On my own behalf and as deputy for Bob (see the Odessa File), here is the nomination for the next round of the limerick game: Venezuela.

2 entries so far (Richard English and jerry thomas): keep 'em coming.

I shall be away from home (and computer) between Thursday evening and Sunday. Subject to Bob Hales's possible participation, may I suggest Saturday midnight (BST) as deadline, and I'll look at the entries on my return on Sunday.

Should have my pair, though I reserve the right to beautify them prior to Sunday

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Should have my pair, though I reserve the right to beautify them prior to Sunday

I look forward to seeing your beautiful pair

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2 entries so far (Richard English and jerry thomas): keep 'em coming.

You didn't get mine?

No, proofreader, for some reason I haven't received anything from you. I've had Myth Jellies' "nice pair" (and those of Richard English and jerry thomas). Would you transmit it/them again, please?

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No, proofreader, for some reason I haven't received anything from you

Sent a second time at 05:45 to Timon and Richard.

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Originally posted by Proofreader:

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No, proofreader, for some reason I haven't received anything from you

Sent a second time at 05:45 to Timon and Richard.

Boy, you're having a bad day...

You meant to send it to timon and Bob (not Richard) but you've accidentally sent it to tinman and Bob.

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Sent a second time at 05:45 to Timon and Richard.

Sorry for the mix-up. That's what happens when you try to cut corners to save time. Sometimes I need a magnifier to read and thought I didn't for the post. Obviously I was WRONG! And then I somehow got Richard involved in the post. DOUBLE WRONG!

I've now received yours, proofreader. Just as well you raised a query here!

My outcry has put me in a bad position, hasn't it? I am sorry about that; I need to develop tougher skin, I guess.

I sent one to timon and asked him not to judge it. I do love writing these, so I'll just submit "extra" ones for awhile.

I'm in.

Kalleh, I like your and Myth's ideas about multiple judging and/or guessing authors. Probably at some stage it'd be good to ring the changes one way or another, to keep it interesting.

There were 7 entrants for the Venezuela round of limerick-writing, who submitted 9 pieces between them. I’m afraid some people may have been put off by a difficulty in rhyming the chosen name, a difficulty that I not foreseen or intended.

Phonetically, it is ven-ez-WAY-la, but at least for non-US speakers the last syllable can be a schwa: ven-ez-WAY-luh. Myth Jellies in fact took up this point in an amusing way in one of his pieces (see below).

I had also assumed that the stressed syllable could be rhymed with any “AY” sound, but some authors seem to have thought that the “w” should be included. Unfortunately, apart from the name Consuela, there don’t seem to be any such rhymes available in English; bethree5 fell back on a Spanish word, which is one solution!

I had worked on the basis that legitimate rhymes included such common words as sailor, tailor, trailer, jailer etc. and some authors used these, but some seem to have assumed that they shouldn’t; and this has perhaps produced an unfairness. I’ve tried to factor this in, to some extent, to the process of judging the results.

Here then are the entries: first, a verse by Kalleh, which she asked should be regarded as submitted for fun only, and not included in the judging;

I know a young broad named Consuela
Who struts around Venezuela.
The guys will all drool
And show her their tool.
But be careful...your AIDS test will fail ya!

And now the other entrants in the order they came in:

jerry thomas

From the Republic of Venezuela
Comes a remarkable fellah
All over Caracas
The sound of maracas
Is making him eager to tell her. ((!! ??))

Richard English

In Bolivar, south Venezuela,
A maiden was caught with a sailor.
"Your writhings of passion
Are well out of fashion"
So shouted her father, a tailor.

Myth Jellies

Senoritas in hot Venezuela
Are molten in salsa regalia
They dance in Caracas
Shake shapely maracas
And often they'll flash genitalia

A couple of burgs near Australia,
Odessa, and now Venezuela
With endings so schwa
We'll pronounce "you" like "ya"!
And deliver a verse echolalia.

Proofreader

In this game we must use Venezuela
And Ti hopes that the word used will fail a
Rotten limnist = like me
'Cause there’s no way to see
How to work in the word “genital’a.”

stella

Fair Consuela, from south Venezuela,
Knew a sailor who loved to regale ‘er
With sea-farin’ tales
About shipwrecks and whales
(She was deaf, so he used a loud hailer).

