September 27, 2019, 18:53
KallehMary Schmich's poem
I always like Chicago Tribune's Mary Schmich's poems. Here is her latest on Donald:
Small FavorsAnd once again I’m flogged and flayed
By ranters, runts and ravers
By losers who go loco
When I ask for little favors.
OK, I had a phone call with
The leader of Ukraine
(A country that tried very hard
To poison my campaign.)
I asked that guy — their president —
To check into young Biden
An evil man, just like his dad
Let’s see what rot they’re hidin’.
A simple favor, very small
There was no quid pro quo
(Not fair to count withholding stuff,
Like piles of U.S. dough.)
A friendly call! A perfect call!
And perfectly routine
Yet never in our history
Have there been attacks so mean!
Some whistleblower made a stink
With rumors — second-hand! —
About my interference
With elections in our land.
Well, I’m not scared of tattletales
Or teensy-weensy whistles
And let me just remind you, folks,
I’ve got some giant missiles.
I’m the leader! I’m the king!
Ask Rudy — he’s my jester —
He always says the just-right thing
To make the country fester.
See, festering’s my strategy
I keep my people mad
I keep my people so confused
They can’t tell good from bad.
My tax evasion, sex assaults
Attacks on civil rights?
Hey, nothing sticks to me, my friends
I thrive on feuds and fights.
I always get away with things!
There’s no end to my reach!
And Democrats are gonna lose
Their battle to impeach.
That’s I-M-P-E-A-C-H
Who says that I can’t spell?
But even though I’ll beat this thing
It makes me mad as hell.
Pelosi and her pals are nuts
They’re liars and they’re zealous
They can’t believe my great success!
They’re mean because they’re jealous.
Impeaching me’s a joke, a scam
I’m being so harassed
You’d think I’m worse than Tricky Dick
A villain from the past.
You’d think I’m worse than Clinton, too —
I’m talking nasty Hill —
I hear her email’s in Ukraine
Now that should send a chill!
So do me a small favor, folks,
Keep focused on her mail
Keep chanting we should lock her up
That SHE should go to jail.
Impeach your greatest president?
Ridiculous! Not fair!
To quote that Swedish Greta girl:
I don’t know how they dare!
How dare they call me treasonous?
How dare they call me fool?
How dare they say that I’m not fit
To govern, nay, to rule?
(Folks say I mocked that happy girl
That climate-crazy Swede
But hat I said was super-nice —
Just check my Twitter feed.)
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right.Pelosi’s crying “cover-up”
And Liddle Adam’s lying
The lefties in their crumbling House
Are failing though they’re trying.
I MEAN THEY’RE TRYIN’ TO KILL US, FOLKS!
TO KILL THE GOP!
WE’VE GOT TO STICK TOGETHER NOW
TO SAVE AND HONOR ME!
BY “ME” I MEAN OUR COUNTRY!
THIS IS NO TIME TO BE SAPS!
YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS SERIOUS —
I’M TYPING IN ALL CAPS!
Some say my fall is overdue
While others call it tragic
But let me guarantee you, folks,
I’ll work my special magic.
I’ll do just what I’ve done before
Make chaos grow like weeds
And when the next election comes
You’ll satisfy my needs.
Just do me a small favor, folks,
Do not believe fake news
Do not believe the Dems who say
They’re tightening the screws.
It’s Biden who’s the villain here
He’s unfit for my job
Yes, he’s the one who should be flayed
And strung up by the mob.
Remember I’m your leader
I’ll protect you from what’s foreign!
But hold on — did I hear you say …
My real opponent’s Warren?
mschmich@chicagotribune.com