1. The president travelled to Butte
(He thought it was close to Beirut)
Melania stayed home
She’d rather he roam
As more than his hands were minute

2. There once was an old man from Butte
Whose hearing was very acute
He could hear an ant fart
And tell it apart
From the gas that was passed by the newt

3. Donald Trump travelled to Butte
And of course, couldn’t keep mute
He tweeted on Twitter
This man child was bitter
“Fake news” he had to refute

4. She came from the outskirts of Butte
She had a most shady repute
As she plied her trade
A bundle she made
For her wares were beyond dispute

5. While seeking a man of repute
To be Mayor in the city of Butte
There was in the running
A man of low cunning
Which would do as a quick substitute

6. I once met a girl down in Butte
And she was incredibly cute,
But the fun that we had
Means that I'm now a Dad -
DNA is quite hard to refute!

7. An alchemist living in Butte
Said, “I’m seeking a way to transmute
This gold into lead.”
“That’s backwards!” they said
They were right, and he’s now destitute.

8. In Montana's a city called Butte,
They'd rather wear jeans than a suit.
The mountains amaze you;
The people won't faze you.
But getting there's quite a commute!

9. When caught DUI down in Butte
I was foolish enough to dispute
When the cop said, “You’re drunk!”
I told him, “That’s bunk!”
I am English,and pissed as a newt."

10. There's a happy fella from Butte
Whose ladyfriend, Stella, is mute
With her hands and her feet
What she says is a treat
And her parting patellas say, "Shoot!"

11. Says the boss, "It's so hard to recruit
Good staff for my office in Butte.
On the table's high pay
And I say it's in Me-
Sa!" - a tactic that's less than astute...

12. I observed in a pub down in Butte
A fact that I thought quite astute -
While Yanks when they're drunk
Say they're "drunk as a skunk",
The Poms say they're "pissed as a newt"!

13. There once was a cowboy from Butte
The cowgirls all thought him quite cute
Their prurient questions
And whispered suggestions
Just rendered him red-faced and mute

Question:
Please vote for your favorite limerick

Choices:
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen

 

I take it the rubbish collector hadn't gotten there before you realized you'd thrown your back out and you were able to retrieve it in time?

Wow this is so hard, so many really good ones, and so many different A-rhymes used. I reckon it's as a good a collection as we've ever had, maybe even the best.

quote:

Originally posted by Geoff:
I take it the rubbish collector hadn't gotten there before you realized you'd thrown your back out and you were able to retrieve it in time?

hee-hee. Youngest (thank god still living at home) is keeping us current w/trash & recycling pickups. Kept my back in-house & it's slowly healing.

quote:

Originally posted by bethree5:
hee-hee. Youngest (thank god still living at home) is keeping us current w/trash & recycling pickups. Kept my back in-house & it's slowly healing.

Glad you are doing better. Don't try too much too fast though! Backs need babied!

I have two that I am torn between right now.

What Greg said. This is going to take some serious deliberation...

#1 has two votes, but I can't get the third and fourth lines to scan together to save my bippy. What am I doing wrong?

You can force it to work but you have to put a pause before lines 3 and 4 and read Melania as "Me-LAN-ya."

I would say that's an imperfection, and in the present competition it's going to be costly.

(How does one type a schwa on a Mac?)

I like ** as best (see poll), and 12 as First Runner-up and cleverest.

Again? Really?
Sometimes this seems like Groundhog Day. The votes are shown ABOVE the limerick number, not below it. Hence there is a yellow line above number 1 and no yellow line below number thirteen. We explain this every single time. Limerick 1 does NOT have two votes, it has no votes. The two votes shown belong to Limerick number two.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: BobHale,

Actually, I rather like #1. Like, Hab, I can make it work. It was probably my second choice.

I am not sure if this helps with number one, but this is how I have heard Melania's name pronounced by both Donald and the media:

Melania

Still waiting on a couple of votes from those who submitted limericks-- & hey, how about the general public out there, feel free to vote!

I had a difficult time choosing between #6 and #13, but ultimately went with 13.

#6 was my choice, Sattva.

Yes, Kalleh, #6 was really good. I just loved the cowboy getting red-faced and mute in #13!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: sattva,

Well I have finally decided, and will make life easier for B35, by choosing number 2 which will probably make it the winner.

However I would have preferred it if it said "senses were" rather than "hearing was", that way it would kind of imply that he could also distinguish an ant's fart from a newt's one by the smell as well.

OK folks, here’s the line-up. #1 The Pres’ small hands by sattva, no votes. #2,tinman’s hilarious newt-fart, leading w/3 votes. #3, sattva’s bitter-Twitter pres, no votes. #4, Butte-tart’s wares did not sell – tinman. #5 BobHale’s cunning candidate, no votes. #6, gregS’s DNA Dad garanered a vote. #7 Butte’s backward alchemist got a vote – BobHale. There were no takers for the next five listed: #8 Kalleh’s town portrait, #9 BobHale’s drunk driver, #10 geoff’s Stella’s patellas, #11 haberdasher’s penny-pinching boss, #12 gregS’s drunken Yanks v Poms. #13, the red-faced cowboy by yours truly ties for lead with tinman’s #2.

We are a “true” tie, as I cast a poll-vote for #2 myself. I hereby throw my endorsement to tinman! Take us away to our next limmy destination, tinman.

Congratulations, Tinman! Love seeing you writing these limericks again.