I wrote a poem for all those people who voted for Brexit in an attempt to get back to "the good old days".
The title comes from Ambrose Bierce who defined "nostalgia" as "fond remembrance of imaginary times past."

Hope you like it. I've taken the liberty of annotating it for the benefit of everyone who isn't arnie.

Imaginary Times Past

I am a little Englander 1
And proud of it because
I remember in great detail
How wonderful life was
You may say that I'm mistaken
That it never was that way
But I am perfectly sincere
When I stand up and say

Bring back the old blue passports 2
And the old red buses too 3
Bring back the Mini Cooper 4
Brussels sprouts and rabbit stew 5, 6

Bring back the London Palladium 7
On Sunday Night TV
Brink back Juke Box Jury, 8
Crackerjack, and scones for tea. 9

Bring back the football pools 10
And buying on the knock. 11.
Bring back the good old days
When our doors we did not lock. 12.

I am a little Englander
And proud of it because
I remember to this day
How wonderful life was
You may say that I'm a fool
That it never was that way
But I am sure of my veracity
When I stand up and say

It was indeed a golden age
And it only ever rained
When the gardens of green England
All had to be maintained

The sun shone all through summer
There were no crooks or crime
And the policemen were all jolly
And were there to give the time 13

Bring back spotted dick 14
And bring back potted meats 15
Brink back cucumber sandwiches 16
And bags of Peanut Treets. 17

Bring back foaming ale
Drunk from tankards on the green
Bring back balmy breezes
And days quiet and serene.

I am a little Englander
And proud of it because
I remember as if yesterday
How wonderful life was
You may say that it's not true
That it never was that way
But I assure you that it was
When I stand up and say

Bring back the school uniforms
With caps with little peaks 18
Bring back respectful children
With rosy dimpled cheeks

Bring back the outdoor toilet 19
Bring back Wagon Wheels 20
Bring back Pathfinder shoes
With a compass in the heels 21

Bring back the good old days
Things were so much better then
When I wrote my letters to the Mail 22
With an ink-filled fountain pen

I am a little Englander
And proud of it because
I long for bygone days and ways
How wonderful life was
You may say that I am dreaming
That it never was that way
But that's how I recall it
I wish it was like that today.

1. A Little Englander is the kind of person who believes that England is the finest place on Earth, or rather that England was in a mythical golden past the finest place on Earth and could be again if we all just adopted his or her values and views.
2. The old dark blue British passports were replaced with maroon EU style passports and after Brexit some people can find nothing better to do with their time than demand a return to it. As if it matters what colour it is.
3. Our old Routemaster buses were red double-deckers with an open door at the back.
4. The Mini Cooper was a popular small car of the 1960s
5. Brussels Sprouts (probably the only thing with the word Brussels that Little Englanders do like) are perhaps the must disgusting vegetable on the planet.
6. Rabbit stew was once a very popular dish.
7. Sunday Night At The London Palladium was a variety show that ran through the fifties and sixties.
8. Juke Box Jury was a pop music program where a panel of largely middle-aged “experts” listened to the latest releases and declared them to be a “Hit” or a “Miss”.
9. Crackerjack was a slightly anarchic children's TV show that ran from the 1950s onward, finally finishing (I was surprised to learn) in 1984
10. The “football pools” were an oddly British way of gambling. Every week a man would deliver a “pools coupon” to your door. This would list all of that weeks football league fixtures and you would indicate with a cross the ones you thought would end in a draw. You paid a small fee and handed him last week's coupon when collecting the new one.
11. On the knock – paying for something in instalments collected weekly by an agent who came to your door.
12. People will insist that you didn't have to lock your doors back then because everyone was honest. Don't believe it? Me neither.
13. And in the same vein the main purposes of policemen where to give directions to people who were lost and tell you the time if you didn't have a watch. Very plausible.
14. Spotted dick is a suet and dried fruit pudding. You still see it but it was much more popular in “the good old days”
15. Potted meats came in all sorts of varieies and were sold in shops in small glass jars. Regardless of the variety they were a brownish spreadable paste that tasted much like the other varieties. I imagine you can still get them.
16. Why anyone would want to eat a cucumber sandwich remains a mystery but a popular working class dish was “vinegar salad” in which cucumber, tomato and onion were sliced up and covered in vinegar with a little sugar and left to soak.
17. Peanut Treets were a forerunner of M&Ms and were very similar. I understand that they HAVE been reintroduced.
18. Our school uniforms always used to consist of a dark blazer and trousers with a white or grey shirt, a school tie, a school badge on the blazer pocket and a small cap with a peak usualy also bearing the school badge.
19. Most British houses used to have a separate outdoor toilet.
20. Wagon wheels were (and are) a chocolate, marshmallow and biscuit confectionary.
21. Pathfinder shoes had a sole that was marked with the imprints of various animal's tracks and a small compass in the heel.
22. And we have discussed the Daily Mail before... it is, in short, a newspaper for Little Englanders.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BobHale,

Excellent, Bob!

It needs to be set to music and sung in the pubs, then you'd get rich!

I wonder how many non-Brits even know that the Mini was a BMC product, NOT a BMW?

Totally love it. You are so talented!

Very nice, Bob. It would be good set to music. I see only one flaw. How can you say Brussels Sprouts are disgusting? LOL

Cook them the British way. i.e. Boil them in water until they effectively become a mushy green gloop and then fill half the plate with them.

I stand by my assertion.

Brussels sprout? You cook Belgian kids?

Brussel sprouts are really in here in the US. But, I agree, when they are mushy they are awful.

I loved all your little references.

Excellent versing, Bob. Someone needs to write an American version for Trumpsters.

We cook brussels sprouts Martha Stewart style: parboiled & buttered & braised in a slow oven until just crispy-brown on the outside. Better than candy.

Mmmm - that sounds delicious. Definitely, they don't have to be mushy.

We roast them in olive oil and salt and pepper, and they are good that way, too - and easy.