Eleven entries submitted, which is a record for the (admittedly short) time I've been here. Thanks everyone!

1.
A physicist working in Box
Travelled faster than light: changed the clocks.
He got back where he started
Before he'd departed
And then didn't go: paradox!

2.
When they saw what he packed in his jocks,
At a rowing regatta near Box,
They kicked out his crew
Claiming, "Surely you knew
That you cannot have more than one cox!"

3.
A stocking collector from Box
Met a whore who took payment in frocks.
He didn't get much
Satisfaction as such -
The sex sucks when you've six sacks of socks.

4.
There's a hill close to Dorking called Box,
Where the southerly winds lift the frocks
Of the girls on its slopes--
And raise too the hopes --
Of the fellows not used to such shocks.

5.
A financial wizard in Box
Made his fortune investing in stocks.
While he bought and sold grains,
His best capital gains
Came from brothels, where girls serviced cocks.

6.
In Wiltshire's a village named Box
Where I met an incredible fox!
This ambrosial chick
Would turn trick after trick
While naked except for her socks!

7.
There’s a factory turning out clocks
On a street in the village of Box.
But they had to recall
Every clock, one and all:
They had ‘ticks’ but were missing their ‘tocks.’

8.
There was once a young Jack down in Box
Who was blessed with not one but two cocks.
For the ladies he loved
He would keep them well-gloved
And just pop out his quadruple rocks.

9.
There once was a fellow from Box
Who liked wearing suspenders and frocks.
He walked down the street
With high heels on his feet -
It seems nowadays nothing shocks.

10.
A double-dicked fellow in Box
Was afflicted with such a bad pox
That his testicles withered,
And the old bastard dithered,
"Oh, what shall I do with my cox!"

11.
An obliging young lady from Box
Likes hanging around by the docks.
As the sailors come in
She pops up with a grin
And shouts "Opportunity Knocks!"

Question:
Which one gets your vote?

Choices:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11

 

Jeb Raltar, while visiting Box,
Told his men, "Please take care with your cocks.
Do not fill to the brim
Every quavering quim,
Lest your penis pick up some pus pox."

But his men were too lustful, you see,
And they swived and filled holes with great glee.
So Jeb warned them in vain
And they suffered much pain
The next week when they pissed burning pee.

Seems that most all had screwed this girl Mia
Who's so ugly that hounds try to tria.
And she gave each poor sap
The worst case of the clap
Which combined measles with gonorrhia.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,

I feel that three and seven have equal merit, although most gave me a chuckle. Ogden Nash could have written the one about clocks, and number one was a Nash parody. I flipped a coin and chose three.

ONly three votes so far nd two are mine.

There are some darned good ones here.

I marveled at two featuring two cocks!

quote:

ONly three votes so far nd two are mine.

How do you get to cast 2 votes? Do you have another nom de plume that you play under?

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:
I marveled at two featuring two cocks!

I'm surprised there were so few

Here's the one I was originally going to submit. I switched to my second-preference limerick because it was too similar to one of the others, but I still rather like it:

A lady canoeist from Box
Passed a rowing eight down by the locks.
The fellow on stroke
Was a good-looking bloke
But she most loved their cute little cox.

Well I reckon you should have put it in. I would have voted for it, I reckon it is better than any of the others by a long shot, and then you might have been the first person since I've been playing the game to win 3 in a Row.

quote:

How do you get to cast 2 votes?

Chicago-style

Any more votes? Last call.

Here are the results - a three-way tie!

1 (Bob) - I liked this one, and would probably have voted for it had I not wanted to avoid a four-way tie. It reminded me of this one, but with a novel twist at the end. Technically in fourth place, but morally a joint first.

2 (Greg) - I thought this was fun and couldn't understand why it didn't score. Maybe it was scuppered by the pun at the end, which didn't quite work ("more than one cocks" wouldn't be grammatical). As I mentioned, I'd thought of a similar pun myself but decided not to use it.

3 (Mike) - Very deft piece of wordplay in the last line which led this one to a deserved joint first place. Enjoyed it.

4 (Richard) - technically "the wrong Box", being the one in Surrey rather than Wiltshire (not that it really mattered). Well written but no real "sting" in the last line; no votes I'm afraid.

5 (Proofreader) - I admit to being nonplussed by this one, as the punchline seemed to be tacked on as an afterthought. Was I missing something? Also voteless.

6 (Kalleh) - I quite liked this, and thought it deserved better than nil. The best aspect was the subversion of my original assumption that the "fox" was of the bushy-tailed variety.

7 (Proofreader again) - Another favourite of mine, a clever idea and nicely executed. Joint first place.

8 (Bethree5) - the first of two on this theme, unsurprisingly. Appealingly filthy but unfortunately failed to pick up a vote.

