The new location is Babylon. Please submit your limericks to me via PM.

Babylon's dactylic. That's gonna be a bugger to get in the rhyming positions of an anapestic limerick.
Oh, well, a challenge isn't necessarilly a bad thing, even an impossible one.

Don't worry about it, Bob. I never do.

Yep, I just checked Rhymezone...no rhymes. I should have sat this one out, and not the last one!

I'll try, Bethree, but don't expect much!

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I just checked Rhymezone...no rhymes

There are plenty of rhymes for "on."

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There are plenty of rhymes for "on."

True. But not quite so many for "Babyl" ;(

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Originally posted by BobHale:
Babylon's dactylic...

If all of our town names were anapests,
how easy the limericker’s manna quest!
(My accent, in factile,
Says “anapest”’s a dactyl!)
The classiest workaround will score the best.

quote:

True. But not quite so many for "Babyl" ;(

First, I should have put my own smiley on "on."

But I've found, thanks to Richard's instructions and mentoring at OEDILF, that there is no word for which a rhyme cannot be contrived, even if no one else understands it.

And Bethree's last lim should win this round, even though it doesn't have "Babylon" anywhere in it.

It's Bethree's competition - so she is ineligible!

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And Bethree's last lim should win this round, even though it doesn't have "Babylon" anywhere in it.

Put a hysterically laughing face after this quote.

If you thought New Zealand oysters were nutty, take a look at this cookbook.

Be discreet when you eat a bull’s nuts.
We all know that it takes lots of guts.
Don’t chomp down a testicle
Just for the spectacle.
It’s not really a reason to strut.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Now some folks would say it ain’t nacho
To batter-fry some fella’s macho
But one gal confesses
she eats em fer breakfas’
An’ washes ‘em down with gaspacho

There’s a chef by the name of McFee
Who had needed thick glasses to see.
But they did fix his eyes
(To his doctor’s surprise)
‘Cause he excised the balls off a flea.

“But the best trick of all,” said McFee,
“Is that everyone else who can see
Thought I cut the flea’s nut
“Cause I said I did, but
They don’t know the cut flea was a she.”

When packing the Tickle-Me dolls,
The doll packer fondly recalls,
They hired Don Rickles
To give them test tickles
So they could be sold in the malls.

This tesricular chef named McFee’s
Tried all of his clients to please.
The meals they’d enjoy
Were the compacted boy
Sacs of over a googol of fleas.

Gosh I'm getting hungry. And, Jerry, I don't even want to know what a tickle-me-Rickles doll looks like!

Bulletin from Babylon: presently we have seven(7) submissions from five(5) contenders (and of course the three uncountable lovelies with which yours truly shall jerk your respective chains..)

Let's sharpen those pencils! Haven't heard yet from some of our most versiferous folk, BOB.. STELLA..SHU..? Don't let a l'il dactyl slow ya down!

I was going to tack on a sixth line to the last lim

(From a recipe wrenched from Bethree.)

but thought better of it.

I'm in, babylon!

Take a cat and a dog, both with fleas,
Add some scientists, all with degrees.
Let them check the fleas’ leap
And the statistics keep.
Share one IgNobel prize, if you please.

For further information regarding this limerick, please see the "Useless Information" thread.

Said a person in Sault Ste. Marie,
"The fog is so thick I can't see,
And I try to avoid
Being called 'paranoid'
But I think someone's following me."

There once was a man from the Hague
Whose sexual needs were quite vague.
So he gave guys a shot
But it wasn’t so hot,
‘Til the day he met Senator Crague.

I once went with a girl named Louise
Who an oldster said, “She’s the bee’s knees.”
But I’m full of lanquor,
'Cause she’s gone to Bangor.
Oh, how I do miss my Maine squeeze.

The smart folks in Lima, Peru
Climbed the Andes as if they all knew
That intelligence revels
At much higher levels
For they all have a higher IQ.

Can I just check something on pronunciation, please?

