November 10, 2003, 20:14
<Asa Lovejoy>My one and only beer post ever
Kalleh will kill me for mentioning beer again, but some of these
ARE fun!
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BEER DRINKER
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"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery
and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,
they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams
come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
When they wake up in the morning,
that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
~ Frank Sinatra
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin,
we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you
that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
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Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin of the TV show Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the
Buffalo Theory
to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this...
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd
as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group
keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
November 11, 2003, 18:32
<Asa Lovejoy>loved the "Cliff" quote though.
----------------------------------------
That and the Irish one are the ones that made sense to me. Dunno bout the rest.
November 11, 2003, 20:58
Kallehquote:
Kalleh will kill me for mentioning beer again,
And, why would that be? After all, if I accurately recall CJ's list about who has posted more about beer, I win that contest. I love beer, especially Fuller's 1845! (And, I disagree with Bob that it is too sweet!)
I especially thought Henry Youngman's comment was funny, though Ben's wasn't bad, either!
November 13, 2003, 12:27
KallehHow could I resist?
In yesterday's "For Better or For Worse" comic, the teacher is asking how many new words can they make by adding to their building block word of "ear." [Sounds like a wordcraft game!
]
The class came up with "shear", "dear", "rear", "clear", and "tear". The teacher said "excellent!" [Give me a break!]
Then, the next-generation Richard blurted out, "beer!" With a look of dismay, the teacher said "'Beer' is NOT an 'ear' word, Richard."
Richard says, "Sounded good to me!"
November 20, 2003, 13:28
KallehAsa, now with all these so-called "beer experts" on this site, how is it you have found the absolute most hilarious beer site of all!
Methinks you, too, are a beer lover at heart...just not admitting it!
November 21, 2003, 07:11
<Asa Lovejoy>Kalleh, the Brits will deny that I like beer, since the one and only beer-like brew that I actually LIKE is a Chinese substance called
Tsingtao. The rest of it is, I strongly suspect, further treated pregnant mare's piss once they've removed the estrogen from it in the birth control pill production process.
November 22, 2003, 19:59
KallehWhile we're waiting for Asa to answer Richard (
), I will comment on your
Tsingtao, Asa. I used to like that beer, too, when I had Chinese food. However, once I began to taste some of the English ales, I realized that the beers I had drunk before were
nothing like the English ales. It really doesn't even seem right to call them all "beers."
I know, you probably think that I am trying to get "extra credit points" from Richard, but I am just telling you my perception. I know that everyone doesn't agree. Morgan and her husband, for example, didn't like the Fuller's 1845 at all.
