I've moved these posts from the earlier "Babylon" thread. Remember to PM your limericks to timon, not to me!

Moved Reply:

Well, if you guys still want a place-name challenge, I propose Adelaide (and I've written one myself using it as A-rhyme, to be sure it's not impossible).
Do we fix a time-limit? Do entries come here, or direct to me?

Moved Reply:

Just a PS to previous post: I read Adelaide as "AD-uh-layd", so that strict rhymes should also have that pattern, not merely rhyming the "-ayd" syllable, any more than "Babylon" rhymes with "been and gone".

Moved Reply:

Ooops. Accidentally overwrote my previous entry. I hope you can remember it.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BobHale,

Many thanks, Bob.

quote:

any more than "Babylon" rhymes with "been and gone".

It doesn't? Damn!

quote:

Do we fix a time-limit? Do entries come here, or direct to me?

You can say "time's up" any time, timon - after that people beg you for extensions.

We post the entries to you directly by PM.

My are in.

Limericks on "Adelaide" received so far from:

jerry thomas
stella
Richard English
Myth Jellies
Proofreader

I propose to call time on Sunday 12 October, 12 noon UK time. Any pleas for extension?

When flea-ologists shout, "Jump!" it's clear
Removing fleas' extremeties, Dear,
Their statistics show,
What we already know:
That fleas lacking hind legs can't hear.

That flea-ologist told you a whopper:
It was really a common grasshopper
With both rear legs missin’.
(Since fleas never listen,
The experiment wouldn’t work proper).

The trouble rhyming on Adelaide
Makes doing so deserve an accolade
To get any that fit
And to do so with wit
Makes one wish that the city was Perth.

You should have mine in your PMs by now

Proofreader's Perth reference has prompted me to submit another Adelaide limerick, albeit one that does not have Adelaide in the ideal position.

Limerickers, for what it's worth,
Are submittomg verses on "Perth"
Eschew Adelaide,
Unless you're afraid
Of emotions quite different from myrth.

I once bedded a woman of Perth
A lady of substantial girth.
I slipped off her thigh
And thought I would die
In the hour it took to hit earth.

There is not a law to prohibit
Or tell one to stop, to inhibit
Some scientist’s quest
To de-bone the chest
Of a frog, then try to re-ribbet.

More lims have arrived, including BobHale's. Report tomorrow!

Mine's in, but it wasn't easy!

Well, here’s the report you’ve all been waiting for (hand me the envelope, please Amanda).

Eight members submitted a total of twenty-one limericks between them (and I had written two myself by way of experiment, and to see if others used the same rhymes). I expect you’ll want me to reproduce them all; unfortunately some I printed out, and then absent-mindedly deleted the posts, so I had to re-transcribe! I’ll do that in a separate post; here I’d like to indicate the winner.

The selection was more difficult than I’d expected. What I thought I should look for, apart from a reasonable degree of general accuracy of metre and rhyme, was the rhymes found for Adelaide, and the construction of a story to fit them. Finally I narrowed them down to two, and shall indicate both here, since the gap between them was very small.

Second place: Richard English

A lothario living in Adelaide
Was heard to declare he was sad he laid
This rather butch miss,
With the prickly kiss,
Once he found it was really a lad he laid.

First place: stella

Adine, riding bareback in Adelaide,
To buffer the bumps to her bladder laid
A bag on the horse;
Didn’t help much of course,
So they said, “Don’t be daft. Use a saddle, Ade!”

Further post to follow with all the other pieces, so you can see whether you disagree with my choice!
-----------------------------------------

Finally, this occurred to me as a slightly different take on the word:

A singer, a skilful sight-reader,
Was trying out Beethoven lieder,
But a fine mess he made
Of the word “Adelaide”:
You must sing it as “Adelaide”.

[Quite true: see L. van Beethoven, op. 46.]

Thanks for this interesting experience, and enthusiastic take-up of a tricky rhyme-word!

timon

See previous post for the winner of the Adelaide competition.

As promised, here is the crop of (very entertaining) limericks submitted, other than the two winners already posted. They are listed in alphabetical order of authors.


