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Humorous lines
August 08, 2003, 04:07
Richard EnglishHumorous lines
I was once told that evil had vanished from the world because the Devil was dead.
This came about because of a notice in a local laundry which said "Satin dyed here"
Richard English
August 08, 2003, 06:54
<Asa Lovejoy>"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
~~ Groucho Marx
I must say, I always thought that myself!
__________________________________________
No, Groucho was wrong. The Latin term for neck is
cervix.
August 08, 2003, 10:08
Hic et ubiqueVery interesting, Asa. In the future, whenever I hear a woman referred to as being "frigid", I'll think of
cerveza fría.
But I digress.
August 08, 2003, 10:11
Hic et ubiquequote:
Kalleh: "Hello. We curl up and dye."
Richard: ""Satin dyed here"
Those familiar with the saying, "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die," will appreciate the motto of an overweight group for their last-blast party:
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.August 10, 2003, 20:23
KallehAnd since we're talking about
drinking...:
I recently saw this on the German beer called Warsteiner, which, by the way, really isn't bad (though nothing like Fuller's 1845):
Because life is too short to drink cheap beer.
October 11, 2003, 19:31
KallehI found a school report that my daughter had written when she was 7 (she is in law school now!); it was about what she thought her life would be like:
I will either have a wonderful husband, or I will be a widow. Hmmm, the implications of that...!
November 27, 2003, 21:14
<Asa Lovejoy>Just seen on a newsgroup: I am NOT a complete idiot! A few of my parts are missing!
November 28, 2003, 03:40
arnieThe presenter of the TV series
Robot Wars, Craig Charles, referred in one episode to robots "beating the scrap out of each other". A very nice turn of phrase, I thought.
November 28, 2003, 21:48
<Asa Lovejoy>"beating the scrap out of each other". A very nice turn of phrase, I thought.
____________________________________________
GEAR! GEAR!
November 29, 2003, 01:59
Richard EnglishMy father once said to a bank manager who was arguing about extending company's overdaft facility, "...Mr X, nobody's perfect but you're the nearest to a perfect bloody fool I've ever met..."
He didn't get the overdraft!
Richard English
November 30, 2003, 19:39
KallehA common phrase here in the states is: "Friends don't let friends drive drunk." As you enter New Orleans there is a big sign saying, "Friends don't let friends eat frozen fish."
December 01, 2003, 10:11
C J StrolinOr "Friends don't let friends vote Republican."
And here's another variation that puzzled me until someone finally clued me in to its meaning: "Friends don't let friends ride rice burners."
Ever see that one before? Any guesses as to its meaning. (correct answer in a few days)
December 01, 2003, 10:25
arnie Urban Dictionary gives 47 definitions of "rice burner". The one I like best is the first:
quote:
Any heavily modified Japanese car used for street racing. Usually found with a Riceboy inside, an awkward teenage boy with a penis as small as his acne problem is large.
December 01, 2003, 10:45
C J StrolinClose enough.
The mildly racist advice quoted above refers to Japanese motorcycles and is popular with biking afficianados who favor the Harley-Davidson.
December 01, 2003, 22:48
<Asa Lovejoy>Times change. In my youth a rice burner was any Japanese car, but that was in the 1960s.
Asa Flatus Senex
January 01, 2004, 17:35
Kalleh"Why can't you share your bed? The most loving thing to do is to share your bed with someone."
~ Michael Jackson, entertainer
"I fooled some the most brilliant people in journalism."
~ Jayson Blair, former NY Times reporter
"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of the Iraqis."
~ Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, former Iraqi Information Minister
"I feel sad, which is not a typical emotion for me."
~ Martha Stewart, businesswoman
"It's the most difficult [decision] I've made in my entire life, except the one I made in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax."
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger (on his decision to run for governor in California, and he won!)
"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.
~ Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense
"Shut up you monkey! Curse be upon your mustache, you traitor!"
~ Izzat Ibrahim al-Douri (Iraq's former V.P., talking to the Kuwaiti Minister of State for Foreign Affairs, during an emergency summit of Islamic nations in Qatar.)
"Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea.
~ Jessica Simpson, Performer
Are there any 2003 memorable quotes from the U.K.?
January 02, 2004, 03:16
BobHaleThere is a good selection
here as well as various international ones.
Strangely none of the sites I hit quoted my favourite (I might get it slightly wrong from memory), Tony Blair claiming that the Iraqis "have weapons of mass destruction deployable within forty five minutes."
Why should I let the toad
workSquat on my life ?
Can't I use my wit as a pitchfork
And drive the brute off ?
Read all about my travels around the world here.Read even more of my travel writing and poems on my weblog.[This message was edited by BobHale on Fri Jan 2nd, 2004 at 3:50.]
January 03, 2004, 22:18
KallehThanks for the international flavor, Bob. My favorite of yours is Nelson Mandela's. Of mine, I love Jessica Simpson's!
January 04, 2004, 04:21
Richard EnglishQuote "..."Do you know who I am? I bloody demand that he's upgraded. Don't you know he's a millionaire?"
Liz Hurley throwing a strop to get her lover upgraded on a flight..."
Sadly the over-paid and self-important celebrities will still continue to get their complimentary upgrades to a class that they could readily pay for from their millions, whereas the underpaid, hardworking and honest check-in clerk probably got the sack!
Frankly, it's a b.... disgrace that the overpaid and over-exposed few should, by their status, get for nothing that which the majority of us cannot afford.
It's blackmail, of course, but blackmail that the airlines seem all to happy to succumb to.
Frankly I wish I'd been in the checkin queue so I could have riposted, "...If he's a millionaire then he can afford to pay - now put up or shut up...!
Richard English
January 04, 2004, 18:57
KallehOh, I really agree with you, Richard. For the rest of us, they will
never allow an upgrade. I was on one flight where the flight was completely filled and the first-class section was empty. Still, they would allow no movement.
"Throw a 'strop?'" Dictionary.com defines "strop" as "A strap, especially a short rope whose ends are spliced together to make a ring." What does it mean in this situation?
January 05, 2004, 06:07
Richard EnglishThis is a British English word that gained currency around the middle of the last century (when I was at school) and it means a person who is awkward, argumentative or difficult. Most agree that it comes from the adjective "obstreperous".
To "throw a strop" derives from stroppy and simply means to behave in an awkward or argumentative manner. (And yet another meaning of the verb "to throw").
Richard English
March 08, 2004, 19:39
KallehYou have to have a sense of humor for this one; thankfully my sister does.
My sister, a psychiatric nurse, lost her husband a few years ago to a very rare disease that I believe we have discussed on this board--Pickwickian Syndrome. He was fine one day, and in 2 or 3 days, deteriorated quickly. When my sister asked how her husband was doing, the attending physician said, "He is unraveling like a cheap K-Mart sweater."
And, who says that bedside manner is a lost art!
May 11, 2004, 11:09
Kalleh Reviving a thread times 2!One of the funniest comedians around has died: Alan
King.Here is one of my favorite stories about him, and it is relevant to our mixed American/British audience here:
"He also worked as the opening act for such music stars as Lena Horne, Billy Eckstine, Patti Page and Judy Garland, whom he joined in a command performance in London for Queen Elizabeth II.
After that show he was introduced to the queen and, when she asked, 'How do you do, Mr. King?' he said he replied: 'How do you do, Mrs. Queen?'
'She stared at me, and then Prince Philip laughed,' he recalled. 'Thank God Prince Philip laughed.'"