DISPENSE Knock the former governor of Indiana who's now T. Rump's sidekick.

Too American for me.

Don't blame you one bit. It's too Unamerican for me. The current Vice President is Michael Pence, the former governor of Indiana.

dispensation: the feeling you get when making fun of the VP.

DISMOUNTED - stole his horse

DISFROCK - point out a dress (in Brooklyn)

DISORIENTED - travelled West

disgorge: fill the Grand Canyon.

microwave: a midget's "Hello" gesture.

bigotry: a California redwood

BEGOTTEN - the fetch-ee

quote:

BEGOTTEN

Yeah, but A got twenty!

Which reminds me of my favourite New Zealand joke (we make New Zealand jokes in Oz like Americans make Mexican jokes).

An Aussie sees some graffiti on the wall in the Gents loo at Auckland Airport that says "Australia sucks". Offended by it, the Aussie pulls out a permanent marker from his briefcase and underneath it, he writes "New Zealand five!"

quote:

An Aussie sees some graffiti on the wall in the Gents loo at Auckland Airport that says "Australia sucks". Offended by it, the Aussie pulls out a permanent marker from his briefcase and underneath it, he writes "New Zealand five!"

?

It is no longer politically correct to do Mexican jokes, according to my Wetback Humor Guodebook.

Dijon ve: When you believe you've had that mustard before.

DISTANCE - taking two positions at the same time

DIURNAL Cremated remains in two pots

DISTRICT
- 1. Simultaneous residencies in two different political divisions
- 2. twice as demanding

DETERGENT - to discourage unwanted advances from one who hitherto you had thought was a well-behaved male

DYSTROPHY When they take away your award.

DYSPEPSIA When all they have is Coca-Cola

DILIGENT - two male lawyers doing their needed background work

DISCUS Condemning profanity following a bad throw.

DIRECTOR - this parish has two Spiritual Leaders

DISLODGE Henry Cabot's detractor
or, thrown out of The Elks.

AMUSE: without any inspiration whatsoever

(How's that for a paradox!)

And the related - AMUSING: thoughtless

No more pair of docs-ical than AMORAL CF the opera by Gian Carlo Menotti, "Amoral and The Night Visitors," and numerous current limericks.

account: forgot the numbers.

Dispensation What happened in Indiana when its governor became Vice President.

Dismiss to marry

Disorient to move West

Dispense impeach VP

Disperse to pickpocket

Dissipate remove that wig!

DISEASE - worry

DISCUSS - wash your mouth out with soap!

DISJOINT - ditch the marijuana

DISTANT - my mother's sister lives far away in Paris

DISSUADE - Don't you tell ANYONE what the scale said!

It seems to me we're repeating ourselves. Time for another game! Perhaps an "un" or a "re" game?

BTW, DISSUADE, to me, is knocking fuzzy leather.

quote:

...DISSUADE, to me, is knocking fuzzy leather.

What, you've never heard of an English word having more than one meaning?

Oh, you mean DAT suede, not DIS suede? My error! Such a weighty mistake.

Yes, Geoff, we could go to de:

detract: immobilize a tank
debate: take the worm off the hook
deposit: make negative

DEUS We're not ourselves

DERIDE Get off your horse

DELICATE Tell Cate the truth

debunk: toss out of bed
decision: close a cut
decrepit: shovel the outhouse

DEBATE What you use to catch de fish with.

deliberate - incarcerate
deter - exhume
define - remove the financial penalty
defense - remove barriers
depart - bring back together
denude - clothe
demean - sanctify
detest/degrade - void results
defer - polish

Debonaire French chef's knife
Decoupage Raising free-range hens
Dedicate transgender surgery

quote:

Decoupage Raising free-range hens

Banishment from Groupon.

DEAL - to impeach a former Vice-President

DEBONAIRE - to afflict with Malaria

DEDUCT - Donald was fired by Disney Studios

DEER - to remove hesitation-syllables from your speech

DEFLATE - presbycusis (age-related hearing loss)

DERELICT - removed all items of historical import

quote:

Originally posted by bethree5:
Debonaire French chef's knife

Tres, tres drôle!!!

DESCANT Make plentiful
DEFIBRILATOR Lie detector
DEPENDANT What the thief stole in The Pink Panther

decipher: toss out Cheerios
Denise: my sister's daughter
depart: make whole

quote:

Denise: my sister's daughter

Not any more, it's DEnise remember?

Aha! It's other both at the same time! Does that make it some kind of oxymoron?

DENY - Far
DENIAL - River in Africa

quote:

DENIAL - River in Africa

Re-route the river
descent: take the skunk away
deliver: not an operation to look forward to (especially at the hands of Jeremiah Johnson).
debunk: toss out of bedto

DECANT Enable or ditch the attitude
DEODORANT Give your mother's sister a bath
DEMI Forget the third note

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:

descent: take the skunk away

This reminds me of a recent incident: I was repairing my decrepit lawn mower in the lean-to section of our old barn. I began to smell skunk, so stopped to see why. I looked to my left and found a skunk just an arm's length away, patiently waiting for me to remove my left foot from the entrance to its den. I am very glad we have courteous skunks around here!

quote:

DEODORANT Give your mother's sister a bath

This one reminds me of all the things I hate about American English pronunciation - I just don't get them??

AUNT - My mother's sister is not an insect (ANT), she should be my AWNT by the spelling, but in Australia and probably England (where the language oddly enough actually comes from) she is our ARNT

ALUMINIUM - Why do Americans think the 2nd "I" is silent - IT ISN'T

NUCLEAR - How the F... do Americans turn this into NUCULAR - it defies comprehension

OFF OF - You don't jump, or break OFF OF something, you simply jump or break OFF it. How did this even creep into American English and eventually become accepted as the norm, it makes zero sense grammatically??

There are many more but they're the 4 that really make my blood boil. Please excuse my rant, but I really would love to know how these came to be accepted as not only the norm, but accepted as "CORRECT"??

And while I'm here:

deify - remove doubt
decry - soothe
determination - resurrection (cf. deter - exhume)

quote:

OFF OF - You don't jump, or break OFF OF something, you simply jump or break OFF it. How did this even creep into American English and eventually become accepted as the norm, it makes zero sense grammatically??

Ditto.
What about "Where are you at?" Isn't "Where are you?" sufficient?

Before my cataract surgery, I was blind without my glasses. Everything more than arm's length was a blur. I went outside to move the garbage cans to the sidewak. It had snowed and the driveway was the only cleared avenue to the street.
For some reason I left my glasses inside, so when I saw the neighbor's black cat it was as a blur coming toward me. I bent to give it a pat and saw the white strip when I was two feet away from touching a skunk. I froze and the critter ambled by just inches from my leg and disappeared down the road.