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AFFERENT

The afferent nerves are essential
For sending info referential
Of what has been seen,
Heard or smelled, dull or keen.
Straight off to the nerve system, central.

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AFOOT

Said Holmes, "Sir, the game is afoot!
With the facts, we'll go straight to the root
Of the matter at hand.
We'll catch the brigand
When we find where the gun he has put."
 
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Would you believe this one is for ahem?

Aald Aaron the aardvark was achin'
For Aaliyah his wife to awaken.
He aahem'd as she baasked,
Then aartfully aasked,
Why aaren't we earth pigs makin' bacon?"
 
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Why not go whole (earth) hog and say, Virge,
"Why aaren't we aarth pigs..."?
 
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CJ suggested:

>>To usurp royal power's to poach
A king's throne and his crown and his coach,
His riches and wine,
Things not rightfully mine,
The term for which, natch, is "accroach."

If you like it, call it a "heavy edit." There's not enough new stuff there of mine to consider co-authorship status.>>

Works for me! Thanks muchly.

CJ again: >>Ref "acock," ribald is fine but smutty is not and this piece (the first one) clearly makes the grade. For the sake of trimming an extra syllable, I might go with "fix on his goal" rather than "focus on his goal">>

Indeed; that scans much better. Make it so.

>>What did you decide about your NASA abubble piece? (see above)>>

I like your suggested edits, to wit:

The telescope NASA calls Hubble
Investigates stars and their rubble.
The photos it sends
Proves the universe ends
Which renders that crew (or "those folks") all abubble.

It's my understanding that we're not meant to be workshopping here, per se, so I hope this response-post isn't out of line; I didn't want you to think I was ignoring your comments. (I'm always happy to get feedback on my limericks via e-mail and to workshop them that way, incidentally. This is my idea of a good time. :-)
 
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Anvils and hammers we know,
Blacksmiths’ tools from an age long ago.
But the about-sledge (so large!)
Is quite fearsome, I’d charge.
(Like a sledgehammer? Aye, but more so!)
 
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Acidic

Acidic - sharp-tasting or sour;
Of an acid possessing the power
To corrode many metals
And damage flower petals
Making acid a gentle rain shower.


Richard English
 
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A Bomb

An A Bomb's a weapon atomic
Whose use cannot be economic
Since mad heads of state
Might recriminate
With results that would be far from comic.


Richard English
 
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Absorb

Absorb means to soak or to take up
Like a biscuit or bread in a cup
That will soak up the drink
Just as quick as a wink -
Which means that you don't have to sup.


Richard English
 
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Accentuate

To accentuate means simply to stress
A word where you want to express
Its greater import
Or its status - in short
Any time when that word must impress.


Richard English
 
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quote:
Why not go whole (earth) hog and say, Virge,
"Why aaren't we aarth pigs..."?

Aabsolutely, Tim. I've aalso changed awaken to aawaken. Smile
 
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affront

An ill-mannered suitor called Hunt
In courtship was overly blunt.
He asked: "Wanna shack up?"
But that got her back up:
She took his plea as an affront.

affreightment

An addled-brained lad from Key Largo
Desired to transport some cargo.
He arranged an affreightment,
But made a misstatement,
The result of which was an embargo.

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adventure

Your adventure may not be earth-shaking,
An exciting or bold undertaking,
But it has to display
Either risk or risqué
Or your movie just won't be worth making.

aforesaid

When you're mooting on matters of crime
(Unlike here, where we're waffling in rhyme)
If you can't use "aforesaid"
Then you're forced to have more said
As you frame the full name every time.
 
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aflaunt

There was a fair flautist named Anna
Took to lying aflaunt on the pyanna.
Though her flute skills were flawed
Anna's fans all adored
How she flaut in a flirtatious manner.

[comment: flaut really should be in the dictionary. Wink ]
 
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If my neologistic perversion above is too irritating then try this alternate last line:
"How she flaunted her flirtatious manner."


absonant

To be absonant is to be jarring,
Refined sensibility-scarring,
Discordant, contrary,
And if that makes you wary
You don't want to hear my guitaring.

Maybe I've focused too much on clashing of sounds and not enough on disagreement of ideas. *shrugs*
 
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Active

A person who's said to be active
Is different from one who's inactive
This latter will shirk
Any effort or work
An attitude most unattractive.


Richard English
 
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Accurate

To be accurate means to be right
With your statements or things that you cite
Any other approach
Deserves swift reproach
Since carelessness isn't polite.


