For what it's worth here are the five I failed to ink with in the WPSI - they are also posted at the OEDILF

Coxless

We're two men alone in a boat
And we sing as we row, we're afloat,
With our coxless vibrato
(Though we're not castrato)
Just a couple of oarsmen of note.

Clippie
(I suspect this may be far too British)

One night when the weather was nippy,
I caught the bus back from the chippie,
Ate my chips from the paper,
But, oh what a caper,
My cod piece I shared with the clippie.

Cleaner

As I'd strolled through mum's palace I'd seen a
Gal with a stunning demeanour.
"I love you!" I'd sighed
And this vision replied,
"Cor blimey! I'm only the cleaner."

Class

I am erudite, they are just crass.
They don't reach my standards, alas.
Though it's English I teach,
I find I want to screech,
"These kids, they just ain't got no class."

Corpus Delicti

When a judge is about to convict, he
Must be firm, must be fair, must be strict. He
Must consider the facts
Of which criminal acts
Put the corpse in the corpus delicti.

an honourable mention with:

“If I said that I hadn’t a clue,
“Then Watson, just what would you do?”
“Well Holmes, I confess,
“I would probably guess!.”
“Which is why, Watson, I am not you.”

I failed with these others - some of which I thought were far superior:

Codswallop’s a kind of a drink
But a foul one, most beer drinkers think.
It was Codd’s famous stopper
That kept the fizz proper
In the drink (that you’d pour down the sink).

The natural gas, CO2
Is formed when a beer’s in the brew.
But industrial gas
Will never, alas,
Make a beer that keen drinkers pursue.

When Cockneys say “cobblers” to you,
It’s nothing to do with a shoe.
Since “cobbler’s awls”
Is their slang for “b*lls”
An insult, as you might construe.

In England we call him a cock
He’s the male chicken, head of the flock.
That’s a word Yanks aren’t used’ter,
So they call him a rooster --
I’ve used worse words around 5 O’clock!

My old long-case clock tells the time
With its hands and the sound of its chime.
Though at night, I confess,
I like its sound less –
I just wish it could chime out in mime.

While cuddling Evangeline Belvoir*
She said that she “Hoped I’d not leave her”.
“After what we’ve begun
Surely I’d never run”
I smirked, thinking how I’d deceive her!

*A UK English surname, pronounced “Beaver”.

And my non-winners:

A saying that's wrong – with no "maybes"
Is "like taking candy from babies."
They clutch it like leeches
With cries, screams and screeches,
And conniptions like mad dogs with rabies!

An eager young lady named Nancy
Gets her thrills in a place that you can't see.
This sensitive bit,
Which is nicknamed the "clit,"
Is the body part all women fancy!

The tube through which feces go rollin',
Is technically known as the colon.
It can run like a cheetah
When you eat a fajita,
Or drag like this project with Strolin!

Oh...and here are the winners. Some are really good, some mediocre, but others? What was she thinking?!!!

I thought that Chris Doyle's limerick on carbon monoxide was simply stunning. Far better than my attempt on its sister gas, carbon dioxide.

But I am a sucker for eccentric pronunciation tricks, as you all know.

Ahh - you are all so gifted!

I must say, though, that the one that actually made me chuckle aloud is Kalleh's poem about the clit. Quite good, my friend!

quote:

the one that actually made me chuckle aloud is Kalleh's poem about the clit.

Maybe, but was it really suitable for publication in what is presumably a family newspaper? I imagine that even if the Empress loved it, she wouldn't have been able to publish it.

My own immediate reaction to Kalleh's exhibition surprised me .... i was SHOCKED.

But second thoughts reminded me that constant change is all we can really count on, and standards of what's acceptable are progressing.

"Everything's up to date in Kansas City .... they've gone about as far as they can go ..."

I did write a limerick about the organ in question, but didn't submit it to the Empress. It can be found in OEDILF readily enough, for those who find the definition (or the organ itself) sufficiently interesting.

quote:

I must say, though, that the one that actually made me chuckle aloud is Kalleh's poem about the clit. Quite good, my friend!