BobHale

A family of builders from Adelaide,
Crazy paving that was rather madder laid
This bit by the mudder
That bit by the brudder
And here's the one slab that the fadder laid.

The was a young woman of Adelaide
Whose worries her boyfriend soon had allayed
Reassured she gave in
But regretted her sin
Nine months later, a wiser but sadder maid.


bethree5

Some fraternity boys down in Adelaide
Tried to set up an Australian panty raid.
But those Sarahs and Nancys
Never wear any panties
So they put on their very own bra parade.

Read a note to a lass in old Adelaide
from her long-distance beau, the Marquis de Sade:
"I'd love to flay you by cane,
my sweet." "No pain no gain,"
she wrote, "but this time YOU dress as the naughty maid."


jerry thomas

An Australian from South Adelaide
Said while sipping his tart lemonade
“This drink is not sweet,
But it’s a real treat:
It was made by a maid in the shade.”

A baby chick in Adelaide
From his teacher received a high grade.
When they played Show-and-Tell
He started to yell,
“See the big grapefruit marmalade!”

Canoe voyageurs in South Adelaide
Never cared for the din of a battle raid.
Moving smoothly for shore
At peace during the war,
Hearing only the sounds that their paddle made.

Kalleh

In Australia's a capital, Adelaide,
Its culture has made me so glad I stayed:
Romping and playing,
And swinging and swaying,
And finding the sexiest lad I laid!

Myth Jellies

A blonde of big bones lives in Adelaide
Beweaponed and toned – she’s all battle grade
A Valkyrian sight
She’s a mare of the night
For any supposing to saddle maid!

Proofreader

A youngster down in Adelaide
Regretted the tricks his daddy played,
By his shrinking the thongs
That surrounded the dongs
Of all the men that his marmalade.

A baker baking in Adelaide
Cooked oysters battered in marmalade.
He announced that this treat
Was a pleasure to eat,
But his was the only accolade.


I bedded a bimbo, Adelaide,
Well-known for the screeching sound she made
When you took her athwart
And then, like a good sport,
Put it to her again, enfilade.

So I gave her my best fusillade
And it satisfied sweet Adelaide.
It gave her such a glow
When I got up to go
She just laid there and that’s where she stayed.


Once a soldier boy from Adelaide
Was pinned down in a grim enfilade.
He was sure he’d be shot
But thank god he was not:
For the war’s end left his fears allayed.

Richard English

Said two foolish young ladies from Perth,
Whose waistlines were growing in girth,
"It's that damned trip to Adelaide
And the innocent lad we laid,
Now who'll be the father at birth?"

stella

Bad Brad had a pad down in Adelaide;
By the window out back, an old ladder laid,
Which, addled, he straddled,
And madly skeddaddled
With scads of the cash of a cad he laid.

In the city that’s named for Queen Adelaide
(The consort that William “the gadder” laid),
The summer drought’s baneful,
But autumn brings rainfall,
And doubts, come to nowt, are a tad allayed.

The lad saying “Sorry, my bad!” allayed
My rage not at all. I was mad – delayed,
With my luggage all lost!
Oh, bugger the cost!
Just get me a flight out of Adelaide.

I was bit by a snake, a blackadder – laid
Out as if dead! Fiddle-faddle! Aid
Was soon on its way!
They revived me. Oh yay!
Just in time to go shopping in Adelaide!


timon

And just for interest, the two I wrote myself before receiving the entries:

A young fellow with problems, in Adelaide,
One day, growing sadder and sadder, laid
A hand on his brow,
Moaning “Look at me now:
So far up the creek, with no paddle-aid!”

Our hero, an Aussie from Adelaide
Fell into the trap that the baddy laid;
Though his girlfriend cried “Wait!”,
He pressed on; and too late
He dolefully wished that he had delayed.

Greetings, all.

timon

Well, thanks! Now do Stella and I have to agree on a joint placename or do I, as runner-up, defer to her?

