1 There still is a lady in Leeds
Who gets up to some quite "dirty deeds",
But they ain't "done dirt cheap",
As she's making a heap
By sating men's needs to sow seeds.

2 There's a businessman living in Leeds,
And with each "regrowth" Ad he heeds,
There is much discontent
For with each Pound that's spent -
The further his hairline recedes.

Note: If your "Leeds" is not in Great Britain, replace "Pound that's" with "Dollar".


3 The old woman who lives in Leeds
Engages in countless good deeds
On top of her lap
Her pussy does nap
As she fingers her mala beads

4 “I just don’t want to write about Leeds”.
First, she whines and cajoles, then she pleads.
“I’m not feeling well.
Forget it! Oh, Hell!”
With these words, her defeat, she concedes.

5 There once was a young man from Leeds
Who had some particular needs
He wanted a gal
Who'd just be his pal
But one he could lick when she bleeds


6 She likes a big crowd when she breeds
Downtown in the middle of Leeds
Come one and come all
She hastens to call
And watch me as they plant their seeds

7 A lazy young rascal from Leeds
Said, “In life I have only two speeds
Though the fast one is slow
And the slow one won’t go
They’re sufficient, I find, for my needs"

8 A rather vain fellow from Leeds
Said “See how my hairline recedes.”
“I’ve tried each cream and lotion,”
He cried with emotion,
“To stop it, but nothing succeeds.

9 A gentleman living in Leeds
With both sacred and secular needs
Said "I'll try many things -
Devil's feet, Angel's wings -
And I'll stick to whichever succeeds!"

10. At her church a young woman from Leeds
Kneeled and prayed, counting off on her beads:
"Lord forgive my gross sins
With the MacEvoy twins,
And my joy found in sucking their seeds."

11 A dowager matron of Leeds
Attired in her Donegal tweeds
Took the bus to the square
Where she stripped almost bare--
Except for a string of black beads.

12 There was a young fellow in Leeds
Who bought his fiancée some beads.
Because he was poor,
They were less than grandeur,
So she threw them back down in the weeds.

13 There once was a seamstress in Leeds
Renowned for her tailoring deeds
'Till a bloke made a pass
"I'll fix him!" cried the lass
Sewed his willy right into his tweeds

14 A quirky young woman in Leeds
Did kleptomaniacal deeds
When her lover named Clyde
Prised her thighs open wide
Espied baubles, bangles, and beads

Question:
Choose your favorite!

Choices:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14

 

This message has been edited. Last edited by: sattva,

Someone contacted me about an error and I corrected it. At the time, it said there were 0 votes cast and I breathed a sigh of relief, but just in case you happened to cast a vote and it hadn't shown, please vote again. Thank you!

Too late to enter but...

Said some Chinamen living in Leeds
“This country has most of our needs
But for seeds of sunflowers
Which no-one here devours
While at home everybody succeeds.”

Dare I offer an observation: the ones we have so far decided stand out from the rest are the least blue among them. Translation: the raunchy ones are common, not to say vulgar, and less appealing?

I wouldn't say that. I look at the content, but also the rhyme and meter. But the rhyme and meter aren't enough unless the poem, as a whole, makes some kind of sense. But even that isn't enough. Some meet all those requirements but are kind of boring or mundane. The poem needs to flow well and it's nice if line 5 contains some kind of twist or surprise. That gives it sort of a kick to spice it up. I don't know if anyone understands what I mean. I haven't voted yet, but the 3 thus far selected, 7, 11, and 14, are on my short list. They all have their pros and cons.

Duke Ellington said, "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing." I guess with limericks you could say, "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that zing."

I haven't voted yet, either. Can't decide at this point which one is my favorite. I have asked Geoff to give us a deadline when to vote, so none of us miss voting as happened last time.

Certainly blatant crudity is not an ingredient of a really good limerick. Implicit naugtiness goes further than explicit stuff. Nevertheless two of the three that have votes ARE explicit.

Truth to tell, my favorite is not nasty, but I can't vote on it unless there's a tie.

As for a deadline, let's go two more days, OK?