In the US, is it BAB-a-lon (or BAB-uh-lon, or even BAB-lon) because all of those I can rhyme (well nearly) but MY usual pronunciation of BAB-i-lon is defeating me at the moment.

In NZ it's BAB-uh-lon.

Ditto Stella, in NE USA parlance. Bob, I'm sure no one will object to your temporarily adopting a colonial dialect-- after all, it's for art.

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but MY usual pronunciation of BAB-i-lon is defeating me at the moment.

It is defeating all of us, Bob. I've decided that when the rhyme is so hard, sometimes the rest of the limerick just isn't right.

I've found if you just rhyme with "bluff" it all comes out OK>

Now, now, we have a dozen lovelies submitted by seven intrepid high-altitude limerickers. Will publish as soon as I receive Bob's.

Hurry, Bob. We're getting antsy!

The frustrated limericker in Babylon
Was delighted to find a new Krabylon*
In a manner of speaking
The words he was seeking
Also included Mabylon.*

*Krabylon and Mabylon are new words whose sole function is to rhyme with Babylon.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: jerry thomas,

I sent one a few hours ago. Did you get it?

I’ve tried to find uses for Krabylon
But find I like better the Mabylon.
It’s older but neater
And smells much the sweeter
But can just be bought in old Babylon.

quote:

Originally posted by BobHale:
I sent one a few hours ago. Did you get it?

Got it!

Wow! I am so psyched. After much complaining and dragging of feet, we ended up with a record fifteen limericks! The stampede of latecomers included royalty visiting from OEDILF (Welcome David!), and a rare limerick-submitter, Timon (thanks, Timon!!)

First, allow me to bore you with my limericks (hey, I’m the host, you can’t stop me!) I believe you’ll find them of high caliber (said she, modestly). In all fairness, however, I have to handicap myself. Fact is, I’ve been pondering, editing, & hoarding these Baby’s lo these many months-- against the hope I’d win again one day and lay this nasty non-anapest locale on you.

Alonzó, a wordsmith from Babylon
Was given a huge marble slab. Alon-
Zó, though bemused,
Eventually used
It as a flat place to play Scrabble on.

When Aesop was passing through Babylon
Through scurrilous filth he did drabble on
“Thank god(s) I’m not eyeless--
Hey, find me a stylus
And wax to scratch my latest Fabble on!”

Among the worst sinners in Babylon
Was Nabo, sahib of the shabby con.
His left hand so deft
Committed grand theft
While his right hand was shining the rabble on.

And now, on to the contenders. Given the difficulty of rhyme and meter, we could simply select the one that parses best. But then we’d miss out on the fun, the dirt, and the frankly peculiar. >Sigh< It’s a tough decision.

First up, a duo from Proofreader:

I once knew a woman from Babylon
With bust so big you could play Scrabble on.
I had wanted to screw
But she said, “No, not you.
I don’t often let the worst rabble on.”

A Nubian man walked to Babyl-
-on on feet unused to hard scrabble.
On the route, He complained,
These here feet ain’t been trained
For dis, jes’ de road with smooth grabbel.”

We must agree that Proofreader’s #1 above shows his usual competent grasp of what the limerick is all about. My guess is, when he gets a grip on meter, he’ll be winning every competition.

Another trio, from versatile contender Jerry Thomas.

When the bus driver outbound from Babylon
Couldn't quiet the passenger who'd babble on,
He secured the old wench
To an old bus-stop bench
And decided then just to travel on.

Due to dry weather in Babylon
Homeowners can no longer have a lawn.
But with backbreaking toil
Decorating their soil
They're putting a thick coat of gravel on.

The Chaneys, from near Babylon,
Decided that they'd have to travel on
To spend all of their days
Attempting to raise
Their offspring -- their first baby, Lon.

Oh, that MEAN bus-driver. This would have been my selection except for the metric bump (and DE-cided then…) (Tho’ the tiny Chaney family was endearing, off to raise their baby Lon like meerkats or something!)

