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Picture of BobHale
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A thread for anyone who wishes to comment about work in the anniversary anthology.


"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
 
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Picture of jerry thomas
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I'm not sure that ths is the proper place to put this "critique," so I will put it here and hope no one objects.

* * ** *** ***** ******** ***** *** ** * *


Bob, although I have not yet read all of your travelogs and other writings, I hope you agree that "The House On The Rock" should be ranked as your masterpiece.

Your superior artistry is manifested in alliteration and surprising twists of words.

More POWER to you.

~~~~~ jerry
 
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As promised in today's chat, I've read your story The Minah Baglady and offer this critique. First off, I like this little slice of life squibs. The voice of the piece was just perfect for the content. I like the mock serious tone introduced by the use of binomial nomenclature, and how you brought it down a peg, later in the story, by using coitus interruptus in a similar fashion. Also, the touch of obliquely referring to the humidity by the use of Ziploc (tm) bags to keep things from sticking together or getting soggy. This distracts you from the mamma minah bird, but just for a moment, then she's back. We've all been a bit like her sometimes with our various obsessions. You have a sharp eye, and this was a pleasure to read.

[Corrected the misspelling and a typo.]

This message has been edited. Last edited by: zmježd,


Ceci n'est pas un seing.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by zmježd:
As promised in today's chat, I've read your story The Minah Baglady and offer this critique. First off, I like this little slice of life squibs. The voice of the piece was just perfect for the content. I like the mock serious tone introduced by the use of binomial nomenclature, and how you brought it down a peg, later in the story, by using coitus interruptus in a similar fashion. Also, the touch of obliquely referring to the humidity by the use of Ziploc (tm) bags to keep things from sticking together or getting soggy. This detracts you from the mamma minah bird, but just for a moment, then she's nack. We've all been a bit like her sometimes with our various obsessions. You have a sharp eye, and this was a pleasure to read.


I suspect you meant "distracts".


"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
 
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Zmj, you seem to have a real talent for reviewing poems, stories, books and the like. I especially noticed this when I read your comments about Bob's House on the Rock poems. Have you ever been a book reviewer?
 
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Have you ever been a book reviewer?

Thank you for your kind words. While I've never written book reviews—outside of school—I used to write movie reviews for radio.


Ceci n'est pas un seing.
 
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quote:
Originally posted by zmježd:
...You have a sharp eye, and this was a pleasure to read.

Jerry, ditto, & just wanted to add: your touch is light and deft. You wrap the piece up in a sort of spiral, bringing the reader's viewpoint gradually down from mynah to ziploc to dog companion to lovemaking doves who signify spring-- back the way we came. Just like a poem. I love it.
 
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Dear RE,
"LEXICOGRAPHICALLY"! The gauntlet has been thrown down. Your verse scans perfectly as usual, and turns one's mind to double-dactyls and limericks, wordcrafters' delights.

And as for non-rhyming couplets, first ya gotta wanna. As your "obev" submission readily admits by inference [i.e. by your use of rhythmic repetition], 'modern' verse is an illusion in a sense. Though a departure from conventional rhyme and metre, poetry is still song, and succeeds, as does jazz, as variations on a chord structure. If it hasn't got end-rhyme, it gets across by means of internal rhyme, slant rhyme, and other such devices. If the rhythm can't be found in repeating line rhythms, it may be that sort of poetry which is our modern-day version of declamatory speech-- usually the beat reflects a changing metre which is indicated by the shape of the line. If it hasn't any rhythm at all, it may have a brief half-life, but it's not likely to be remembered.
 
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Dear zmj,

Though I love the light verse, I admit to fascination with the rich and gory sonnet! One doesn't get to hear new work of that type very often. Details, please: (1)does visum proculae mean vision of distance? distant vision? (2)I happened to get a ghit on this phrase, an opera called Sub Pontio Pilato-- a phrase I recognize from the Credo of the Latin mass (because I sing, not because I remember that far back!) Was that by any chance the opera in question? If so, I suspect Visum Proculae here means Vision of Procula (Pilate's wife), but I can't quite put that context together with the sonnet's reference to a boy. Elucidate, please!
 
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Yes, bethree5, Visum Proculæ means Procula's vision. There is no historical record of what Pontius Pilate's wife was named, but it is preserved in some apocryphal gospels and legends: variously Procla or Procula. (In fact, in some Christian churches, Pilate, Procla, and their children are martyrs and saints!) The sonnet is based on a single verse in the New Testament: Matthew xxvii:19 "When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him." The young boy is either Jesus (who is usually represented as being 33 at the time though) or some other young victim or Roman rule in Judæa. While most of the libretto for Sub Pontio Pilato is in free verse, I wrote an Elizabethan sonnet (a) because it was fun to write something with that particular constraint, and (b) to show that I can write verse that rhymes and follows a strict meter. The opera has had two performances: one in Wels, Austria, and the other in San Francisco, California. The composer, Erling Wold (the son of a Lutheran pastor) and I had always been fascinated by Pilate and his inclusion in the Credo, and that's why we wrote the opera. I am currently working on another one with him, but the subject this time is a contemporary and secular one.


Ceci n'est pas un seing.
 
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Jerry-- ERGONOMICS

I first heard of ergonomic engineering when I worked in the utility power industry in the 1970's and 1980's. It was all the rage after the partial meltdown at TMI, as the human error causing that accident was attributed primarily to 'blind spots' in the control room.

Your piece is as true today as when you wrote it (said she, trying to shake circulation back into her right arm). In fact, the only change I've noticed is that Carpel Tunnel Syndrome is as common as toast-- whole physical therapy parlors devoted to hands/ wrists/ forearms now. When I mentioned my latest kink to my internist at my physical last week, he shrugged 'a compressed nerve' and suggested the orthopedist. (Gee, at least somebody's making a profit, if not writers!)

I love your writing style, Jerry. It's playful, and again that light, deft touch-- you make your point with humor, without rancor, and in a manner which causes the reader to become involved in gathering the evidence for your argument.
 
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Thank you, bethree5

It's comments like yours that will help me to become what I have always wanted to be ..... a kid !! ... er ... i mean ... a Writer.

Cool ..... Cool ..... Cool
 
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