Thank you, CW. The person in the limerick seemed so appropriate!

One thing I have learned after posting on this board is that there isn't a lot of difference between the British and American cultures, but one area of difference seems to be what people consider to be "inappropriate" or too sexual or too "dirty" or whatever. I am surprised that Jerry felt that way, but not that either Richard or Arnie did. I don't consider it too sexual (certainly not "dirty"); I, like CW, chuckled and had fun with it. If you review all of the Empress's limericks, you will see that there are others in the same vain. Mine wasn't much different than some of those she printed.

Relevant to this discussion was a Wordcraft chat we once had. There were only 4 of us on the chat: Shu and I and Bob and Arnie. I remembered some fun well-known limericks that I find awfully funny, and I asked Shu to post them. It was early on, and I hadn't known about this cultural aspect. Well, needless to say, there was a dead silence on the chat for sometime. I learned my lesson.

I find it sweet and a bit refreshing, to be honest.

My reservations about the more saucy limericks were simply that I believe that the WP would be too prudish to publish them. I have formed the impression the the US media, in general, is more constrained in such matters.

For example, yesterday there was a news item in "The Metro" (a London free newspaper) which dealt with Justin Timberlake's present appeal against the £270,000 fine issued by the Federal Communications Authority for "outraging public decency" by allowing Janet Jackson's breast to become exposed on TV. We were again treated to a picture of said breast, although I understand that it has not yet been aired (if this is the right word) in US nespapers. Most observers here are amazed that, three years on, this very minor matter is still attracting so much attention. Completely bare breasts, let alone those whose promontories are cunningly concealed by silver stars, attract no comment whatsoever here when they appear in appropriate media.

quote:

My reservations about the more saucy limericks were simply that I believe that the WP would be too prudish to publish them.

That's what I said, too.

saucy limericks

One of the distinctive features of limericks for me, besides their strict form, is an obligatory lewdness quotient (LQ in my ad hoc notation).

The limerick packs jokes anatomical
In space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
Are so seldom clean --
And the clean ones are so seldom comical.

And I just wish I'd written that.

I completely agree with you, Zmj. I noted that the Empress accepted a very good one, with lots of inuendos, on "cox." I thought it had a higher LQ than mine, that's for sure. I doubt she will say it was too sexual, but we shall see. I have sent her an email asking the question. I will let you know her response, if she replies.

Now...too off-color for OEDILF? OH YES! Now there is where you will find the prudes. I remember a particular limerick that someone wanted behind the curtain because it had the word "Hell" in it. I haven't submitted this one yet, but when (and if) I do, it will be cordoned off so no one has to look if he/she doesn't want to.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kalleh,

Well, you were all right, and I was wrong. She just got back to me and said she'd never print that word. I am surprised, especially because of some of the others, such as the "cox" limerick. It seems a little shallow to me to base your censureship on words and not meaning of the limericks...especially when this is a medically accepted word (and not something like cock). Oh well. The media continues to surprise me.

National newspapers have to err on the side of caution. If a significant number of prudish readers object to a term, then they can make things very tricky for the publication.

In the UK we have a thing called "The Press Complaints Council" and anyone can submit a complaint about a newspaper item. If the complaint is upheld there are a number of sanctions that can be exercised against the paper. I would imagine the USA will have a similar body.

quote:

If you review all of the Empress's limericks, you will see that there are others in the same vain. Mine wasn't much different than some of those she printed.

There are two differences I see, Kalleh. First, your own limerick refers to female pleasure. I think it's still not acceptable to admit that it is so powerful. Despite the revolution, we ladies are to remain . . . well . . . ladies (at least in public)

Second, those other limericks that she did publish were more . . . I don't know . . . indirect?

I think you are right on both counts, CW.

On the positive side, she sent me another email later saying that she thought the limerick quite funny.

While I think off-color limericks are fun, I think it is essential for a limerick to be funny. A zinger in the last line is especially pleasing to me. I didn't think the WPSI limericks this year were as funny or clever as they've been in other years.

quote:

Despite the revolution, we ladies are to remain . . . well . . . ladies (at least in public)

Shame