1.
A lonely old German in Leeds
Oft takes a small pathway that leads
To an inn rather queer
They serve schnitzel and beir
And singing is what they call lieds*

2.
There once was a fellow of Leeds
Who, dressed in his fine Harris tweeds,
Robbed a shop of its pork
In the near town of York
To sate his great pie-making needs

3.
There once was a laddy from Leeds
Who loved his beers, wines and his meads.
But his liver said, "No!
Your drinking must go!"
With a beer in his hand - he proceeds.

4
Said a Young Farmer from Leeds:

I have to get soil for my seeds.
It's one of my very few needs.
And I really don't care
For a boat on the Aire,*
But I'm told that all loam's rowed to Leeds.

*the River Aire is the waterway through Leeds

5
There once was a flapper from Leeds
Who wouldn’t stop twirling her beads.
She’d rope in the guys
While jiggling her thighs
And inform them, “Hey-- I have my needs!”

6
There was an old golfer of Leeds
Who claims he was friends with the Sneads
He said, "Sammy was famous,
But his wee brother Amos
Could drive 'em at nearly Mach speeds"

7.
There was a seed seller of Leeds
Who did some nefarious deeds
Used his old planting stick
In miss Emmaline Quick
And, oh, the poor lass sprouted weeds


8.

There's a registered voter in Leeds
Whose heart for (you-fill-it-in) bleeds
His no-compromise view
Leaves him nothing to do
Unless part of the country secedes

9.
A building inspector from Leeds
Saw exterminatorial needs
When a building he tested
Proved super-infested
With centi- and (worse) millipedes...

10.
An entrepreneur come from Leeds
And for twenty-four bucks worth of beads
He bought him an island
(Both lowland and highland)
From Chaldeans, Persians, and Medes.

Just post your choices hare and I'll tally them up later. (It looks like a lot but there was one exceptionally prolific poster who will, at the end of the competition, be receiving a special commendation for going above and beyond the call of duty.)

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BobHale,

Lots of well-composed limericks here!
Though the eighth was very shrewd-- My vote is for the more classic #7.

Based on the assumption that the extra line in #4 is an either/or, not an error, I'll vote for it. The pun on "All roads lead to Rome" is just too good not to earn kudos. If the writer DID intend six lines, I'll take #10.

As for # 8, it IS good - BUT - too scary! I'm worried about what may happen in the USA come November 3/4!

To clarify.

The author of4 specifically asked for the first line to be included as a title along with the extra final comment

Hmmmmm... Unorthodox, but what the heck - I'll still vote for it.

quote:

all loam's rowed to Leeds

That line is an absolute killer, and the rest of the limerick makes it work beautifully, so #4 gets my Vote, but there are actually a lot of very good ones here.

There are many good ones here!

#4 is great, I agree. I am guessing it is Hab's, but we will see.

However, I am going with #2.

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:

#4 is great, I agree.
I am guessing it is Hab's, but we will see.

But the writer of seven
Died and went not to heaven
But flushed down the W-C

quote:

Originally posted by Kalleh:

...
...
#4 is great, I agree.
...
I am guessing it’s Hab's, but we’ll see.

That’s half a limerick by itself !

Acknowledging that 4 has merit (as do many others), I’m voting for #3, laddie.

Away from my apartment until the weekend. I will post results on Sunday as I have to work on Saturday

???

quote:

That’s half a limerick by itself !

It seems Bob's been delayed, so I'll out myself: I wrote 1, 2, 6 and 7.

Four, having two votes, must be the winner.

I hope Bob's delay isn't due to something dire!

Who wrote what?

Bob, are you OK?

I wrote 4, 8, 9, and 10. (Ever the advocate of the Oxford Comma...)

Thus you are the winner, and deservedly so! 4's last line was superb!

Since Bob is missing, it seems we should skip the formalities and you should tell us where to go next.

Who wrote the two that Hab or I didn't write? Bethree5? Kalleh?

Sorry for the delay. I have been having one of my bad gout attacks and haven't felt much like doing anything but lying on my bed and watching old episodes of various US and UK TV series. (And because I live alone and haven't been able to stand up to cook, living on a diet of painkillers and biscuits.)
Anyway, here is the full thing I should have posted a week ago.

A lonely old German in Leeds
Oft takes a small pathway that leads
To an inn rather queer
They serve schnitzel and beir
And singing is what they call lieds*

Geoff


There once was a fellow of Leeds
Who, dressed in his fine Harris tweeds,
Robbed a shop of its pork
In the near town of York
To sate his great pie-making needs

Geoff


There once was a laddy from Leeds
Who loved his beers, wines and his meads.
But his liver said, "No!
Your drinking must go!"
With a beer in his hand - he proceeds.

Kalleh


Said a Young Farmer from Leeds:

I have to get soil for my seeds.
It's one of my very few needs.
And I really don't care
For a boat on the Aire,*
But I'm told that all loam's rowed to Leeds.

*the River Aire is the waterway through Leeds

haberdasher


There once was a flapper from Leeds
Who wouldn’t stop twirling her beads.
She’d rope in the guys
While jiggling her thighs
And inform them, “Hey-- I have my needs!”

bethree5


There was an old golfer of Leeds
Who claims he was friends with the Sneads
He said, "Sammy was famous,
But his wee brother Amos
Could drive 'em at nearly Mach speeds"

Geoff


There was a seed seller of Leeds
Who did some nefarious deeds
Used his old planting stick
In miss Emmaline Quick
And, oh, the poor lass sprouted weeds

Geoff


There's a registered voter in Leeds
Whose heart for (you-fill-it-in) bleeds
His no-compromise view
Leaves him nothing to do
Unless part of the country secedes

haberdasher


A building inspector from Leeds
Saw exterminatorial needs
When a building he tested
Proved super-infested
With centi- and (worse) millipedes…

haberdasher


An entrepreneur come from Leeds
And for twenty-four bucks worth of beads
He bought him an island
(Both lowland and highland)
From Chaldeans, Persians, and Medes.

haberdasher

I'm so embarrassed to admit that "all loam's rowed to Leeds" went right over my head first time through-- whish!-- or I would have voted for it. congratulations, hab. That line makes limerick history IMHO.

Bob so sorry to hear about the gout-- yikes! I had my first (& hopefully only ever) attack in March 2019-- in my right wrist of all places. Had to walk to the orthopedist [& couldn't drive for two weeks]. Pain came on out of blue & ramped up so swiftly I cried real tears! I told the doc that finally at 4am I did a cupboard search & came up with a moth-eaten 15yo oxycodone pill, so got a few hrs sleep. He smiled that Dr Feelgood smile & immediately prescribed 20 fresh ones (Haven't touched them)... Meanwhile I no longer drink beer or hard alcohol [wine is low in purines thank god ] , & only eat shellfish a few times a year... Sounds like yours is in foot or knee, what a bummer. Good luck & hope it's soon gone.

Well, since Bethree5 has switched her vote to #4, Hab now has a grand-slam! Where will you take us, Hab?

As for purines, isn't that dog food?

Re: purine dog food - we should wait until someone Chex on that. Wheat, rice, whatever. Do they still make those?

As for travel - pursuing the hypothesis that simple is better to work with, I propose RHODES as our next destination.

Follow it here.