I thought I'd better start a new thread for the new place-name: Toulouse (too-LOOZ).

1 lim already received (jerry thomas)

Mine are in. I seem to recall General Jeb Rawltar passing though Toulouse on his way to Picton. I wonder what happened to him there.

I hope to come up with something but I'm out most of the day today and every day until Friday (It's the World Travel Market this week).

I'm very excited that, while perusing the stacks in a local bookstore/porn video rental, I came upon a forgotten copy of Jeb Rawltar's adventures in France. I've copied some and I'll finish the rest after I watch "Nailin' Palin," which is not the documentary I had hoped it would be. Here's what I have so far:

Mssr. Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec
Was a brush-waving pain in the neck.
He was known to be mean,
Foul, crude and obscene
With a life-style described as a wreck.

Though God made Henri short, His reward
Was to lengthen the size of the sword
Henri stored in his pants,
Which made women glance,
And, when freed, it would make them applaud.

One day General Rawltar thought “Why
Don’t I get my face done by this guy?
I’m a soldier of note
And he merits my vote
Though he only stands high as my thigh.”

So Jeb Rawltar sat down with Toulouse
And Toulouse showered him with abuse.
“You, sir, have a face
That should still be in place
At the non-eating end of a moose.”

At the insult that Henri had thrown
General Jeb was cut right to the bone.
“Here’s a challenge, you fool.
You and I will now duel.
Soon, you midget, you’ll lie under stene.”

To be continued . . . .

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Please be advised that the second limerick above is new, since it was accidentally deleted.

And herewith follows the saga of our favorite general:

Toulouse said, “I’m ready for you.
And I’ll tell you just what we must do.
Since you challenged me
Our weapons will be
Dueling dicks at one pace, the most, two.”

General Rawltar was thought a good sport’
Yet in all of the battles he’d fought
(And this is between us)
He n’er used his penis
To break down the walls of a fort.

Still, while some had called Jeb quite a fool,
He knew there aren’t pricks in a duel
“I’ll just use my cutlass
To render him nutless
In the way that they taught me in school.”

But Henri said, “There’s a strict tule
That the challenged names weapon, you fool.
You shan’t use your cutlass
To make me walk buttless
And unable to perch on my stool.”

And so General Jeb Rawltar agreed
That damned dongs were the weapon indeed.
He assumed that his club
Would beat rub-a-dub-dub
On the skull of the little French weed.

So the day of the duel came along
And, undressed, Jeb presented his dong.
But to his surprise
Before Jeb’s bulging eyes,
Henri had no small dong, but a SCHLONG!

So the duel began, at just one pace.
And Henri grabbed and swung his man-mace
Just like fired from a cannon
The end hit the man an’
Jeb caught four feet of flesh in the face.

All over the world men may strive't
The work that they joyfully thrive't
But they all look askance
At the duel waged in France
Where the General was beat by a private.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Brilliant, Proofreader - you're a legend!

Yes.

Yes, I am.

The deadline for submission of Toulouse lims was given in the Picton thread: just to remind you all, it is midnight tonight (Tuesday 11 November) UK time.

Submissions already received from:
jerry thomas, Proofreader, Stanley, bethree5 and Richard English.

More are welcome!

The doctor rushed in to examine
The spot that Lautrec had been bammin’,
He found that Jeb Rawltar
Could walk without faltar
Though his face looked like freshly-cut salmin.

So Jeb Rawltar went on to renown,
Not a man that a midget keeps down
As he went on his way
To seek some better day
In this limerick game’s choice for next town.

Time for the result of the latest placename-limerick contest, featuring Toulouse, a word that attracted a certain number of predictable rhymes!

Proofreader posed the judge a bit of a problem, by submitting a series of five limericks telling a continuous story, an entry which was difficult to compare with the individual pieces sent in by others. (Perhaps a point to be clarified in the rules of the game?). I thought the fairest approach was to choose what I thought was individually the best-written of Proofreader’s five, and then compare it with the other entries.

Choosing a single best entry was difficult; the standard was high this time round. After much cogitation, I finally selected for first and second place two pieces each of which has an unexpected denouement (often a feature of the best lims)

This one is by bethree5:

I’ve heard that the artist Toulouse-
Lautrec, often known to do booze,
Because he was short,
Made use of a quart-
Jar in venues possessing few loos.