Well, I'd say that is a question for a moderator, Richard, but I deliberately avoiding saying "First-equal" (even though it was a hair's breadth difference) so that joint operation wouldn't be essential.

Not sure, Richard. Why don't you and Stella decide on the word and make the winning selections together? Just a thought.

quote:

First place: stella

I always thought that meant she's the winner.
The only time second place wins is during Presidential elections.

Thanks v much, timon. Funnily, if I'd thought I might win, I'd not have expected to win with that one. As usual I'll indicate which one of my own I liked best and it was the one about the irate airline passenger which I thought was both witty and contemporary and indicated a certain street-savviness which I was quite proud of. The only thing it lacked was innuendo, although including the word "bugger" gave it a bit of an edge I thought. Anyway, it's what the judge thinks that matters which is a good reason to send as many entries as possible.

Richard's lim beats mine in terms of general raunchiness and I think on Wordcraft his would be considered better (for this reason ). I'm delighted to share the honours of choosing the next place with him and judging it together - though I have absolutely no idea how we would go about it. Shall I choose the first half of the word and you the ending, Richard, or what?

One of you can choose the longitude and the other the latitude.

quote:

One of you can choose the longitude and the other the latitude.

That sounds a good idea - though how we will choose a winner is another challenge!

I suggest somewhere between 20 and 40 degrees East

OK. Between 40 and 50 degrees North.

Hmmm. I thought I was joking. Which of you will dig out an atlas (though I believe from OEDILF that Richard prefers a globe) and choose the place name?

quote:

Hmmm. I thought I was joking. Which of you will dig out an atlas (though I believe from OEDILF that Richard prefers a globe) and choose the place name?

Horses for courses. Globes are better for getting a true idea of the relative sizes and locations of different countries; atlases and larger-scale maps are better for detail.

In this instance, because we have reduced the area to a relatively small one, an atlas will probably be the best tool for the job.

Well, Earstern Europe is surely interesting - so how about somewhere on the Black Sea? Odessa is a place I've never been to...

Tbilisi might be an interesting challenge.

A con man who lived in Tblisi
Was pulled over by the police. He
Was charged with a crime
And served out his time
For his honest effort to fleece me.

I'm wondering, can you pronounce Tbilisi?
You will find it's uncommonly easy.
To be wholly idyllic
Spell it out in Cyrillic
Then, my friend, just say: "Тбилиси."

I ate a meat pie in Tbilisi
That made me feel dreadfully queasy.
When I puked in a pan,
I said to the man,
“Are you sure that was meat? It looks cheesy.”



I think Odessa’s a great choice, Richard. There’s a wealth of rhyming opportunities after a couple of weeks of those damned dactyls. So ... will people have to submit to both of us?

It is said that the girls in Tblisi
Are considered particularly isi.
They’ll screw any guy
And that is why I
Am on my way. Isi? Well, we’ll si.

quote:

I think Odessa’s a great choice, Richard. There’s a wealth of rhyming opportunities after a couple of weeks of those damned dactyls. So ... will people have to submit to both of us?

There's no precedent for this - but I suppose so. It's just a question of inviting us both to a private topic and then we will each get the information at the same time. Then, if we liaise after a few days, we can agree the next stage.

Yes, that's a good idea, Richard. People should invite both Richard and Stella to a private topic, sending them their submissions. I'm too tired tonight, but I'll send one tomorrow. Good luck to me!

By using my psychic powers of divination, I have managed to present both with my own limerick series detailing the travails of life in Odessa -- before the city was announced!

Since both Richard and Stella are not allowed to participate in the contest, I hereby declare myself the winner.

I'm stunned at the manner so breezy
With which you all rhymed Tbilisi!
But Llanfairpwllgwyngyll
Is harder to lim', kith,
And makes Tbilisi look easy.

quote:

But Llanfairpwllgwyngyll
Is harder to lim', kith,

Put it in the A position.
But I only rhyme 'merican.
Just learned "Tblisi" in Russian is "Tfilis".
Now there's a rhyme to grab ahold of --- or maybe not grab.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: <Proofreader>,