Vote for one. (Acknowledgement: two spelling errors were edited. Apologies if they were deliberate.) Comments and qualifications and thoughts-along-the-way welcome.

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1.
Big Bad Wolf resided in Leicester
Red Riding Hood came to pester
Our wolf with bad puns
'bout her luscious buns
"I'll show her," Wolf thought, "I'll in jest 'er!

2.
A horny young lady from Leicester
Gets screwed many times a semester.
It'll just be my luck
She'll be too worn to fuck
From the dicks that are drawn to molester.

3.
A Bostonian, hailing from Liecesta
Announced he would host a fiesta
But his mistress, no snob,
Brought an unruly mob
And his wife called the cops to arresta.

4.
When dating a guy up in Leicester,
Though his monster dong quite distressed 'er,
Twas a far bigger shock
Than the size of his cock,
That he was a Double-D Chester.

5.
A pretty young hooker in Leicester
Was raided by cops to arrest 'er
But she offered to do'em -
To suck 'em and screw 'em
Now coppers no longer molest 'er

6.
My friend Hester who lives down in Leicester
Is quite a good looker - big breaster!
No bra holds her in
(Her men live in sin);
I'm letting my jealousy fester!

7.
I've been told of a maiden from Leicester
Who had sworn that no fella could beicester,
But a gentleman charming,
Genteel and disarming
Impreicester, undreicest and possesseicester.

8.
During travels on business to Leicester
Many salesmen dropped in on Ms Hester
With black hair, eyes of blue,
And a red “A” tattoo--
Grateful gents up in Leicester all bless’d ‘er

9.
There once was a couple in Leicester
Whose names were Chester and Esther
Although brother and sis,
They saw nothing amiss
Being incestee and incestor

10.
My chancre is starting to fester;
My doctor does nothing but pester:
"You've syphilis, Hon -
Your love life is done!"
I'm sure it's that jerk down in Leicester!

______________________________


Well, there it is. Or, rather, there they are. Post your preferences and and other thoughts here (PM not needed any more, unless you want to), and I'll share our Collective Judgment by Valentine's Day Weekend or so.

These are all excellent but my vote goes to 7. I really love L5!

For some reason, this city brought out the lust in us. Must have been the rhyming words. Anyway, I have to agree with arnie on this - I, too, love L5 of limerick #7 - the creative spelling too.

Damn! I thought I had written a winner, but, alas, #7 is better than mine. It makes sense with normal spelling, and the added twist of idiomatic spelling clinches it.

Heaven forfend I should be picky, but shouldn't that be "posseicester" ?

quote:

Originally posted by haberdasher:
Heaven forfend I should be picky, but shouldn't that be "posseicester" ?

Aww, give the writer a break! He can't help it if he lisps. Or maybe it's a she...

All worthy entries! Well done, y'all!

Several worthy of a vote but I also have to go with number 7.

For meter, 2 & 10 are just fine;
Second-best must be #9,
But creative spelling
Makes 7 best-smelling.
4's clever; 7 winner, I opine.

Well I'm going out on a limb here, because I am not at all sold on the silly spelling. Any one of us could have done that and to me it's all all about how it sounds and as haberdasher pointed out they didn't even get the weird spelling right, so that if you are reading Leceister as Lester then the last word should be read as possess-Esther, and if you are reading it as Leceister, it's possess-ess-Esther.

Of course any vote now is irrelevant and though I am tempted to vote for Number 4 (becase I really like it), my vote goes to Number 9.

I like the joke in 1. The last line “I’ll in jest ‘er” with the double-meaning. I had trouble with the meter in the first two lines and am probably reading it wrong. Is it :
big bad WOLF reSIDed in LESter
red ridING hood CAME to PESter? I might have put a word in front of red like
“to red RIDing hood CAME to PESter.” Not sure and no offense to the author since "all you all" are better than I am. If I could have made the meter work in my head, this would have gotten my vote.

I like 2 as a good all-around classic limerick. Sometimes I would stay away from “fuck” but I guess the nature of these is to use offensive (or borderline offensive) language. I like to use a substitute word that the keen reader knows what I mean. I guess it is a good rhyme to "luck" however.

