My logophile friend sent me the idea for this thread on "addled adages."

I will give you a couple, and then I hope you can come up with some!

~ "Never put off until tomorrow anthing that can be put off to next week."

~ "He bore his troubles like a man - he blamed them on a woman."

Okay...let's have some fun!

Hmmm, not so fun?

Well, I will try another. I read this in a children's book; it was a mondegreen:

If at first you don't succeed, fry, fry again!

my favorite is
"Men, can't live with em, can't leave em by the side of the road."

or it's relative:
"Men, can't live with em, can't shoot em."

Win some, lose some ..... and some get rained out,
but we always suit up.

Life's a beach, and then you swim.

My dad said one today:

If you can't say something nice, come sit next to me!

quote:

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Originally posted by Caterwauller:
My dad said one today:

_If you can't say something nice, come sit next to me!_

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Oscar Wilde should get the credit here, CW!

If at first you don't succeed, maybe you're succing on a seedles variety.

Well, this really isn't an addage or anything, but CW's example reminded me of what my Dad used to say. My Mom was Protestant and rarely went to church. However, my Dad was a staunch Catholic (yes, I know...and I am Jewish. We are an ecumenical family!) Anyway, when my Dad would come home from church, my mom would say, "So, what was your serman about?" My Dad would say, "It was about sin, and they're against it!" My Mom had really wanted to know, and it would always make her mad! [After 30 years one would think she would have learned!]

An aside: Now, this is interesting. I just looked up "ecumenical" to be sure that I had the right definition. I find that one definition is "of or relating to the worldwide Christian church," which of course wouldn't be applicable in my comment. However, it also means "Concerned with establishing or promoting unity among churses or religions" so that is the definition I meant. I hadn't thought there was a definition of "ecumenical" that just applied to Chritianity.

I'll process other things in a moment - first I must adjust to the fact that my father quoted Oscar Wilde. Usually he just quotes Rush Limbaugh (shudder).

quote:

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Originally posted by Caterwauller:

I must adjust to the fact that my father quoted Oscar Wilde. Usually he just quotes Rush Limbaugh (shudder).

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You mean the part about how all the drug addicts should be locked away?

quote:

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Originally posted by CW: If you can't say something nice, come sit next to me!
Originally posted by Asa Lovejoy: Oscar Wilde should get the credit here, CW!

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Dunno about the Wilde-man, but it was Alice Roosevelt Longworth's motto.

quote:

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Originally posted by Kalleh: Anyway, when my Dad would come home from church, my mom would say, "So, what was your sermon about?" My Dad would say, "It was about sin, and they're against it!"

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Calvin Coolidge, I think? All over the web you can find that attributed to him, but amid the masses I wasn't able to dig out any substantiation.

Apt adage for the season:
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.

ACK! Diet!?! Maybe that's why I'm so crabby!

Hic,
When I was in Wyoming on a trip, the adage was:

Eat, Drink and Be Merry, for tomorrow you may be in Utah!

I beg forgiveness from any Mormons on the Board..

Sign in a roadside (independent) café on the way to Utah:

You won't have it your way
You'll have it our way.
This ain't Burger King;
This is Wyoming.

The penguin, Opus, once said:

You're born, you live, you go on some diets and you die.

A cynic's version of Ms Cindi Lauper's opus:

Girls just wanna have funds.

When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!

(Although since I hate shopping, I would be more likely to say that when the going gets tough, the tough go out to eat.)


Dunno about the Wilde-man, but it was Alice Roosevelt Longworth's motto.

Yes, my father kept telling me (you know how old guys repeat themselves ~nothing personal JT~) that she had that saying embroidered on a pillow.

When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!

Ohhh, I like it...I do need some new shoes, after all!

CW,
I knew I liked you... I HATE shopping!....and my 15-year old daughter could spend all day at the mall... and it seems all of her friends and their mothers, too!

"Shop till you drop!" for me is about 30 minutes. Then I am ready for sustenance.

Again, Kalleh (Imelda) is off to buy new shoes... ! Stop her, Shufitz...

If the foot sh_ts, wear it!

I just spent 20 minutes with catalogues and my cell phone, and I've had enough shopping for about a month. I didn't even buy any shoes!

Now, if it's an arts festival and there are jewelers there . . .

Another Addled Addage . . .

from Garfield: Don't play with your food until you've eaten all your toys.

I knew I liked you... I HATE shopping!....and my 15-year old daughter could spend all day at the mall... and it seems all of her friends and their mothers, too!

Hey, I think you'd like me too! I just have that one little vice, and when I look at other women I know, I am only about a 6 on a shopping scale of 1-10. It is interesting to me how the real shoppers, one way or another, get to know each other at conferences and share ideas of where the best stores, sales, etc., are. By real I mean that they look a Pucci purses, Armani suits, Prada shoes, etc. Now...that is not I! I hate Kate Spade, for example. What a rip-off!