And this one by Stanley:

When visiting charming Toulouse,
Be sure to take in all its views.
And if you should pass
Cité de l’espace,
Marvel at the length of its queues.

[You can find the Cité de l’espace described (in English) on the internet. Stanley adds a pronunciation note: “Annoyingly you have to pronounce "pass" as pæs rather than pa:s, which I don't do as a southern lad, but it'll do! ”]

I finally opted for bethree5’s piece for first place, mostly because Stanley’s otherwise delightful line 5 doesn’t really fit the scansion of a limerick, unless you read “marvel” as “mar-VEL”.

I’d like also to award an honourable mention to this one from jerry thomas:

The infamous house in Toulouse
Dominating the evening News
Has transparent walls
In bedrooms and halls,
Providing spectacular views.

Here are the rest of the entries, in the order they were received:

jerry thomas

We recently learned from the News
That our next Limerick venue's Toulouse.
For the Poet or Bard
This should not be too hard:
It's an offer we cannot refuse.

A Lautrec who came from Toulouse
Could paint whatever he'd choose.
Postage-stamp faces
Kings, Queens, or Aces ...
He really had nothing to lose.

The host at the house in Toulouse
Serves an interesting line of good brews.
When the guests need to pee,
There's no problem, you see,
For the house is equipped with two loo's.

Proofreader:

If you visit the town of Toulouse
You’ll find a young woman danseuse
Who makes ballet pay
By pliéing all day
But scores euros at night when she scrouse.

But Tanya, the Toulouse danseuse,
Was determined old Toulouse to lose.
And part of her plan
Was to find the right man
And wipe Toulouse dust off of her shoes.

Till one Tom Tuck tours through old Toulouse
On his way to a Titanic cruise
Delayed just by chance
He explored Tanya’s pants
After watching her do pas de deuxs.

Tom told Tanya, after sipping some brews,
“I can tell you’ve a case of the blues.
So forget that ballet,
And off we will sallet --
I’ve a bunk on Titanic we’ll use!”

Thus Tom and his Tanya did go
To the liner that we all should know
Disappeared in the drink;
The Unsinkable? Sink,
With Tom, Tanya, and L. Caprio.

Richard English:

I wanted to go to Toulouse
For some women, some song and some booze.
Though the women were fine,
Too much Toulouse wine,
Meant the songs that I sung were the blues.


Well done, all! Now over to bethree5 for the next round….

quote:

I thought the fairest approach was to choose what I thought was individually the best-written of Proofreader’s five, and then compare it with the other entries.

The ONLY way to judge.
I by error sent the wrong last line on "And wipe Toulouse dust off of her shoes." The word "of" should have been deleted. My fault. It wouldn't have changed the voting but I feel much better now.

quote:

I finally opted for bethree5’s piece for first place, mostly because Stanley’s otherwise delightful line 5 doesn’t really fit the scansion of a limerick, unless you read “marvel” as “mar-VEL”.

Ah yes, at the time I was unable to think of a two-syllable synonym that didn't also have the stress on the first. Annoyingly, I thought of one later: I should have said "remark". There are probably hundreds though!

I came johnny-come-lately to the forum to submit another lim, only to find there was a strict turn-in time, which I'd not only met, but beat the competition!!

Just for the hey, this was my next submission (& there no doubt would have been more--- I am like a very s-l-o-w version of Proofreader, i.e., prolific, but.)

Foreclosed, Thérèse of Toulouse
Though homeless, swore face not to lose.
She’s cut quite a swath
Added a new master bath
'Got the only boîte* with two loos.

*box

ANYway... thanx all. Find the new locale at the new thread.

OOPS.

timon: before I start the new thread. Are we supposed to be operating in teams, à la the last couple of threads? (I was thinking perhaps that's what you meant by awarding a 1st & 2nd..)

??

Otherwise I shall as 1st place carry on.

My idea, bethree, was that you won, and thus acquired the right and responsibility to run the next round. I simply wanted to record that Stanley's piece ran yours pretty close!

K