Let me see if I remember how to do this. Here are the eight limericks we've collected for Chester, and not a bad collection at all. Vote away.

Question:
1
There's a lice-ridden harlot in Chester
Who, determined no insects could bester,
So she sprayed DDT
In her asshole to see
If it killed off the bugs that infester

2
Horny Phil found a fat girl in Chester
Took her home, got her drunk, and undressed ‘er
But alas, to his shock,
She’d a big hairy cock,
And he ran from her pleas to molest ‘er.

3
Near Wales in a city named Chester,
Two sweethearts, Sylvester and Esther,
Strolled down by the river;
With a shiver and quiver,
They snuggled and then he undressed 'er.

4
Polly's scatter-brained lover from Chester
Took no notice of how he addressed her.
Though she didn't complain
When he called her Charmaine,
There was hell when he called Polly Esther.

5
Now Esther, a young girl from Chester,
Who's known as a bit of a jester,
Said, "Tomorrow be here
And I'll buy the beer!"
But Esther, the pest, was in Leicester.

6
An amply built woman from Chester
Found none of her suitors impressed 'er,
Till one stole her heart
Due in no minor part,
To the spot where he fondly caressed 'er.

7
A Catholic bishop from Chester,
Fell in love with a lass when he blessed ‘er
And he prays every day,
To his God, “Take away
This consuming desire to molest ‘er.”

8
Maude's a very nice grandma in Chester.
All her life she's let young studs molester.
So you still have a chance
To get into her pants:
She's on Twitter and Facebook -- requester.

Choices:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8

 

I'm glad I decided not to submit my other limerick - there seems to be rather a lot of undressing going on generally! Difficult choice but I've made my pick.

I'll vote today - but tomorrow I'll be off the Canada where I may - or may not be able to get onto this site.

just to put this on top

I've voted...but I am not happy with the results!

Sorry to ruin it for everybody who thought they were still an outside chance to win (myself included), but I couldn't go past "Polly Esther".

Voted now.
Why are you unhappy. K?

"Happy" probably isn't the best word. "Surprised" is more like it, but then I realize I shouldn't be. We all have different tastes in limericks, and I should remember that.

Since Greg "outed" a limerick above, I will do the same. I don't want people to think I was talking about my "voteless" limerick and therefore had sour grapes. Not the case at all! I wouldn't have voted for it myself; not one of my best.

quote:

Since Greg "outed" a limerick above

Hardly "outed" - I have only revealed that it's not mine. I only mentioned it because my vote virtually killed off the game.

Perhaps it was the wrong word...however, when you mention a limerick that you voted for (or one that hasn't received any votes, etc.), clearly it puts those limericks in another category. Maybe someone who hasn't voted, for example, sees someone complaining about not getting a vote (me?), so they make a "charity" selection. Alternatively, maybe someone wouldn't have been quite as enthralled with "Polly Esther" if it hadn't been pointed out. However, it seems that most votes are in now, so no matter.

8 is the most number of Votes I can remember being cast since I've been playing the game. When I cast my vote, the 7th at that point, it gave one limerick 3 votes, and a bunch of others had 1. It would have required 2 more voters both to vote for the same limerick, being one of those with 1 vote, to even force a tie, which would then come down to Mike's casting vote. As it turned out the 8th voter, Bob, voted for another one of those yet to receive a vote. The contest was very clearly all over, save for Mike making it official as soon as I cast my vote, and I wanted to apologise for ruining the contest. There is no way my comment could have had any impact whatsoever.

Oh, my. I didn't think I said you "ruined" the contest. Of course that's not the case! I didn't mean that, and I am sorry if it came across that way. You are correct; we had our normal number of voters already, and your comment didn't make a difference, in this game.

No - you didn't say nor imply that. I said I "ruined" the contest, because the contest was over as soon as I cast my vote.

Sorry for the delay. Here are the results, as determined by the international jury:

1 Proofreader’s first effort gained my vote. I was torn between this and the eventual winner, but chose this because I thought it deserved a vote. I would have preferred who’s to who in L2, but otherwise it scanned well, was funny, and as dirty as a good limerick should be!

2 My first limerick, pushing the boundaries of good taste, gained a vote from some suitably debauched voter.

3 Kalleh’s sweet story of young love didn’t get the vote that it deserved. Kalleh was a little hard on this limerick, I feel. I really liked it.

4 Guy Barry’s clever wordplay took home the bacon, and was a deserving winner. I think this one would have won even if Guy had submitted his second limerick, but who can knock a winning strategy?

5 Another sweet limerick, surprisingly enough submitted by Richard ;-) . Perhaps a lesson in how Leicester should be pronounced? Another to pick up a single vote.

6 Greg’s usual high quality entry could have won on another day, but it was running in a tough field. A well-placed second!

7 My second effort, less distasteful perhaps, also managed to snag a vote. I preferred my first one.

8 Proofreader’s second entry also captured a single admirer. I liked it too. Proof’s were the first two limericks I got, and at the time I was sure one of the two would be a winner, but it seems Chester was a fruitful subject. Lots of good quality limericks, and this is reflected in the even voting. Guy’s was a clear winner though, so it’s over to you, Guy, for the next place name.

quote:

Originally posted by Mike:
4 Guy Barry’s clever wordplay took home the bacon, and was a deserving winner. I think this one would have won even if Guy had submitted his second limerick, but who can knock a winning strategy?

Thank you. In fact if my three votes had been split across two limericks one of them would have had at least two, so I'd still have won regardless. However I still believe my strategy was vindicated!

When I initially saw two other limericks involving the name "Esther" my heart sank a little, but it was nice to win with a good honest pun (and a clean one as well!).

quote:

Lots of good quality limericks, and this is reflected in the even voting. Guy’s was a clear winner though, so it’s over to you, Guy, for the next place name.

Thanks and can I say that I had a difficult choice amongst the others - the standard was very high this time.

New place name to come shortly...

Somewhat to my sursprise I have managed to log on using someone else's computer and internet access. So hello from the Canadian Rockies!

What do you mean by a "sweet" limerick? Not scurrilous enough, maybe

I think any limerick using the word "pest" qualifies as sweet, but that may simply be a personal prejudice. I don't think any limerick could ever be harmed by being more scurrilous though

By the way Guy, I know I should be thinking about new "Tooting" limericks now, but your very clever "Polly Esther" limerick keeps popping up in my head, and this time with a slightly different twist:

Ironically brought up in Chester,
Polly was a Double-D breaster.
But were they for real?
Well after a feel,
A few blokes have called Polly, Esther.