BTW, my youngest daughter hates shopping. She will go into a store to buy a top, and then want to leave immediately. My oldest daughter, though, could shop all day.

My daughter's best friend's mother... got that?... is a First Grade teacher, but in her former life was in Retail. She and her daughter are serious about shopping... and my poor child is dragged around, without a $$ to her name, while they buy out the stores. However, my child has some sense about $$'s, and her friend doesn't!

Kalleh, you know I like you, and if you want 100 pairs of shoes, that's okay...

Speaking of adages - from my Grandfather when looking at the holiday meal: "Do we have enough to feed the whole famned damily?"

quote:

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Originally posted by Caterwauller: Another Addled Addage . . . Don't play with your food until you've eaten all your toys.

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Cannibal mother, to her child: "How many times have I told you, 'Don't play with your food!!!'"

the whole famned damily"

Hey, my dad used to say that too! I had always thought he had made that up!

My dad often spoke of the whole famned damily, too.

And inviariably when we started on a trip -- the whole famned damily in the family car, he would say, "Today is the day they give babies away, with a half a pound of tea."

It wasn't until several decades had passed that I learned the next line "... So if you know any ladies who want to have babies, just send them around to me."

Oh yes, we talk about the whole famned damily, too!

I've never heard the poem about ladies and babies, though, JT - very funny!

My logophile friend sent me a great one tonight:

Time wounds all heels.

"Cheer up," he said, "things could be worse."
So I cheered up, and, yup, things got worse!

From Mad Magazine, ca. 1962: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be, or you'll catch hell from HFC!" (Household Finance Corporation)

From Groucho Marx: Woman: "I didn't come here to be insulted!" Groucho: "OK, where would you like to go to be insulted?"

During August in Ohio, everyone always says "It's not the heat, it's the humidity that gets you!"

My sister's corollary is:
It's not the heat, it's the stupidity.

I imagine others have said it, too.

Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law

If at first you don't succeed ... the hell with it.

He who laughs last didn't get the joke the first time.

A friend in need is a friend to stay away from.

A lie in time saves nine.

The early bird gets the worm ... but who wants a worm?

Early to bed, early to rise, and you'll miss all the fun.

Tinman

He who laughs last found dirty meaning!

quote:

He who laughs last found dirty meaning!

I thought the first ones to laugh would have found that.

quote:

The early bird gets the worm ... but who wants a worm?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

If at first you don't succeed, you may be succing on a ceedless variety.

OH! I can't believe I hadn't remembered this before, but Asa's post reminded me (finally). One of my favorite "almost like working" sites to visit is Despair.com where you can find a plethora fo fabulously funny demotivational posters.

Some of my favorites (and you really must go to the site to see the pictures on the posters):

Adversity: That which does nto kill me postpones the inevitable.

Trouble: Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.

Apathy: If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us.

Consulting: If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

Dysfunction: The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.


You get the idea . . .

"We call it theory when we know much about something but nothing works, and practice when everything works but nobody knows why."

Albert Einstein

Plagiarize... but call it research.

If at first you don't succeed, give up!

Half an apple is better than a cracked sink

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Dysfunction: much nicer than dat function

Toss thy bread upon the waters and and it shall return to you threefold. The only question is: what are you going to do with three pieces of soggy bread?

Love thy neighbor as thyself will get you into a LOT of trouble with thy neighbor's wife.

Do unto others before they do unto you.

And just for grins and giggles, though this probably should be over in the world's worst joke...

Penny was a wonderful wife and mother, loved by all who knew her. So when it was learned that she was dying, many relatives and friends gathered to say goodbye and help in the planning of her departure. After much discussion, it was agreed that her life would be celebrated with a huge party rather than a dreary funeral. Penny specified that she did not want to be buried, but preferred cremation. This was distressing to many who had wanted a place to visit her and chat and reminisce. Penny tried in vain to convince them that good memories were enough.

Finally in a bit of disgust she called them all to her bedside and gave each relative who had been so upset about not being able to visit her grave a small stoppered bottle.

"What is this," they asked.

"It's for my ashes," she answered. "You want to keep me so badly; well, a Penny saved is a Penny urned."

"Get the facts first; then you can distort them as you like."

Mark Twain

"Cheer up, things could be worse." So I cheered up, and, sure enough, things got worse.

Everybody likes a clean arse, nobody likes a smart arse!

I just read a couple on a website of Vermont sayings:

quote:

Early to bed and early to rise makes a man father of a large family.

Familiarity leads to conception.

I suspect some of the sayings on that site have been cleaned up a bit.

Tinman

And I doubt that many of these sayings are localized in Vermont, or even native to Vermont, especially considering the size of Vermont.