That defendant subsequently hears
As the day of his trial date nears
In the city of Erie
They can't find a jury
For he's peerless and thus has no peers.

New Zealanders clearly have said
That their nation is known as NZ.
This odd aberration
In pronunciation
Shows where language freedom has led.

I am getting a little bit weary
And feeling a bit au contraire.
Will there soon be a vote
On the limericks we wrote?
Or will banks foreclose limerick game Erie?

Stanley is drunk, but he's trying
To find a rhyme, such as "implying".
The reality is
That he's totally pissed,
So he's sorry he can't be complying.

I need to stop doing that.

It could be that they’re so enthrallin’
That bethree can’t pick, and she’s stallin’
On choosin’ an Erie,
Or else they’re so dreary
That into a stupor she’s fallen.

................***..................

Like cats in the night we were callin’,
Like babes needin’ food we were squallin’.
Oh, bethree, sweet dearie,
Your silence is eerie,
I hope nothing bad has befallen.

As has already been said,
I'm from the isles of NZ.
But what mystifies me
is, how can it be
N-Zee is more commonly read

Well I'm not from the isles of N-Zee
I'm from England, well lucky old me
But it has to be said
That here we'd say N-Zed
It's the US where they fail to agree.

In the States, we pronounce it N-Zee
That's something on which we agree
You can call it N-Zed
But I'll leave it unsaid,
That our English is betterer than thee.

Said a person from Sault Ste Marie
"I'm just glad I'm not from NZ.
For I might say N-Zed
But my face would turn red
And people would criticize me."

Proofreader's looking forlorn
It's obvious now how he's torn
Between NZee and NZed
He feels he's been led
To compare his English to yourn.

PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING LIMERICK UNLESS YOU ARE A DEGENERATE PERVERT!



My wife and I just can’t agree
On a name for my thing (where I pee)
She says, “It’s not a prick;
It’s too small for a dick.
That's a wee wee-wee waving at me.”



Fancy meeting YOU here.

Now I'm not trying here to be leery
But I'll raise, if I may, one small query.
These sexual issues
Of erectile tissues --
What have they to do with Lake Erie?

OK, we've found the first one.

quote:

Originally posted by stella:
It could be that they’re so enthrallin’
That bethree can’t pick, and she’s stallin’
On choosin’ an Erie,
Or else they’re so dreary
That into a stupor she’s fallen.

................***..................

Like cats in the night we were callin’,
Like babes needin’ food we were squallin’.
Oh, bethree, sweet dearie,
Your silence is eerie,
I hope nothing bad has befallen.

Well, Stella, you got it right both ways. First something bad happened-- basically a bad bout of my #1 son's autoimmune disease, unfortunately colliding with Thanksgiving-- he's doing better & all the stress put me in a stupor for sure!! (Feel free if I fall asleep at the switch again, anybody, to PM me. I generally eyeball the daily email.)

Meanwhile you patient Wordcraft Limerickers, like Ole Man River, jes keep rollin out those limericks. Impressive! I especially love Proofreader & Richard's most recent exchange.

Here were the entries PM'd, plus an extra from me (not counted):

ERIE


BOBHALE
I was worn out and weary and bleary
As I entered the outskirts of Erie,
Though not through the pace
Of my race to the place
But my lunch which was rather too beery.

There's a brothel that's downtown in Erie,
Where the women, though willing and cheery,
Took one look at me
And said, "There's a fee,
That's double the normal charge dearie!"


RICHARD ENGLISH
I was working away down in Erie.
I was footloose and feeling most cheery.
My young lady client
I found was "compliant"
So much that I'm feeling quite weary!


JERRY THOMAS
Once upon a midnight Erie
People, feeling sad and weary,
Had some discourse with a craven
Whom they aptly called The Raven.
Tale rejected -- far too dreary.


STELLA
I hear if you’re ever near Erie
The driving is dreadfully dreary
Cos, queerly, great fat
Flying beetles will Splat!
On your windscreen and make it all smeary.

-----------------------

BETHREE5 (Not for Contest)
Upstaters know better, and feary
A winter trek anywhere neary
The county of Erie
Tho we claim when beery
We got there first in ’95* (like Peary)

*The Buffalonian (buffalonian.com/history): 38” of snow fell in 24 hrs Dec 9/10 1995
------------------------------------------

The entries are all clever & most parse & some are even dirty, too! Congratulations to all.