9 (Bob again) - Not bad, although once again I was expecting a bit more of a punchline. Didn't attract any votes.

10 (Geoff) - the second on this theme, with a similar lascivious appeal, but again sadly voteless. Don't think I've seen one of Geoff's before - will we be getting more?

11 (Me) - this was hurriedly thrown together after I withdrew my original entry, and to be honest I didn't expect any votes, so it was a bit surprising to end up in joint first place! I don't know why but thanks to the two people who voted for me.

So it's up to me to pick the winner. As we discussed previously it would be highly improper for me to choose my own limerick (and I think I've won enough already), so it's between two clever bits of wordplay: Mike's "six sacks of socks" and Proofreader's "ticks but no tocks". A difficult choice, but after due consideration I think the pendulum swings slightly in Proofreader's favour. Well done!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Guy Barry,

oops voted too late, sorry. I liked the six sacks of socks best but would most certainly have voted for the lady who like their little cox had I had the opportunity!

So now Mike's the winner. Hmm.

I propose we have a run-off. I think Mike and Proofreader should resubmit their limericks. I'll withdraw my original entry, but since there seems to be support for it I'd like to submit my "cute little cox" limerick instead. Can I ask for a volunteer to run the new poll, and then (hopefully) we'll get a definitive answer.

Thanks for your late vote, bethree5. I liked my L5, but L3 and L4 were quite weak. I would also have voted for Guy's unsubmitted limerick, but Proof's garnered my vote and was a worthy winner.

What about a new place, Proof?

Whatever...though I suggest declaring a winner and moving on to the next limerick. There will be no Pulitzer Prizes, fellas!

OK, I won't drag it out any further. It was a bit cheeky of me to suggest re-entering with my other limerick in any case. Since Mike has accepted Proofreader as the winner, I'm quite happy for Proofreader to go ahead and suggest the next place-name.

Oh, I didn't think you were being cheeky...I just want to write my next limerick!

BTW, with Bob's new project of publishing the winners of this game, I have been assigned to getting the permissions from people. So, everyone, be expecting an email from me.

quote:

Bob's new project of publishing the winners of this game

You speak of this as if it's common knowledge. Has something been posted about it? If so can you tell me where?

Here

but one small correction. It isn't the winners it's more of a "best of", the selection is based on more than who won because we wanted to include as wide a selection of styles and contributors as possible.

At the moment the selection has been entirely down to me, a little perk for me as I'm the one putting it all together.

You've all heard about the "man from NANtucket."

A bit closer to home is Rhode Island's PawTUCKet, which has a different rhyme scheme.

Let's see what you can make of that one.

I'll start a new thread tomorrow so everyone can read the results here.

Sorry Proof. As the editor of the proposed collection I can state with certainty that Pawtucket has already been used..

Doesn't mean we CAN'T use it again of course.

Your call.

... And it was Proof's choice!

This wicked medicine has mangled my mid-term memory.

Very well. Let's use the name of the RI town that claims to have the oldest annually -walked (was going to say "-run" but that isn't true) 4th of July parade in the US -- the village of Warren. WAH-rin

Yes I recall that game. Not even that long ago either, given that I played it and I am pretty sure I pulled a vote or two with this one:

In a seafood cafe in Pawtucket
A woman was calm till she struck it -
One oyster was closed
So she sternly proposed
That the waiter should flamin'-well shuck it!

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
the village of Warren. WAH-rin

Not how I'd pronounce it. In both the personal name "Warren" and the common noun "warren" I'd use a short "o" sound in the first syllable (as in "sorry") and a schwa in the second. I know the Americans don't really have the British short "o", though.

When I'm writing poetry I sometimes use either the Rhymezone web site or a Rhyming Dictionary that Kalleh and wordcrafter gave me once as a present. I always have to use them with care when rhyming words with a short "O" as 50% of the rhymes listed don't rhyme for me.

For example according to the Rhyming Dictionary all of the following rhyme

on,don,dawn,fawn,gone,pawn,shone,yawn

Indeed "don" and "dawn" are homophones.

In British English those are grouped as

on, don, gone, shone

and

dawn, fawn, pawn, yawn

- the two groups having different vowel sounds.

This won't be a problem for British writers writing for a US audience as the US readers are likely to substitute the same vowel variation in all of the rhyming positions. Going the other way is more problematic as a lot of things that rhyme to the American ear won't rhyme to the British.

The problem going the other way is that to (most of) the English "dawn" and "torn" rhyme whereas to many Americans they don't because we don't usually pronounce that pesky R.

Hey Proof can we just get on with the Game. Despite being hamstrung with rhymes because we Aussies use the English of the mother country, I've got 2 ready to go.