Myth Jellies entertains with a downright strange Jamaican take. Got me running to my encyclopedia for Irie, which I gather is the don-worry-be-happy version of kharma? I like it. “Cannabis-less” would have brought this into close contention, if it weren’t for Babylon being out of “A”- position.

A Rasta man so woebegone
Is lost in his own Babylon
His Irie in distress
When cannabis-less
And he hasn't hit bong since the dawn


Richard was the only one to attempt to scale the heights of the tower of Babel! Is that how you Brits say “able”? (er, I mean, “Babel”?) Nice meter.

When humans decided to gabble on
They decided to build, there in Babylon,
A tower called Babel
But they sadly weren't able
To speak - it was too high to scrabble on.

Kalleh’s singlet is only perfect in rhyme and meter, and happily inserts a Wordcrafter we rarely see outside of the Word Games… Tempting to award a win to counter the last line.. but sadly, can’t overlook that Babylon’s not in “A” position.

There once was a beautiful city
With Gardens that hang down so pretty.
Let's go and bring Hab along
To visit old Babylon.
[This lim'rick won't win...such a pity!]

Here’s a trio from regularly-laureled Stella…

Our Lonnie loves sweets made in Babylon,
Especially those treats baked with apple on
And fluffy puff pastry.
He says they’re quite tasty,
But we say, “They’ll just make you flabby, Lon.”

On a slab in the lab lies dear Mab, ill on
Crabs that she bought back in Babylon.
It’s the worst of disasters
Cos no-one’s got casters
To wheelie her down to the chapel on.

Did the riff-raff and ragtags and rabble on
The banks ever dibble and dabble on
The river Euphrates,
And how did they rate these,
The wonderful gardens of Babylon?

Her last—please note—parses perfectly. Oh, Stella, you almost had me with the fabulous “Mab, ill on”. It’s the silliest of all, & would have won hands down despite the questionable made-up verb “wheelie”… but, consarn it, Babylon was out of place.

Welcome to David Franks, from The OEDILF!!

The tour leader tended to gabble on
As we viewed all the sights in old Babylon.
I encouraged big fusses
In second-class buses,
But couldn't sign all of the rabble on.

The big prize in chemistry may be won
By this fabric that's known to be stabile on
Newborn children. It's true:
Tinkle, spit-up and poo
Cannot hurt the fine textile called Babylon.

Mr Franks, as one might expect, has a perfectly-rhymed & -metered submission (No.1). Though it’s No.2 which deeply attracts, without doubt the possessor of the best line in contention, metered so perfectly: “TINK-le, SPIT-up and POO”. Sadly, we cannot award a win unless the specified locale is positioned at the end of Line 1. Hope to hear from you again!

Following from Bob Hale—nicely rhymed & metered, & ending in a query to which the answer is apparently, >thud<… “sound block.”

Said a circuit judge, sitting in Babylon,
"At the end of the trial, I will travel on-
But before I can go,
I would just like to know
What's this thing called – I'm banging my gavel on?

Wordcrafter Timon has an offering which is not only perfectly rhymed and metered, but has that certain ‘je ne sais quoi’—shall we call it the goofiness quotient?—cinched by the double entendre of “Cab.B” with “cabbie”…. OUR WINNER:

A young taxi-driver named Nabil, on
A journey from Baghdad to Babylon,
Boasted, “I’ve a degree
In cab-driving, you see,
From London, a Bachelor’s: Cab.B. (Lon.)"

This message has been edited. Last edited by: bethree5,

Nice set of entries.

I wasn't aware that the place name had to be at the end of Line 1 rather than simply in an A rhyme. Next time...

Note that my second limerick is not on the place; it is on a fictional miracle material which is pronounced differently. Its submission was even more in fun than was the other's.

I'm sorry Bethree decided not to judge my best effort merely because Babylon wasn't in the right place. But I liked it better than all the others.

Once a town, Babylon, in Iraq
Was well-known for its usage of craq
Not the drug or the gals --
Mostly men on their pals,
Since they inked “Enter Here” on their baq.