Richard English
 
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Achy

If your arms or your shoulders feel achy
And your legs and your hands are all shaky
Then this dull achy pain
You'll just have to contain
All infections will make you feel flaky.


Richard English
 
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Accountable

A person or firm that's accountable
Will agree that all things are surmountable
When righting their error
Albeit that there're
Good reasons why they're not discountable.

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affix

A signature, stamps and "P.S."
And some murderous threats, I would guess,
Might all enter the mix
Of things I would affix
To a letter sent under duress.

Richard: shouldn't it be "there're" (assuming such a contraction even exists) in the 4th line? Rhymes better, and I'm not sure what "they" would refer to.

"Yes. It was just a typo..."

Right-o Smile -- and congratulations on entering your 20th century of posts!

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afresh

The omelette chef (q.v. ab ovo)
Lost his job, and departed to Provo,
Where a new situation
In food preservation
Let him start life afresh, or de novo.

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Quote "...Richard: shouldn't it be "there're..."

Yes. It was just a typo that I spotted as soon as I looked again.


Richard English
 
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after, affection

Ever after they hoped to live cheerfully,
But their honeymoon ended quite fearfully.
From the moment they wed,
She lost every last shred
Of affection for him, and fled tearfully.

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Ad Lib:

The Director was terribly miffed
At the actor who'd lost his last script.
"Just say something glib!
Hurry up and ad lib!"
Or your career will soon be adrift.

I don't think the last line fits wells in this one. But I'm having trouble fixing it.
 
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ablute

"Ablute" is back-formed from "ablution"
i.e. personal dirt dissolution.
Since our aardvark polluted
Holes where he abluted
'Twas more like dirt redistribution.

[note: that's Aaron the Aardvark again, folks Wink]
 
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aboil

If it's bubbling and rough it's aboil
Like a meeting where tempers uncoil
'Twixt the duchess and queen
(In that croquet game scene).
When it comes to a head watch it roil.
 
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admiral

If you've wanted your trains filled with gravy,
be commander in chief of the navy.
As the admiral, we
don't expect you'll see sea
and risk sharing a locker with Davy.

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adjectival (emphasis: ad-jec-TI-val)

"Adjectival" brands words that will do
as an adjective (and it's one too:
An infrequently heard
Autological word...
But surely that's something you knew).

[note: Autological was coined by Kurt Grelling in framing the Grelling-Nelson paradox. A word is called autological if it applies to itself.]
 
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These things are definitely piling up so let me post what I have before I lose them (my filing system as home is, on its best days, chaotic) and I'll just write more to test the new system when that time comes.

Oh, and one thing - I was informed that long posts do not gum up the works as I had previously thought. It turns out that just the opposite is true. Since every post has an invisible heading, several short posts take up more space which will make it more difficult for some people to bring up a thread than they would if those short posts had all been compiled into one long one.


affectionate

An affectionate dog is a blessing.
They're never downbeat or depressing.
Their love is sincere
As they're licking your ear.
If you have one, you're lucky, I'm guessing.


affective

"Affective" is one of those notions
Concerned with arousing emotions
Which tend to create
An hysterical state
Where tears are produced in great oceans.


Africanized Honeybee

The toughest damn insect you'll see
Is the Africanized Honeybee.
In numbers excessive
They're fiercely aggressive.
If you see some, become absentee!


affiant (pronounced "a-FIE-ent")

Goliath (the Biblical giant)
On his size and great strength was reliant.
But David (the Short)
Hauled his ass into court
With his Mom as primary affiant.

(Author's note: OK, yes, this is one of my worst. It doesn't define the word [the maker of an affidavit], it's not particularly funny, and it strays significantly from the historical record. The rhymes and meter work, though, so that should be worth something.)


A-frame

An A-frame, it's easy to say,
Is a house in the shape of an A.
A couple of them
Might be known as an M-
Frame. Maybe I'll own one someday.


afterpains

"It's frightening what childbirth can do to us
"But afterpains? They're nothing new to us"
Many women decry.
"They are brought about by
"Contractions from deep in the uterus."


affliction

Like a fight scene from really bad fiction,
This guy kicked my ass with conviction.
While his fists were like stone,
We were far from alone -
A public display of affliction!