3 was pretty good but I was thinking they could have done the “er” ending on the rhyme and called the “fiesta” a “fiester” to make the rhyme and hold the purity of the “lester” a-rhyme sound.

4 was good and funny and met the classic rhyming style to me. (but I’ve been told my “meter” doesn’t run too well so what do I know)

5 I outright like.

6 had good rhyme to me and was well done.

7 for the great charm of the playing on the obscure spelling vs. pronunciation of Leicester. Creative and a good joke.

8 was good…but I don’t think I got the joke. I think there is something about the “A” tattoo that I don’t know what it means or implies.

9 and 10 were also good. 10 made me look up a word I wasn’t familiar with and was still a good joke. I like it when someone makes me look up a word in order to get the joke. One of my “runner-ups”

Gee…I guess I’ll go with 5 for its classic limerick appeal and because it deserves recognition and (because) I have to pick one.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Tom,

quote:

Originally posted by bethree5:
For meter, 2 & 10 are just fine;
Second-best must be #9,
But creative spelling
Makes 7 best-smelling.
4's clever; 7 winner, I opine.

hahahaha. Good. We should have a "like" button on this site.

I think we have not only a plurality but an outright majority in favor of #7. I'd like to invite everyone to follow Tom's lead and give your thoughts on the rest too - where they might be improved (if they might), maybe even cast a vote for a runner-up or an Honorable Mention for something particularly clever. (Which is what we lose by limiting ourselves to a multiple-chioce Poll.)

Very well, I shall do so:

#1's only fault is that one has to run "Big" and "Bad" together to make its meter equal to the second line. I really like the retelling of the fairy tale, although I think she carried a cake, not buns. Maybe a bundt cake?

#2 Worked for the most part, but "molester" didn't seem to fit. She was happy to screw, so it was the wrong word. Still made me smile, though.

#3 was very good, I thought. Ogden Nash-like spelling changes and a funny story made this one among my favorites.

#4 was downright funny. Its failing for me was that the protagonist isn't made clear, and it seems fragmentary as a result.

#5 seems technically spot-on, but hackneyed. It's what one would expect, but with no "zinger" in it.

#6 didn't resonate with me, although it likely does for most men. I just don't equate big breasts with good looks, so I'm not on the writer's wavelength.

#7 was, except for the gaffe in the last word, both technically good and quite funny. Again, an Ogden Nash-like use of intentional goofy spelling tickled my funny bone enough to vote for it.

#8 A very imaginative riff on "The Scarlet Letter!" Hester Prynne would be sooooo jealous!

#9 Good meter, and a solid effort, but nothing out of the ordinary except the final line.

#10 is a solid effort, but nothing sets it apart as exceptional. It does not have the twist that elicits a laugh; rather, it just tells a story.

All in all, not one unworthy effort in the group! (BTW, I've critiqued my own)

Big Bad Wolf was residing in Leicester
When Red Riding Hood came there to pester
Our wolf with bad puns
'bout her lover-ly buns
"I'll show her," Wolf thought, "I'll in jest 'er!

Minor changes for scansion in number one.

Ah...Workshopping!

I am happy to post my impressions of the limericks, but I wondered: 1) Should I just avoid my own, though of course that will "out" them? 2) Should I simply "out" mine? Or 3) Should I critique my own, which of course may be subjective?

As for the poll vs. the listing the limericks, I realize that I like the polls better. First off, I tend to be visual, so I like the graphs. That's probably also related to my research background. However, a bigger thing is that unless you are the first person to weigh in, I think you are influenced by the previous picks because you have to scroll down past everyone else's. Clearly people read the previous selections, based on some of the later comments. When you vote by the poll system, first you vote and then you see the results. I know we decided you could do it either way, whatever is the originator's preference, but my way will be to post the poll (that is, if I ever win. )

I see Proof's revamping of #1 as "workshopping," but not the critiques Tom and I have offered.

As you know, I abhor the poll, so was delighted to see Hab try it this way.

I'd like to see what others thought of the bunch.

BTW, I'll go with #3 as my runner-up, then #10.

Geoff, it's that diversity that makes life so interesting. Some of us like it with a poll, others not so much, so, to be democratic, we'll do both.

