I've moved these posts from the earlier "Babylon" thread. Remember to PM your limericks to timon, not to me!
Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
October 09, 2008, 07:42
timon
Well, if you guys still want a place-name challenge, I propose Adelaide (and I've written one myself using it as A-rhyme, to be sure it's not impossible). Do we fix a time-limit? Do entries come here, or direct to me?
October 09, 2008, 07:42
timon
Just a PS to previous post: I read Adelaide as "AD-uh-layd", so that strict rhymes should also have that pattern, not merely rhyming the "-ayd" syllable, any more than "Babylon" rhymes with "been and gone".
October 09, 2008, 07:42
BobHale
Ooops. Accidentally overwrote my previous entry. I hope you can remember it. This message has been edited. Last edited by: BobHale,
"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
October 09, 2008, 09:59
timon
Many thanks, Bob.
October 09, 2008, 11:50
<Proofreader>
quote:
any more than "Babylon" rhymes with "been and gone".
It doesn't? Damn!
October 10, 2008, 04:02
stella
quote:
Do we fix a time-limit? Do entries come here, or direct to me?
You can say "time's up" any time, timon - after that people beg you for extensions.
We post the entries to you directly by PM.
My are in.
October 10, 2008, 09:55
timon
Limericks on "Adelaide" received so far from:
jerry thomas stella Richard English Myth Jellies Proofreader
I propose to call time on Sunday 12 October, 12 noon UK time. Any pleas for extension?
October 10, 2008, 21:37
jerry thomas
When flea-ologists shout, "Jump!" it's clear Removing fleas' extremeties, Dear, Their statistics show, What we already know: That fleas lacking hind legs can't hear.
October 11, 2008, 05:34
timon
That flea-ologist told you a whopper: It was really a common grasshopper With both rear legs missin’. (Since fleas never listen, The experiment wouldn’t work proper).
October 11, 2008, 05:41
<Proofreader>
The trouble rhyming on Adelaide Makes doing so deserve an accolade To get any that fit And to do so with wit Makes one wish that the city was Perth.
October 11, 2008, 06:54
BobHale
You should have mine in your PMs by now
"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
October 11, 2008, 07:52
Richard English
Proofreader's Perth reference has prompted me to submit another Adelaide limerick, albeit one that does not have Adelaide in the ideal position.
Richard English
October 11, 2008, 09:26
jerry thomas
Limerickers, for what it's worth, Are submittomg verses on "Perth" Eschew Adelaide, Unless you're afraid Of emotions quite different from myrth.
October 11, 2008, 11:53
<Proofreader>
I once bedded a woman of Perth A lady of substantial girth. I slipped off her thigh And thought I would die In the hour it took to hit earth.
October 11, 2008, 12:32
<Proofreader>
There is not a law to prohibit Or tell one to stop, to inhibit Some scientist’s quest To de-bone the chest Of a frog, then try to re-ribbet.
October 11, 2008, 14:18
timon
More lims have arrived, including BobHale's. Report tomorrow!
October 11, 2008, 18:36
Kalleh
Mine's in, but it wasn't easy!
October 12, 2008, 04:18
timon
Well, here’s the report you’ve all been waiting for (hand me the envelope, please Amanda).
Eight members submitted a total of twenty-one limericks between them (and I had written two myself by way of experiment, and to see if others used the same rhymes). I expect you’ll want me to reproduce them all; unfortunately some I printed out, and then absent-mindedly deleted the posts, so I had to re-transcribe! I’ll do that in a separate post; here I’d like to indicate the winner.
The selection was more difficult than I’d expected. What I thought I should look for, apart from a reasonable degree of general accuracy of metre and rhyme, was the rhymes found for Adelaide, and the construction of a story to fit them. Finally I narrowed them down to two, and shall indicate both here, since the gap between them was very small.
Second place: Richard English
A lothario living in Adelaide Was heard to declare he was sad he laid This rather butch miss, With the prickly kiss, Once he found it was really a lad he laid.
First place: stella
Adine, riding bareback in Adelaide, To buffer the bumps to her bladder laid A bag on the horse; Didn’t help much of course, So they said, “Don’t be daft. Use a saddle, Ade!”
Further post to follow with all the other pieces, so you can see whether you disagree with my choice! -----------------------------------------
Finally, this occurred to me as a slightly different take on the word:
A singer, a skilful sight-reader, Was trying out Beethoven lieder, But a fine mess he made Of the word “Adelaide”: You must sing it as “Adelaide”.
