Here are the entries, along with their footnotes (if any):

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1)
A lonely old maid of Calais
Will charge forty Euros a day
As guide to the sights
The museums, the lights
And give twenty back if you stay


2)
Jean Baptiste Pierre Antoine de Monet*
On a day trip one day to Calais
Said, "I've finally solved
How the French have evolved
Avec les Gauloises et la Beaujolais."

*A pioneer in the field of evolutionary theory. Look him up.


3)
An oversexed lass of Calais
Took her cat to the vet one fine day
But she was recognised
And condemned and chastised
When he said, “which of you should I spay?”


4)
Miss Muffet once stayed in Calais.
She was eating her curds and her whey
When along came a spider
Who sat down beside her.
Miss Muffet just shooed him away.


5)
I once knew a gal named Esmée
Who hailed from the town of Calais
Her English was poor—
Some called her a hoor—
But she sure knew how to baiser!*

*baiser = to kiss; also a euphemism for sex


6)
An exercise freak in Calais
Would rise very early each day
He would run down the streets
Shaking folks from their sheets
"Toute le monde, Allez, Allez!"


7) From Dover's white cliffs to Calais
Is a scant thirty miles, so they say
If no man is an isle
Why does Boris the Vile
Say, “Europe, Go on, go away?”


8)
People who go to Calais
Vacation on seashores - and hey!
The people are French
Or English - they clench
When Americans speak in a bray.

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How say ye, folks? Time for feedback! Vote early and often!

I like #2, but I can't make it rhyme and I suffer an asthma attack just thinking of a Gauloise. I must therefore go with #3.

I assume I picked Bob's numbers one and two.

I also like #5. A tough choice between it and 3.

Hey, where is everyone??? Was there a solar eclipse and everyone is hiding in their huts fearing a viral corona?

OK, folks, the outside world is on hold for the next three weeks or so. Let's have a little more input here. (Also in Dugong territory next door!)

I’ll go for 1

That's two, do I hear three? Going once...

I like 2, but I find the arrhymia in line 5 to be jarring.

3, 5, 6, and 8 suffer from the same malady, if in different lines.

But as I'm the contest-runner, my opinion doesn't matter...

It matters if nobody else votes! I guess they're all hunkered in their bunkers with their two year supply of toilet paper.

quote:

Originally posted by haberdasher:
I like 2, but I find the arrhymia in line 5 to be jarring.

3, 5, 6, and 8 suffer from the same malady, if in different lines.

But as I'm the contest-runner, my opinion doesn't matter...

With so few of us here it matters little that I admit to number two. I was certainly tempted to begin line five with 'Vec rather than Avec which is how I read it and which makes it scan perfectly. reading with a French accent also helps. And also as the author of number three I confess I see no metrical issue, certainly as I say it.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BobHale,

There, y'see, Bob, I DID pick both of yours! Aren't you proud?

BTW, you picked my French Elanor Rigby, #1. Six and seven were also mine.

The consensus appears to be that we have more things to worry about than who wrote which piece of doggerel. I wonder why (NOT). So here's the answer key.

1.
A lonely old maid of Calais
Will charge forty Euros a day
As guide to the sights
The museums, the lights
And give twenty back if you stay
--geoff

2.
Jean Baptiste Pierre Antoine de Monet*
On a day trip one day to Calais
Said, "I've finally solved
How the French have evolved
Avec les Gauloises et la Beaujolais."
--BobHale

*A pioneer in the field of evolutionary theory. Look him up.

3.
An oversexed lass of Calais
Took her cat to the vet one fine day
But she was recognised
And condemned and chastised
When he said, “which of you should I spay?”
--BobHale

4.
Miss Muffet once stayed in Calais.
She was eating her curds and her whey
When along came a spider
Who sat down beside her.
Miss Muffet just shooed him away.
--haberdasher

5.
I once knew a gal named Esmée
Who hailed from the town of Calais
Her English was poor—
Some called her a hoor—
But she sure knew how to baiser!*

*baiser = to kiss; also a euphemism for sex
--bethree5

6.
An exercise freak in Calais
Would rise very early each day
He would run down the streets
Shaking folks from their sheets
"Toute le monde, Allez, Allez!"
--geoff

7.
From Dover's white cliffs to Calais
Is a scant thirty miles, so they say
If no man is an isle
Why does Boris the Vile
Say, “Europe, Go on, go away?”
--geoff

8.
People who go to Calais
Vacation on seashores - and hey!
The people are French
Or English - they clench
When Americans speak in a bray.
--kalleh
________________________

Stay well, everyone. The watchword is physical isolation, not really social isolation; it's easier to tolerate these days because of the internet...

I suspect most of us will likely come down with this virus eventually, and many will hardly notice it, so don't worry too much. Even if you're over 60.

Just wash your hands frequently, and touch your face a little as possible.

The UK is now in a more or less total physical isolation situation... the problem is that the scientists there are predicting that it will have to last until a vaccine is found because if it is lifted any sooner we could be facing a quarter of a million dead. My calculation puts it at slightly more than half a million and if we have deaths on the Italian scale we are looking at around five million.

quote:

Originally posted by haberdasher:

I suspect most of us will likely come down with this virus eventually, and many will hardly notice it, so don't worry too much. Even if you're over 60.

