1.<BR>The sexy young gal from St. Joe<BR>Whose furrow he wanted to hoe<BR>Told him, "No way,<BR>Unless you can pay."<BR>Alas, he hadn't the dough<BR>*****************************<BR>2.<BR>A firefly up in St. Joe<BR>Put on a spectacular show<BR>He could flash blue and yellow<BR>And red, could this fellow<BR>He put on a very quaint show<BR>*****************************<BR>3.<BR>Two painters who lived in St. Joe<BR>Were masters of rapid work flow<BR>Said the one, "I am tall<BR>But my partner is small<BR>So of course I let Shorty paint low"<BR>*****************************<BR>4,<BR>Young Alice wore such a quaint bow<BR>As she dressed for her trip to St Joe<BR>But her mother looked grave<BR>And said, “If you misbehave<BR>Perhaps we'll decide you mayn't go.”<BR>*******************************<BR>5.<BR>To pass time on a trip to St Joe<BR>I read stories by E Allen Poe<BR>And then - it was groovy:<BR>For contrast, a movie<BR>With Larry and Curly and Moe!<BR>***************************<BR>6.<BR>If you plan to move to St. Joe<BR>For fun (I think you should know),<BR>First, they’ll wipe you clean<BR>Then, they’ll paint you green<BR>You’ll get pickled in cheap vino<BR>*****************************<BR>7.<BR>A paralympian raised in St. Joe<BR>Was thought back in school to be slow<BR>And in more than one way,<BR>But he'll soon have his say<BR>And in Rio he'll prove it ain't so!<BR>********************************<BR>8.<BR>From the pickle there came a faint glow<BR>In the shop where we stopped in Saint Joe<BR>"Though it is quite attractive<BR>Is it it radioactive?"<BR>I asked, but they said it ain't so.<BR>**********************************<BR>9.<BR>The brash young man from St. Joe<BR>Told the young girl from Monroe<BR>Now this ain't a joke<BR>Just give me a poke<BR>She told him just where to go<BR>*****************************<BR>10.<BR>It’s okay if you’d rather not know<BR>The little shy man from St. Joe<BR>Though he uses his pickle <BR>To delight and to tickle<BR>He farts as he moves to and fro<BR>****************************<BR>11.<BR>On the bank of the great old St. Joe<BR>Man the girls there will give a great show<BR>For the cost of a nickel<BR>They will eat a dill pickle<BR>For a buck, who knows how far they’ll go<BR>**********************************<BR>12.<BR>I once knew a girl in St. Joe<BR>Forgot her name: Susie? Or Flo?<BR>Whether Christian or Jewish<BR>For a fee she was screwish<BR>She's retired? Say it ain't so<BR>***************************<BR>13.<BR>The focus for now is Saint Joe<BR>And I see it's a tough road to hoe.<BR>I'll send one tomorrow<BR>(To everyone's sorrow)<BR>Today I can't write any mo’<BR>***************************<BR>14.<BR>From L.A., he moved to St. Joe<BR>“Why’d he do that?” she wanted to know<BR>For a Candied Sweet Midget<BR>He would give up his Gidget<BR>And a digit, that’s how far he would go!<BR>**********************************<BR>15.<BR>Packing pickles Pearl packs in St. Joe<BR>And she's found how to make herself glow.<BR>She inserts several pickles <BR>To ease horny tickles.<BR>Why so many? I'm male; I don't know<BR>***********************************<BR>16.<BR>There's a woman who lives in St. Joe<BR>And a plumber is her latest beau.<BR>Day and night he is plumbing;<BR>His pace is mind-numbing,<BR>So folks in St Joe get to go.<BR>******************************<BR>17.<BR>I'm tellin' ya, boy, ya cain't go<BR>Ain't nuttin' fer you in St Joe<BR>'Cept a whole loada pickle<BR>An' ya jest got a nickel<BR>An' that nickel ya owe to Aint Mo<BR>*****************************<BR>18.<BR>I was relishing my gal from St. Joe--<BR>Tried to put one where it just cain't go.<BR>"I know you love pickles,<BR>But this is ridickles,"<BR>She yelled w/a not-so-faint, "NO!"<BR>*******************************<BR>19.<BR>The best pickles come from St. Joe<BR>I know because Sattva said so<BR>Pickles are yummy<BR>They're good for your tummy<BR>I'd buy some if I had the dough<BR>******************************<BR>20.<BR>For pickles you go to St. Joe<BR>Big diesels? Shout, "Co-lumbus ho!"<BR>Should you need canning jars<BR>Well, get outa your cars<BR>Ball Corp's not in Muncie no mo'<BR>*******************************<BR>21.<BR>On a visit to ugly St. Joe,<BR>It felt like the world below:<BR>It was hotter than Hades;<BR>The women weren't ladies.<BR>(Of that state I'm biased, I know!)<BR>*****************************<BR>22.<BR>LAST MINUTE LIM'RICK<BR>Cross-threading's fun and<BR>St Joe, Indiana's<BR>The root of this verse<BR><BR>Some people can't resist<BR>Pluripotentially<BR>Mixing the formats for<BR>Better or worse.<BR>************************Choose your answer!12345678910111213141516171819202122