[Quite true: see L. van Beethoven, op. 46.]
Thanks for this interesting experience, and enthusiastic take-up of a tricky rhyme-word!
timon
October 12, 2008, 04:20
timon
See previous post for the winner of the Adelaide competition.
As promised, here is the crop of (very entertaining) limericks submitted, other than the two winners already posted. They are listed in alphabetical order of authors.
BobHale
A family of builders from Adelaide, Crazy paving that was rather madder laid This bit by the mudder That bit by the brudder And here's the one slab that the fadder laid.
The was a young woman of Adelaide Whose worries her boyfriend soon had allayed Reassured she gave in But regretted her sin Nine months later, a wiser but sadder maid.
bethree5
Some fraternity boys down in Adelaide Tried to set up an Australian panty raid. But those Sarahs and Nancys Never wear any panties So they put on their very own bra parade.
Read a note to a lass in old Adelaide from her long-distance beau, the Marquis de Sade: "I'd love to flay you by cane, my sweet." "No pain no gain," she wrote, "but this time YOU dress as the naughty maid."
jerry thomas
An Australian from South Adelaide Said while sipping his tart lemonade “This drink is not sweet, But it’s a real treat: It was made by a maid in the shade.”
A baby chick in Adelaide From his teacher received a high grade. When they played Show-and-Tell He started to yell, “See the big grapefruit marmalade!”
Canoe voyageurs in South Adelaide Never cared for the din of a battle raid. Moving smoothly for shore At peace during the war, Hearing only the sounds that their paddle made.
Kalleh
In Australia's a capital, Adelaide, Its culture has made me so glad I stayed: Romping and playing, And swinging and swaying, And finding the sexiest lad I laid!
Myth Jellies
A blonde of big bones lives in Adelaide Beweaponed and toned – she’s all battle grade A Valkyrian sight She’s a mare of the night For any supposing to saddle maid!
Proofreader
A youngster down in Adelaide Regretted the tricks his daddy played, By his shrinking the thongs That surrounded the dongs Of all the men that his marmalade.
A baker baking in Adelaide Cooked oysters battered in marmalade. He announced that this treat Was a pleasure to eat, But his was the only accolade.
I bedded a bimbo, Adelaide, Well-known for the screeching sound she made When you took her athwart And then, like a good sport, Put it to her again, enfilade.
So I gave her my best fusillade And it satisfied sweet Adelaide. It gave her such a glow When I got up to go She just laid there and that’s where she stayed.
Once a soldier boy from Adelaide Was pinned down in a grim enfilade. He was sure he’d be shot But thank god he was not: For the war’s end left his fears allayed.
Richard English
Said two foolish young ladies from Perth, Whose waistlines were growing in girth, "It's that damned trip to Adelaide And the innocent lad we laid, Now who'll be the father at birth?"
stella
Bad Brad had a pad down in Adelaide; By the window out back, an old ladder laid, Which, addled, he straddled, And madly skeddaddled With scads of the cash of a cad he laid.
In the city that’s named for Queen Adelaide (The consort that William “the gadder” laid), The summer drought’s baneful, But autumn brings rainfall, And doubts, come to nowt, are a tad allayed.
The lad saying “Sorry, my bad!” allayed My rage not at all. I was mad – delayed, With my luggage all lost! Oh, bugger the cost! Just get me a flight out of Adelaide.
I was bit by a snake, a blackadder – laid Out as if dead! Fiddle-faddle! Aid Was soon on its way! They revived me. Oh yay! Just in time to go shopping in Adelaide!
timon
And just for interest, the two I wrote myself before receiving the entries:
A young fellow with problems, in Adelaide, One day, growing sadder and sadder, laid A hand on his brow, Moaning “Look at me now: So far up the creek, with no paddle-aid!”
Our hero, an Aussie from Adelaide Fell into the trap that the baddy laid; Though his girlfriend cried “Wait!”, He pressed on; and too late He dolefully wished that he had delayed.
Greetings, all.
timon
October 12, 2008, 04:27
Richard English
Well, thanks! Now do Stella and I have to agree on a joint placename or do I, as runner-up, defer to her?
Richard English
October 12, 2008, 09:35
timon
Well, I'd say that is a question for a moderator, Richard, but I deliberately avoiding saying "First-equal" (even though it was a hair's breadth difference) so that joint operation wouldn't be essential.
October 12, 2008, 09:37
Kalleh
Not sure, Richard. Why don't you and Stella decide on the word and make the winning selections together? Just a thought.