Just wash your hands frequently, and touch your face a little as possible.

Almost certainly true but of little consolation to the minimum of 200 million who would be dead. If the death rate follows Italian figures it would be more like a billion dead. Cheery today, ain't I? To make up for it I will send you my current cycle of poems on the topic in a PM. Some people have had them already. I don't want them out publicly on the Internet because I get paranoid about people stealing my work and claiming it as their own. I think I can trust people here though. Keep checking those PMs.

Well, Hab, mine is number 8. While, I agree, the content isn't great, I can't believe you had trouble with the meter. That's my thing. It is perfect to me. Oh well.

I like #2 because it is so unique. I liked #3 too, though had trouble with the meter. But in the end, I'll go for #4.

It's just that I stumble over a hole between Line 3 and Line 4.

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree on that, I guess. On the other hand, I do agree that it stinks - but it is the content that stinks, in my mind, not the meter.

So - who won?

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Well, we'll have to agree to disagree on that, I guess. On the other hand, I do agree that it stinks - but it is the content that stinks, in my mind, not the meter.

So - who won?

Can't say I noticed any problem with the metre.

re: problems with the meter/metre:

My definition of the meter of a limerick is

da-da-DA da-da-DA da-da-DAH
da-da-DA da-da-DA da-da-DAH
da-da-DA da-da-DA
da-da-DA da-da-DA
da-da-DA da-da-DA da-da-DAH

with a bit of flexibility at the beginning and end of many lines for "pick-up notes."

With that in mind - the stumbling blocks for me are

2) Line 5 - "Avec les Gauloises et la Beaujolais" I read as
a-VEC les Gaul-OISES et la Beau-jo-LAIS"
which is da-DA da-da-DA da-da-da-DA.
and extra syllable.

3) Line 3 - "But she was recognised" I read as
but-she-was REC-og-nized
or maybe BUT-she-was REC-og-nized
either way an extra syllable or two.

5) line 5 - "But she sure knew how to baiser!" I read as
either two extra syllables or else racing through "But-she" and making "sure" into two syllables.

6) Line 5 "Toute le monde, Allez, Allez!" I read "MON-de" as the stressed syllable whether "tout" is stressed or unstressed, and that disturbs the flow, or else leave us a sylable short.

8) LIne 4 - for greater smoothness I'd insert a "they're" between "Or" and "English" so it reads
"Or they're English - they clench..."

All matters of form, rather than content.

Sorry, not trying to workshop.

2) I pronounce it GAULoise which fixes that line as it's perfectly legit to have a minor stress on la

3) I remember having this argument over and pver at OEDILF. My argument runs like this
EVERYONE knows what a limerick sounds like.
Yes in normal speech recognized has first syllable stress
poetry is not normal speech
there is also nothing wrong with stressing WAS. As in "I WAS going to say nothing, but"
Line three I read as but she WAS recogNISED
the metre is fine

As ever YMMV
One reason I ultimately found the OEDILF was too much like work and not enough like fun

Alright, already! May we move on to another locale?

Hab, have you been called out of retirement during this doctor shortage?

Hmmmm.. If one itches all over, is it a pandermic?

Oh. Ans as to who won -
we have a like for 2
a like for 3
a vote for 4
and nobody else has been moved to cast an approving vote for anything.

Here's a call for votes !! Might as well, as we're all supposed to be hunkering down in our homes with little else to do for the next couple of weeks.

...and I haven't been called back to active duty yet (medically). Yet. Though I'm not sure I'm fit for anything beyond taking vital signs at this point, as far as the Authorities are concerned. And at high risk by virtue of seniority...

Ha! Your toenails know more than my entire brain! But, yes, there is that seniority/vulnerability issue.

BTW, if you re-read my first post above you'll see I did vote for Bob's #3. Thus a tie between you and Bob.

Revised tally

1: vote - |
2: like - |||
3: vote - | like - |
4: vote - |
5: like - |
6, 7, 8 - also ran

I think that summarizes as most liked 2, most votes tied 1,3,4.
Tie-breaker like makes 3 the winner !

That's you, Bob. Another job, on top of your already busy schedule. (If you choose to accept it. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds...sssss)

quote:

...and I haven't been called back to active duty yet (medically). Yet. Though I'm not sure I'm fit for anything beyond taking vital signs at this point, as far as the Authorities are concerned. And at high risk by virtue of seniority...

I'm in the same boat, though I have signed up to volunteer. They'd be better off keeping me on the sidelines.

Bob, what's up?

What's up?
With me nothing. Just forgot all about this.
With the world? Sad to say rather a lot. But you probably noticed already.

Actually things here in China are very nearly back to normal which should give you hope that it will eventually be normal there too, though if you (as a country) are sensible you will not try to jump too soon. Probably starting back to school Monday after next.

Well, I meant what's up with a new limerick? I am feeling a win coming on.

I'll get right on it