I have the first of what I hope are many entries in this new limerick game.

Send in your limericks based on a fairy tale or nursery rhyme of YOUR CHOICE. Please make sure that your topic is identifiable in some way (even if it's just a title).

If this doesn't suit your sensibilities, we'll go back to the mundane "placename" concept.

For the newbies, send a PM to me with the lim and, depending on quantity, look for the results around Jan 4th.

You have mine.

Right now I have three entries. Surely there are those among you who can beat this one of mine:

A prince had to kiss Sleeping Beauty.
Some think he did it out of duty
But we know the truth --
Egads and forsooth --
He did it to get Beauty’s booty

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
Right now I have three entries.

yeah, but mine was longer.

Kalleh, Jerry, Arnie and Bobhale have entries so far. Are there any other takers? Or limerick-makers?

Sly Rapunzel would let down her hair
In hope that some nice guy was there.
When a man climbed her tower,
She said, I'm in your power."
But he said, "I'm afraid I'm queer, dear."

I wrote one and tried to send it but got a strange error response. Please let me know it it's not arrived and I'll re-send it (if I can remember it all!)

Richard, with all the strange computer problems you have had recently, have you run an up to date virus scan?

Richard's has arrived safely, along with a box of chocolates and a case of beer.

quote:

Richard, with all the strange computer problems you have had recently, have you run an up to date virus scan?

Bob. I update my virus signatures every day and run an all-system scan every day after the update.

I am still getting the problem with this site (and only this site) that my read messages are still flagged as unread and I can find no way of getting rid of the warnings. With other sites there is often an option to mark all messages read manually - but not this one.

And it's been since 22 December that this has started to happen; all new messages since that date refuse to turn into read messages once I've opened them.

Because this is the Festivus holiday weekend, I am extending the closing date to January 6. Please make your entries before that date or they will not be considered for the Grand Prize.

Here are the entries in this contest, and a diverse selection they are.

I can't make up my mind which is the winner, so they are numbered and I invite you to vote for the one you believe is the best.

Please don't vote for your own. Those who didn't enter a limerick are invited to choose the one they like best.

One
Maria, they say, had a lamb
And a well focused video cam.
Against all the rules
About lamb cams in schools
She said, “I don’t give a damn.”

Making rhymes from a child’s fairy tales?
Are we thinking what this task entails?
From folklore forgotten
With a source misbegotten
What to do when our memory fails?

Two
An old lady whose stone cottage stood
Deep in the heart of the wood
Had a lovely grand-daughter
Who frequently brought her
Her dinner. (And dressed in a hood.)

The hood that she wore was of red,
And she carried a basket of bread
And a morsel of cheese
(And several fine teas)
For her Grandmother, sick in her bed.

While Red Riding Hood followed the track
Her Grandmother’s attention was slack
So when somebody knocked
And she cried, “It’s unlocked!”
’Twas a great wolf in search of a snack.

It came in with a bound and a leap
Before Granny could let out a peep
And with one single bite
Swallowed her right
Down into his stomach so deep.

Then he dressed in her bonnet and gown
And crept under the eiderdown
To await the next course
With no hint of remorse
And lay there with a grin, not a frown.

Red Riding Hood entered the room
And peered through the gathering gloom,
Saw the wolf in the bed
And, startled, she said
”You eyes, my how large they do loom!”

Said the wolf, “They just let me see well.
You’re a beautiful child I can tell
And my ears? Ain’t they grand?
I hear so well, and
As for my teeth, they’re just swell.”

With that he sprang from the bed,
And tried to bite off her sweet head
But a man with an ax
Rushed in and two whacks
Later the beast was quite dead.

Now, though it’s a hard thing to credit
Believe me, I just wouldn’t edit
For out of the skin
They saw Granny begin
To crawl, still alive, she’d not fed it.

The end of the story? Not quite.
Though everything tuned out all right,
And the wolf had been slain
They must do it again.
Wolves travel in packs, and at night!

Three
There once was a girl with a hood
Who visited gram in the wood.
Oh the wolf, for his sup,
Just swallowed them up!
But the wolf’s hardihood’s not withstood.

Four
There once was a girl called Cinderella
Who had to clean from attic to cellar
She got several blisters
And had two mean sisters
But she got to screw a great fella

Five
Jack and Jill went for sex up the hill,
Jack thought she was now on the Pill.
But sadly she’s not
And a baby has got..
And Jack is now stuck in Brazil.