I choose Stella's because of this goofy couplet in the center, ya gotta love it:
Cos, queerly, great fat
Flying beetles will Splat!

Apologies all for spacing out for so long. Will try not to do that again.

Oh bethree, I really hope your son is better. You’re amazing the way you keep up your good humour - it must have been a very stressful time for you all.

Thanks for picking my limerick. I’m proud to have won this round as I think the others were very deserving, particularly on smut factor.

I know it’s getting busy for everyone. Do you all want another competition or leave it till after Christmas?

OK, I know mine were bad, but to totally ignore me? I guess somoething went wrong with my Morse code equipment when I sent mine to Bethree so I'm putting them in here, just so you can see what you missed.

I’m to marry sweet Mary McCrary
From an upstate New York town named Erie.
So for now my worst job
Is consoling poor Bob
And the guys who all know I’m a fairy.

‘Twas a spooky cold night, dark and dreary
In the upstate canal town of Erie.
Ghosts and goblins about
Made the kids laugh and shout
On a Halloween night -- Oh, so scary!

There’s an eerie old aerie in Erie
With a project peculiar by Peary.
It’s a door with no stairs
To catch guests unawares
So they’ll slide out of sight on their reary.

Once a guest at the aerie in Erie
For a rear-downward ride didn’t care. He
Had a shyster re-hash
His court case for cold cash.
Poor Peary paid off the unwary.

So Peary, perturbed, in his aerie
Asked the Feds for a bail out in Erie
They said, “Want a million?”
He satd, “How’s a billion.”
“Take a bunch.” Which made Peary quite cheery.

Oh, Proofreader, a thousand apologies!! I don't know what's going on (& never will as I'm hopelessly low-tech) but for some strange reason neither of your PM's came through on my email. I think this happened once before, but I could have avoided the omission by double-checking the PM files before finishing the poast. I can't believe after over a year on this forum I still can't use the PM feature consistently. Chalk it up to, well, sheer incompetence plus a dash of nincompoopitude. Yes, if I have acquired a rep of any sort in my time at Wordcraft, >sigh<, that pretty much sums it up.

For the record, dear Proof-"Ole Man River"
You're not by a long shot chopped liver
Your limericks keep roll-
in' along as a whole
Epic song in jest you do deliver.

Once upon a midnight dreary
While I pondered, weak and weary,
Trying to compose a rhyme
For a limerick contest (Erie)
I sat in my attic aerie
Making up a rhyming crime.

How’d I know Bethree would cross it
Off her list, in basket toss it
Like a reeking piece of slime.
Did my limericks give her pause? It
May be reference to the closset
Where the guy spent too much time.

Now I’m down to rhyming “moss.” It
Means I end this line with “floss.” It
Also ends this line with “mime.”
Have a catnip toy, cat paws it;
Listening to wife’s nightly snores, it
Makes the end here less than prime.

I don’t blame Bethree but Mista
Bill Gates and his Windows Vista--
Cursed piece of crap I use.
I would take his glasses, twista
Knot so his nose gets a blista --
Elder billionaire abuse.

Bethree, Sent PM this AM. Any sign of it? I may have to change my semaphore system.

Quoth the person from Sault Ste Marie,
"I hope you will listen to me:
Research so far yields
(From W. C. Fields)
Get away, kid. You're bothering me."

Proof, gotcher PM, dja get mine?
Came into my ebox just fine
I'm told it's a virus
Sil Valley won't hirus
For system repair I use twine...

Jerry, either that's over my head
Or without some more caf I'm half-dead
The locks at S S Marie
Outrank the Canal Erie
But wherefore the old comic's 'drop dead'?

If a PM you sent on ro me
It is one I have failed to see
I have no idear
When it may appear
Not BC, BCE, or AD

When judging my output, B3,
There's no secret between you and me.
Don't ask "wherefore" or "whence."
It's utter nonsense.
That's the theme of my Limericks, you see.

A rearie, a beast quite contrary
Escaped from his home on the prairie
And was forced off a cliff.
Said his keeper, named Biff:
"It's a long way to tip a rearie."

I won't take credit for this. I heard something similar a long time ago.