1.THE SAGA OF BANJO LES
A guy I once knew nicknamed “Banjo Les”
Decided to try out Los Angeles.
He saved up his cash
And bought a big stash
So he wouldn’t find himself ganja-less.

His mom made him pasta, said, “Mangia, Les,
Before you take off for Los Angeles.
Drive safe & look sharp—
I don’t mean to harp,
But I’ve heard those streets can be dangelous.”

Old friends claimed the trip “will expand ya, Les!”
Indeed he did thrill to Los Angeles.
With traffic so slow
He could play his banjo
While high, yes, LA was sure splendulous.


2.LOST ANGELES
I took a trip to Los Angeles
Where was a nasty evangelist.
Oh, the money he made -
The women he laid!
He's not on the righteousness Angie list!


3. There once was a clerk from Los Angeles
Whose skirt was so short it was scanjalous.
She revealed her whole tush
And a part of her bush
When reaching to shelve the tossed tangelos.

4. Auditioned down in Los Angeles
And asked, "Now take off your panties please?"
She told him and his crew
Just what they could do
With their poor, no, misguided fantasies.

5. I once took a trip to Los Angeles;
The people who live there are scandalous!
The taxes: atrocious!
The crim'nals: precocious!
Both puckered my poor lower annulus!

6. We dream big down in The Antipodes
When the actors descend on Los Angeles,
And with Catherine and Cate,
Both sealing their fate,
They've sated our Oscar-fed fantasies.

7. A Christian who was an evangelist
Preached in a church in Los Angeles.
When not on the pulpit
That prurient culprit
Screwed all his flock - oh how scandalous!

8. The sports-loving fans of Los Angeles
Whether eating eggs fritos or scrambeles
Can agree on one thing—
That baseball is king—
They’re glad Dodgers left old Brooklandeles.

9. Some folks say it, “Los Anjuleez,”,
Spaniards cringe 'n say "Oh no please!"
“Los AHNG-hayl-ais, por favor,"
The old-timers will implore,
But how do you say it in Portuguese?

10. The billionaire Jerry Colangelo's
Basketball teams became scandalous,
They took lots of drugs
And fouled teams like thugs -
Like those in New York or Los Angeles.

Question:
Please vote for your favorite

Choices:
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten

 

This message has been edited. Last edited by: bethree5,

Heads up: had to correct a slip-up in the typing of No.9 -- edited before any votes were in, but if you've already read them, take another look before voting.
--Ed.

I didn't know your name was Ed.

I whined and complained before writing mine - but in the end, I like it, and I am amazed at how good everyone's is.

Interestingly most of the submissions assume it is pronounced "Loss Anne Juh Lus", but most of the votes seem to be going to those who assume it is pronounced "Loss Anne Juh Leez". Maybe it's just that the "eezies" are the ones who've voted so far, and are giving their vote to one of the like-minded limericks.

Greg, I've noticed that most voters here go for the content (particularly the humor), rather than the technical aspects. However, for what it's worth, I pronounce it your first way.

Well....Arlo Guthrie rhymed it with "keys' and "please"...

I lived in a small town called "Louisville" ... they pronounced it "Lewis-ville"....I lived in a place called Durango, CO, and they had a river called the "Florida river". I pronounced it like the state when I first moved there and they corrected me and said they called it the "Floor-ee-da" river. The same guy corrected me when I pronounced the name of a town called "Del Norte" as "Del Nor-tay"...the locals apparently call it "Del Nort"

Personally, I read the rhyme and read in the way the author is using it; and rate based on my opinion of the rhyme, humor, and rhythm.

I sure couldn't even think of anything for that city. Maybe I'll get back into it when something strikes me.

Reminds me of Eric Burden and the Animals in House of the Rising Sun, "There is a house in New Orleans, they call the Rising Sun ..."

Accord to Eric: Nyoo Or Leens
What I was told: Nyoo Or Lee uhns
What the locals say: Noo Awwl'ns (where the final schwa is so short it almost isn't there at all)

Greg, there are many towns and cities in the USA with French names that are unrecognizable as being French. Around here we have Ver-sails, for instance.

Your song reference reminded me of what they called the drunk employed to awaken Attila: The Souse of The Rising Hun.

Look at the vote spread! Has this ever happened before. Who'll cast the deciding vote?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Geoff,

We've got five votes - that covers our 4 submitters plus one observer.

Any suggestions on how to choose a winner?

In my opinion, sometimes a tie is a tie. I would suggest that the last winner pick her (or his) successor of the tied winners. Of course that means that sometimes your vote would be the winner, but does anyone really care? It's a fun game, and (I assume) that there is no money exchanging hands.

Yeah, B35, go ahead and win three times in a row! IMHO, you're the one who gets to decide.

There appears to be a winner.

Geoff, you do seem to be ambivalent about your location.

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:
Geoff, you do seem to be ambivalent about your location.

Yeah, well, I'm wearing my aluminum foil hat so they can't read my thoughts, and I sleep in a Faraday cage, just in case... (Where's the paranoiac icon?

Those aluminium foil hats... government conspiracy mate. They want you to think that it stops them reading your thoughts but it really works as an antenna transmitting your thoughts to the satellite. Just thought you ought to know.

quote:

aluminium foil hats

Sorry, Bob, you're mistaken. It's the "al-u-MIN-ee-um" hats that transmit; 'a-LUME-in-um" (i.e., American) hats do not (usually because the brain patterns are too weak to generate a signal).

They both seem to work when one has a geranium on each ear. You know, a geranium diode.

Was a winner chosen yet?

quote:

Originally posted by Geoff:
, a geranium diode.

possible contender for worst pun of the year

Huzzah, we have a winner!

Here's the rundown:
Yours truly submitted #1 (boring saga, no votes), #3 (tossed tangelos o'er the top, no votes), & #8 (Dodgers, 1 run). Geoff submitted #2 (this evangelist beat out by Kalleh's below), #5(thought sure ‘puckered a’ would win—just my vote!), and #9 (re: how to say LA) garnered 1 vote. Greg’s #4 (pantie fantaisie) did not succeed, but #6 (Aussie Oscars) grabbed a vote. Voters ignored Kalleh’s #10 slam at Colangelo, but rewarded her with the win for #7’s ‘pulpit culprit’: providing that rhyme bonus in ll.3-4 pushed her above the tie zone.

Take it away, Kalleh!

Wow - that was a surprise, particularly when I hesitated to even write one. I'll start a new thread with a new place.

Amazing! Yours and mine shared a theme, but you did it better. I wrote mine while thinking that Billy Graham got his career started with a revival meeting is Los Angeles about 1947, which led to a heap of copycat preachers, many of whom fit our limericks' description.

By the way I had hoped B35 would put the little note I had, alongside my No. 4 limerick, which was "Line 5 pun intended". Thought I'd mention it now in case some of you missed it.

Were you suggesting that someone in that bastion of righteousness, Hollywood, would stoop to buggary? Otherwise, I don't understand it. It was hard enough to figure out "An-TIP-o Deez" for "antipodes." I did, though, and I voted for it.

No not at all, Geoff, just that there are some other types of movies made in LA. In other words the pun is "poor, no" = "porno".

Greg, don't forget about Malaysia!