October 12, 2008, 10:19
<Proofreader>
quote:
First place: stella
I always thought that meant she's the winner. The only time second place wins is during Presidential elections.
October 12, 2008, 13:26
stella
Thanks v much, timon. Funnily, if I'd thought I might win, I'd not have expected to win with that one. As usual I'll indicate which one of my own I liked best and it was the one about the irate airline passenger which I thought was both witty and contemporary and indicated a certain street-savviness which I was quite proud of. The only thing it lacked was innuendo, although including the word "bugger" gave it a bit of an edge I thought. Anyway, it's what the judge thinks that matters which is a good reason to send as many entries as possible.
Richard's lim beats mine in terms of general raunchiness and I think on Wordcraft his would be considered better (for this reason ). I'm delighted to share the honours of choosing the next place with him and judging it together - though I have absolutely no idea how we would go about it. Shall I choose the first half of the word and you the ending, Richard, or what?
October 12, 2008, 15:16
BobHale
One of you can choose the longitude and the other the latitude.
"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
October 13, 2008, 00:44
Richard English
quote:
One of you can choose the longitude and the other the latitude.
That sounds a good idea - though how we will choose a winner is another challenge!
I suggest somewhere between 20 and 40 degrees East
Richard English
October 13, 2008, 03:17
stella
OK. Between 40 and 50 degrees North.
October 13, 2008, 03:36
BobHale
Hmmm. I thought I was joking. Which of you will dig out an atlas (though I believe from OEDILF that Richard prefers a globe) and choose the place name?
"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." Samuel Johnson.
October 13, 2008, 09:07
Richard English
quote:
Hmmm. I thought I was joking. Which of you will dig out an atlas (though I believe from OEDILF that Richard prefers a globe) and choose the place name?
Horses for courses. Globes are better for getting a true idea of the relative sizes and locations of different countries; atlases and larger-scale maps are better for detail.
In this instance, because we have reduced the area to a relatively small one, an atlas will probably be the best tool for the job.
Richard English
October 13, 2008, 09:24
Richard English
Well, Earstern Europe is surely interesting - so how about somewhere on the Black Sea? Odessa is a place I've never been to...
A con man who lived in Tblisi Was pulled over by the police. He Was charged with a crime And served out his time For his honest effort to fleece me.
October 13, 2008, 12:10
jerry thomas
I'm wondering, can you pronounce Tbilisi? You will find it's uncommonly easy. To be wholly idyllic Spell it out in Cyrillic Then, my friend, just say: "Тбилиси."
October 13, 2008, 12:50
stella
I ate a meat pie in Tbilisi That made me feel dreadfully queasy. When I puked in a pan, I said to the man, “Are you sure that was meat? It looks cheesy.”
I think Odessa’s a great choice, Richard. There’s a wealth of rhyming opportunities after a couple of weeks of those damned dactyls. So ... will people have to submit to both of us?
October 13, 2008, 13:45
<Proofreader>
It is said that the girls in Tblisi Are considered particularly isi. They’ll screw any guy And that is why I Am on my way. Isi? Well, we’ll si.
October 13, 2008, 14:45
Richard English
quote:
I think Odessa’s a great choice, Richard. There’s a wealth of rhyming opportunities after a couple of weeks of those damned dactyls. So ... will people have to submit to both of us?
There's no precedent for this - but I suppose so. It's just a question of inviting us both to a private topic and then we will each get the information at the same time. Then, if we liaise after a few days, we can agree the next stage.
Richard English
October 13, 2008, 20:05
Kalleh
Yes, that's a good idea, Richard. People should invite both Richard and Stella to a private topic, sending them their submissions. I'm too tired tonight, but I'll send one tomorrow. Good luck to me!
October 14, 2008, 05:29
<Proofreader>
By using my psychic powers of divination, I have managed to present both with my own limerick series detailing the travails of life in Odessa -- before the city was announced!
Since both Richard and Stella are not allowed to participate in the contest, I hereby declare myself the winner.
October 14, 2008, 05:49
bethree5
I'm stunned at the manner so breezy With which you all rhymed Tbilisi! But Llanfairpwllgwyngyll Is harder to lim', kith, And makes Tbilisi look easy.
October 14, 2008, 07:36
<Proofreader>
quote:
But Llanfairpwllgwyngyll Is harder to lim', kith,
Put it in the A position. But I only rhyme 'merican. Just learned "Tblisi" in Russian is "Tfilis". Now there's a rhyme to grab ahold of --- or maybe not grab.This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,