Well, whilst I was away cruising there was a flood of late entries so I am now posting the poll. Well done everybody - the limericks are in submission order and, yes, one of them is mine although I'll not vote for any of them unless there's a need for a tie-break.

Edit. Apologies - I missed out one entry, which I have now added. If you have already voted then I fear you'll have to vote again. Put it down to "Liner Lag"

Question:
1.
Yelled a golfer way down in Small Dole,
I can't find the bleepbleeping-all hole!
It was Mister Magoo
Using iron #2
Where a putt would have let the ball roll.

2.
A young lady who lived in Small Dole
Was afflicted with quite a small hole.
So she searched, though in vain,
From West Sussex to Spain
For a man proud to wield a small pole.

3.
Let me tell about some traditions in Small Dole.
Like sticking public annoyances up on a tall pole.
The good folk complain to their minister
who in turn changes good from sinister
by picking up gum to avoid it to stick under your sole.

4.
There once was a laddie in Small Dole
Whom hardly I'd say I could call whole.
He was missing his hair,
Had nothing to wear,
But the worst of it all was his ball hole!

5.
A peculiar old gent from Small Dole
Liked to spice up his long evening stroll
Contra-dancing in the buff
'Til we'd all seen quite enough
Of the parts of that gent from Small Dole.

6.
A bikini-clad tart in Small Dole
Placed a sign by her towel: "Please Pay Toll"--
Squeaked, 'One look and that's it!'
To an angler with kit
As the fisherman whipped out his pole.

7.
A vaulter competing from Small Dole
Thought her dorm was much like the Wall-Hole
She'd seen in Japan,
With no room for her man -
Especially one bearing a Tall Pole.

8.
In Twickenham did Horace Walpole
Entertain ladies quite droll:
He'd whip out his willie
And drive the girls silly,
Then to a convent in Small Dole.

9.
There's a snooty club down in Small Dole
Where the fishermen must pay a toll
Try to cast a free angle:
You'll be grabbed by the ankle
And pulled into the pond by a troll.

10.
A pole-vaulter down from Small Dole
Made jumps that were never all whole.
Said his coach, "You're a chump!
It's not how you jump -
It's the fact that you've got a small pole!"

11.
There’s a list on a medieval scroll
With the names of the dames in Small Dole.
It shows personal bits
Like the size of their tits
And the width and the depth of each hole.

Choices:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11

 

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Richard English,

RE please check your PM regarding th poll.

Sorry everyone. I made a mistake in the first poll I posted. I have corrected it but if you'd already voted then I fear you'll have to vote again, as editing resets the votes to zero.

Thanks, Richard!

Jeb Raltar got laid down in Small Dole
By a woman who said, “I’ve a small hole.”
But she pulled out two cats,
A guide dog and three bats,
And a pony, then lastly, a small mole.

Said Jeb to the lady in Small Dole,
“Is that what you think is a ‘small hole’?
It’s a cave and a stable
Where you find you are able
To shelter a colony all whole."

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Let's get some more votes! Mine has zero so far.

Maybe we could consider posting an note on the OEDILF board to get them involved. Some of them are members of this board, after all (although there are few who post to both).

We could try. However, I think they developed a similar game because CJ once asked me to take part in it.

They do have a limerick competition, although I don't bother with it. But I doubt it is based on a placename. But even if it were, I am sure there will be some who might care to contribute to ours as well.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Richard English,

Dole out the winner with your tie-breaking vote, RE. Nobody else is going to vote, it seems.

I'll give it a day or two more - five is a pretty niggardly number of votes.

Clearly, with that post, you consider us a pretty open-minded group here, linguistically that is.

No. I consider you to be a well-educated group, linguistically speaking.

Is there any way to speak other than linguistically?

I just voted so there is no longer a tie.

quote:

Originally posted by Greg S:
Is there any way to speak other than linguistically?

I did write, "lingustically speaking" not "speaking linguistically"

And I'll publish the details later today.

quote:

I did write, "lingustically speaking" not "speaking linguistically"

Nice comeback!

Right, limerickly speaking, these are the writers of the most recent tranche of limericks:

1.
Yelled a golfer way down in Small Dole,
I can't find the bleepbleeping-all hole!
It was Mister Magoo
Using iron #2
Where a putt would have let the ball roll.
Bethree 5

2.
A young lady who lived in Small Dole
Was afflicted with quite a small hole.
So she searched, though in vain,
From West Sussex to Spain
For a man proud to wield a small pole.
proofreader


3.
Let me tell about some traditions in Small Dole.
Like sticking public annoyances up on a tall pole.
The good folk complain to their minister
who in turn changes good from sinister
by picking up gum to avoid it to stick under your sole.
Bea

4.
There once was a laddie in Small Dole
Whom hardly I'd say I could call whole.
He was missing his hair,
Had nothing to wear,
But the worst of it all was his ball hole!
kalleh

5.
A peculiar old gent from Small Dole
Liked to spice up his long evening stroll
Contra-dancing in the buff
'Til we'd all seen quite enough
Of the parts of that gent from Small Dole.
bethree5

6.
A bikini-clad tart in Small Dole
Placed a sign by her towel: "Please Pay Toll"--
Squeaked, 'One look and that's it!'
To an angler with kit
As the fisherman whipped out his pole.
bethree5

7.
A vaulter competing from Small Dole
Thought her dorm was much like the Wall-Hole
She'd seen in Japan,
With no room for her man -
Especially one bearing a Tall Pole.
Greg s

8.
In Twickenham did Horace Walpole
Entertain ladies quite droll:
He'd whip out his willie
And drive the girls silly,
Then to a convent in Small Dole.
Geoff

9.
There's a snooty club down in Small Dole
Where the fishermen must pay a toll
Try to cast a free angle:
You'll be grabbed by the ankle
And pulled into the pond by a troll.
bethree5

10.
A pole-vaulter down from Small Dole
Made jumps that were never all whole.
Said his coach, "You're a chump!
It's not how you jump -
It's the fact that you've got a small pole!"
Mine

11.
There’s a list on a medieval scroll
With the names of the dames in Small Dole.
It shows personal bits
Like the size of their tits
And the width and the depth of each hole
proofreader

Well, I don't have to use my vote since limerick number 2 - written by proofreader - is the winner. A worthy submission which rhymes all the syllables of the destination. Although there were eome entries that might have edged past the winning post first in view of their more scurrilous endings, I agree with the voters that the use of full rhymes is worthy of reward.

So, proofreader, it's over to you to find us a suitably challenging destination. And thanks to everyone who contributed.

Was I wrong in thinking that the second syllable in "Twickenham" is often unspoken? I made that assumption.

Congrats, Proof! I considered yours, but I just can't remember the final one I picked. Go to it, Proof!

quote:

Originally posted by Geoff:
Was I wrong in thinking that the second syllable in "Twickenham" is often unspoken? I made that assumption.

No you weren't wrong. It's often pronounced Twick'nam, although not always. Similarly Tottenham is often pronounced Tott'nam.

Or the second syllable is a schwa, as in this offering:

There was a young lady from Tottenham
Her manners - she'd totally forgotten 'em.
One day at the vicar's
She took off her knickers
Because, she explained, she felt hot in 'em.

Edited to make it clear that it was at the vicar's house where this young lady's activities took place.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Richard English,

The sort of people who call rugby football "rugger" also often call Twickenham "Twickers".