In spite of the smirks the name will surely generate amongst some US contributors, Dorking is a very pretty market town near to where I used to live. http://www.visitdorking.com/

It is famous for, amongst other things, the Dorking fowl http://www.quennell-lake-poultry.com/Dorking.htm, Vaughan Williams and the Leith Hill Music Festival http://www.lhmf.co.uk/ and that it's the location of the largest vineyard in Northern Europe http://www.denbiesvineyard.co.uk/

Credit will be given to those who combine relevance with style. Bonus marks may be allocated for smuttiness - providing it is funny

Well, the first one's in. Keep it up, folks.

And that would be mine. It was a fun word to work with.

Does the first syllable rhyme with cork or with work?

cork

That's good because I've already written mine!

Come on folks. It's a much easier rhyme than Kirkwall - but I've only had three entries so far.

Obviously this one isn't going to work. Three entries only and I will choose the winner this week.

I've sent you one now, sorry for the delay. The last couple of weeks of college are always a bit hectic.

Thanks, Bob. I'll leave it open a it longer, then.

Still very few entries which still surprises me as I don't think the name is all that tricky, even though most of its thymes are not perfect.

If you wanted to look around Dorking
And decided to do it by walking,
You could see Box Hill's heights
Or the festival lights
Or the Halls for the concerts or talking.

It's obviously a matter of accent because, believe me, "talking" and "walking" aren't even close to rhyming with "Dorking" to me.

That's because of the American use of the rhotic R. Trust us. In UK English they are either near-perfect rhymes (for Southerners like Richard) or absolutely perfect rhymes (for Midlanders like me).

Mine is in. And, I think it works for both rhotic and non-rhotics, though I'm not sure how Dorking is pronounced in Dorking.

So, is pronunciation the reason why someone (W.S. Gilbert, perhaps?) was able to rhyme bees, wasp and hornet?

I would think for Americans the nearest would be "Dawking" (rhyming with Professor Steven Hawking). The "r" in Dorking is not pronounced.

And I've now received four entries so, if I get no more, I'll declare a winner tomorow.

I won't be on the chat on Saturday as I'll be at the Ardingly Vintage Vehicle Show, sampling a few of the 80 plus beers, a dozen or so ciders and possibly the one lager (real Budweiser - not the A-B rubbish) that will be on offer.

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It's obviously a matter of accent because, believe me, "talking" and "walking" aren't even close to rhyming with "Dorking" to me.

From my experience, and my own way of "tawking," these are acceptable rhymes in S. New England. Of course, if you go 40 miles up the road to Bahston, it's a different kettle of fish.

But until you pronounced it, I would have made it out as "Dor-king" as in open the door.

I think most will agree that walking and talking are acceptable rhymes.

But how do you over the pond pronounce Dr. Hawking's name? Horking?

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So, is pronunciation the reason why someone (W.S. Gilbert, perhaps?) was able to rhyme bees, wasp and hornet?

That is often used by our British colleagues on OEDILF to get away with non-rhymes.

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The "r" in Dorking is not pronounced.

I am from the midwest, and I do prounounce the "r" in "Dorking," just as I pronounce it in "New York." "Yorking" and "forking" and "Dorking" would all rhyme for me. I suspect, since this was called by a British poster, that I'll not win.

If you used Yorking, Forking and Dorking, and they are all pronounced as rhymes in both the US and the UK, then you don't need to worry.

That's what I am hoping with Dorking, Torqueing, and (a bit weak) Snorkeling.

Dorking, talking, walking, forking, corking, stalking all end with /ɔĸɪŋg/ for us. (Note the ɔ is like the ɔ: on the chart but a bit shorter in duration. Remember the chart is here.)
The initial sounds are the same both sides of the Atlantic.

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But how do you over the pond pronounce Dr. Hawking's name? Horking?

Yes. Hawking (Horking) and Dorking are perfect rhymes.

As I will be loading up shortly for Ardingly, I will; now post the entries I have received, in alphabetical order.

From Bob Hale

The monarch went walking in Dorking
Met the people, shook hands and got talking
They all said, "Who are you?"
"And what is it, you do?"
He replied, "I do nothing. I'm your king."

From Jerry Thomas

At the billiards parlor in Dorking
When not occupied with their porking,
skillful shooters insist
that a twist of the wrist's
A maneuver that could be called torquing

From Kalleh

Remy's brother was known for his horking
Good food with his knifing and forking.
This slob was a rat
Who ate himself fat,
In the city of Paris, not Dorking.


From Valentine

There was a young lad from East Dorking
Whose head lacked a wee bit of torqueing
His favorite activity
(With much creativity)
Was musically farting while snorkeling.

As I said earlier on, I was surprised at the difficulty that people had with Dorking and all of the entrants struggled with rhymes. No entrant made reference to any of the features of the town and I have therefore had to choose a winner on the basis of the adherence of the works to the rules of rhyming and scansion.

Bob's was good until L5 where for me there was a missing unstressed syllable. Changing "I'm" to "I am" would have been better I believe. And I don't think a reigning monarch has ever walked around Dorking (although George the Third(?) when he was Prince Regent, used to stop in Reigate on his way to Brighthelmstone (now Brighton) - but that is surely allowable poetic licence.

Jerry's was also very good and all the A rhymes were excellent. Furthermore, it could be considered accurate in a technical, if not a social sense. But his L3/4 rhyme is poor - which is s shame since, by changing L3 into the singular, "One shooter insists, that a flick of the wrist's" his work would have been technically perfect. Indeed, with that change I'd have chosen his entry as the winner.

Kalleh's rhyming and scansion were both perfect, although I am not sure that the word "forking" is ever used in the sense she uses it. But it is surely a genuine word, much used by Dorking's pig farmers when they are cleaning out the pigsties between bouts of billiards. Although who's Remy?

Valentine's submission was also good until L5 when he threw in the very dubious "snorkeling" rhyme. I'll say nothing about the flatulent antics of his East Dorkinian hero...

So, after much deliberation, in spite of my not knowing who Remy is, I will award today's glittering prize of the right to choose the next destination, to Kalleh!

It does help to whine, doesn't it?

I'll think about it and come up with a venue tomorrow.