I thought I'd better start a new thread for the new place-name: Toulouse (too-LOOZ).
1 lim already received (jerry thomas)
November 08, 2008, 12:52
<Proofreader>
Mine are in. I seem to recall General Jeb Rawltar passing though Toulouse on his way to Picton. I wonder what happened to him there.
November 09, 2008, 00:19
Richard English
I hope to come up with something but I'm out most of the day today and every day until Friday (It's the World Travel Market this week).
Richard English
November 09, 2008, 11:14
<Proofreader>
I'm very excited that, while perusing the stacks in a local bookstore/porn video rental, I came upon a forgotten copy of Jeb Rawltar's adventures in France. I've copied some and I'll finish the rest after I watch "Nailin' Palin," which is not the documentary I had hoped it would be. Here's what I have so far:
Mssr. Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec Was a brush-waving pain in the neck. He was known to be mean, Foul, crude and obscene With a life-style described as a wreck.
Though God made Henri short, His reward Was to lengthen the size of the sword Henri stored in his pants, Which made women glance, And, when freed, it would make them applaud.
One day General Rawltar thought “Why Don’t I get my face done by this guy? I’m a soldier of note And he merits my vote Though he only stands high as my thigh.”
So Jeb Rawltar sat down with Toulouse And Toulouse showered him with abuse. “You, sir, have a face That should still be in place At the non-eating end of a moose.”
At the insult that Henri had thrown General Jeb was cut right to the bone. “Here’s a challenge, you fool. You and I will now duel. Soon, you midget, you’ll lie under stene.”
To be continued . . . .This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,
November 09, 2008, 12:12
<Proofreader>
Please be advised that the second limerick above is new, since it was accidentally deleted.
And herewith follows the saga of our favorite general:
Toulouse said, “I’m ready for you. And I’ll tell you just what we must do. Since you challenged me Our weapons will be Dueling dicks at one pace, the most, two.”
General Rawltar was thought a good sport’ Yet in all of the battles he’d fought (And this is between us) He n’er used his penis To break down the walls of a fort.
Still, while some had called Jeb quite a fool, He knew there aren’t pricks in a duel “I’ll just use my cutlass To render him nutless In the way that they taught me in school.”
But Henri said, “There’s a strict tule That the challenged names weapon, you fool. You shan’t use your cutlass To make me walk buttless And unable to perch on my stool.”
And so General Jeb Rawltar agreed That damned dongs were the weapon indeed. He assumed that his club Would beat rub-a-dub-dub On the skull of the little French weed.
So the day of the duel came along And, undressed, Jeb presented his dong. But to his surprise Before Jeb’s bulging eyes, Henri had no small dong, but a SCHLONG!
So the duel began, at just one pace. And Henri grabbed and swung his man-mace Just like fired from a cannon The end hit the man an’ Jeb caught four feet of flesh in the face.
All over the world men may strive't The work that they joyfully thrive't But they all look askance At the duel waged in France Where the General was beat by a private.This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,
November 11, 2008, 02:00
stella
Brilliant, Proofreader - you're a legend!
November 11, 2008, 05:46
<Proofreader>
Yes.
Yes, I am.
November 11, 2008, 08:21
timon
The deadline for submission of Toulouse lims was given in the Picton thread: just to remind you all, it is midnight tonight (Tuesday 11 November) UK time.
Submissions already received from: jerry thomas, Proofreader, Stanley, bethree5 and Richard English.
More are welcome!
November 11, 2008, 20:33
<Proofreader>
The doctor rushed in to examine The spot that Lautrec had been bammin’, He found that Jeb Rawltar Could walk without faltar Though his face looked like freshly-cut salmin.
So Jeb Rawltar went on to renown, Not a man that a midget keeps down As he went on his way To seek some better day In this limerick game’s choice for next town.
November 12, 2008, 03:24
timon
Time for the result of the latest placename-limerick contest, featuring Toulouse, a word that attracted a certain number of predictable rhymes!
Proofreader posed the judge a bit of a problem, by submitting a series of five limericks telling a continuous story, an entry which was difficult to compare with the individual pieces sent in by others. (Perhaps a point to be clarified in the rules of the game?). I thought the fairest approach was to choose what I thought was individually the best-written of Proofreader’s five, and then compare it with the other entries.
