This is a mild modification of an old posting of mine from another Forum

Of the many pet peeves I have about modern language usage is that of so-called “soft language”, particularly as it has found its way into the world of customer service. This practice is the blight of our times. Apart from anything else, where in the world did this obsequious diction ever come to be viewed as more polite or gentler than straightforward language? I’ll follow here with an actual text-message I received from my bank (herein “AnyBank”) a month ago in response to my request to be sent a new PIN for my credit card (that had just been issued to replace a card from my old bank whose business had been bought by AnyBank). The names have been altered to protect the guilty (but spacing, punctuation and diction are exactly as received):

Hi WeeWilly!

Thank you for reaching out today in regards to your PIN number. I'm happy to give you further direction.

PIN numbers are originally sent by mail when it is a newly opened card. I see this card was opened in 1994, so your PIN number has remained unchanged as it was transferred automatically when the new card was issued.

If you have forgotten your PIN number or never received the original PIN papers, the most convenient thing to do is visit any AnyBank branch and request to reset your PIN. This will make the PIN available right away and you can choose whatever code you wish.

If you have any other questions or concerns don't hesitate to write back.

Thank you for choosing AnyBank for your banking needs for the past 22 years, WeeWilly. We truly appreciate your business! Have a beautiful day!

Kind regards,

Blethers


The above is a heinous example of writing! I submit that the following is, from every perspective, a far better answer:

Hi WeeWilly;

AnyBank transferred your old PIN number automatically as part of issuing you the replacement AnyBank card. If you do not know your PIN, you may find it convenient to visit any AnyBank branch to reset it, after which you can use it and your card right away.

Yours,

Blethers


My Contention: The reply I received suffers from the following problems (from more-or-less the worst to least important):

• It loses the pertinent message in an overwhelming mass of nugatory maunderings
  
  
• It is full of non-information or non-pertinent information that obfuscates, misdirects, and is open to being misunderstood
  
  
• It is banal, hackneyed, and far too long
  
  
• It has an obsequious tone (mostly, but not solely, because of the noisome use of my first name in the body of the text)
  
  
• It sounds as sincere as a doxy’s smile (thanks KL)
  
  
• Lastly (this is a personal thing): I don’t want to hear the maudlin “reach out” unless it involves a bunch of grapes just beyond one’s reach.
  

I could rant about this sort of stuff ad nauseam, but the short of it is that customer service today has become a mass of soft-sounding nothings that is virtually bereft of actual information. The above is typical, certainly no isolated example - at least here in North America. Soft language "specialists" need to be shot, and simplicity and clarity have got to be re-introduced as preferable measurements of good correspondence!

... that's how I see it, at any rate!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: WeeWilly,

Oh, yes, I do hear you about flowery and wordy. Writers need to work at getting to the point. I was reviewing an article for publication today, and my head hurt! Here is an example: "If students are educated across state boarders, the utilization of this technology may lead regulators and policy makers to logically question where the nursing education occurs and where the faculty and learner must be licensed." I do love the "boarders" though.

In your case, I think they were trying to be friendly so they'd keep you as a customer. To be honest, most banks don't care at all.

PS What other forum? Just curious.

My bank manager sent me a note which I disliked for its tone:

Dear Sir:

Thanks for opening a new account with your winning from the casino. Within an hour of receiving the deposit, our president's wife got a new fur coat, they left for an extended vacation in Europe, and we found a note saying they would not be returning.

We hope you continue as a loyal, if muddleheaded, customer.

I'm puzzled by the redundent, "PIN number" of the first paragraphs, but the correct, "PIN" afterwards.

IMHO, it's not so much obsequious as bloated - but it is both. And you're right, it is all too common!

I agree, Geoff; "PIN" is correct and "PIN Number" not so much!

To me the following sentence is sickeningly obsequious:

quote:

Thank you for reaching out today in regards to your PIN number.

Why am I being thanked for asking about my PIN? It is a ridiculous thing to do. Moreover, I did not "reach out", and I find it fawning (and mildly insulting) to so characterize my simple request for information.

The letter says "thank you" too many times, and this gives it a distinctly obsequious feel. I see no need for any "thank you" at all! If anything, it is my part to thank them for the information they provided!

"Have a beautiful day!" may be a laudable sentiment to text to your teen friend, but is hopelessly redundant in a business letter, and including it contributes to the obsequious tone. Indeed, all the redundant "advertising" and "gushing" in the letter has a similar effect.

Lastly, the customer-service staple, "don't hesitate to write back" is hackneyed, insincere, and unnecessary. So, this invitation, again, tends to the sycophantic. The whole letter feels as if it has been penned by a child to be read by another.

My point is that, quite apart from the letter's execrable, fawning and bloated diction, it is also a red-letter instance of bad customer service (for the reasons stated).

Cheers.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: WeeWilly,

Kalleh, I wrote you a PM that is more of an essay than a simple text message!

The other site I referred to is a British language site.

Egad, Proofreader, I tend to rather like the letter you posted!