Our next limerick game features the place where the next president of the United States is from:

Illinois

Now, there are some pronunciation issues with this state, so here is the correct pronunciation:

il-uh-NOI

Please note, il-uh-NOISE will not win.

Send me your limericks, and good luck!

I'll have a couple with you later today

The rhyming possibilities are almost endless (and the vulgarity potential massive. So:

I'd prefer not to simply employ
A rhyme using "boy" and "enjoy"
Or rhyming Chicago
With simple "too far go"
I'll subtler devices deploy!

So hang on until that fine muse
(Who visits when I've had some booze)
Assists the creation
And worthy formation
Of multiple lexical hues.

Knowing that place (Illinois)
Is the home of Shu and Kallois
I'll never be tempted
As the French have preempted
All thoughts of ménage à trois

An example of verse that annoys
Those people from north Illinois
Forgiveness is sought;
An unthinkable thought
When words become play things and toys.

I thought we sent these as PMs. I sent mine as a PM anyway.

You are right, Bob. I've sent my "serious" ones via PM. The limericks I've posted here are just for fun.

~~~~ jerry

Indeed. These are not entries, just commentary.

Well, I don't have yours, Richard. Get going!

As I said in may last (check it out)
I'll write one for you, without doubt!
But I must see the muse
And she'll never choose
To visit 'til beer's been about!

quote:

Originally posted by jerry thomas on Feb 14:

Knowing that place (Illinois)
Is the home of Shu and Kallois
I'll never be tempted
As the French have preempted
All thoughts of ménage à trois...

Jerry Thomas how can you be jovial
(I would be cardiophobial)
Hearts ménage à trois
On Valentine’s Doi?!
If meant to be, they'd be trilobial!

Now, Bethree darlin', turn that into something that you can send me! I only have Bob's, Jerry's, and Richard's submissions at this point. Let's get a move on, people!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kalleh,

There's one, Kalleh. I'll see if I can rustle up some more...

As a stimulus...

When I dated a Dr. Chamoy,
He disparaged my home...Illinois.
His arrogance slayed me,
And finally it made me
Dump this "New Yawker" bad boy!

And...this is all true (except it was Wisconsin that he disparaged, and not Illinois).

So far, I have 1 from Jerry, 2 from Bob, 2 from Bethree, and 3 from Richard. I'd love a few more. Wordmatic? Haberdasher? TrossL? Arnie? Newbies?

ah...uh....boy...goy...joy...oi...poi...workin' on it!

Great! Oh, and I forgot about Shu. Shu, don't be a heel and get going on this limerick!

Tomorrow they get posted...whether Shu submits one or not!

Well, this has been awhile. I am sorry!

Here they are:

Bethree's submissions

When up in Chicago, Illinois
Hoi-polloi and hoity-toi
All go to Polonia
For barszcz czerwony
And kielbasa with cabbage Savoy.

When strangers pronounce “Illinois”
With that S, for sure it annoys!
Hey, noh soh-da-- we take ‘pahp’
With ‘ahr’ Eye-tal-i-an veal ‘chahp’--
But when it comes to French endings, we’re coy…

A Brit mapper in old Illinois
Found he simply had to employ
Anglo-Saxon dipthong
(he knew voiced-‘s’ was wrong)
If you asked’m, he would have said, “Moi?”

Love the French perspectives!

Bob Hale

First up a tale of nautical incompetence

The lookout cried out, "Land Ahoy!"
We dropped anchor and moored at a buoy.
Then the captain said, "Well,
Navigator, please tell -
How the hell did we reach Illinois?"

And secondly, written solely because you said I couldn't pronounce it ill-uh-NOISE

While out for a beer with the boys,
And flushed the the alcohol's joys
I said, "This is great!
Is it sold out of state?"
They said "No! This is just Illinois'!"

Love the possessive of Illinois!

Richard English

A nympho. from north Illinois
Employed a new boyfriend, a toy.
She said, "He's called Bob --
He's a battery job,
And ready at once to enjoy!"

If you're seeking fine beer to enjoy
When you find yourself in Illinois,
Then visit Chicago
And you'll not have to far go
To sample Goose Island (Oh joy!).

In Chicago, in north Illinois
I think it's a reasonable ploy
To drink some "Two Brothers"
With Kalleh and others
In Mac's (that's the bar, not McCoy).

Whoooo...that first one makes me blush.

Jerry Thomas

Here's a Limerick about Illinois
Guaranteed to bring you much joy
Milwaukee is near
And it's famous for beer
And many fish, including koi.

Love the "koi" reference! Did you know that goldfish are carp? That means they are also koi, I guess.

Wordmatic

If you're happy in flat Illinois,
You're as sane as a Dane on a buoy,
'Cause although you might sink,
You dismiss dread and think
It's the cold, bracing wind you enjoy!

I love the reference to the windy city!

This was hard, and I am not good at choosing winners because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. They are all good. However, my favorite was Bob's second, using the possessive of Illinois. It made me chuckle because I had made such a point about the pronunciation. I hadn't even thought of the possessive.

And as for Shu, well, I am not speaking to him! (Kidding, of course. )

quote:

I hadn't even thought of the possessive.

Nor had I because, in truth, I would have thought that would be the possessive of two or more places or people called "Illinoi". In UK English the possessive of Illinois should be "Illinois's" - although I agree that this is a truly ugly construction.

Having said which, there is precedent for that kind of construction in proper names such as "Jesus'" and "Moses'" - so maybe Illinois' is correct. I don't know what the general rule is for words ending in an unsounded "s" - or even if there is one, such words being rare.

I am aware, too, that it is common in US English (but not UK English) to form possessives of words ending in "s" just as Bob has done here with Illinois.

quote:

In UK English the possessive of Illinois should be "Illinois's" - although I agree that this is a truly ugly construction.

It's more a matter is style, in fact. Both methods have their proponents on each side of the Atlantic, although the majorities use them as Richard describes.

Although perhaps looking ugly in print, "Illinois's" would still be pronounced "Illinoize" so is, IMNSHO as a clinger to the "apostrophe s" method, perfectly OK.