(Author's note: The play on words in the last line occurred to me as I was thumbing through the dictionary and I had this piece written before realizing that we already had an "affliction" piece. Plus it was one of mine from only a week or so ago! I'm writing these things but I'm certainly not memorizing all of them.)


aficionado

There's an eatery called "El Dorado"
Located in Vail, Colorado,
With guacamole and more
Similar dishes made for
The avacado aficionado.

(Just as a sidenote, this one originally started out "There's a restaurant called..." but this didn't work well since that word is so often pronounced with two syllables when, in this case, I needed three.)


afflatus (pronounced "ah-FLAY-tus")

"Afflatus" is linked to creation
That comes from divine inspiration.
Though it looks it, it's true,
It has nothing to do
With a "gas from the back" situation.

(Author's note: I'm mildly ashamed to admit that when I first encountered this word, I didn't look it up but instead assumed that it was related somehow to "flatulence." I can't remember what it was I was reading but I'm sure it couldn't have made much sense!)


Africa

It's a massive free wildlife fantasia.
The variety of beasts will amaze ya!
It's Africa. Oh,
And as continents go,
The only one bigger is Asia.


affordable

The Truth in Prostitution Committee
Wrote a guidebook both helpful and witty.
A gal labeled "neat"
Is both skilled and elite,
While "affordable" means not all that pretty.

(Yes, I'll catch some grief from this one but I'm stickin' by it!)


affirmative

He thought he was sharp and efficient,
But in good sense was sadly deficient.
He'd always concur,
"That's Affirmative, Sir!"
When a "yes" would be more than sufficient.


afraid

A life in a foreign stockade,
And cyanide-laced lemonade,
And ghosts and bee stings
Are just some of the things
Of which I am deathly afraid.


aesthete

Though he may seem insufferably snooty,
An aesthete feels clearly his duty
Is art to create
And each day cultivate
A high sensitivitiy to beauty.


affair

To keep your wife satisfied, Mister,
Insist that no man could resister her.
Say she's smart and good-looking,
Praise her clothes and her cooking
And don't have an affair with her sister!

(Damn good advice.)


afebrile

"Afebrile" means "having no fever,"
In a human or golden retriever.
If a nurse comes to say
That your temp is OK
And you're fine, Hell, you oughta believe her!


Afghanistan

Afghanistan's totally sodden
With the blood of the poor and downtrodden.
To survive there is hard
In the specious back yard
Of the terrorist Osama Ben Laden.

(No, not funny at all. It wasn't intended to be.)


aeroponics

Aeroponics, some farmers assert,
Is a way to grow crops without dirt.
For a meal grown this way
There's a high price to pay,
Plus another 12 bucks for dessert!


affection

The object of a young man's affection
Can have looks that are far from perfection.
His love hides her flaws
And she's perfect because
He's got heart (not to mention an erection).


advanced

All the women in town he romanced
With the exquisite way that he danced.
"The dance floor," he said,
"Is the first step to bed!"
In both places his skills were advanced.


adulation

I don't ask for much compensation,
No oversized renumeration,
For the limericks I sire.
I just want to inspire
Unending widespread adulation!


afterlife

The afterlife, I know full well,
Waits for all good and bad personnel.
My eternal endeavor?
I'll write limericks forever!
(But will that be Heaven or Hell??)


aelurophile / aelurophobe
(pronounced "ee-LOOR-a-file" and "ee-LOOR-a-fobe")

An aelurophile's fond of the touch
Of tomcats and kittens and such.
Their whiskers, their fur,
Their feline allure.
But aelurophobes? Well, not so much.


adlittoral

Adlittoral means nothing more
Than the water that's nearest the shore.
When kids are there playing,
Well, all that I'm saying
Is their safety you cannot ignore!


aeolistic

Aeolistic's like when someone's talking
And talking and talking and talking
And talking and talking
And talking and talking
And talking and talking and talking!

(It's defined as "long-winded." This one's a bit of a gimmick, yes, but I think that's OK every once in a while.)


acouasm (pronounced "ah-KOO-uh-zem")

Acouasm, I've heard it said,
Is a ringing sound deep in one's head.
Tinitus, it's called
And it can't be forestalled.
Just learn to accept it instead.


Phew! I'll try not to let these things pile up in the future.
 
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achieve; admittedly (hic)
The project that CJ's conceivin'
In one he does truly belief in.
He'll pursue it commitedly
And achieve it. [Admittedly,
His feeling for meter's uneven. Wink]

This next isn't really definitional, but it was fun to put an old joke into limerick form.

ahead (hic)
The chief of the Navaho nation
Gave his toilet electrification!
Why such a desire?
He'd heard you should "wire
A-head for the best reservation."
 