Six
In the original version of Snow White
The Queen demanded a bite
Of the pretty one’s heart
But the woodsman so smart
Stewed a pig’s organ out of pure spite.


The mom of Rose White and Rose Red
Let a bear come in and be fed
When she saw he had money
She said, “Aw shucks honey,
Take my pretty daughters to bed.”


“Dear Hansel—” said dad, a prime louse
“—Take your sis in the woods” grinned his spouse
“Leave a trail made of crumb
(Little kids are so dumb)
And check out the gingerbread house”

Proofreader NOT ELIGIBLE - DON"T VOTE
They say Humpty sat high on a wall
And Mr. Dumpty enjoyed a great fall.
All the king’s men had fits
Scooping up little bits
For an omelet about three feet tall.

There once was a young man named Toby
And within the confines of his robe he
Had an E-normous tool.
All the girls thought it cool
To refer to his dick as a Moby.

Edited to fix typo in five

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

Aw, Proof. Do your job! Pick one! That's the fun of being the winner. You can be all selfish and choose something where everyone else says, "I can't believe he chose that one!

I agree with Kalleh! Don't wimp out! We've tried voting in the past and it proved inconclusive and unsatisfactory. Do your job!

Proof, my vote's with Arnie and Kalleh

You pushed the envelope with a new kind of topic, good idea, I think you revived the game!

Now ya gotta pick a winner

Very well. You asked for it.

I choose number five.

Here are the entries:

1 Jerry Thomas
2 BobHale
3 Kalleh
4 arnie
5 Richard
6 bethree5

Let the screaming begin! Be advised that the selection was made by a scientifically reliable method involving a blindfold, a pin, and a donkey's tail.

Now that you've done your job, I will tell you the one that I picked. I liked arnie's (though line 2 gave me some meter problems), and I had a feeling it was written by someone an English accent because of the rhyming of fella and cellar and Cinderella.

I didn't much like L2's scansion either. I'd have probably written "feller" rather than "fella" but thought the latter might be clearer to those with US accents.

Good heavens. I wrote mine in a rush and wasn't all that pleased with it. But it shows how different people's preferences are.

So I do I now have to think of a place - as was the original concept of this game - or a different idea?

For what it's worth I would prefer that we go back to the placename idea and, if someone wants to think of another limerick-related game - maybe a historical tale as a limerick, a bit like my:

Heloise's and Abelard's passion
Was not in twelth century fashion.
Uncle's rage was so great
At her pregnant state,
That he cut of their amorous ration.

then that's up to him or her.

Assuming we are back to the placename idea, I will suggest the next village down from mine on the A24, Dial Post. The name is barely stressed, but what stress there is is on the first word.

Entries to me by PM in the usual manner.

What fabulously quaint-sounding countryside you have there, RE! I took a peek in youtube and came up with a scene right out of Shining Time Station!

Dial Post, huh? That's not going to be easy.

Why don't you start a new thread, Richard?

quote:

What fabulously quaint-sounding countryside you have there, RE! I took a peek in youtube and came up with a scene right out of Shining Time Station!

I don't know what "Shining Time Station" might be but I was at the Dial Post rally last year. Take a look at the scene 40 seconds in and you will see my three Rudges. Nearest is my 1939 250 Rapid, then my 1930 Uslster and finally my 1950 Rudge bicycle with a Cyclemaster wheel.

I hope to be there again this year.

Oh, my gosh Richard how cool!!!

Just read this old post sorry! I was raised in upstate NY; just for fun we had a Model T pickup in the back 40, & it was the vehicle of choice for midnight runs up to the old mudhole for a swim. My mom scored high in my book with her abilities to double-clutch the old thing.

Here in NJ despite the city culture we do have backwoods rallies. When alive, my old dad (a onetime stock-car racer as well as a loving tender of many an antique 'jewel' of a vehicle)& his buds used to make the trek down to a spot in NJ not far from where I eventually settled for the antique truck fair and other such things. Even here close to the city, there are gatherings of '50's-era nonconformists every spring. There's a hot-dog stand in Kenilworth (once a proud town; today but a brief strip near the Garden State Pkwy) that is still a weekly mecca for oldies & their Easy-Rider era choppers on summer evenings.

Shining Time Station (check this at about 2 mins)-- now you've burst our bubble! My block- and train-crazy kids were raised on this show of course thought all of England's countryside resembled its HO-scaled scenery