1. I made love to a maid from Madras
And her sexual skills were first-class.
I asked why she walked funny.
She said, “Don’t worry, honey.
It’s just grass from Madras up my ass.”


2. A seemingly sweet Tamil lass
Is feared by the men in Madras:
Oh, she'll never marry,
'Cause under that sari
She's hiding two big balls of brass


3. Now, this madras-clad gal from Madras
Covers up, but she always looks crass.
It is not that the plaid
Really looks all that bad--
But that sari can't hide her big ass


4. Three Indians with only one ass
Took a journey one day to Madras
“I really don't mind,”
Said the one sat behind,
“But, oh my, can this donkey pass gas.”


5. To drive from Chennai to Madras*
First fill up the tank with some gas
You can put down the top,
Start the engine, then stop
You'll find that much time doesn't pass.

*Chennai and Madras are, of course, two different names for the same place.


6. I once took a trip to Madras
And found the old hippie, Ram Dass
Smoking some weed
and spewing his seed
In a Khajaraho priestess's ass.

Khajaraho: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa-SPkOoBIU

7. A young tech at Ford's plant in Madras
Was found toking a wee bit of grass
Though she blushed & salaam'ed,
Her apologies bombed--
She got kicked out on her sari ass


8. He played cricket for years for Madras
And paid peanuts for that, but alas,
For Chennai today
With one brief season's play
It's obscene how much cash he'd amass.

For the benefit of our US limericists: Cricket is the biggest sport played in India. The traditional First Class game of Cricket is played over 4 or 5 days, with 6 hours play each day. Then they introduced a shortened one day form of the game, some 30 years ago, but a new form of the game that only lasts a few hours called Twenty-20 (a smash-the-crap-out-of-the-ball-as-many-times-as-you-can-as-fast-as-you-can-and-don't-worry-too-much-if-you-get-out-because-an-innings-rarely-lasts-long-enough-to-get-everyone-out-anyway, style of game), was introduced a few years ago, and it's greatest popularity is in the Indian Premier League (IPL) where players from all around the world of cricket playing nations (some well past their prime) are offered huge money contracts, some over $1 million, for a short 8 week season of smash and grab cricket. The Chennai Super Kings is one of the teams in the IPL.


9. I knew a guru in Madras
Whose language was vulgar and crass.
T'was always the truth,
Though sounding uncouth,
So nobody listened, alas.


10. In India's a city Madras,
Which has added to Wordcraft en masse,
Lotsa stress with its rhymes,
And linguistical crimes.
To me, it's a pain in the ass!

Question:
Vote for your favorite limerick

Choices:
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten

 

Just to bring this forward for voting.

Haven't voted yet, but the way I pronounce many of these words is going to discount a number of limericks from my vote.

For me: crass, gas and alas are perfect rhymes for Madras, but brass, grass, pass and the frequently used ass (which we Aussies spell as arse, unless we're talking about a donkey in which case it's spelled ass and does rhyme with Madras) all rhyme with farce, and don't rhyme with Madras at all.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Greg S,

There's hardly a consensus on this one is there? Greg, I agree that my votes are swayed, too, by my accent. It's just the way it goes. I am not sure how OEDILF does it (if it does).

[Proof: Speaking of OEDILF, I mentioned the new "editor" to CJ, and he said there's an English teacher there now who "corrects mistakes." That is, he seems to support her prescriptive workshopping. I am sure Wordcrafters, linguists, and others who know more about the language, would skewer that English teacher! It is so good that I am not writing limericks there anymore. I'd be sending that workshopper Wordcraft or Language Log links all the time. I am sure the "mistakes" are not really mistakes.]

Given the number of votes and the number of players, are you declaring #1 the winnah, Bethree?
I'm anxious to see hoo rote it!

Right you are, Geoff, I hereby declare PROOFREADER winner and still [or often] champ. And thanks to three kibbitzers, we got more votes than authors for a change, yay!

Here's the rundown:
#1, at 2 votes, won by a wild margin of 1! Proof's brassy verse started my day right last week with a belly laugh.
#2's crass ditty by yours truly, undeservedly recognized: one vote.
#3, another unwise entry by this writer, did not pass muster: 0.
#4: BobHale's clever verse was apparently too high-class to win over this crowd: 1 vote.
#5, another witticism by Bob, garnered only one vote, alas.
#6, a bit of sass from Geoff had me rolling on the floor! That's why I (alone) voted for it.
#7 by yours truly garnered 1 vote no doubt for its oh-so-clever "sari ass" rhyme.
#8 from Greg ran out of gas despite wonderful cricket info: 0.
#9's nice rhymes, by Geoff, garnered one vote from the voting mass
#10, Kalleh's entry, chock-full of inside WC ref's, got 0. This lass can't get a break!

But Proof wouldn't have won if I'd been canny enough to look at the current state of play BEFORE casting the second vote for him. I'd have voted for something else as mine already had one vote.
I probably still wouldn't have won either as I'd have given my vote to one of the (many) others that subsequently got a vote each.

I hope someone will surpass me on the next one. I'll post the next game shortly (actually it will probably be a longish game) as soon as I think of a plausible venue, but not one featuring a crevasse.

Regarding Greg's comments on the rhyme for Madras, and his not being appreciative of our accented pronunciation, even though you may say a word differently, we accept without question your usage. If you can accept our poor patois, we can do the same for you. So send it on even if you're not in accord with our semi-literate rhymes.

quote:

Regarding Greg's comments on the rhyme for Madras, and his not being appreciative of our accented pronunciation, even though you may say a word differently, we accept without question your usage. If you can accept our poor patois, we can do the same for you. So send it on even if you're not in accord with our semi-literate rhymes.

It's not that I'm not appreciative, several of them gave me a laugh, but when it comes to casting my vote, I'm going to vote for one that agrees with my pronunciation (if it's any good at all), which left me only my own and Geoff's No. 9 that actually rhymed for me, so Geoff got my vote.

Nice commentary B35. There should be more of that.

"Unappreciative" was a poor choice of words.

quote:

It's not that I'm not appreciative, several of them gave me a laugh, but when it comes to casting my vote, I'm going to vote for one that agrees with my pronunciation (if it's any good at all),

That's where we differ. Pronunciation (and which syllables are stressed) is so subjective, as I learned on OEDILF. So I look at content. However, if there are tons of syllables or the pronunciation isn't even close (Ass with Mess, for example), then I'm with you.

Clearly, though, most here agree with you, as evidenced by the voting in the games. 'Tis a pity. I wish we had more players.