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acalycine

A flower is acalycine,
If no calyx, or sepals are seen.
Surrounding the petals,
Like wee little kettles,
If present, they're usually green.

acronyx

If you grew up studying Phonics,
You'll have no trouble saying "acronyx".
It's an ingrown toenail
That will hurt without fail,
And you'll not likely cure it with tonics.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Hic et ubique:
The project that CJ's conceivin'
In one he does truly belief in.


I would suggest "Is one he does truly believe in" for that second line except for the fact that we're not workshopping here.

And, regarding meter, while no one's perfect I look forward to your tutelage on the new website, keeping in mind of course that even the best teachers are always open to the possibility of learning from their students.
 
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affray

"Yo mama's a ho" said Jose.
Joe responded: "For that you will pay."
Soon brothers and cousins
And friends by the dozens
Engaged in a rampant affray.

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The word "age" has many meanings.

When "your age" parents tell you to act
They're just craving conformance, in fact.
They rank you with peers
Based on counting your years,
Regardless of how you react.

We think of our lifetimes in stages
Often badging these stages as ages.
There's the age of consent,
Middle age, then descent
Into paying those ages' back-wages.

An age is a period historical
Like "the Age of [some dude oratorical]."
But, for any one year
What's important's not clear
So it's hard to be that categorical.

A chunk of geological time,
When some life-forms left clues in the slime
All of similar types
Found in strata or stripes --
That's an age served in slices of lime.

My dear, as we age we replace
Many things that we used to embrace.
So I'm planning from now
(You intolerant cow)
To grow old disgracefully, Grace.

I find it somewhat reassuring
That a wine can become more alluring
As it ages. I'd say
I'm improving each day,
But I can't rightly say I'm maturing.

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afflux

An afflux of blood to the head
Filled olden-day doctors with dread.
What we'd call a tumor
They'd call too much humor
And solemnly order it bled.

agglutination

Two or three words, when combined
In a single word may be defined
As an agglutination:
Like "Serbo-Croation"
Or "after-the-fact" or "mankind".

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accomplishment

It's a difficult exploit to follow.
Anastasia decided to swallow
A zeppelin for fun,
But when she was done
Her accomplishment made her feel hollow.
 
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accelerant

"That's terrible!" groaned the headmaster,
"A second grand arson disaster."
As he watched classes crumbling
I heard the man mumbling,
"An accelerant should make it spread faster."
 
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Abbreviate, abbreviation

If you feel that you have to abbr.
Make sure that you don't ever d.
From the linguistic rules
That they teach at good schools
Or the problems you'll never all.

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aglet

Aglets, though often unsung,
Win compliments from every tongue.
They hold laces together
In foul or fair weather,
And shoes, consequently, stay strung.

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accidental

Tooth enamel is known for endurance
But if you want further assurance
That your smile will engage
Well into old age,
You could take out acci-dental insurance.


affright

"To affright" means to terrify greatly,
A task made more difficult lately
By horror films stark,
No more "BOO!" in the dark,
Which once might have scared us innately.


adversarial

There once was a woman named Ariel
Who was hired for skills secretarial.
But her boss was a jerk
So her dealings at work
Very quickly became adversarial.


Aberdeen Angus

If you like your hamburger just so,
There's a black, hornless cow you should know.
It's the Aberdeen Angus,
Some cattle they brang us
From Scotland a long time ago.

(Author's note: Yes, I said "brang us"! How many workable rhymes for "Aberdeen Angus" can you come up with?)


able

To be able just means you can do it.
Don't think about failing - Go to it!
If you think that you can,
You can beat any man.
(It's surprising how few will see through it!)


abstemious

Inspired by (and dedicated to) jo

With "abstemious," it's vital to see
That moderation is clearly the key
In eating and drinking.
(And despite my past thinking,
It's pronounced with a very long E.)


abroach

"Abroach" is a word well worth knowing
If off to a party you're going.
When done to a cask
That's all you can ask
Since it means that the wine will be flowing.


absolutism

Absolutism's a political theory
Of which patriots tend to be leery.
It says nothing's greater
Than a hard-nosed dictator
In a world that is dark and austere-y.

(I expect I'll have to fight for this one when it reaches the workshopping stage...)


acarology

Acarology deals with some knowledge
You might not be inclined to acknowledge.
It's the study of ticks -
Great for picking up chicks!
("You majored in WHAT back in college??!!")

