D'ja maka me crazy with taking so long in sending your limericks? NO! Here they are! Please choose your favorite...and thanks for all your hard work. I heard from you privately that the rhyme wasn't so easy after all. I should have just chosen Nantucket and been done with it!

Question:
1. I took my new girl to Jamaica
And there I discovered she'd fake her
Protracted orgasms
With loud screaming spasms --
I must find somewhere quieter to take her.

2. When I met her I said I would take her
To that wonderful island, Jamaica.
"A week in the sun
With you - oh what fun!
Can my husband come too - he's a baker?"

3. A woman who hailed from Jamaica,
So desperate for 'er date ta take 'er,
Had such a loud scream -
With a head full of steam,
He withdrew claiming she was a faker.

4. An immensely tall girl in Jamaica
Was annoyed that short men could not take her.
But she’s happily wed
And makes love in her bed
To a basketball pro, former Laker.

5. Baking goods in a shop in Jamaica
Was an old Rastafarian baker.
Marijuana was part
Of his fine mango tart,
And it beat what he ate as a Quaker.

6. A hermaphrodite babe in Jamaica
Was concerned only one sex should taica.
So she packed her vagina
With rickshaws from China
And a gross of croissants from the baica.

7. The beer that the folks in Jamaica
Would drink when they needed to slake a
Fierce thirst of some type
Is known as Red Stripe,
With Desnoes and Geddes its maker.

8. There once was a poor undertaker
Who sadly had made a mistake. A
Corpse he'd embalmed
Woke up quite alarmed
So he fled in disgrace to Jamaica.

9. In an antique boutique in Jamaica
I bought what they claimed was a Shaker
Table and chair
But "buyer beware"
Turns out they're the work of a faker.

10. A woman who hailed from Jamaica
Was keen to be laid by a Laker,
But when tempted by Shaq,
She said you're now a hack
And no Celtic ex-Laker could take 'er.

11. When a guy tells his gal that he’ll take ‘er
To Sunny and beachy Jamaica,
She knows it’s soon time
For a wedding – l’chaim!
[Though she’d better stop being a “faker!”]

Choices:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11

 

Good heavens. For the first time ever, two limericks here are in a dead heat. I can't decide. I think I'll wait to vote to see if there's some sort of tie.

Choose away, Wordcrafters. There a lot of choices this time!

A goodly selection - in spite of some people's concerns. I won't vote for my own, as usual.

You must have had a last minute sudden flurry of limericks, Kalleh. All of sudden it's gone from 4 to 11.

I did, Greg.

Richard, please feel free to vote for yours. That isn't a rule here.

BTW, I cannot tell you how happy I am with our limerick thread here, particularly with how we're having fun with limericks and not taking it all so seriously. Because of the Christmas email from OEDILF, I went back there to answer a few questions, one thing led to another (a rude Workshopper chimed in so I went to the forum to see if anyone had commented about his ways), and I found myself reading a thread that was amazingly out of control, spewing insults all over the place (including from the moderators themselves). It was all about a "flawed" limerick, though there was disagreement as to whether the flaw was "minor" or "major." In the end, it seemed to be considered (by most, though not the author) a "major flaw, but minor in the scheme of things." They finally posted the limerick in question. I thought it would be horrible as I can be put off by scansion problems (more than our English colleagues). I read it once, and again, and thought...this is what all of these scathing comments are about? I think they actually lost a member over this, in my opinion, rather nice limerick.

It made me very grateful for this game of ours. I get my "limerick fix" without all the hostility.

The person they "lost" had been asked to leave earlier in the year, and he agreed to go. However, he persisted in making comments in other workshops than his own, creating havoc and not even leaving when asked to no longer participate. If fact he was thee one who generated the Call For Action in that limerick session, not to ask if the lim was flawed but to see if his being called a "troll" was justified (and that action was a serious breach of conduct).

I thought that most of the vitriol in those OEDILF thread had been caused by a (very few) rude workshoppers/contributors and a similarly small number of hyper-sensitive recipients.

I have myself taken offence on some sites but not in response to comments, only censorship.

Interestingly there is a limerick contest at OEDILF (which I have not bothered with) and there the voting rules seem to be very strict - no voting for one's own work. I won't vote for my own work here, either - but it would be nice if a few more Wordcrafters were to cast their votes.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Richard English,

With 212 members, it's odd only a handful participate to any extent. Jump in, you lurkers!

A limerick is easy to write.
Just think of five lines clear and bright.
Spend a minute of time
To make sure they rhyme
And in this contest you'll be a winner.

quote:

The person they "lost" had been asked to leave earlier in the year, and he agreed to go.

Yes, the aggressor needs to go, I agree. He won't, though. I know his type, as we've had people like him here as well. Indeed, he was here for awhile until we finally had to ban him. It was this aggressor who was posting in my workshop. He didn't like the scansion of one of my limericks that was approved November 26, 2004! Yeah, things were a little lighter back then, and it only took 3 workshoppers to approve limericks. But, come on. This was an approved limerick that he was yammering endlessly about. I was on the verge of deleting it, though unfortunately I had added someone as a co-author so that complicated things.

