...and so am I. Apologies for my procrastination.
_________________________________

Here are the Orleans limericks; eleven verses by six authors. Hope I didn't lose track of any along the way.

Pick your favorite:

1
She's moved far away from Orleans
Behind her those old angry scenes
Since she threw out her ex
She has much better sex
As she's served by “…the proud, the Marines!”

2
The bawdiest belle of Orleans
Had many a hole in her jeans
Of course, there's her knees,
But boys she'd more please
With holes giving many more scenes

3
A dastardly cad from Orleans,
When caught making moves on young teens:
“T’weren’t love I was makin’--
“You’re wholly mistaken!
“I just like the cut of their jeans!”

4
In Mass. there's a town called Orleans -
No beignets and not close to Bouvines,
But its beauty is stunning;
There's boating and sunning.
Come visit us soon by all means!

5
Today if you come to Orleans
You’ll mostly see people of means
Except, riding bikes,
Are the folks with their tykes
Who camp out and pee in latrines.

6
She was on her way to Orleans
And had left behind angry scenes
Her ex was still there
She said, “I don’t care!”
So, why wear her skankiest jeans?

7
A lady who lives Orleans
Has been filming herself since her teens
With horses and doing
Godiva-like wooing
For them who likes viewing ob-scenes.

8
A glutton who lived in Orleans
Once ate twenty-three cases of beans
Intestines corrupted,
The glutton erupted...
The fire brigade blasted his jeans

9
An old man who hailed from Orleans
Grew up eating scrodfish and beans
His son sneered at pottage:
He sold the old cottage
And spent his time golfing the greens.

10
A biker babe in Little Orleans
Wears leather and lace with low-cut jeans
It's a paradox, sure,
With her tattoos galore
Her inked skin that beams religious scenes.

11
A lovely young lass of Orleans --
A lady of class and of means --
Loves her haricots verts
Just ask her; she'll share
And she'll surely say, "I adore beans!"

This message has been edited. Last edited by: haberdasher,

Hmmmm... To my ear only two, 3 and 11, rhyme both syllables of "Orleans" as Hab had us say it. Others were funnier, so what to do...

Oh, heck, I'll pick 7, with 5 as runner-up.

I have a Mea Culpa to acknowledge.

Exercising a never-granted Editor's License I workshopped some of the submissions to adjust punctuation and meter. More than one person noticed the changes and ... "questioned them gently."

Clearly out of bounds activity, and never authorized. Sincere apologies. I won't do it again.

That said - here are the originals, as submitted:
________________________________

1
She had moved away from Orleans
And had left behind angry scenes
She now has an ex
But much better sex
She now served “…the proud, the Marines!”
-- Sattva

2
The bawdiest belle of Orleans
Had many a hole in her jeans
Of course, there's her knees,
But boys she'd more please
With holes giving many more scenes
-- Geoff

3
A dastardly cad from Orleans,
When caught making moves on young teens:
“T’weren’t love I was makin’--
“You’re wholly mistaken!
“I just like the cut of their jeans!”
-- Bethree5

4
In Mass. there's a town called Orleans -
No beignets and not close to Bouvines,
But its beauty is stunning;
There's boating and sunning.
So - come visit us soon by all means!
-- Kalleh

5
Today if you come to Orleans
You’ll see mostly people of means
Except, riding bikes,
The folks with their tykes
Who camp out and pee in latrines.
-- Bethree5

6
She was on her way to Orleans
And had left behind angry scenes
Her ex was still there
She said, “I don’t care!”
So, why wear her skankiest jeans?
-- Sattva


7
A lady who lives Orleans
Has been filming herself since her teens
With horses and doing
Godiva-like wooing
For them who likes viewing ob-scenes
-- hab

8
A glutton who lived in Orleans
Once ate twenty three cans of beans
Intestines corrupted,
The glutton erupted
The fire brigade blasted his jeans
-- Geoff

9
An old man who hailed from Orleans
Grew up eating scrodfish and beans
His son sneered at pottage:
He sold the old cottage
And spends his time golfing the greens.
-- Bethree5

10 A biker babe in Little Orleans
Wears leather and lace with low-cut jeans
A paradox, ---for sure
With all her tats, ---galore
Her inked skin that beams religious scenes.
-- Sattva

11
A lovely young lass of Orleans
A lady of class and of means
Loves her haricots verts
Just ask her; she'll share
She'll surely say, "I adore beans!"
-- Geoff
___________________________________

That's the new, original, slate.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: haberdasher,

Interesting! With whom did you workshop them?
I note a change in one of mine that I like better your way.

I prefer #7, with #5 as runner-up.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Geoff,

No co-conspirators; I take full responsibility.

Has nobody else anything do say? I hate to sound like an NPR announcer at during a fundraising drive, but...

We gave to NPR and our local station. Does that mean I get two votes? I'll do ANYTHING to keep them from running old Lawrence Welk shows!

8

Eight for me, please. Very funny!

So far we have two votes for Number Eight an one for Number Seven. Master of Ceremonies today, so I don't vote except as tiebreaker. Missing are Sattva and B35, plus any lurkers.

Any more comments from anywhere?

Two

Well, I liked #10, but I just couldn't make L5 work, and meter is very important for me. Otherwise, I did like #8.

Sorry so late! I'll join the crowd for #8.

Hey, Hab, who writ what?

Here's the list authors (unless I mixed things up again):
1 Sattva
2 Geoff
3 Bethree5
4 Kalleh
5 Bethree5
6 Sattva
7 Hab
8 Geoff
9 Bethree5
10 Sattva
11 Geoff

(I'll also add them to the individual limericks above; I have the feeling that if the current list were the only place they were given, many of us wouldn't notice that they had been added!)

So that's that.

Geoff, you're the clear winner this go-round, hands down.

I was particularly tickled by B35's "scrodfish." I presume that's a portmanteau word combining scrod and codfish. There's a story, possibly apocryphal, about what "scrod" is: a generic term for the catch-of-the-day - if it was Cod, we get scrod, but if it was mostly Halibut we get shrod instead.

Thanks hab. My CapeCod-reuning maternal clan were word mavens, I can just hear Great-Uncle George booming out that definition of scrod. Meanwhile I've been buying it for decades in NYC then NJ, & always get exactly the same fish-- cod.

Oh, I'm glad you defined "scrodfish." I was afeared it were the partial contents of a codpiece.

I'm too dizzy to do another round. Let's leave it to whoever's both well enough and un-busy enough to pick the next round.

BTW, kudos to Sattva for writing two really good ones! That's batting .333, and that ain't bad!

Is there nobody left on here to pick a new destination?

Well, if y'all can stand my tendency to procrastinate we could all go to NOME (Alaska). I can think of a couple of non-standard rhymes that might be useful, but I'll keep 'em to myself for my opinion doesn't matter.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: haberdasher,