Up to the host that won the last one. That sounds good to me.

I do it all in fun, so I don't care if you know the author before it's announced, I don't mind the poll, but have no problem with the host doing the count him or herself by the responses.

I do like the feedback from the voters. It gives the authors the sense of what others think of their limerick and where they can improve accordingly. I like it for mine, anyway. I also like knowing who did which at the end of the voting.

quote:

Damn! I thought I had written a winner, but, alas, #7 is better than mine.

My thoughts exactly!

I know; mine, too. I really had thought I'd get one teeny tiny vote with my limerick.

Hab, I hear your poor state is getting more snow. Just remember, spring is just around the corner.

All too true. It's bad enough when the snow comes in waves, but when the waves start coming in trains...

And speaking of workshopping, consider this:

A limerick's easy to form:
This meter's the rhythmical norm
.And the rhyme scheme should be
"A, A, B, B, A." See?
If it's not then expect a small storm.

In the spirit of throwing a bad word in the last "gotcha" line, how about"

"If it's not then expect a sh** storm."


edit: in rereading, it would make one want to put an emphasis on the next to the last word which would not match the emphasis of the first two lines. Mine suggestion is worse I think.

I guess I'm a bit of a prude; I prefer to put my dirty words in by implication rather than by clobbering the reader with them.

And in the Workshopping department - in L5 of #1, I don't really see a difference in the word stress so it isn't a matter of scansion, but somehow "thought Wolf" works better for me then "Wolf thought". I can't quite figure out why, but it flows more smoothly:

-- "I'll show her," Wolf thought, "I'll in jest 'er!
vs.
-- "I'll show her," thought Wolf, "I'll in jest 'er!

quote:

"thought Wolf" works better for me then "Wolf thought". I can't quite figure out why, but it flows more smoothly:

Agreed. Since it was a parody of a very old fairy tale, a stylistic archaism would fit right in.

I must agree with Hab that implication trumps overt exposition. However, a well-placed "Shit!" when unexpected can work well. Just don't go barefoot.

And on further consideration:

Think how your mouth and lips form the sounds:
-- to go from HER to [unvoiced "oo-"]WOlf is a lot of change and movement. To go from HER to THought stays in the same position.
-- to go from wolF to THought is a big change. To go from woLF to the vowel of I'll is no change.

Less change --> flows more smoothly --> sounds better.

Ah, the subtle things that make it poetry...

quote:

...could have done the “er” ending on the rhyme and called the “fiesta” a “fiester” to make the rhyme and hold the purity of the “lester” a-rhyme sound.

Tom - he's a Bostonian. They don't have Rs at the end of words in Boston (except of course when they put them in where they're not wanted...). Besides, as you point out, they're the limerick's a-rhymes.

Tom, I suspect you're too young to remember JFK saying, "Cuba." He said, "Kewber!" It takes a bloomin' 'Enry 'Iggins" to figure it all out.

quote:

he's a Bostonian

That's almost revealing the author, and considering this game is over voting-wise maybe it is time to reveal all the authors.

However you could have said "he's an Aussie" because for us there is no distinction between "a" and "'er" at the end of words, so Leceister, fiesta, detest 'er and siesta are all perfect rhymes in this part of the world.

quote:

A limerick's easy to form:
This meter's the rhythmical norm
And the rhyme scheme should be
"A, A, B, B, A." See?
If it's not then expect a small storm.

I imagine the people at OEDILF would love this. Nicely done.

I don't know if it's the new format or posters' encouragements to critique, but I like all this commentary! Just fires me up to write another! Let's have a new location pliz.

(continued here)

quote:

Originally posted by Geoff:
Tom, I suspect you're too young to remember JFK saying, "Cuba." He said, "Kewber!" It takes a bloomin' 'Enry 'Iggins" to figure it all out.

Geoff, I kind of remember. Was only about 7 years old when he became president. His death was such a huge event, that I still remember where I was when I heard he died. (In school)

I think I come off as young partly because I never was a real "word" scholar and I don't think I have the writing skillset of much higher than high school level. I just enjoy this site for some reason.

I recall that when Kennedy was running for president, there was a good deal of concern about his Catholic background. People said he wanted to divide his native state into High and Low Mass.