That's a shame. I can get behind that limerick in a big way-- it's magnificent.

Hey! I finally get the appreciation I so richly deserve.

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but sadly, can’t overlook that Babylon’s not in “A” position.

I totally shouldn't have won, partly because "Hab along" and "Babylon" don't rhyme perfectly, but mostly because it just wasn't that good. However, I thought we had decided that the venue could be put in any rhyming position, didn't we? Is it only the A-position? And, David, it definitely doesn't have to be just in the line 1 position. Also, it really has been up to the "judge" as to who wins. I do remember one winner where the venue wasn't even in a rhyming position.

Hey David and timon, don't I recognize you from OEDILF?

Yes and yes. This contest came up in an OEDILF thread. Blame Richard English.

I recognize your name, but you don't seem to visit The OEDILF much lately.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: David Franks,

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"Wordcrafter Timon has an offering which is not only perfectly rhymed and metered, but has that certain ‘je ne sais quoi’—shall we call it the goofiness quotient?—cinched by the double entendre of “Cab.B” with “cabbie”…. OUR WINNER:

A young taxi-driver named Nabil, on
A journey from Baghdad to Babylon,
Boasted, “I’ve a degree
In cab-driving, you see,
From London, a Bachelor’s: Cab.B. (Lon.)"

Somehow, from reading the above quote, I got the distinct impression that Timon was the winner.

Maybe I am missing something.

I don’t think Kalleh thinks she won, Jerry. Just that bethree consoled her (like all the rest of us losers) with the possibility that we MIGHT have won, if only the place name had been on the first line. Would it be churlish of me to mention that my Poughkeepsie and Gibraltar winners both had the place name on line 2? Yes? OK, then I won’t.

Anyway, setting aside that slight inconsistency, I‘d say that timon won fair and square with his innovative rhyme. I won’t hold it against him that I GAVE him the link to the contest (sheesh, don't you even know an empty gesture when you see one!) - and I’m only going to say one thing at this point – BRING IT ON, TIMON!!!

I confess I had always assumed that the rules stated that the rhyme had to be at the end of L1. 2 or 5.

And it's grand to see some OEDILFers here - our two sites do share a history, and are surely complementary.

(Reminder to self, taking note of the comments - make sure you put some sexy bits in the next one)

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I confess I had always assumed that the rules stated that the rhyme had to be at the end of L1. 2 or 5.

So did I, as if it helped any of mine.

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Richard was the only one to attempt to scale the heights of the tower of Babel! Is that how you Brits say “able”? (er, I mean, “Babel”?) Nice meter.

I have always pronounce "Babel" to rhyme with "Able". One of the few rules for English pronunciation is that the vowel before a single consonent is usually long, whereas that before a double consonent is short (cf. "babble" which rhymes with "gabble")

I see I had you all going with my iron-clad "rule" >snicker<. Just a rationale for choosing my favorite, of course.

However (harrumph): had I seen Proofreader's horrifyingly tacky take on Iraq before publication, results might have been different!

You're up, Timon!

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Originally posted by Richard English:
One of the few rules for English pronunciation is that the vowel before a single consonent is usually long, whereas that before a double consonent is short (cf. "babble" which rhymes with "gabble")

Wherefore "gavel" and "travel"?-- covered by 'usually'? No, seriously, I get you. I think it's a Brit thing, i.e. 'when in doubt [i.e. with a foreign place-name], use the rule.' On this side of the pond there tends to be a PC-ish, backbreaking attempt to pronounce every foreign place-name 'correctly', sometimes with comical results (especially, for example, if your own accent is undeniably Texan...)

I did actually include a note with mine indicating that I knew the rhymes weren't perfect, but I liked the limerick anyway.

And yes, we do usually allow the place to be in any of the A-rhyme positions (1,2 or 5) just to give a bit more variety and flexibility.

We don't allow it in the B-rhyme position (3 or 4).

With that said, the judges decision is always final.