1. There once was a fellow who ran f-
or the President’s post, but his plan f-
or making things great
was in such a poor state
that everyone moved up to Banff
(or some other place in Canada.)

2.There was once a young athlete from Banff
Who could ski down the hill like a champff
But was weak as a pup
On the lift going up
And would fall at the top on his fanff.

3. The fleet-footed footballer ran
ff-rom the alcohol-fuelled frenzied fan
ff-iring flares on the field,
With his team set to yield,
On a bad day for football in Banff.

4.A crazy old lady from Banff,
Convinced of her wiles as a vampff,
Would chat men up coyly
Attired in a doily
And coiffed in the shade from a lampff.

5. The American visiting Banff,
Who taking a political stancff,
Shucked off her clothes;
But, no tattooed rose.
On her arse, “TRUMP” made them all gaspff!

6. A man who fled from Afghanistan
ff-earing the threat of the Taliban
ff-ound Pakistan worse,
Escaping their curse,
By eventually settling in Banff.

7.There once was a swimmer from Banff
Who drowned from a terrible crampff.
He neglected to wait
An hour after he ate
Or so claimed my strict old aunt Nanff.

8. I vacationed in Canada's Banff,
With my favorite and lovable manff.
Lake Louise was a beauty,
And people weren't snooty,
Though their accents did cause me to laugh!

9. Said a tourist promoter in Banff
“I will do the best job that I canff
This defect in my speech
Does not I mean I can’t reach
All the folks in Milanff and Japanff”

10. The Donald was going to Banff
While reading a book called Mein Kampf
And he cackled with glee
Saying, "It's about me!"
And he wandered right off the wrong rampf

11. The queen cancelled her trip to Banff
Thought of Clinton and a madmanff
After Brexit, she deemed
USA came unseamed
“I’ll save them, if anyone canff!”

Question:
Please vote for your favorite.

Choices:
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven

 

Sorry, just adding an "f" to the ed of a word does not make a rhyme with Banff.

Did cutting and pasting from PMs to poll thread alter some letter positions? I've had it happen to me.

One would think we were having an election next week or something.

The language about the U.S.A. and American is illustrative; I imagine the latter is not from the U.S., but the former is. The reason is because we are a bit sensitive, after being criticized by our British (and others outside the U.S.), by calling ourselves "American" - since those in Canada, South America, Mexico and Central America are American, too, we're told.

Actually, I am impressed with all the good ones! There really wasn't a whole lot once could do with this and I thought people were wonderfully creative. It's going to be a hard to make a choice

Great job, everyoneff!!!

quote:

Originally posted by sattva:


Great job, everyoneff!!!

Did you just sneeze?

quote:

Originally posted by Proofreader:
Sorry, just adding an "f" to the ed of a word does not make a rhyme with Banff.

There is however a long tradition in limericks of using creative spellings for humourous effect.

quote:

Sorry, just adding an "f" to the end of a word does not make a rhyme with Banff.

I am inclined to agree with you Proof, but let's say we forgive that, given that it is almost impossible to actually rhyme with Banff. But what I am having my trouble getting my head around, is since when and whose lingo do champ, lamp, vamp, cramp, Kamp(f) and ramp rhyme with Ban, or am I an ignoramus and is Banff actually pronounced Bampff by the Canadians?

SO vote for one of the ones that don't do that.

I intend to.

I think I'll fforget the whole ffing thing and go take a baff.

quote:

Great job, everyoneff!!!

With the exception of mine.

quote:

There is however a long tradition in limericks of using creative spellings for humourous effect.

I totally agree, Bob. To me, the anal ones belong on OEDILF. Here is a very famous one:

A wonderful bird is the pelican;
His beak can hold more than his belican.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week,
Though I’m damned if I know how the helican!
—Dixon Lanier Merritt (often incorrectly ascribed to Ogden Nash)

Another:

There was a young belle of old Natchez
Whose garments were always in patchez.
When comments arose
On the state of her clothes,
She replied, "When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez."
—Ogden Nash

Greg wouldn't love this famous one, either (2 flues; tsk, tsk, tsk!):
A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
—Ogden Nash

(Of course, I love Nash!)

