sometimes i'm stunned that music artists sell their songs to be played on commercials for a product. you know which ones i mean. most of them.

also, there's a new commercial where a good looking black man walks into his workplace. people are saying to him "something's different. did you get a haircut?" and they go thru everything, new suit, new tie, tooth polishing, no, finally it turns out he finally asked his doctor about viagra. i'm sitting there saying "oh come on. no way. they couldn't be stooping that low". or schtupping that low, asa, yes i know that's next. listen, let's face it, if a black man that size finally got viagra from his doctor, the office folk wouldn't have to be askin' NUTHIN'.

anyway, i have the perfect song for viagra commercials. it's a little tune from REM called "losing my religion":

"that's me in the corner. that's me in the spot light losing my erection. and i don't know if i can do it, wait i've said too much, i didn't say enough....."

so, your assignment mr. phelps, is to come up with songs for other commercials for stupid items.

btw, here is a scatalogical joke i told in my richmond, england office that got me branded as scatalogically preoccupied and generally un-british:

b'rer bear is doing his business in the woods, when b'rer rabbit comes hopping up the trail.

"evenin'" says brer rabbit. "evenin'" says b'rer bear.

before b'rer rabbit can get too far, b'rer bear says

"b'rer rabbit, do sh*t stick to yo fur?"

b'rer rabbit thinks a minute, then says "why yes, b'rer bear, it do".

so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

i thought that was hilarious and i was laughing to myself as i do and they asked me what was wrong.

those stupid semi-alcoholic drinks like smirnoff ice, etc. where they way overemphasize that these guys in their 20's are trying to get laid at bars DUHHHHHHHHHHH.

huge SUVs "for your kids" with TV's for them to watch (so you can run off the road)

hanes underwear

bras

toilet paper

fast food to make you so fat you roll around

etc.

wfc, I haven't the talent for music, but I hope others do -- because this threae could be hilarious!

Mother's Finest, an Atlanta band of yore, did a song called "Doing Mickey's Monkey", in which they sang "g g g get it, get it, get a piece of the rock". if you were familiar with Mother's Finest, you know of course that prudential would never go for it and mf wasn't talking about insurance.ê

"you're a looooooozer, and i ain't got nothin' here for you,...."

or bob seeger's " beautiful loser,...." except he's not beautiful.

"I hear you knockin', but you can't come in..."

actually, adt security systems opted this one.

"Way down yonder on the Chatahoochee, it gets hotter than hoochy-coochy"

thank you Alan Jackson

"I've got a crush on you"

Well, wildflowerchild, I am cheating because this verse is not for a commericial. However, I recently left my job for another, and my fantasy was to sing the following (with Cher's voice, of course!) from "Believe" to my old boss:

What am I supposed to do?
Sit around and wait for you?
Well I can't do that
And there's no turning back
I need time to move on
I need love to feel strong
'Cause I've got time to think it through
And maybe I'm too good for you

sung to a bottle of gin:

"first i was afraid, i was petrified, kept thinkin' i could never live without you by my side..."

"Someone to watch over me"