The person whom I think will actually leave the site isn't the aggressor, who should go - or be asked to go; it's the one who wrote the limerick (which I didn't see as bad at all) and was attacked not only by the aggressor, but also some of the site bigwigs. That surprised me.

Anyway, back to my point. I love this thread, and I don't care how many people post limericks or vote. It has been fun, and I appreciate everyone's efforts here.

When I first joined this forum you guys made a joke suggesting "better not tell hum about OEDILF". From the preceding discussion I think I'm glad I stayed away.

Proof, Richard, Greg, and Kalleh have all commentated in this thread, but only three votes have been cast so far, one of which was mine. That's at least two who haven't voted.

quote:

Originally posted by Greg S:
When I first joined this forum you guys made a joke suggesting "better not tell hum about OEDILF". From the preceding discussion I think I'm glad I stayed away.

Although this is a particularly mannerly site, you shouldn't think that, because there are occasional arguments on OEDILF that it is a hotbed of online fury. Generally speaking people are very well-behaved and I could name many sites that are far worse and sites, moreover, where the administrators not only fail to control bad behaviour but don't even seem to notice it.

Both Wordcraft and OEDILF are pretty good - on the whole - at keeping things in order. The most difficult thing on any site is dealing with a talented contributor who has a particular characteristic than drives him or her into upsetting others. Do you ban that person and lose his or her skills, or do you retain that person and lose others? That is the problem that presently bedevils OEDILF.

OK Richard - I might reconsider, but I'm worried I met get too addicted.

Arnie - I haven't cast my vote yet, can't make up my mind, but I will soon. The one I'm leaning towards wouldn't really clarify the picture much as it would create a 4-way 1 vote tie.

That %^*^%$^^% Kalleh actually steered me to OEDILF. Now look at what she's done to me.

On a re-read I today confirmed my leaning and voted but as suspected it hasn't helped one little bit. Ultimately if a clearer picture doesn't emerge I guess Kalleh, as the game initiator. will have to place a casting vote.

I haven't voted yet, as I found two that I really liked and couldn't choose between them. I was thinking I'd be the tie breaker. At this point, one of the limericks I like has no votes and the other has one.

With only 4 votes to date and 11 limericks to judge, this is going to be a rather tricky poll

Guys, the limericks are fun. Let's not get all wound up about how many votes there are. This isn't a national election!

Any more before I let you know who wrote them? I am waiting to vote until the very end.

Interestingly, although I didn't even bother to look at the limericks in the OEDILF competition (CJ's instructions, precise though they may be, sometimes seem to me to make things seem more difficult than they are) - I see that over 30 people voted in their competition. They had around the same number of entries as we do.

Mind you, they are a dedicated limerick site so all those who post there will be interested in limericks - which is not the case here.

Rub it in...yes, they are more active than we are right now. Another difference is that they are all limerick lovers. Not everyone here is. I see they took our idea...once again.

Folks, any more votes?

I still haven't voted. I now have 3 I can't decide between, having read them all over and over. If I vote for 2 of them, neither have a vote. The other one would make it a three-way tie! Not sure what to do.

Okay, here we go...

1. Richard's and definitely a colorful one. It almost won.

2. Richard's - I think I just got this one! Sun...baker. At first I thought, "what does the husband being a baker have to do with it?"

3. Greg's - I had a little trouble with L2, though it surely was in the spirit of limericks!

4. Proof's, and love the Laker reference!

5. Proof's, and the winner! Who could pass up "Rastafarian?!

6. Proof's, though I got stuck on the "packed her vagina..."

7. Richard's, and I almost chose it. I loved "slake a" but wanted some humor.

8. Bob's, and I considered this one. Loved the story!

9. Bob's, and a dandy indeed. Love his zingers!

10. Greg's, and one of my favorites, as a huge basketball fan.

11. Mine, and so many problems that I won't bore you with the details. Not my finest!

Proof, it's your turn. Congratulations, and take a bow!

An excellent selection and a worthy winner.

The husband's being a baker is simply to make a rhyme, although there was a slight connection with the Jamaican sun. I tried to think of something more suitable and/or salacious - but the muse wouldn't oblige.

My Red Stripe limerick wasn't funny, I agree, but it was accurate.

I want to thank all the little people who I stepped on while climbing to this lofty height.

Let's get a place more susceptible to an easy rhyme to see if we can attract some of the lurkers. Come on in. It's easy to write a limerick on

CAPE COD,

where former president George Bush lives at one end, while he keeps the gays at the far end.

I'll start a new thread in a while once these instructions (to send your lim to me as a PM) are fully digested.

Yes, Richard, I agree with your beer one. It was one of the limericks that I was considering. Instead, I felt compelled to break the tie.