A book by the famed Norman Mailer
Named “Tale of a Slain Mormon Sailor”,
Though written in Spanish,
Had nary a fan niche
Nor reader in all Venezuela.

[stella adds: Possible sequels: Tale of a Maimed Foreman-Tailor (subplot – seamstress goes crazy with a pair of blunt scissors), Tale of a Framed Doorman-Jailer (subplot – rampaging convict goes crazy with a nail gun), Tale of a Lame Shoreman-Whaler (subplot – Moby Dick rip-off).]

bethree5

For decades a babe named Consuela
Lured sailors to old Venezuela
They'd leap out portside
"My turn!" each cried
Though she was a wrinkled abuela*

(*grandmother)

I’m afraid that once again I have to award the palm to stella, for her piece about “Fair Consuela”, which has a good storyline, and a delightfully unexpected L5.

I’d like however to award an Honourable Mention to bethree5, and to Proofreader for his ad hominem contribution!

Many thanks, all!

These are all wonderful entries

As usual, brave Wordcrafters rise to the challenge of unrhymable schwa's et al.

Allow me to share my honorable mention with Myth Jellies: the travelog-like images lulled one right into the wardrobe mishap! I was convinced for just long enough that 'gentialia' rhymes with 'Venezuela'.

A beautiful girl from Caracas
Had bodily movements to spark us
To all strain a gut
To be the first mutt
To make his way into her carcass.

This beautiful girl from Caracas
Was as horny as any young lass.
So she turned to her beau
And she said, “Come, let’s go.”
But he then said, “Oh, no.”. The dumbass.


A vampire girl named Consuela
Would suck more than blood in Ven’zuela
But you’d still be a fool
When she bit on your tool
To expect a man-stake to impale-a.

When the boss of a New Bedford whaler
Was ship-wrecked on the rocks off Ven’zuela
He cussed out the dumb chap
Who had plotted the map
And had said they had just passed Austral'a.

Just to show I took pity on you all.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Ha, Proofreader, you must have nearly bust a foo-foo valve holding all those back!

And I agree with bethree - those are great limericks, Myth. I almost went with the Venezuelia rhyme too but I had a sneaking suspicion it wouldn’t get past timon.

So thanks, timon. I’m honoured to be chosen and accept graciously though I have to say that in NZinglish Venezuela isn’t that tricky a rhyme.

Anyway, I’m not choosing this week. We’re waiting for the phantom chatter to fess up.

Nice job, timon, and congratulations to Stella!

Stella, please go ahead with the next word. Barack hasn't come out yet, and therefore it's likely he (or she) won't. It could have even been an onlooker, who knows.

Please start us on the next adventure!

After participating in the OEDILF project to define the dictionary in limerick form, and being part of this great attempt to define all the world's cities similarly, I was disheartened to read what follows in a book I found in a used book store.



From The Poet’s Dictionary: A handbook of Prosody and Poetic Devices, by Willian Packard, 1989, Harper & Row:

'Commenting on the technical effect of a limerick, Morris Bishop wrote in the New York Times Book Review: “The structure would be a rise from the commonplace reality of line one to logical madness in line five.” Thus the subject matter of limericks invariably tends toward sexual prodigies, incest, vivisection, bestiality, madness, infanticide, abortion, and masturbation, with a strong sexist bias against women. As such the limerick may have functioned at one time in a social context to discharge male sexual anxieties and fears of impotence behind a comic veneer of ridicule and absurdity.'

Mr. Packard then goes on to illustrate this at length with two pages of limericks, all of which are the vilest and most degrading limericks ever published. I am certainly glad the writers on this website would not stoop to the depths which Mr. Packard describes.


I'm certain that our civilization has advanced far beyond those antique sentiments to aspire to more illustrious achievements. May we continue, and never cease, our efforts to define the world by the heights it has attained rather than by the basest depths to which it has sunk.

On to the next great city to be glorified by the internet's finest limericists!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

It would be interesting to learn what the redoubtable Mr Packard considers is good poetry.

Unless you can arrange for a seance, Mr. Packard is unavailable for comment. However, here is an interview with his successor, describing Mr. Packard.