Choosing a single best entry was difficult; the standard was high this time round. After much cogitation, I finally selected for first and second place two pieces each of which has an unexpected denouement (often a feature of the best lims)
This one is by bethree5:
I’ve heard that the artist Toulouse- Lautrec, often known to do booze, Because he was short, Made use of a quart- Jar in venues possessing few loos.
And this one by Stanley:
When visiting charming Toulouse, Be sure to take in all its views. And if you should pass Cité de l’espace, Marvel at the length of its queues.
[You can find the Cité de l’espace described (in English) on the internet. Stanley adds a pronunciation note: “Annoyingly you have to pronounce "pass" as pæs rather than pa:s, which I don't do as a southern lad, but it'll do! ”]
I finally opted for bethree5’s piece for first place, mostly because Stanley’s otherwise delightful line 5 doesn’t really fit the scansion of a limerick, unless you read “marvel” as “mar-VEL”.
I’d like also to award an honourable mention to this one from jerry thomas:
The infamous house in Toulouse Dominating the evening News Has transparent walls In bedrooms and halls, Providing spectacular views.
Here are the rest of the entries, in the order they were received:
jerry thomas
We recently learned from the News That our next Limerick venue's Toulouse. For the Poet or Bard This should not be too hard: It's an offer we cannot refuse.
A Lautrec who came from Toulouse Could paint whatever he'd choose. Postage-stamp faces Kings, Queens, or Aces ... He really had nothing to lose.
The host at the house in Toulouse Serves an interesting line of good brews. When the guests need to pee, There's no problem, you see, For the house is equipped with two loo's.
Proofreader:
If you visit the town of Toulouse You’ll find a young woman danseuse Who makes ballet pay By pliéing all day But scores euros at night when she scrouse.
But Tanya, the Toulouse danseuse, Was determined old Toulouse to lose. And part of her plan Was to find the right man And wipe Toulouse dust off of her shoes.
Till one Tom Tuck tours through old Toulouse On his way to a Titanic cruise Delayed just by chance He explored Tanya’s pants After watching her do pas de deuxs.
Tom told Tanya, after sipping some brews, “I can tell you’ve a case of the blues. So forget that ballet, And off we will sallet -- I’ve a bunk on Titanic we’ll use!”
Thus Tom and his Tanya did go To the liner that we all should know Disappeared in the drink; The Unsinkable? Sink, With Tom, Tanya, and L. Caprio.
Richard English:
I wanted to go to Toulouse For some women, some song and some booze. Though the women were fine, Too much Toulouse wine, Meant the songs that I sung were the blues.
Well done, all! Now over to bethree5 for the next round….
November 12, 2008, 05:29
<Proofreader>
quote:
I thought the fairest approach was to choose what I thought was individually the best-written of Proofreader’s five, and then compare it with the other entries.
The ONLY way to judge. I by error sent the wrong last line on "And wipe Toulouse dust off of her shoes." The word "of" should have been deleted. My fault. It wouldn't have changed the voting but I feel much better now.
November 12, 2008, 10:05
Stanley
quote:
I finally opted for bethree5’s piece for first place, mostly because Stanley’s otherwise delightful line 5 doesn’t really fit the scansion of a limerick, unless you read “marvel” as “mar-VEL”.
Ah yes, at the time I was unable to think of a two-syllable synonym that didn't also have the stress on the first. Annoyingly, I thought of one later: I should have said "remark". There are probably hundreds though!
------------------------ If your rhubarb is forwards, bend it backwards.
November 12, 2008, 15:43
bethree5
I came johnny-come-lately to the forum to submit another lim, only to find there was a strict turn-in time, which I'd not only met, but beat the competition!!
Just for the hey, this was my next submission (& there no doubt would have been more--- I am like a very s-l-o-w version of Proofreader, i.e., prolific, but.)
Foreclosed, Thérèse of Toulouse Though homeless, swore face not to lose. She’s cut quite a swath Added a new master bath 'Got the only boîte* with two loos.
*box
ANYway... thanx all. Find the new locale at the new thread.
November 12, 2008, 15:45
bethree5
OOPS.
timon: before I start the new thread. Are we supposed to be operating in teams, à la the last couple of threads? (I was thinking perhaps that's what you meant by awarding a 1st & 2nd..)
??
Otherwise I shall as 1st place carry on.
November 12, 2008, 23:36
timon
My idea, bethree, was that you won, and thus acquired the right and responsibility to run the next round. I simply wanted to record that Stanley's piece ran yours pretty close!