Herewith the expositions related to the area explicitly chosen for inclusion in this contrived perfidiousness. Please render your verdict in the approved manner forthwith.

Question:
1. A pantie-less woman from Guam
Once sat on a soft wad of gum -
As she rose to depart
And let go a big fart,
A bubble blew out of her bum!

2. A hot Latin teacher on Guam
Spied battleships - Yankee, not Pom.
"'Ere we die, said her lover,
Come, let's have another!"
Celeriter venit illa quam.!*

*Loose translation: How quickly she came!

3. Proofreader traveled to Guam
And there he met with a dom-
inatrix who said, "No whips
and no bed, no fantasy trips,
'till you buy stock in Google dot com!"

4. There once was a fellow named Tom,
Unruly, rambunctious - not calm!
He lit dynamite,
His body took flight -
From England to China to Guam!

5. When we met in the street I said, “Ma’am,
Can you tell me if this place is Guam?”
She said it was Fiji
And her name was Gigi.
Which added a bit to her charm.

6. There once was a fellow of Guam
Who fine words were no more than a scam
Though he charmed all the lasses
With his confident passes,
His sincerity was one long sham.

7. I strolled down the street with aplomb,
As I looked for a lover in Guam.
With my confident air
And my swaggering flair,
I was sure that my lines wouldn’t bomb.

8. An amateur diver from Guam,
I love to bring pearls to my Mom.
I'm "muy bien" at dating,
And when meditating,
My mantra is not "ohm" but "ahm."

9. I approach all the women in Guam
With a smile and an air of aplomb.
I say, ‘Ladies, note how
My tongue licks at my brow,”
And they swoon. Yes, it works like a charm.

Choices:
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine

 

I like a couple of them even though their rhymes don't match my pronunciation. Since that's a regional matter, I've set aside my native speech in making my selection. Some very funny ones here! Good work, all!

OK when voting I started by eliminating my own. Then, while I accept that pronunciation is regional, I eliminated any where, for me, the OTHER two A-rhymes don't rhyme with each other. (For example, I simply can't get my mouth to rhyme aplomb with charm.)

That only left three to choose from. In one I couldn't get the metre to work when I recited it so that left two. The Latin joke was clever but in limericks low-brow always seems to work better so that left one. Even though the last remaining one pronounced Guam in yet another way that hadn't even occured to me I had to go with it.

Boy did people find some interesting ways to pronounce the word.

Mr. Hale,
From your post, I assumed you were saying you went with 6 which rhymed Guam with sham and scam, but I see that no one voted for six. I thought earlier discussions had two main pronunciations, one like "Gwahm" and the other like "Gwuhm".....so you have me a bit confused.....but I get myself that way a lot....

I rhymed Tom and calm with Guam, and I can see that might bother those who prefer perfect rhymes. They are quite near for me, though, and would probably pass muster on OEDILF. That's not to say the limerick itself would, though I think with a little workshopping it would.

I'll go through in detail when the voting is finished as I don't want to say which one(s) I wrote at the moment.


For now, Kalleh, I have no problem with pronouncing Guam to rhyme with calm. Nor do I I have a problem with pronouncing it differently to rhyme with Tom. Trouble is that for me Tom and calm simply can't rhyme with each.

Same here, Bob. To take 9. more or less at random, I can understand rhyming Guam with aplomb, but not with charm as well. Although Guam and charm in isolation I can understand ...

Oh, sorry. I thought this game was over.

OK

I voted for 1 because although I wouldn't have thought of rhyming Guam with them gum and bum rhyme OK for me

2's Latin joke was a bit too highbrow though I do know enough Latin to appreciate that it rhymes

3 I couldn't get to scan properly for me

4 Tom and calm don't rhyme for me

5,6 and 7 I wrote with the intention of using three different ways to pronounce Guam

8 Mom and ahm don't rhyem for me

9 aplomb and charm don't rhyme for me.

The ones that I say didn't rhyme aren' even close in British English.

Hope that clears that all up.

Heah in New Englan' charm and aplomb most certainly do rhyme. Guam and aplomb rhyme according to RhymeZone.

Oh, we know that they rhyme in much of America. It's just that they aren't even close to British ears.

Highbrow or not, #2 is the only one that actually rhymes, but then I'm a !)(*&^$@# prescriptivist peevologist.

quote:

The ones that I say didn't rhyme aren't even close in British English.

Hope that clears that all up.

It clears up what your thoughts on the rhyming was. While I realize we all have different criteria for our selections, I, for one, wouldn't just focus on the rhyming. Indeed, I enjoy fun, pushing the envelope rhymes. So, folks, for my vote keep up the almost rhymes as long as it's fun, makes me laugh and has some sort of relation to the place being limericked.

The funny thing is, I must not have voted on this one as I don't recall choosing any of the three with votes. Geez!

quote:

The funny thing is, I must not have voted on this one as I don't recall choosing any of the three with votes. Geez! Posts: 19362 | Location: Chicago, USA

Try to vote. It will reject you if you have already voted.

Okay. I just tried and I hadn't voted. So that vote for #4 is a fake one because I never vote for my own. Please disregard it.

Who won then? Congrats, and you are up next!

I don't focus just on the rhyming but it has to be close and to British ears most of those jusat aren't close.

Since the voting seems to be ended, here are the results.

Greg S was number one,
Geoff offered number two and three,
Kalleh did number four,
BobHale wrote five, six and seven,
Behree5 authored number eight,
While mine was number nine.

The winner is Greg.

While I voted for #1 it did not rhyme according to my dialect. IMHO, my Latin one is the only perfect rhyme, but it had poor scansion. If nothing else, we've seen how varied our pronunciations are world-wide!

Now, Greg, wherever shall you take us?

quote:

IMHO, my Latin one is the only perfect rhyme, but it had poor scansion

Julius Caesar would have been proud.

Yes, Geoff, I agree. None of the rhymes were perfect for me, either...indeed, far from it. Guam and gum aren't even close for me. Neither are aplomb, scam, ma'am, charm, scam, or sham.

Congratulations, Greg, on a very hard one! Now... be easy on us.

I agree Guam and gum aren't close but if you check I was saying that I accepted any pronunciation of Guam at all - my objections were where the OTHER TWO A-rhymes weren't even close for British English.

With the "given" that in Greg's world, "Guam is to gum as quick is to kick".....I thought that the number one poem was very funny, and had good meter (as I am starting to understand what "meter" is.)

I am starting to understand about "near-rhymes" and how they are acceptable to some, but I have a bit of a hard time with them.

I'm still learning about meter and rhyme but I get 'funny'.

"It's all relative," I said to Tom,
Affecting an air of aplomb.
"See, Mary's my mother,
And Wayne is my brother,
And grand-daddy's wife is my Guam."

Hi Folks,

Only just discovered that the results had even been posted (no-one posted anything in the previous thread on the game), and am completely shocked that I won this game, given that none of you pronounces Guam the way I do. Just shows what a bunch of fair, open-minded and considerate people you all all are. I will give some thought to a new location and post it within 24 hours.

Remember, it's not all about the rhymes...particularly when we all come with such different dialects. Heck we in the Midwest can't understand the Southerners or the Easterners right here in the U.S. If rhyming were the only thing, none of us would win!

New game has been posted.

quote:

Originally posted by Greg S:
New game has been posted.

Well...that was right on "cue".