Another:
Our novels get longa and longa
Their language gets stronga and stronga
There’s much to be said
For a life that is led
In illiterate places like Bonga!
—H. G. Wells

And so on and so on and so on. Bob is right about this tradition.

Well Kalleh, I like them all. The thing with those examples is that they actually rhyme, although the fly/flea one does have 2 sets of homophones (not just, flue, but flee and flea), but I can forgive them because it is funny and because of the wonderful alliterations all through it, which very few of the ones in this particular game do, but I understand because it is probably the hardest place to rhyme properly we have had in my association with the game.

Is there a typo in line 4 of #9? I read right over it the first time, but upon second reading - oops!

Looks like it. There's an extra I that shouldn't be there. I read it over about ten times before I noticed. Interesting how we can do that.

All have extra "f"s ending lines.

quote:

The thing with those examples is that they actually rhyme,

I see no difference between pelican/belican or Banff/canff/manff/ranf/planf, etc. I'll give you that a few aren't very close, including one of my rhymes - but I certainly think this word deserves some imagination with rhyming because it was so hard.

quote:

I see no difference between pelican/belican or Banff/canff/manff/ranf/planf

There's a huge difference, belican is respelling of "belly can" and helican is a respelling of "hell I can". And I have no problem with adding "f" of "ff" to an -an word where the next word begins with "f", as in 1, 3 and 6, but not happy with just adding the f as in 7, 8, 9 & 11, although 9 is okay because it is explained within the limerick as a speech impediment.

B35, please break the tie and let's move on to another location - somewhere easy to rhyme, PLEASE!!!!!

To all my USA Wordcraft colleagues,

Good luck in the upcoming vote and I don't mean the vote in this game. From afar I am worried that Hilary will be too same-old same-old to make a difference, and that Donald might be too dangerous for your country's good.

But one of them will be a winner, and for all your sakes (and those of us elsewhere in the world), I hope that whoever that is turns out to be a much better President, than either of them look like they will be. Who knows you might get lucky, as you did once before when most of us from long distance thought that Ronald Reagan being your President was a bit of joke, but he turned out to be one of your better Presidents.

I know it's a breach of etiquette but the tie doesn't need to be broken ... it's between me and me . I'm just waiting for the official announcement.

OK, Bob, I hope you'll take us somewhere we can pronounce without hurting ourselves.

I was thinking about Minsk!

NO! That was just a joke... I'll post the real (easy) destination once I've been confirmed as the winner. And if I don't win then it's all a conspiracy by the media and the corrupt forces backing Crooked H...

Oh sorry... I seem to have been influenced by recent events there...

quote:

There's a huge difference, belican is respelling of "belly can" and helican is a respelling of "hell I can".

And of course that is your opinion, Greg - but not mine.

I can't wait to see which limerick is yours, Greg.

As for our election, yes, it is a relief that it is finally here. The press (particularly the international press, I am afraid) has been very negative toward Hillary, likely because she is a woman. I think she will make a fantastic president.

Let's make the next rhyme a titch easier, Bob? And - congratulations! I voted for, and loved, number 1. For the record, mine was #8. I at least should have made it "laungh" or something similar. I wasn't sure how to spell it - but it needed an "n."

Here are the stats. Good discussion & good entries, all!

Winners & runners-up:
1.There once was a fellow who ran-f... Bob Hale, 2 votes!
9.Said a tourist promoter in Banff.. Bob Hale, 2 votes! He’s the winner either way.
4.A crazy old lady from Banff.. yours truly, got one vote.
10.The Donald was going to Banff.. Geoff, got one vote.

The rest of the pack (no votes):
2.There was once a young athlete from Banff.. me be35 again.
3. The fleet-footed footballer ran.. GregS
5. The American visiting Banff.. sattva
6. A man who fled from Afghanistan.. GregS
7.There once was a swimmer from Banff.. be35
8. I vacationed in Canada's Banff.. Kalleh
11. The queen cancelled her trip to Banff.. sattva

Now on to Minsk-- er, I mean Surrey!

Thanks, Bethree.