I fail to see how the Morris Bishop quote, which merely reiterates the idea of humor often building from the commonplace to something unexpected, connects invariably to Packard's list of taboo topics. The use of that type of name dropping to seemingly bolster support for your statements really turns me off.

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The use of that type of name dropping to seemingly bolster support for your statements

I said the very same thing to Barak Obama and John McCain just the other day when we were discussing limerickicising.

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I almost went with the Venezuelia rhyme too but I had a sneaking suspicion it wouldn’t get past timon.

I was pretty sure it wouldn't as well. I just personally prefer an imperfect rhyme that almost works for all dialects rather than a perfect rhyme that absolutely doesn't work for a significant fraction of speakers. I realize that for a fair number of people, "the", "her", "you", and/or "yes" may rhyme; but I have to represent my American Midwest roots.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Myth Jellies,

If the above sounded like whining, let me assure you it wasn't. I've enjoyed all of the limericks presented here and do not really care whose is chosen as a winner other than as a topic of conversation.

I'm trying to imagine how else to say 'Venezuela'. Looking at the online dicts, there's a secondary PG 'ven-uh-ZWEE-luh' - is that how you say it, Myth? In general, I think it's quite acceptable to rhyme according to your own rhyming pattern and if it's unusual then just make a note beneath the limerick.

Of course the rest of us have an advantage because we hear so many American accents on TV and movies that some of your rhymes are second nature to us - eg dance and pants - but still I don't use any other rhyming pattern than my own (except in extreme circumstances) and I fully expect the whole wide world to put up with it.

V interesting interview with Raymond Hammond, proof.

What's the feeling about me nominating the next place but we judge it by anonymous voting with an author-guessing sub-competition on the side?

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Looking at the online dicts, there's a secondary PG 'ven-uh-ZWEE-luh' - is that how you say it, Myth?

Nope, I say it pretty much the same way you do. Sometimes I will incorrectly give it a -ZWAYL-yah ending just because it is a country and many countries end in -ia, but I knew it was an imperfect rhyme when I used it. I have no problem with the verdicts rendered

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Originally posted by Proofreader:
...Mr. Packard then goes on to illustrate this at length with two pages of limericks, all of which are the vilest and most degrading limericks ever published. I am certainly glad the writers on this website would not stoop to the depths which Mr. Packard describes...

tsk, Proofreader, you are a shameless tease. Not even a tiny excerpt?!

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we judge it by anonymous voting with an author-guessing sub-competition on the side?

Even the deceased Mr. Packard would be able to pick mine out of the bunch.

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I just personally prefer an imperfect rhyme that almost works for all dialects rather than a perfect rhyme that absolutely doesn't work for a significant fraction of speakers.

I tend to agree with you Myth, and it didn't sound like you were whining at all. I very much love fun rhymes, rather than the perfect ones such as "too", "boo", "who," etc. Sometimes, though, those fun ones aren't perfect, and some don't like that. One of my favorite limericks approved on OEDILF is one of the first I wrote, with a very imperfect, but fun, rhyme. It was submitted way back in the early part of the project, and perhaps it wouldn't get approved now. In those days it took fewer RFAs; this one is approved, but only has 2 RFAs:

The amoeba is terribly primitive;
It doesn't take plenty for him t' live.
Not a worry or care,
No shampooing his hair,
Yet his life must be really quite dim t' live.

An amoeba is really quite odd.
It can alter its own pseudopod
To the shape of a penis
And then (just between us)
Screw it into itself. (Oh! My! God!)

Self RFA

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Originally posted by stella:
What's the feeling about me nominating the next place but we judge it by anonymous voting with an author-guessing sub-competition on the side?

I'd second that suggestion.

Good idea !!

But ... I'll not be participating.

On 29 October I'm leaving for a pleasure trip to southeast Asia, and my return date is still open.

~~~~ jerry

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I just personally prefer an imperfect rhyme that almost works for all dialects rather than a perfect rhyme that absolutely doesn't work for a significant fraction of speakers.

The problem is that one doesn't always know which rhymes work and which don't.

One way of helping is to start with a word whose rhyme is unambigious and that then tells the reader what how the next word is to be pronounced.

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I'm leaving for a pleasure trip to southeast Asia, and my return date is still open.

Didn't they once call that a "remittance man"?

Jerry, I hope you have a great time!