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Abyssinian cat

It's short-haired and clearly not fat
And from Near Eastern stock was begat.
Its reddish brown coat
Has black markings, you note.
What you've got's an Abyssinian cat.


acatalectic

"Acatalectic" means a pattern's complete,
Like a line with just so many feet.
In a poem, I should stress,
Nothing more, nothing less,
Is my goal except for those times when I've spent the entire previous night reading Ogden Nash causing me to explain to shocked on-lookers the next day, "It's not a run-on sentence - it's an homage!" to which they respond, "Oh my, yes, well isn't that sweet!"

(Author's note: It is an homage. Plus, by illustrating the opposite, it fits the word to a T.)


Bella Abzug

Ms Abzug (whose first name was Bella)
A New Yorker no one could call yella,
Showed all women indeed
That each one could succeed
Without first having been born as a fella.

(Another one we'll workshop, I'm sure.)


academician (pronounced "AK-a-da-MISH-un")

I'm reluctant to make this admission
But it's true, I'm no academician.
Though who needs degrees
To write limericks like these?
I've got chutzpah and brains and ambition!

(And it takes chutzpah to do a commercial for yourself! Plus, while I'm on my soapbox, without those last three qualities, a wall full of framed degrees is nothing more than home decoration.)


acaudate

Though I'd say I'm a suitable male,
A relationship drought I bewail.
There's no women for me.
I'm acaudate,you see.
(It's a word meaning "having no tail.")


accept

"Accept" has many meanings to support.
When you "accept a new theory," in short,
It means "to believe"
Or "officially receive"
Like "accepting the mayor's report."


accessory

The "accessory" that rarely I've missed
Is the watch that I wear 'round my wrist.
But if by this, I'm
Meaning "partner in crime,"
I'm sure that my Mom would be pissed!


acceleration

Acceleration means moving much faster
As when pushed by a stringent schoolmaster
And you're suitably bright,
But on a dark, rainy night
On the highway, it could lead to disaster.

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AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

Ad astra per aspera, boys!
As you play with your really loud toys.
Yes, that is a rocket
You've got in your pocket.
So light it! It makes lots of noise.

ADMEASUREMENT

Admeasurement just means to measure,
Or apportion things out at your leisure
The number, dimension,
Or shares in contention,
For folks who find counting a pleasure.
 
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Acrania

If you suffer from acrania,
You don't have a type of mania.
It does affect your head,
But physically instead.
"No skull bones" I say to ya.
 
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quote:
If you like your hamburger just so,
There's a black, hornless cow you should know.
It's the Aberdeen Angus,
Some cattle they brang us
From Scotland a long time ago.

(Author's note: Yes, I said "brang us"! How many workable rhymes for "Aberdeen Angus" can you come up with?)
One danger that could overhang us
Is the fear that a boss might harangue us.
May we stretch things a bit
To make a rhyme fit,
As you did to rhyme "Aberdeen Angus"?
 
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It's not hard to rhyme Aberdeen Angus
(See, I'll bite the bait like a merlangus)
Since I'm whiting for nerds
And I monkey with words
When I'm gibbon ones like symphalangus.
 
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agiotage (pronunciation from Encarta here)
For changing the cash of one nation
To another's, the bank's compensation
Is called "agiotage"; stress
It like "adjective". (Yes,
It can also mean "stock speculation".)

agelast (three syllables)
There's a word which I'll give hereinafterer
For a person resistent to laughter.
With an agelast, son,
No joke, quip, gag, or pun
Will produce the reaction you're after.


C'mon, Tim, let's do some hard ones!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Hic et ubique,
 
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agamous

The eunuch surrendered his tongue
And sexual organs when young.
He's an agamous twit
More precisely, an it:
Substantially less than well hung.
 
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agouti

Sandra was spoiled, no doubt.
When given a hamster she'd pout:
"I want an agouti!"
This terribly snooty
Girl I could well live without.

agrestic

The farmer once harbored majestic
Ambitions beyond his agrestic
Existence, so rural:
Perhaps paint a mural
Or formulate rhymes anapestic.
 
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afreet

When someone lies dead at your feet,
His spirit is called an afreet.
You'd better believe he'll
Do all sorts of evil.
Revenge, in his view, will be sweet.
 
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ACCOLADES

There once was a fellow named Lance
Who rode in the great Tour de France
He earned accolades
For his bike escapades
When he won by the seat of his pants.
 
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