This message has been edited. Last edited by: sattva,

LOL Somehow I made two mistakes that I caught before anyone voted. Hope they are all as you wrote them now! I don't know how anyone is going to be able to choose just one.

That is one amazing collection and has to be the record for the number of limericks submitted for one competition.

quote:

And I see it's a tough road to hoe

Oh no, not another one who thinks roads can be hoed.

From my book "Casting Nasturtiums":

A Hard Road to Hoe

It is very clearly a hard row to hoe
If a road’s being broken apart,
And why do they say that they went “whoa to go”
When we know they began at the start?

Although maybe jumping clean out of his skin,
When a racehorse is healthy and fit,
Regardless how hungry that champ is to win
He’s unlikely to “chomp” at the bit!

Some lax people simply repeat what they’ve heard,
So they sometimes don’t say what they mean.
Lackadaisical is, however, a word
In which “lax” shouldn’t be heard or seen.

It’s a hard “road” to hoe to learn English well
When you’re trying to learn it from some,
Whose whole generation was not taught to spell
And thought grammar was their mother’s mum!

sattva, just in case no one told you... you should withhold your vote until all other votes are in because in the event of a tie you get the deciding vote.

A rough task, this choosing! Some were funny but didn't scan, IMO; some were structured well but not so funny, but only one had the double entendre that, IMO, is the hallmark of a really good one.
I picked #9

quote:

Originally posted by Greg S:

quote:

And I see it's a tough road to hoe

Oh no, not another one who thinks roads can be hoed.

A HARD ROAD TO HOE! Or, the White House Turnpike, macadamized by the North Benders.
Road to Hoe/Row to Hoe, from February, 2007.

Only two votes so far. Come on people, I know it's tough with so many to choose from but at the very least everyone who sent one should vote.

sattva got an incredible number of limericks on her first go, now let's see if we can also get a record number of votes!

There were nine of us who entered, and so there should be at least nine votes cast, just saying!
I will give everyone a few days to think about it. So far, we have three votes cast. Remember that even if you didn't enter, you can still cast a vote for your favorite.
kind regards,
sattva

I tried so had to get 2 "...aint ...oe" rhymes to go with St. Joe but couldn't do it, but the author of No. 4 did, so I just gave it my vote.

Still only four votes plus sattva makes five... so where are the other four who entered? And why don't a few of the non-competitors also vote?

A double record - most entries, fewest votes.

Only six votes so far. That's just sad!

Ok who voted for 22? It doesn't count 'cos it ain't a limerick

Here's a thought-- to deal w/so many limericks. We could do a run-off, i.e., a second vote cast, choosing from among the 5 which got votes. Just a suggestion.