"Kleptomaniacal," did you say? Hmm...that's a double-dactyl...

quote:

but I can't vote on it unless there's a tie

Personally, I do not see why the Game Setter can't vote for their favourite, just like everyone else. They still get to break a tie if there is one, and if one of the limericks involved in the tie happens to be the one the game-setter actually voted for, then they won't have any trouble deciding which one to give their casting vote to. If the one they voted for isn't in the tie, they will then give their Casting vote to whichever one they prefer of those. But if the Game-Setter doesn't vote at the same time as everybody else and the one they would like to vote for has only one vote, but the tie already existing is between 2 with 2 votes, then the one they wanted to vote for is deprived of that vote and doesn't join the tie, whereas if that vote had been cast, they'd be the winner. Hope that makes sense.

Are you related to Donald Rumsfeld?

quote:

Are you related to Donald Rumsfeld?

The fact that I don't know who he is, would suggest not. I think he has something to do with US politics, but I don't know as much as I should about Aussie politics, and I have almost never been out of the country, so what I know about US politics can be summed up as follows:

I usually know who the President is and who the Candidates are for the next one are, but I also know the US political system often means that the President can do very little if he/she is not a member of the Party that has control of the Senate, and so all the money spent determining who the next President should be is mostly a total waste and would be much better spent fixing problems. But then I would say the same thing about Space Exploration too.

He's the man who said

quote:

Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know. And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones

LOL

Was I that convoluted? Damn - should have written it in limerick form.

Here's another I couldn't finish in time:

A hard-to-get bachelor of Leeds
Did thoroughly research the breeds
And concluded, "Two collies
Would give me my jollies
And meet all emotional needs."

Dang! I should have waiting for your #2! Sorrry!

Well, if you really want some #2, Geoff, I could send you some.

I've already sent in my quota of limericks, but here's one I thought of since:

A man went from the city of Leeds
Back through time to the kingdom of Medes
He opened his eyes
And to his surprise
Found the people were all wearing tweeds

A lusty time trav'ler from Leeds
Flew away back in time at great speeds.
Hee embedded both balls
In the Parthenon walls
And his dick 's lost somewhere in the weeds.

quote:

stand out from the rest are the least blue among them

Maybe they weren't blue enough:

A gigolo working in Leeds,
Who took on all classes and creeds,
Refused a girl, once,
With an "arse" and two cunts,
Who demanded simultaneous feeds.

"ass" for most of you.

#2? Weyulll, I once had a tomboy girlfriend who eschewed Chanel #5 and wore Hoppe's #9
http://www.midwayusa.com/produ...aning-solvent-liquid Say what you will about how clean her bore was...

Five votes in, and the deadline is nigh. I would like to have seen more participation, but one doesn't always get what one wants.

Since it won't affect the outcome I'll say I would have picked #9.

Here we go:

1 and 2 were Greg's

3 and 4 were Sattva's

5 and 6 were Tinman's

7 and 8 were Bob's

9 Was Haberdasher's; my personal favorite

10 was Proofreader

11 was Bethree5's. Redolent of a much earlier work about a naked rodeo rider.

12 was Kalleh's

13 and 14 were mine.

If I can rightly decipher this (&&@!& poll, Bob's our uncle! Take it away, Bob!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Geoff,

BTW, did you get Greg's alluding to the AC/DC song, "Dirty Deeds?" That, in turn was lifted from the slogan of the villain of the very early TV puppet/animated show, "Time for Beany," then "Beany and Cecil" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beany_and_Cecil

Greg, did YOU know where AC/DC stole the words?

quote:

Originally posted by Geoff:
Five votes in, and the deadline is nigh.

Shit! I missed the deadline again. The deadline is not nigh, but here and gone.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: tinman,

Thank you kindly. I shall provide a new place name shortly.

quote:

Greg, did YOU know where AC/DC stole the words?

No I didn't. Thank you for that insight.

I've been flat out for a fortnight, and missed the Vote as well. Oh well I enjoyed playing anyway, despite pulling zero votes again. Maybe I should have put the really Blue one in, rather than the receding hairline one - it was a toss-up?