Today will be the last day of voting. I will post results tomorrow. Now, how do I close a poll? LOL

I was just thinking about your suggestion bethree5, and as long as one has the most votes, I am not sure if we need to do that. However, if we wanted to have some fun with these limerick contests, we could do several polls where we could choose different winners, one for the worst of the bunch (that way I could win), best constructed, most amusing, etc. That's just a thought, too. I still need to understand what makes a good limerick.

quote:

Originally posted by BobHale:
Ok who voted for 22? It doesn't count 'cos it ain't a limerick

Interesting point.

Consider

"There once was a man from St. Bees
Who was stung on the nose by a wasp.
When asked, "Does it hurt?"
He replied "Yes it does,
But I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet."

Is that allowed or disqualified? Certainly it doesn't have AABBA rhyme scheme. The author considered it an "anti-limerick."

(Care to guess who it was? No less a luminary than

What makes a limerick a limerick? [/Rhetorical question]

[/Devil's Advocacy]

quote:

Originally posted by sattva:
I still need to understand what makes a good limerick.

I think we have several old threads about that, if you look them up.

As for closing the poll you just say poll closed and tell us who the winner is. Nothing actually has to be done.

The Poll is now officially closed with eight votes cast.

Here are the authors and yes, I wrote the really raunchy ones.

1. tinman
2. Geoff
3. Geoff
4. BobHale
5. haberdasher
6. sattva
7. Greg S.
8. BobHale.
9. tinman
10. sattva
11. sattva
12. Geoff
13. haberdasher
14. sattva
15. Proofreader
16. Proofreader
17. BobHale.
18. bethree5
19. tinman
20. Geoff
21. Kalleh
22. haberdasher

The winner with two votes is tinman!!! Congratulations and I look forward to the next limerick game! I promise to be more tame next time Btw, Proofreader received two votes, also, only not for the same limerick!

ps. Thanks everyone, especially Bob, for the help!

quote:

A HARD ROAD TO HOE! Or, the White House Turnpike, macadamized by the North Benders.
Road to Hoe/Row to Hoe, from February, 2007.

Firstly tinman - great to see another limerick contestant, and the winner too well done.

Secondly thanks for the links above. I am happy for something to be a "hard road to travel", but not a "hard road to hoe". Every damned road would be hard to hoe, even the gravel and dirt ones, so the phrase doesn't even distinguish the situation as something out of the ordinary.

Well done on a great first game sattva.

Mea culpa, and I don't know what I was thinking of at the time (I know what I _wasn't_ thinking of at the time) but a dirt road isn't all that hard to hoe...until it's baked rock hard by drought and such. It's not a totally absurd concept.

It's actually "a hard row to hoe" as in planting in hard ground.

quote:

It's not a totally absurd concept

Yes it is! Once you have planted the seeds in the road you just hoed, how bloody long are they going to last - probably won't even germinate.

Police don't want you to sleep in the street.They apparently fal to consider all roads have beds.

Shoot. I was too late for the voting. I was out of town this weekend. This is a great collection - a lot of pickles limericks!

I was wondering what happened to you Kalleh. Hope you had a great time!

tinman, you get to come up with the next limerick place since you won this one!!!

I didn't think my limerick was especially good. It had the meter, but it was kind of flat. I came up with a second verse (a day late) that I think helps:

The brash young man from St. Joe
Told the young girl from Monroe
Now this ain't a joke
Just give me a poke
She told him just where to go

"Now listen, you shit from St. Joe,"
She said as she gave him a blow
With a kick to his dick
And she said "You damn hick,
I think that it's time you should go!"

But, even so, it's not as good as the one I voted for, # 16:

There's a woman who lives in St. Joe
And a plumber is her latest beau.
Day and night he is plumbing;
His pace is mind-numbing,
So folks in St Joe get to go.

The word plumber in line 2 makes you think it's going to be a sex limerick, and lines 3 and 4 reinforce this. Then line 5 destroys this notion. It doesn't make sense for a moment until you realize he was plumbing toilets so "folks in St Joe get to go." I think I would have added the in front of folks to improve the meter. All in all, a good limerick, with a surprise ending.

Give me a couple days to think of a place for the next limerick.

No, not that place, Geoff. A place-name.